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Tag: crack

Mile High Club

Spirit Airlines Will 69 You In The Sky, Wingnut Outrage To Commence Shortly

The budget carrier Spirit Airlines is having a celebration, and they want YOU to come 69 the friendly skies with them, doesn't that sound like a hot thing you want to cross of your bucket list? They are doing...

Rob Ford, Quitter

This took long enough. Majestic hoser Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto and the greatest reality TV star the world has ever known, announced last night he would take a leave of absence from his job of embarrassing himself and...

Rob Ford Announces Reelection Campaign; Free Crack Rocks For All!

As a gift to comedy, performance artist/Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced Thursday night that he's running for another term. "I’m running on my record and my record is second to none," Ford said at the Toronto Congress Centre. "I'm...

Rob Ford Dances With Church Choir, Looks Exactly As White As You’d Expect

Here is video of Toronto Mayor Rob Ford's visit Sunday to the West Toronto Church of God, just doing what almost all white politicians are required to do at some point: dancing very badly in the presence of black...

Rob Ford, Who Did Not Have Culinary Relations With That Lady’s Va-Jay-Jay, Gets TV Show Of Course

What do you do when you're a crack-smoking, vodka-guzzling, minority-bashing, homicide-threatening, self-admitted "sick motherfucker," soon-to-be-former mayor of Toronto, who has been politely asked to consider taking a leave of absence to go sit in the corner wearing a dunce...

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s Crack Video Wasn’t Enough, So Let’s Throw In A Murder

It kind of sucks when a fun caper story takes a murdery turn, which is why The Italian Job -- the 1969 original, thank you -- was about stealing an armored truck full of gold, not about infiltrating...

New Trendy Thing: Local Pols Smoking Crack Like It’s 1999

It took a while, sure, but the Marion Berry copycats are suddenly coming out in droves! (They are just really really slow copycats because of their drug-induced torpor.) That is, if two counts as "droves," and we figure fuck...

Why Is The FBI Cocaining Marion Barry To Death?

If former DC Mayor and current DC Councilman Marion Barry had ever bothered to watch Bob Roberts, he would know not to do crack, it's a ghetto drug. Sadly, he did not, and now comes his revelation that when...

Gaze In Awe Upon Fox News’s Six Perfect Words: ‘Crack-Smoking Illegal Alien Registered To Vote’

Future generations of scholars and historians* will need look only to six perfect words (or seven if you count the hyphenation) to understand perfectly the first week of November, the year of our lord 2012: "Crack-Smoking Illegal Alien Registered...

Heartland Primaries Too Boring For Proper Nouns

If you live in Kansas, Michigan, or Missouri, there is a primary in your state today! Why aren't you voting, right now? Is it because you hate America and Freedom, or because you are too dumb to know...

INSANE Hilltards On Vandalism Rampage?

So this guy in Orlando was driving, at night, when he suddenly noticed a gazillion cars all covered in goofy graffiti saying "Obama smokes crack." But that's only the beginning of the troubling evidence at the crime scene pointing...

Shocking Activities At Florida Spelling Bee

Wonkette Operative "Cheryl" sends us this amazing report about one teen's secret to awesome spelling.