Tag Archives: cranbrook

  secrets of the elite

Hot Gossip Interview With Wonkette’s Own Former Cranbrook Preppy, Kirsten Boyd Johnson

Yesterday we learned all about how young Willard “Mitt” Romney used to terrorize gay people with scissors during his time at the Cranbrook Boarding School For Youths Of A Certain Gentility. And then our own Kirsten Boyd Johnson was like, “Oh yeah I went to Cranbrook.” Jesus Kirsten, ABOUT TIME YOU SAID THAT much? Anyway, here is our revealing (-ish) interview with her about crashed Porsches and stuff. Wonkette: Kirsten, you attended Cranbrook several decades after Mitt Romney did. What was he like? Read more on Hot Gossip Interview With Wonkette’s Own Former Cranbrook Preppy, Kirsten Boyd Johnson…
  you know the type

Mitt Romney Bullies High School Classmates Into Saying Nice Things About Him

Preppy shit Mitt Romney is responding to today’s story about him leading a high school mob to hair-rape a gay in classic style: First, apologizing while laughing his ass off, and then struggling to solicit “supporting remarks” from the few classmates he didn’t terrorize. Boy howdy, we’re having some fun now. Did you know that Mitt Romney also hair-raped people in college and Michael Barone also thought he was a jerk in high school? Please, don’t get all caught up in the torturous “DOES THIS MATTER??” handwringing. Let’s just continue laughing at how much of a little prick the youthful Mitt Romney was. Read more on Mitt Romney Bullies High School Classmates Into Saying Nice Things About Him…
  conformity's stalwart defender

Mitt Romney Is Sorry If He Hurt You When He Went Too Far

Mitt Romney is willing to put up with a lot of crap to get his hands on the presidency he (believes he) so richly deserves. The unfiltered contempt of his fellow conservatives, for example! The indignity of being colonoscopied on-air by specially selected wigs from the Fox News Collection. The dog-and-Missouri-Fox-Trotter show of election by his inferiors, even. But the one thing Mitt Romney will never, not never, put up with is the brazen and flamboyant flambuoyancy of effeminate boys who try to ram their Veronica Lake hairdos down his throat. It doesn’t matter if the gays are attempting to walk down the aisle of a charming one-room Unitarian church or if they’re attempting to help him win an unwinnable election or if they’re, oh, just trying to attend the ritzy Cranbrook School with Mitt, circa 1965. No in Case 1, no in Case 2, and H-E-double hockeysticks NO in Case 3. Read more on Mitt Romney Is Sorry If He Hurt You When He Went Too Far…