Tag Archives: crazies

  joe biden is confused

Michele Bachmann: Reporting On Dumb Things I Say Proves Media Bias

Heartfelt chuckles and patronizing sighs were enjoyed by all when Michele Bachmann told a New Hampshire crowd on Saturday, “You’re the state where the shot was heard around the world at Lexington and Concord.” (New Hampshire is also the state where United States Marines “raised the flag at Iwo Jima.”) It was an honest mistake — only a fool would believe that someone in China could hear musket shots fired in New Hampshire approximately 1,000 years ago. But alas, the media reported this gaffe anyway, proving once and for all that there is a blatant liberal bias in the media. Michele Bachmann is hardly surprised though, since she’s already well aware that “the 3,400 members of the mainstream media are a part of the Obama press contingent,” whatever that means. This news story is a bias within a bias, which is the plot of Leonardo DiCaprio’s next romcom thriller. Read more on Michele Bachmann: Reporting On Dumb Things I Say Proves Media Bias…
  more man than us

The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates

This year, we saw some stellar legitimate candidates for Congress who were crazy and won their party’s nomination, such as Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell. But there were also some other, more mentally unstable longshot candidates. These candidates brought interesting new personalities and ideas to the fore, such as the notion of traffic-stop slavery, that had been grossly ignored by the media. They may not have had political connections, jobs, or any campaign organization to speak of. But their faith in the democratic process and the marketplace of ideas gave us hope. And funny YouTube videos. Read more on The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates…
  must be santa

Texas Christians Execute Santa Claus (Video!)

Oh look, some fucktard wingnuts in Texas somewhere made a video of themselves “executing Santa Claus,” you know, because Baby Jesus hates Santa Claus. Why does Baby Jesus hate a Christian saint? Because Baby Jesus isn’t Catholic anymore, come on, don’t you know anything about American Christmas? Anyway watch these mouth-breathing obese poop-sacks play with their guns and toy Santas, if that’s what you want to do with yourself. Read more on Texas Christians Execute Santa Claus (Video!)…
  nafta doesn't even want us anymore

Jerome Corsi Returns To North American Union Thing

Swiftboat birther nutsack Jerome Corsi is so confused by Obama becoming Republican Senate Majority Leader that there’s really nothing left to do but go back to the old “George W. Bush is making Mexico and Canada part of America by building an unfunded interstate highway in the Midwest” conspiracy. Corsi’s new WorldNetDaily column totally ignores the actual news about Obama — that this Krafty Kenyan has somehow become Ronald Reagan’s actual son/heir — and instead makes ample use of “quietly” and “below the radar” to tell the sinister story of how there’s some government report suggesting North America should better coordinate security considering the ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD wants to blow up the United States and it’s relatively simple to get in through the Canadian or Mexican borders if the FBI and State Department forgot to send your chartered plane to Saudi Arabia or whatever. Read more on Jerome Corsi Returns To North American Union Thing…
  premature obituaries

The Dream That Is Michele Bachmann Has Finally Died

For Michele Bachmann, this was the year. Her party took back the House. She raised more money than ever. She set up a PAC to buy the devotion of her colleagues. MICHELE BACHMANN WAS FINALLY GOING PLACES IN THIS WHOLE POWER THING. So she ran for Republican Conference leader. She was finally going to destroy and conquer the party leadership from the inside. Yet tonight, she’s given up. Her prospects were so bad she couldn’t even make it to the vote. And despite all the hype in this election, it’s a final nail in the coffin of crazy. Crazy was exploited by the old guard, but then when it really counted, crazy promptly lost. And so the terrifying vision of Michele Bachmann taking over this country has died. Big sale on Truck Nutz. FOR NOW. Read more on The Dream That Is Michele Bachmann Has Finally Died…
  never cross the snowbilly grifter

GOP Congressman Who Blames Sarah Palin For Everything Now Sort of Sorry

Sarah Palin, the most perfect living human being since Jesus, made absolutely perfect Senate picks — all of them lost. In several cases, her vain and idiotic intrusions cost the GOP perfectly safe races. Just to bring back the sweet memories of Election Day 2010, here are the Senate candidates “helped” by Palin: Sharron Angle in Nevada, John Raese in West Virginia, Carly Fiorina in California, Joe Miller in Alaska and Christine O’Donnell in Delaware. Those last two spectacular failures can be blamed on a specific kind of moronic meddling that should be trademarked by Palin: Her support of Joe Miller was nothing more than the latest rotten fruit of her longstanding grudge against popular Alaskan Republican Lisa Murkowski, and her backing of loony lightweight Christine O’Donnell seemed to be based on nothing beyond Palin seeing a reflection of her vapid self in the empty eyes of a Delaware never-was. Read more on GOP Congressman Who Blames Sarah Palin For Everything Now Sort of Sorry…
  crazy people getting busy

Michele Bachmann Harassed By ‘Going Crazy’ Prankster

Remember when Chris Matthews was harassing Michele Bachmann on his liberal MSNBC show, calling her a hypnotized zombie and everything, and then her eyes got even bigger and she started mocking him for the “tingle down my leg” thing, and then remember how you wanted to die, because all of American life is so trashy and pointless and we’re going to be working in the salt mines for the Martians in a matter of months, anyway? Well, this joker held a fake Going Crazy/Michele Bachmann book cover — which, of course, is a play on the Sarah Palin book — and it was just there next to Bachmann’s head forever, until some cocksucker ran over and snatched it out of the kid’s hands. Read more on Michele Bachmann Harassed By ‘Going Crazy’ Prankster…
  this is your job?

Hecklers Ruin Obama Fundraiser Speech

Somehow President Obama is not as eloquent as usual when he’s delivering a speech at a fundraiser. It could be because he’s just there to get people to give candidates money. Or it could be because people show up to yell at him, and keep yelling at him when he’s trying to speak. Read more on Hecklers Ruin Obama Fundraiser Speech…
  in the madhouse

Delaware Witch O’Donnell Casts Masturbation Spell On Values Voters

Vengeful mobs of Real Americans converged on DC this past weekend to enjoy the all-you-can-eat Freedom & Diabetes buffet at the Values Voter Summit. Even Christine O’Donnell stopped by to pout for money and talk about how her “love affair with liberty isn’t tame, but boy is it good” — cruel verbal foreplay that made the crusty white audience all hot and bothered. There was also plenty of fresh material from popular comedians such as Bill Bennett, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. We were pleasantly surprised to see smug liberal elitist David Weigel walking around being smug, and somehow we even managed to cross paths with a delightful Furry. Read more on Delaware Witch O’Donnell Casts Masturbation Spell On Values Voters…
  Triumph des Bachmanns

New Twilight Mashup Features Michele Bachmann and Other Crazy Ladies

Have you pre-ordered your “wet section” box seats for the premiere of Fire from the Heartland: the Awakening of the Conservative Woman, Leni Riefenstahl’s most recent and celebrated film? We assume this documentary is about angry moms who want more wars for their children to die in, but watch the trailer and you shall quickly realize these conservative ladies only want to gossip about how Barack Obama keeps shoving things into their mouth-holes. Ergo: This video is not suitable for work. Read more on New Twilight Mashup Features Michele Bachmann and Other Crazy Ladies…
  time to move to the moon

John Bolton Maybe Running For President of Bombing Iran

Remember when John Bolton blushed like the most flattered debutante when Tucker Carlson’s bow-tie gnomes begged him to run for president? (To forget this moment would be tantamount to “forgetting to give your girlfriend something nice for 9/11.”) John Bolton told the Daily Caller he couldn’t say for sure if he would consider thinking about running for president. But that was like two weeks ago, things have changed! If you need proof: John Bolton went on teevee and announced to the world that he is “thinking about” running for President. And then John Bolton combed his greasy mustache with his slimy tentacle fingers and belched, “Ahm a drunken walrus who hates A-rabs!'” Read more on John Bolton Maybe Running For President of Bombing Iran…
  just to keep you on your toes

Dan Maes LIED About Lying About Being a Secret Agent In Liberal, Kansas

Some unscrupulous facts on the internet want you to believe that Colorado’s almost-governor Dan Maes was never a secret agent, perhaps because Dan Maes told the news reporters that his famous stories about being an undercover policeman were not actually “true,” per se. And they believed him? Ha ha, fools. Guess what: Dan Maes lied about lying about being a secret agent in a place actually (maybe?) called “Liberal, Kansas.” He is a secret agent and has always been so. Read more on Dan Maes LIED About Lying About Being a Secret Agent In Liberal, Kansas…
  our national toothache is finally over

Dentist Releases First Hillary Ad of 2012 Campaign

“When asked why he put the ad up, DeJean told CNN Thursday that ‘I’m a dentist and I don’t think this country is headed in the right direction.'” THANK YOU, WILLIAM DEJEAN. That’s what we’ve all been thinking. We are dentists and we don’t think this country is headed in the right direction! We are dentists and we don’t think this country is headed in the right direction! WE ARE DENTISTS AND WE DON’T THINK THIS COUNTRY IS HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION! Read more on Dentist Releases First Hillary Ad of 2012 Campaign…
  terrorism: sharks vs. jets

Which Political Side Attacked Discovery Channel?

BREAKING NEWS: That crazy guy who was maybe strapped with a bomb and took hostages in the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Spring was shot (UPDATE: and killed) and all the hostages are safe. Hooray! His name is James Lee, and he protested there a lot, and one time he threw thousands of dollars in the air there, and then a judge told him he couldn’t go near there ever again. But more importantly, people found his website, which is now down and which had a hilarious list of demands and beliefs. Naturally, while this scary thing was going on, liberals and conservatives did the only thing they could do: tell people this crazy armed guy is a conservative and a liberal, respectively. Read more on Which Political Side Attacked Discovery Channel?…