Tag Archives: CRAZY PEOPLE

  50 Shades Of Pray

Idaho Lady Tries To Beat, Choke Jewish Woman Into Personal Relationship With Jesus

We hear she suffers from gentile warts, too
A Boise, Idaho, woman has found an assertive new way of bringing people to the Lord that makes the Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses look like slackers: A Boise woman is facing felony charges after police say she attacked a Jewish acquaintance, stomping on the woman’s neck as part of a bizarre bid to convert her to Christianity. Read more on Idaho Lady Tries To Beat, Choke Jewish Woman Into Personal Relationship With Jesus…
  don't make me pull this car over

STOP IT. STOP SETTING YOURSELVES ON FIRE ON THE NATIONAL MALL.

We had the immense great pleasure (not really) of ear-witnessing the police kill that poor postpartum crazy lady at the Capitol yesterday. (We actually had “postpartum” when we heard there was a baby in the car, till we were swayed by the equally valid suggestion “some man in the White House is shitting himself right now.”) There we were, minding everybody’s business, walking down to the WWII Memorial to see if any congresspeople were around being brazen, gaping, hairy assholes. Instead, a string of gunshots, a loud boom, and 50,000 cop cars screaming to a halt half a block up from us turned out to be somewhat more diverting than even Michele Bachmann’s swirling eyes. Read more on STOP IT. STOP SETTING YOURSELVES ON FIRE ON THE NATIONAL MALL….
  Jesus Built My Hotrod Of Correction

Here Are Your ‘Winning’ Bradlee Dean Pix ‘N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)

After we received a delightful phoney-baloney legal threat from Expert Showman Bradlee Dean’s assistant lickspittle, just because we supposably “defamed” Dean by directly quoting him, we asked you, the Wonkettariat, to show us your fauxto chops and serve us up some manipulated images, for Comedy! We also asked you to prepare us some lawyerly replies to the underling’s Nastygram. And did you ever come through! Our winning entry, above, is by “Muhammed_PBUH,” who will receive a brand-new Wonkette “Rod of Correction” Edition M1A Abrams Main Battle Tank, perfect for home or office use. More exciting Pix ‘n’ Letters after the jump! Read more on Here Are Your ‘Winning’ Bradlee Dean Pix ‘N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)…
  bloated sacks of shit

Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!

Hey, remember today? When we got that hilares letter informing us that we better, like, say sorry or something, and DEFINITELY take down all that libel-y stuff about one Mr. Herr Doktor Bradlee Dean? Well, some of you asked for a Photoshop contest, but we will do you one better! Since so many Wonkerados are attorneys (in addition to like two thirds of our writing staff), we thought we would let you have some Sexy Lawyer Funtime too! Read more on Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!…
  why are the sources of anti-semitism

Things We Learned From Our Neighbor Last Night, About ‘The Jews’

The Jews funded WWI so they could spread out. The Jews took advantage of Germany and took all its wealth and if they hadn’t, how would one maniac be able to convince an entire country to kill them? We wouldn’t have a problem with race in this country if the Media (Jews) did/did not point out that armed robbers are black. Every Jew our neighbor has ever met was a cool dude. He’s just asking questions, bro. He’s just asking questions! Like why does everyone hate the Jews if they aren’t stirring shit up? Global warming is caused by the sun. There is a race of blue-eyed, blond-haired tall aliens in the middle of our hollow earth. Read more on Things We Learned From Our Neighbor Last Night, About ‘The Jews’…
  not enough bongo

This Old Man By The River Has the Perfect Mitt Romney Theme Song

Here is a man who calls himself the “Third Eagle of the Apocalypse” and “Co Prophet of the End Times” in front of a green screen, playing a beautiful song on his keyboard called “Mitt Romney, A Hero In My Mind.” You should all listen to it, if you care about anything culture-related. Read more on This Old Man By The River Has the Perfect Mitt Romney Theme Song…
  cyberbullying

Allen West Will Fake-Execute You If You Question His Devotion To Ryan Budget

Oh, good heavens, what has powerful nutball Allen West gotten himself into today? Something insane? Something creepy, perhaps? ALL OF THEM. Representative West, an actual elected official with hands on the levers of government, loves fellow representative Paul Ryan’s proposed budget plan SO FUCKING MUCH that even questioning that love is a “suicide mission” that may give you permanent deadness. Which, what? We could understand getting intemperately het up about Paul Ryan’s very serious and dreamy Jimmy Stewart-blue eyes, as this is a condition an estimated 76 percent of media personalities suffer from. But the budget plan itself? Uhhhh, why don’t you go ahead and put it back in your pants, Congressman? Read more on Allen West Will Fake-Execute You If You Question His Devotion To Ryan Budget…
  mcabortion

Obamacare Will Offer $1 Abortions, Say Crazy People

Aren’t we lucky, dear Wonketteers? Obamacare hasn’t even darkened the Supreme Court’s doorstep (where, pro-tip, it will be voted down by the resident well-insured and sinecured octogenarians), and already opponents are rushing to instill fear into the hearts of real Murkins about exactly what fearful atrocities the legislation hopes to visit upon them. One of the more comical subsections (which Obama probably buried on p. 61803399) will bring a modern, funky sensibility to modern medicine by offering consumer-patients Value Menu-pricing on…. abortions. This makes sense, because…. ??? Well, we tried taking mushrooms and then wandering into the forest, to see what answers Gaia could offer up. None were forthcoming. Read more on Obamacare Will Offer $1 Abortions, Say Crazy People…
  the wasilla quitter quits again

Basket Case Quitter Sarah Palin Cancels Her Own Tea Party Headliner

What has Sarah Palin quit today? Her own headline act at Iowa’s big Tea Party circus this Saturday. And how is this different than everything else this mentally unstable con-artist has quit since losing her one and only national election? Well, this time, she managed to attack her former dingbat-grifter protege Christine O’Donnell in the process, because Sarah just couldn’t stand the idea that a younger, prettier version of herself might take some of the spotlight — even though Christine O’Donnell isn’t even considered a “potential presidential candidate” by the delusional old white cranks of the Tea Party. Oh, Sarah, you never let us down, the way you constantly let everyone down. Read more on Basket Case Quitter Sarah Palin Cancels Her Own Tea Party Headliner…
  barry can you hear me?

Barry Hates Riding In Cars With Boys

Greetings, liberal larvae! I hope you enjoyed your Dear Leader’s Most Sacred and Honorable Birthday Week in the appropriate fashion: prostrating yourself at the Virgin of Obamalupe altar you’ve built in the corner of your shack with colorful tin cans and wee little milagros depicting Michelle, Sasha and Malia with glorious halos. Other things happened this week besides the anniversary of the birth of your dusky-hued Christ, but it’s not like you care. So without further adieu ado (note: my Francophilic instincts got the best of me), let’s get into Office White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s weekly “Triumph of the Will” reboot, West Wing Week! Read more on Barry Hates Riding In Cars With Boys…
  stephen king's "carrie"

Relive Michele Bachmann’s Insane Speech To Her Devil!

Did you love Michele Bachmann’s super crazy web-cam deal last night, when she literally spoke to her Spirit Devil for something like seven minutes, as it hovered several feet away from the video camera? Well then, you will certainly want to watch it again, at the office. You know how cats sometimes “see something” in a distant empty corner of the room and then their eyes get SO BIG and their ears fold back and then they just take off running through the house as if they are being pursued by an Actual Devil Monster? This is Michele Bachmann’s whole life! It’s a hard life! Read more on Relive Michele Bachmann’s Insane Speech To Her Devil!…
  evolution

Pleiadians, Lizard People Going To Explode America While Obama In Asia

You feel that chill outside? No, of course you don’t. The weather is getting warmer and warmer right now. Why? Ex-communist and ex-Nazi Pleiadians and Lizard People, that’s why. Galaxy mother / BlogTalkRadio personality / future Fox News anchor Colleen Thomas has gone onto the YouTube from her well-appointed home to tell us that this country is going to explode today from dirty bombs because President Obama, in league with these evil forces, left us behind. Make sure your human meat is not overcooked by these bombs, because otherwise the reptilians won’t be able to sell it on the black market, in space! And please somebody tell this to Obama, because he’s going to die in a space tsunami over there after the Lizard People turn their backs on him. Read more on Pleiadians, Lizard People Going To Explode America While Obama In Asia…
  cry about it some more

Dying Glenn Beck Dying, Has Crackpot Theory About Him Dying

OMG, you guys, Glenn Beck is dying! At least we think so, as he is very cryptic about it. He got all teary and such on his radio show today, and while that’s pretty much an every-second occurrence for him, this time he seemed resigned to the fact that he will die, or something, soon. No, sorry, we heard that wrong: “What is happening to me mentally is not a depression, is not a death, it is a transformation,” he said, because Mormons don’t actually die, they just transform, like in those Animorphs books. But the word “mentally” in that gives us pause, because maybe it just means Glenn Beck is finally realizing he should trust his doctors when they say he’s insane. Holy Shutter Islandz! Read more on Dying Glenn Beck Dying, Has Crackpot Theory About Him Dying…
  mustache '12

If John Bolton Was President He Could Bomb Iran ‘Whenever,’ Right?

The bow tie hobbits at the Daily Caller landed a hot interview with Neocon Mustache Ride “John Bolton” — the premier authority on America’s #1 most-pressing issue: When Do We Bomb Iran? Bolton explained to Tucker Carlson’s gnome-slaves that bombing Iran is not in Barack Obama’s “DNA,” which sounds sort of racist! Questioning Obama’s genetic makeup because he is too chickenshit to bomb Iran is not racist though, it is just critical, and that is why the Daily Caller gave John Bolton his very own fursona, “critic-in chief.” If John Bolton was commander-in-chief he could stop being so critical and just bomb Iran instead. How about it, John? Read more on If John Bolton Was President He Could Bomb Iran ‘Whenever,’ Right?…
  nadine is that you?

Hilarious Weirdo Leaves Comment About Sarah Palin’s House (?)

What kind of insanity is Sarah Palin causing today? We were reading Wonkette alum Juli Weiner’s thing at the Vanity Fair website about the Great Home-Depot Pre-Assembled Board-Wall of Wasilla when we stumbled upon a comment that may or may not have been translated from the original Latvian. Does Sarah Palin “takes off her cloths, shows her boobs, old lady, and then devalues real estate”? Read more on Hilarious Weirdo Leaves Comment About Sarah Palin’s House (?)…