Tag Archives: craigslist

  the homosexuals!

Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist

Your Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals is back bearing good news, or as they like to call it in church, “a new gospel”: All of the world’s lesbians have been fully repented for! This happened last week, in Sacramento, at a big Jesus party thrown by My Boyfriend Lou Engle. Though he has failed utterly in his mission from God to save San Francisco from Chadd, the three-story-tall homosexual Jesus giant, Lou called in a crazy Jeebus lady named Cindy Jacobs to take care of all the lesbians, and oh boy, did she ever! Read more on Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist…
  values voters

Did You ‘Restore Honor’ (Have Secret Gay Sex) at GlennBeckPalooza?

Four score and seven years ago, our Founding Fathers created Craigslist so that horny wingnut dudes could hook up for spontaneous sexual encounters in the nation’s capital, while Defending Liberty. And over the weekend, some patriots acknowledged the Fathers’ hard work and ingenuity, and used Craigslist to try and Restore each others’ Honor with their penises. Let’s learn about marketing! Read more on Did You ‘Restore Honor’ (Have Secret Gay Sex) at GlennBeckPalooza?…
  racial progress

RACIST LAWN DECORATIONS FOR SALE, IN 2010, IN NEW JERSEY: Hooray for Diversity of Thought! An alert Wonkette operative found these charming lawn jockeys and other racist trinkets common in the 19th Century available for sale right now! “WE WILL BE OPEN SELLING OUR CUSTOM MADE STATUES,” says the Craigslist ad. “WE ALSO HAVE VERY LARGE HUGE RED SHOTGUN SHELL MAILBOX WE CATER TO ALL PAST PURCHASERS AND TRUE AMERICANS. WOW WOW WOW.” Uhh. [Craigslist] Read more on …
  iron sharpens iron

Banal Corporate Excellence Cult Looking For Recruits

Future and/or current Washingtonians! Are you looking for a shared housing situation in a walkable neighborhood near downtown and the Metro, but aren’t sure if you’ll be able to handle keep a detailed log of all your pooping? Why not live in Revolution House? The name might make you think that you’re going to be earnestly discussing ways to promote Hugo Chavez’s philosophy at home and abroad, but it’s actually “part fraternity, part social club and part the new MBA.” Assuming that those three components don’t sound like a recipe for suicide either in isolation or combination, you might enjoy paying $1700 a month to read Tony Robbins and Dale Carnegie aloud in closely supervised 30-hour “self-education” sessions until you start speaking in tongues. Read more on Banal Corporate Excellence Cult Looking For Recruits…
  wonkette real estate desk

Hey Summer Interns, It’s Today’s Hot Rental Opportunity: Live With A Poop Monster

In today’s edition of Wonkette Real Estate Prospects For Summertime Workers, we have this room available for rent in DC’s lovely Capitol Hill neighborhood. Your roommate would tell you about all the hottest Defense Department gossip, take you to the blandest fun spots in town, and also MAINTAIN A WRITTEN RECORD OF YOUR SHIT. [Consumerist via Metroblogging DC] Read more on Hey Summer Interns, It’s Today’s Hot Rental Opportunity: Live With A Poop Monster…
  needs more erotic services

Tired of Gay Liberal Craigslist? Try Gipperslist!

Tell you what, it’s about dang time they made a craigslist for conservative real ‘mericuns, caint even look for some coonhounds what without gettin’ all distracted by the filthy pre-vert m4m ads, next thing you know the devil done led you to some rest-stop men’s room and stuck some feller’s peter in your mouth, it’s disgraceful. Read more on Tired of Gay Liberal Craigslist? Try Gipperslist!…
  jobs for closeted gay republicans

Conservatives: Employment Awaits Near San Francisco!

Tipster “paperpush” sends us news that at least one (1) new job has been created in the Bay Area. Green shoots, etc! Are you a right-of-center sort of thinker with mad writing skillz and decent hygiene? Read on. Read more on Conservatives: Employment Awaits Near San Francisco!…
  the 'real' cpac

It’s Friday Night At CPAC, And Closeted Gay Anger-Humping’s In The Air

There are a bunch of these on craigslist, and who knows how many of them are Democratic operatives setting traps. But! If you find yourself in a situation tonight where, ohhh let’s see, you’re having gay sex in the anus with a closeted Republican politician, then please share with tips@wonkette.com and we may write about it on the Internet. [Craigslist] Read more on It’s Friday Night At CPAC, And Closeted Gay Anger-Humping’s In The Air…
  personals

Some Guy Needs Human Female Inaugural Date

Well, this one just smacks of implausibility — what “tall and handsome 6’3″ and work out daily” kind of guy do you know who would have to go on Craigslist looking for a party date? — but whatever, we’ll bite. He does not care if you are an 89-year-old skeletal space monster, as long as you look vaguely humanoid and want to go to an inaugural ball with this guy. He will buy you a dress, too! Oh but here is the HOOK: He’s got tickets to the Texas State Society’s Black Tie & Boots Inaugural Ball, which of course nobody wants to go to. Texas is dead to the rest of the nation. [DC Craigslist] Read more on Some Guy Needs Human Female Inaugural Date…
  we help u find inauguration housing

Insane Plutocrat Thinks Someone From Craigslist Will Go For This

Well this is the shadiest sentence ever written: “Located in the heart of DC on embassy road –where all of the embassy’s are.” Hmm, wonder if that’s near Embassy Row, where there are also a lot of embassies? Another major tip-off: “All money will be handled through money wire.” A true plutocrat would never be so tasteless as to mention the word “money,” twice! Obviously, John Edwards is behind this scam. [Craigslist] Read more on Insane Plutocrat Thinks Someone From Craigslist Will Go For This…
  hobo business opportunities

You Could Maybe Make a Few Dollars Selling These Tasteful Obama Souvenirs

Hello, jobless hordes of the D.C. metropolitan area! Would you like to sell extremely unofficial Inaugural Postcards of our new Shark God, Mr. President Obama? Well good! First, of course, you will need to come up with the cash to buy these things, Wholesale, and then you will easily be able to sell them Retail for, uh, $2.75. Just two dollars and seventy-five cents, for a postcard with one of several weird designs. Read more on You Could Maybe Make a Few Dollars Selling These Tasteful Obama Souvenirs…
  whoring for hope

Everybody With Spare Obama Tickets Is Getting So Laid

If you’ve got a spare ticket to Obama’s Election Night Party in Chicago, you are going to get more ass than a toilet seat. Possibly attractive people are offering full access to all their various orifices to any creep with the special currency of Tuesday Night at Grant Park. Join us for a lecherous tour of Chicago Craigslist offers and demands. Read more on Everybody With Spare Obama Tickets Is Getting So Laid…
  obvious jokes

A Children’s Treasury Of Republican M4M Ads In Minneapolis St. Paul

The Republican National Convention has brought truckloads of new visitors to the Twin Cities — and with every event getting canceled in honor of the poor black people who didn’t get killed in the hurricane yesterday, veritable dozens of GOP males were left in their swank hotel rooms with nothing to do. Let’s find out what happens when a bunch of closeted, discreet hairless dudes go looking for good clean fun on Craigslist … Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Republican M4M Ads In Minneapolis St. Paul…
  organs for hope

This Is A Great Deal!

Hell, we already have two, but we’ll take another. There’s a food shortage PEOPLE and kidneys taste gooooood. [Craigslist]