Wonkette

We’ve all grown up with Jenna, and … well, whatever, she got married, and even though we’ve mocked her plenty — because her dad is a douche — we will say today that she looks lovely, and was a very fetching bride, and sorry about how she has to move to Baltimore now. More pictures, from the White House, after the jump. MORE »

Jenna and Henry are really married! But the very private 92-degrees-outside Texas wedding at the livestock pond at least offered George W. Bush another chance to do something embarrassing on the dance floor. Guess what song Jenna and Daddy chose for their special dance? Creepy yacht-rock fuck ballad “You Are So Beautiful,” that’s what. Let’s cringe together, after the jump. MORE »

Here’s tonight’s severe weather alert from Waco’s News Channel 25. Yikes, it’s a big terrible thunderstorm over Crawford. But it should clear up by tomorrow evening. Meanwhile, all the poor people in Crawford have offered their barns and double-wides as vacation rentals for the wedding guests, but the elites aren’t falling for that. MORE »

Finally, George and Laura have almost married off one of the First Twins! It only took eight years, but Jenna found a “taker” and she’s getting hitched tomorrow at her parents’ fake “ranch” in Crawford, which sounds only a little better than “Waco,” and it’s time to celebrate the occasion with a bunch of bullshit trivia, after the jump. MORE »

We are only two days away from The Wedding, and there are simply too many questions remaining! Will Jenna run off at the altar, like Julia Roberts does in all those movies? How hot will Lauren be dressed? Which pizza chains will whore themselves out shamelessly in a losing attempt to cater the reception? Oh look, we already know the answer to that last one! MORE »

Bitter queens, perk up your ears: Jenna Bush will wear a dress designed by Oscar de la Renta to her wedding on May 10. Oscar de la Renta mostly designs dresses for middle-aged women like Jenna’s mom. Jenna will probably go strapless, like a tart. [Reliable Source]

Thousands of sad Texans will be sleeping in the streets of Waco in mid-May while fat cats carouse at the wedding of Jenna Bush and her first husband, wealthy former Rove staffer Henry Hager. Even though the wedding date hasn’t been officially confirmed (it’s May 10!), all the hotels are already full with reservations from media, paparazzi, and deposed Latin American dictators. Beleaguered attendees of the Texas Technology Students Association conference, unfortunately scheduled for the same weekend, will be left out in the cold. And that is just the start of the madness. MORE »

Before going to their Texas estate so they could ignore Gerald Ford’s funeral, the First Family (or at least George and Laura) celebrated Xmas at Camp David. Oh boy, what did they give as presents? MORE »