Nutty Palin spokeslady Meg Stapleton was in New York when Nutty Palin suddenly resigned as governor of Alaska, the state that elected her as governor two-and-a-half years ago. Listen to Meg make NO SENSE as a baffled Anderson Cooper asks her again and again, “Lady why are you talking about basketball, and how does quitting equal leadership, and I don’t know who the hoop is, and who the ball is.” Cooper’s expressions around 4:40 are priceless. [CNN/YouTube]

First of all, Sarah Palin, go to HELL for ruining your editor’s day of patriotic rest and BBQ. Second, why did you really quit, crazy lady? We admit to “jumping to conclusions” (trying to hurry up and get back outside to our cocktails and friends), but the story may be more complicated than “Sarah Palin is a sociopath who will just quit being governor of Alaska THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS before the next presidential election, just to show her, uhm, Leadership Credentials, which means constantly yelling at David Letterman about a joke she couldn’t comprehend.” But there are so many more crazy theories about America’s craziest Alaskan Anger Bear, the snowbilly grifter and strip-mall Ice Queen of Wasilla. Let’s examine them, together! MORE »

A Bachmann spokesman says the folk heroine has no plans to appear on Alex Jones’ informative radio show … but maybe that’s exactly what you would tell the corporate media that covered up 9/11. “I can tell you unequivocally that she is not scheduled, nor ever was,” said spokesbot Dave Dziok in an email to the Minneapolis/St. Paul City Pages, who actually thought to confirm this claim with Bachmann’s office. Journalism! [City Pages]

A couple of years ago, Michele Bachmann was the most pro-government pro-president American Patriot in American History, because her beloved George W. Bush was the president, and she loved to stick her tongue right down his throat, and he bombed Arabs like every day, which was awesome. MORE »

Certain loser co-editors tell your editor that this Shepard Smith video is “a couple of days old,” and apparently the entire nation watches the teevee at 3 p.m. on weekdays so yeah, OLD NEWS IS OLD, etc., but for maybe the last dozen dignified people in America who DON’T watch the fucking teevee all day, here is Shep calling the entire Fox News audience a bunch of stupid violent nitwits. MORE »

Can you imagine America without its favorite dingbat congresslady, baby-farming conservative icon Michele Bachmann? Would we be able to laugh, ever again? Well get ready for eternal sorrow, because some attorney in her district is maybe planning to challenge Bachmann in the GOP primary next year! His name is Chris Johnston, and he is the kind of Islamic Terrorist who would dare to question the intellectual integrity and public record of the only Real American congresslady in all of Washington and/or Minnesota! MORE »

Ha ha sillies no this billboard isn’t making yet another reference to balls. It comes to you via a religious type in Indiana who’s lodging a bipartisan appeal to crazies on both sides of the aisle, as in, “All the cool kids in Washington are getting down with nutty preachers.” This is true, unless you’re Ron Paul, who gets down with his rocket instead. [copyranter]

Alaska’s corrupt congressman-for-life Don Young is well known for his insane outbursts and being investigated by the Feds for being a bribe-taking crook, but did you know his wife is notorious for torturing her husband’s interns with weird foods? MORE »

Our girlfriend Peggy Noonan has been more enjoyable than usual this year, as a tragically drawn-out Democratic primary battle provided her with endless opportunities to touch herself while Barack Obama spoke pretty things, and to then guiltily wash her hands and realize that Obama was, in fact, the Democrat and not Ronald Reagan and, indeed, kind of “multicultural,” if you get our drift. But all that tortured eloquence has vanished from Peggy’s column, because the oxycontin/vodka cocktail hit hard as soon as she finished typing the relatively sane setup of today’s “Declarations.” MORE »

Discuss.

Oh, you people. We did a nice post about the Bilderberg Group having its big annual elitist meeting in the D.C. Metro Area, starting today, and what do we get for it? A lot of angry paultard-esque emails calling us dumb and elite and not elite and not intellectual and, probably, sheeple. Let’s review the evidence and enjoy the Email of the Day, after the jump. MORE »