Tag Archives: craigslist

  Also Needs Advice On Avoiding Publicity

Arizona’s ‘F*ck Islam’ Hero Selling Motorcycle To Buy More Guns, Obviously

Poor bastard can't even afford a shirt
Show some respect for Jon Ritzheimer, the professional victim who organized the Great Big Scream At A Mosque Rally in Phoenix, proudly posed in his “Fuck Islam” t-shirt, claimed he has been targeted for death by radical Muslims, and whined — in the very same Facebook post — that “Not one news out let will interview me” but also “I just want me and my family to disappear” from public view. So of course, he’s in public view again. He’s selling his motorcycle so he can afford the necessities of life. Not food or rent, silly; he needs to buy more guns, because his life is still in great danger! Read more on Arizona’s ‘F*ck Islam’ Hero Selling Motorcycle To Buy More Guns, Obviously…
  The MOST SHOCKING STORY You'll Read Today

Top Staffer For Republican Senator Resigns In Ginormous Sexxytimes Scandal!

Fun's over, fellas
In what could be the most shocking political sex scandal of the day, or at least the midafternoon lull, a top aide to Sen. Kelly Ayotte (R-New Hampshire) has resigned after being caught in a disappointingly embarrassing, sad prostitution sting. There weren’t even any real prostitutes, for heaven’s sake! David Wihby, which is a really fun name to say, was Ayotte’s state director in New Hampshire and also a member and vice chair of the Manchester School board; he got caught this weekend in what sounds like the lamest sting operation ever: Read more on Top Staffer For Republican Senator Resigns In Ginormous Sexxytimes Scandal!…
  and on the 8th day god said let there be derp

Mike Huckabee To Save Internet With ‘Huckabee Post.’ ‘Journalists,’ Apply Now!

Hey, remember that fat white guy who lost weight and now wants to put the ‘white’ back in White House? No, not the one what closes bridges because of petty political bickering — the other GOP white guy, the one who rocks out on gee-tar. Yeah, Mike Huckabee. He is back in the news because the news hates us and wants us to be unhappy today and forever. Continuing today’s trend of plagiarizing, the Huffington Post reports that Huckabee will soon be launching… wait for it… The Huckabee Post! Where, oh where, did he come with such a creative and original name? Let’s sadsplore what kind of awfulness we can expect from the Huckster.  Read more on Mike Huckabee To Save Internet With ‘Huckabee Post.’ ‘Journalists,’ Apply Now!…
  Grifters gonna grift

How Can You Help Your Wonket Today?

Hey fuckers. You know how I, your beloved Editrix, am constantly asking you for shit? First I ask you for muneez, and then, even though you send it to me, I load the site down with so many ads it looks like a hoarder’s house! (Just last week I found a cat skeleton crushed under a pile of banner ads!) Well that is my fault, for being rather a bit of a cockeyed optimist (the Wonker will provide) and also Terrible at Business, and hiring all the people in the whole wide world, if your world has only Doktor Zoom and Snipy in it, which would be a pretty good world really, actually, come to think of it. So, okay, cool, now I want a house. Read more on How Can You Help Your Wonket Today?…
  also I will be happy to haul away your old sofa

Townhall Investigative Reportrix Katie Pavlich Uncovers Shocking Truth: Everyone’s Pretty ‘Whatever’ About Wendy Davis

Man, it seems like just yesterday, and not a full week ago, that the Texas state legislature finished up its Very Special Session with a heroic butt-kicking of the Republican Party, said kicking having been led by one Wendy Davis, a hard-charging state senator who has overcome the crippling twin disabilities of single motherhood and being a total uggo to transform into a legislative badass. We had barely caught our breath when Governor Rick “Pew! Pew!” Perry announced that goldangit, ain’t no silly Harvard-educated salon-hound of a woman gonna keep the state of Texas from doing its righteous duty of preventing the chattel from making choices about their own bodies, no sirree bob! Thus did the members of the Texas legislature find themselves back in the capitol this past Monday for another 30-day special session, because who wouldn’t want to spend all of July in Austin? What this has meant is a blizzard of bullshit for yr Wonkette to cover, which is difficult enough to do when everything is so awful that we have to start our morning drinking the night before. We don’t need it made worse by some sanctimonious twit spewing easily disprovable lies or cherry-picking irrelevant data points to mount an argument. Oh hi, Townhall Editor Katie Pavlich, we didn’t hear you come in. Your ears must have been burning! Have a seat while we begin our lesson in Not Being an Unreconstructed Poop Weasel. Read more on Townhall Investigative Reportrix Katie Pavlich Uncovers Shocking Truth: Everyone’s Pretty ‘Whatever’ About Wendy Davis…
  fap hard or the terrorists win

Craigslist Casual Encounters Section Admirably Fills Aching Void In Boston’s Souls/Holes

The diversity of America inevitably means that each region or city responds to tragic events in unique ways. In New York after 9/11, the Yankees and Mets introduced “God Bless America” to the seventh inning stretch. New Orleans residents integrated their feelings of abandonment and despair regarding the government’s response to Katrina into satirical floats during Mardi Gras and Krewe du Vieux. Many expect the residents of Boston to look to their sports teams as a source of relief, but this prediction is premature. Rather Bostonians are turning to the moist and musty embraces of strangers on the internet. Coming together (literally) as a community, one anonymous hook up at a time. Read more on Craigslist Casual Encounters Section Admirably Fills Aching Void In Boston’s Souls/Holes…
  off with their heads!

Are You A French Person Fleeing Socialism? Buy This New Jersey Manse, Off Craigslist!

We guess this New Jersey homeowner has not heard the terrible news that Barack NOBAMA has turned the Good Ol’ US of A into a socialist nightmare, as he has taken to the pixels of Craigslist to offer up this gorgeous Gary Gardner-built manse for only $3.175 million to those Franch elite (or Franch elite sympathizers) who want to flee the newly Socialist France before President Francois Hollande makes with the “off with their heads!” Have you heard the joke about the French Socialist? No. That’s because there is absolutely nothing funny about the Socialist Party, or the Parti socialiste, and its return to power in France. Were it not for Dominique Strauss-Kahn and his affection for chamber maids and anti-Sarkozy sentiment based completely on the fact that his wife is more beautiful, more charming, richer and, frankly, a better singer than nearly all the French women, France would be looking at another term for Sarkozy and continued prosperity for their one percent. Now new French president Monsieur François Hollande has been sworn in and will soon be sworn at by any French person concerned about France’s economy and its role, along with Germany, of keeping the European Union in its current state of hopeful legitimacy. But is there more? OUI. Read more on Are You A French Person Fleeing Socialism? Buy This New Jersey Manse, Off Craigslist!…
  wily pranksters

Manure Nut Comes Up With Funniest Political Craiglist Joke Ever

Oh look, here’s some joe trying to sell his manure spreader on the ‘puter. And it’s fifty years old — what a steal! We bring this to you, however, not simply as the latest installment in the Wonkette Springtime $hopping Guide. We think there is some sort of metaphor at work here, on Craigslist… a political metaphor maybe? This is a hoot and a half! Read more on Manure Nut Comes Up With Funniest Political Craiglist Joke Ever…
  m4m

CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex

Like every year at CPAC time, the “no strings attached” sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the hotel with a discreet dude who wants to give/receive some oral, “maybe more with the right guy,” etc. Republican homosexuals are so predictable! Read more on CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex…
  patriots wanted

Mystery Tea Party Reality Adventure Show Seeking Married Couples To Cast

We have no idea at all what this bizarre casting call spotted on Craigslist in Minneapolis looking for “patriotic couples” is, but the antics of screaming racist hillbillies made COPS pretty popular for a while there, so we’ll go out on a limb and say this sounds like the potential for a major ratings hit. Contestants will be paid with “United States,” which is worth …what these days? “Herpes and an unemployment check” or something along those lines. Read more on Mystery Tea Party Reality Adventure Show Seeking Married Couples To Cast…
  trapped

Oh, Chris Lee Was Also Messing Around In the Craigslist Transsexual Section

When Republican Congressman Chris Lee resigned a few weeks ago mere hours after Gawker published what appeared to be e-mails and a photo he sent to a lady on Craigslist about wanting to have an affair, it surprised people. People such as us. If a married diaperman such as David Vitter can survive and even be re-elected to the U.S. Senate after having weird relations with prostitutes, why should Chris Lee resign if all he did was ask a regular, not-prostitute lady on the Internet if she wanted to have an affair? Because he also asked the same thing in the “m4t” section. Yes, some odd e-mails forwarded to Gawker, Chris Lee may have also been offering himself to transexual women. Read more on Oh, Chris Lee Was Also Messing Around In the Craigslist Transsexual Section…
  put on a shirt

Here’s the Topless Craigslist Pic of Mubarak You Wanted

Did you have any doubt that this existed? Los Angeles cartoonist Lalo Alcaraz posted it to Twitter yesterday. But the Internet is so slow in Egypt this week, it took until just now for it to finally download on Hosni Mubarak’s iPhone. And then he resigned and Egypt was free of tyranny, just like that! So it really was a TwitPic Revolution. And don’t miss Mubarak’s 30-second “I Give Up!” statement, which he didn’t even bother to deliver himself. That’s one second per year of Mubarak rule! [Lalo Alcaraz] Read more on Here’s the Topless Craigslist Pic of Mubarak You Wanted…
  republicans in the news

Sexy Craigslist Congressman Chris Lee (R-Casual Encounters) Resigns

Weirdo Republican House Rep. Chris Lee of New York’s 26th District was actually trying to hook up with ladies on the Internet, which is so not the way the GOP rolls, so he has already resigned in shame, the end. Honestly, that’s the end to this dumb, quick, embarrassing story. He really can spend more time with his family now, if they still want him around. Maybe they do. Maybe they are forgiving. We should all be forgiving, now and then. Good-bye, Congressman Chris Lee and your teen-aged boy self-shot posted all over the Internet forever. [Washington Post/MSNBC] Read more on Sexy Craigslist Congressman Chris Lee (R-Casual Encounters) Resigns…
  beefileaks

Rep. Chris Lee Sending Half-Naked Pics To Ladies On Craigslist

Gawker has published e-mails they say are from married Republican Congressman Chris Lee, who was apparently trolling Craigslist D.C.’s “Women Seeking Men” forum and sent a lady a shirtless camera-phone photo of him flexing his bicep in a bathroom mirror like some meathead 15-year-old on Facebook. Chris Lee is never going to hear the end of this one from his Republican colleagues! “You were caught in the beginning stage of sexting an adult woman, Chris-bro? Did it excite you how legal that was or something?” You can hear the jokes starting already. So what is his defense? He was “hacked,” and he and his wife and kid are a happy family, so of course he wasn’t doing this. Wrong defense! The correct defense is “I’m not gay. I love women, not men and coke prostitutes in bathroom stalls.” Get it right, amateur. Read more on Rep. Chris Lee Sending Half-Naked Pics To Ladies On Craigslist…
  it's morning in america

Americans Are Still Homeless and Poor

Home foreclosures are up 25 percent, which is probably why everyone is just getting so high. More than 2.3 million homes have been repossessed by lenders since the Greatest Recession began three years ago. And what has Obama done to help Real Americans keep their trailer-homes, since obviously he is to blame for everything bad that has happened in the last ten years, at least? There is the socialist Making Home Affordable program, but it has not been very effective. What are we going to do? [Fox News] Read more on Americans Are Still Homeless and Poor… Read more on Americans Are Still Homeless and Poor…
  the homosexuals!

Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist

Your Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals is back bearing good news, or as they like to call it in church, “a new gospel”: All of the world’s lesbians have been fully repented for! This happened last week, in Sacramento, at a big Jesus party thrown by My Boyfriend Lou Engle. Though he has failed utterly in his mission from God to save San Francisco from Chadd, the three-story-tall homosexual Jesus giant, Lou called in a crazy Jeebus lady named Cindy Jacobs to take care of all the lesbians, and oh boy, did she ever! Read more on Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist…
  values voters

Did You ‘Restore Honor’ (Have Secret Gay Sex) at GlennBeckPalooza?

Four score and seven years ago, our Founding Fathers created Craigslist so that horny wingnut dudes could hook up for spontaneous sexual encounters in the nation’s capital, while Defending Liberty. And over the weekend, some patriots acknowledged the Fathers’ hard work and ingenuity, and used Craigslist to try and Restore each others’ Honor with their penises. Let’s learn about marketing! Read more on Did You ‘Restore Honor’ (Have Secret Gay Sex) at GlennBeckPalooza?…
  racial progress

RACIST LAWN DECORATIONS FOR SALE, IN 2010, IN NEW JERSEY: Hooray for Diversity of Thought! An alert Wonkette operative found these charming lawn jockeys and other racist trinkets common in the 19th Century available for sale right now! “WE WILL BE OPEN SELLING OUR CUSTOM MADE STATUES,” says the Craigslist ad. “WE ALSO HAVE VERY LARGE HUGE RED SHOTGUN SHELL MAILBOX WE CATER TO ALL PAST PURCHASERS AND TRUE AMERICANS. WOW WOW WOW.” Uhh. [Craigslist] Read more on …
  iron sharpens iron

Banal Corporate Excellence Cult Looking For Recruits

Future and/or current Washingtonians! Are you looking for a shared housing situation in a walkable neighborhood near downtown and the Metro, but aren’t sure if you’ll be able to handle keep a detailed log of all your pooping? Why not live in Revolution House? The name might make you think that you’re going to be earnestly discussing ways to promote Hugo Chavez’s philosophy at home and abroad, but it’s actually “part fraternity, part social club and part the new MBA.” Assuming that those three components don’t sound like a recipe for suicide either in isolation or combination, you might enjoy paying $1700 a month to read Tony Robbins and Dale Carnegie aloud in closely supervised 30-hour “self-education” sessions until you start speaking in tongues. Read more on Banal Corporate Excellence Cult Looking For Recruits…
  wonkette real estate desk

Hey Summer Interns, It’s Today’s Hot Rental Opportunity: Live With A Poop Monster

In today’s edition of Wonkette Real Estate Prospects For Summertime Workers, we have this room available for rent in DC’s lovely Capitol Hill neighborhood. Your roommate would tell you about all the hottest Defense Department gossip, take you to the blandest fun spots in town, and also MAINTAIN A WRITTEN RECORD OF YOUR SHIT. [Consumerist via Metroblogging DC] Read more on Hey Summer Interns, It’s Today’s Hot Rental Opportunity: Live With A Poop Monster…