Tag Archives: crazies

  this is your job?

Hecklers Ruin Obama Fundraiser Speech

Somehow President Obama is not as eloquent as usual when he’s delivering a speech at a fundraiser. It could be because he’s just there to get people to give candidates money. Or it could be because people show up to yell at him, and keep yelling at him when he’s trying to speak. Read more on Hecklers Ruin Obama Fundraiser Speech…
  in the madhouse

Delaware Witch O’Donnell Casts Masturbation Spell On Values Voters

Vengeful mobs of Real Americans converged on DC this past weekend to enjoy the all-you-can-eat Freedom & Diabetes buffet at the Values Voter Summit. Even Christine O’Donnell stopped by to pout for money and talk about how her “love affair with liberty isn’t tame, but boy is it good” — cruel verbal foreplay that made the crusty white audience all hot and bothered. There was also plenty of fresh material from popular comedians such as Bill Bennett, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. We were pleasantly surprised to see smug liberal elitist David Weigel walking around being smug, and somehow we even managed to cross paths with a delightful Furry. Read more on Delaware Witch O’Donnell Casts Masturbation Spell On Values Voters…
  Triumph des Bachmanns

New Twilight Mashup Features Michele Bachmann and Other Crazy Ladies

Have you pre-ordered your “wet section” box seats for the premiere of Fire from the Heartland: the Awakening of the Conservative Woman, Leni Riefenstahl’s most recent and celebrated film? We assume this documentary is about angry moms who want more wars for their children to die in, but watch the trailer and you shall quickly realize these conservative ladies only want to gossip about how Barack Obama keeps shoving things into their mouth-holes. Ergo: This video is not suitable for work. Read more on New Twilight Mashup Features Michele Bachmann and Other Crazy Ladies…
  time to move to the moon

John Bolton Maybe Running For President of Bombing Iran

Remember when John Bolton blushed like the most flattered debutante when Tucker Carlson’s bow-tie gnomes begged him to run for president? (To forget this moment would be tantamount to “forgetting to give your girlfriend something nice for 9/11.”) John Bolton told the Daily Caller he couldn’t say for sure if he would consider thinking about running for president. But that was like two weeks ago, things have changed! If you need proof: John Bolton went on teevee and announced to the world that he is “thinking about” running for President. And then John Bolton combed his greasy mustache with his slimy tentacle fingers and belched, “Ahm a drunken walrus who hates A-rabs!'” Read more on John Bolton Maybe Running For President of Bombing Iran…
  just to keep you on your toes

Dan Maes LIED About Lying About Being a Secret Agent In Liberal, Kansas

Some unscrupulous facts on the internet want you to believe that Colorado’s almost-governor Dan Maes was never a secret agent, perhaps because Dan Maes told the news reporters that his famous stories about being an undercover policeman were not actually “true,” per se. And they believed him? Ha ha, fools. Guess what: Dan Maes lied about lying about being a secret agent in a place actually (maybe?) called “Liberal, Kansas.” He is a secret agent and has always been so. Read more on Dan Maes LIED About Lying About Being a Secret Agent In Liberal, Kansas…
  our national toothache is finally over

Dentist Releases First Hillary Ad of 2012 Campaign

“When asked why he put the ad up, DeJean told CNN Thursday that ‘I’m a dentist and I don’t think this country is headed in the right direction.'” THANK YOU, WILLIAM DEJEAN. That’s what we’ve all been thinking. We are dentists and we don’t think this country is headed in the right direction! We are dentists and we don’t think this country is headed in the right direction! WE ARE DENTISTS AND WE DON’T THINK THIS COUNTRY IS HEADED IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION! Read more on Dentist Releases First Hillary Ad of 2012 Campaign…
  terrorism: sharks vs. jets

Which Political Side Attacked Discovery Channel?

BREAKING NEWS: That crazy guy who was maybe strapped with a bomb and took hostages in the Discovery Channel headquarters in Silver Spring was shot (UPDATE: and killed) and all the hostages are safe. Hooray! His name is James Lee, and he protested there a lot, and one time he threw thousands of dollars in the air there, and then a judge told him he couldn’t go near there ever again. But more importantly, people found his website, which is now down and which had a hilarious list of demands and beliefs. Naturally, while this scary thing was going on, liberals and conservatives did the only thing they could do: tell people this crazy armed guy is a conservative and a liberal, respectively. Read more on Which Political Side Attacked Discovery Channel?…
  hot topix with michele bachmann

What Does Michele Bachmann Hear In Her Mind?

Official Wonkette Vlogger-er Rep. Michele Bachmann had a big week, what with that sexxxay Jim the Election Guy video and also being newly-crowned as Queen of Constitutional Law. Michele has earned a Vacation Break, which is why she’s wearing her favorite novelty earrings while she stares into your very soul from within this vloggingness. Kick back, grab a cup of Kozy Shack, and get ready to chillax with America’s greatest human. Read more on What Does Michele Bachmann Hear In Her Mind?…
  the ghosts of basil and pagels live on

Jesus Romantic Chris Young Is Your Next Providence Mayor

Chris Young is a perennial mayoral candidate in Providence, Rhode Island. As you can see in the video above, he knows that the most important part of politics is pulling out a music recording and singing along to the psalm you wrote about Jesus. DID YOU LEARN ANYTHING, WONKETEERS? Previously Young was kicked out of a debate holding a statue of the Virgin Mary, and another time he got angry and flipped over a debate table. Last night, though, he was on his “best behavior.” He proposed to his GIRLFRIEND as his closing statement, though that may have been just been a cynical ploy to get the audience to go “awwwwwwww.” Read more on Jesus Romantic Chris Young Is Your Next Providence Mayor…
  if you don't watch this you hate israel

Here Is Video Evidence of Jane Harman With Her ‘Boyfriend’ Ahmadinejad

Here is California Republican Mattie Fein and a person playing Rep. Jane Harman, her opponent in this year’s midterm / contest to see who can make dumber cultural allusions. So this is what the Newsweek offices look like these days? [YouTube] Read more on Here Is Video Evidence of Jane Harman With Her ‘Boyfriend’ Ahmadinejad…
  synchronic theories of the universe

Sharron Angle Is a Founding Father, Because History All Happens At Once

Apparently Sharron Angle has been taking some heat from the Republican leadership for her refusal to talk to, or even make direct eye contact with, members of the press. So she finally invited the New York Times and other big city members of the lamestream media JournoList cabal to come talk to her, and, “under the gaze of a half-dozen advisers and an official videographer,” she managed to mostly not be insane, except for a stray moment when she revealed that she doesn’t believe in human progress or, indeed, in the linear progression of time. Read more on Sharron Angle Is a Founding Father, Because History All Happens At Once…
  tenth-wave feminism or something

Conservative Women Lock Themselves In a Cupboard, Will Come Out When There Is a Normal, White President

Mama Grizzlies, Wal-Mart Moms and probably the Daughters of the Confederacy have come together, as white ladies, and formed their own World of Warcraft guild, “The Kitchen Cabinet” — because women who are worried about Barack Obama’s socialism but who are also stay-at-home-in-the-cabinet moms deserve a voice, too, even if it is a very faint voice because it is coming from a cupboard. Barney Frank refuses to argue with A Dining Room Table, but maybe he is willing to talk to The Kitchen Cabinet? Read more on Conservative Women Lock Themselves In a Cupboard, Will Come Out When There Is a Normal, White President…
  failed coups

Colo. GOP Leaders Totally Love Bicycle-Man Dan Maes, Are Begging Him To Quit

Colorado Tea Party maniac Dan Maes managed just barely to win last week’s GOP gubernatorial primary, because his opponent was a plagiarist and because only he dared to tell the truth about the Communist bike-sharing evil that threatens to destroy America forever. With that tough race over, will the Colorado Republican party, led by the by the noble and forthright Dick Wadhams, rally behind their candidate? Sure! Attempting to convince him to quit so they can replace him with someone who will lose not quite as badly counts as “rallying,” right? Read more on Colo. GOP Leaders Totally Love Bicycle-Man Dan Maes, Are Begging Him To Quit…
  airplane passenger secrets

Anderson Cooper Doesn’t Believe In Exploding Terror Babies

Terror babies are a fun new terrorism flavor of anchor babies, apparently. Or perhaps they’re a spin-off of Muppet Babies. It’s hard to tell because this is such a GAPING HOLE and needs to be yelled about at Anderson Cooper’s face. Read more on Anderson Cooper Doesn’t Believe In Exploding Terror Babies…
  sip champagne spit out insanity

Rachel Brown Is Your ELITIST Crazy Congressional Candidate

Are you sick of the humdrum of the usual crazy candidates you’ve seen this summer on your Wonkette? Are they too poor for you? Are they too populist? Are they too unwilling to give campaign speeches immediately following a classical piano recital? Meet Rachel Brown, running against Barney Frank for Congress in Massachusetts’ 14th District. She’s a LaRouchite, which means she thinks Obama is being controlled by the British and must immediately be impeached. So what does a high-society crazy political campaign look like? Read more on Rachel Brown Is Your ELITIST Crazy Congressional Candidate…
  the white alvin greene

Grizzled Old Coot Will Be Oklahoma’s Next Democratic Senator

Your Wonkette takes its mandate to keep you abreast of any and all wacky political candidates seriously! So today we introduce you to your new boyfriend, assuming you like old dudes who wear baseball caps and have gross-looking beards. Jim Rogers has run for the Democratic Senate nomination in Oklahoma four times, and we all know that the fourth time is the charm, so now he is your nominee. And come November, Tom Coburn’s reign of terror will be over! Read more on Grizzled Old Coot Will Be Oklahoma’s Next Democratic Senator…
  letter from crazyham jail

Joan Heffington Will Be Kansas’ Write-In Rosa Parks

JOAN LIVES! Our favorite Kansas gubernatorial candidate, Joan Heffington, has e-mailed supporters a message saying she’s decided to continue her campaign as a write-in candidate, even though she will probably be in prison on election day. Prison?! Yes, Joan is in trouble with the Kansas government for practicing law without a license. How have her teenage sons responded to this tough development? “They sensed I was talking about my A.H.A! activities, and I was surprised when my youngest son said, ‘You should do like Rosa Parks did. Become famous.'” Read more on Joan Heffington Will Be Kansas’ Write-In Rosa Parks…
  wheels within wheels

Bob Inglis Totally In On Zionist-Bilderberger-Space Lizard Conspiracy

Remember, Bob Inglis, the really quite conservative South Carolina Congressman (93 percent rating from the American Conservative Union!) who was absolutely obliterated in his primary this year by some Tea Party loony toon? Remember how he whined afterwards that he lost because he he wasn’t a demagogue? Well, now we have absolute proof, from his own (forked?) tongue, that we are all very lucky this fool is out of office, because he admits that, once made aware of the terrible alliance between scaly space monsters and Jews that threatens the very fabric of our existence, he did nothing. Read more on Bob Inglis Totally In On Zionist-Bilderberger-Space Lizard Conspiracy…
  hot topix with michele bachmann

Rep. Michele Bachmann and Her Demon Teeth Have Opinions About ‘Mexican Wage’

America’s favorite fictional reality show, A Crazy Lady Somehow Is the Congressperson From Minnesota’s 6th District, continues today with this important episode. It’s all about how “the poor” (Mexicans) say they want “minimum wage” when they probably actually want something more, probably in Spanish. Get your grandparents on the Skype and gather round, ducklings! It’s video time on the Internets! Read more on Rep. Michele Bachmann and Her Demon Teeth Have Opinions About ‘Mexican Wage’…
  drive-by polemics

Beige Ford Taurus Shouting Things At Washington Post Editorial Board

If the Washington Post will listen to anything, it’s definitely a Ford Taurus, so this is worth a shot, sir. We commend you. STOP HIDING IN YOUR OFFICE, KRAUTHAMMER. YOU HAVE TO CONFRONT THE FORD TAURUS AT SOME POINT. [DCist] Read more on Beige Ford Taurus Shouting Things At Washington Post Editorial Board…