cpac
Happy Conservative Warriors Defeated by Mysterious CPAC Plague Caused By Liberals Probably
Everybody please welcome our newest Wonkesse, Kaili Joy Gray what we stoled from Daily Kos! Remember that time when all the hip, young conservatives — like teen starlet Phyllis Schlafly and some dumb chick from Alaska and also for some reason Michele Bachmann — gathered in that godless cesspool that is our nation’s capitol to [...]
Steven Crowder’s Attempt At An Ashley Judd Rape Joke Somehow Makes Daniel Tosh Seem Endearing
Oh sweet merciful christ the annual khaki-ed klavern that is CPAC has finally ended and thus we can start following less disgusting displays of retrograde political insanity, like sequester budget debates or public lynchings. Sadly, however, there is one more “story” to report from this pasty-fleshed convention from hell, and it involves everyone’s favorite bastard [...]
Frederick Douglass Republicans Wrong About Frederick Douglass, Everything Else
On Friday we were all fascinated by the tale of a Tea Party-sponsored minority outreach panel at CPAC gone horribly wrong. The head of a group we had never heard of, the Frederick Douglass Republicans, led the panel and had a very nice discussion with a young man who is in no way racist just [...]
All The CPAC News That’s Fit To Live-Bloog
Oh, yeah, no. Not from us. It is Saturday, and we are going to do Saturday things. Saturday things like “go to the post office,” and “mail out some Smoking Joe cups,” and “buy all the wine,” and “see if KBJ wants to hang out,” and “get a facial,” as we are an entrepreneuress and [...]
Let’s See If Sarah Palin Can Finish Her CPAC Speech Without Quitting Halfway Through
Here comes Sarah Palin, to stand for God, Country, Freedom, and Taco Bell. She breaks the mold. Turn on your span, let’s watch this shit! 12:08: UH OH! It is that asshole Ted Cruz, the one with the Jerk Baby, instead! Is Sarah Palin lost somewhere? Are they filling time while she has a fucking [...]
False-Flagging Lieberals Obviously Behind Nice Young Man Spewing White Power Stuff All Over CPAC
Our friends at Think Progress have posted video of the obvious liberal who loves slavery riling up a CPAC panel on “minority outreach,” and so we are appropriating it, for communism. You can see it after the jump! But until then: HEY WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE OBVIOUS LIBERAL WHO LOVES SLAVERY RILING [...]
Young Fresh With-It Dude Mitch McConnell Delighted With His Hilarious Funny About Hillary Clinton, Aged Crone
It is time once again for CPAC, people tell us, which means the universe itself has stopped on its axis so that we all might gawk in wonder at the most important conclave to ever unite in snake-handling and griftiness. But lo! Who is that hip and happening groovy young man? It is Mitch McConnell, [...]
Bad Sci-Fi Video For CPAC Calls Tea Party ‘A Movement On Fire,’ Is Sadly Not About Flaming Dysentery
So, the “Tea Party Patriots,” which is apparently a patriotic group of tea partiers, has made this little movie for CPAC. They’re also threatening to release a longer version at CPAC today unless their demands are met. It’s a dystopian fable that plays out in two minutes, and if it looks a little familiar, that’s [...]
Sadness Abounds: CPAC To Be Less Sexxxxxy This Year
Remember how last year’s CPAC was teh hotttnesss? You had boys getting drunk and hooking up and passing out. You had ladies showing cleavage. CLEAVAGE! Does all this seem a bit deja vu to you, longtime Wonkians? Probably because Jim Newell mercilessly bashed ErickErickEricksonnnn and Melissa “Imma put Dr. in front of my name because [...]
Horrible Woman Too Horrible To Attend Conference Of Horrible People
If you’ve noticed the acrid smell of gelled hair burning today, that’s the scent of the conservative world en fuego. The battle for the hearts and minds of the worst Americans is on, and it pits the terrible against the even more terrible. At the center of the fight is Pamela Geller, who can most [...]
Famous 13-Year-Old Conservative Hero Now 17, Not Conservative
We all remember where we were on Feburary 27, 2009 when 13-year-old Jonathan Krohn addressed the throngs of CPACers, spitting the hot fires of oppression and demanding the instant restoration of the Old Guard. Where were you? Your Wonkette, for one, was typing a blog post about his CPAC speech. It was clear that young [...]
Conservative Pundits To Youths: Stop Being Such Trollops At CPAC
It is a true fact that there were a full dozen or two ladies at CPAC this year wearing sparkly cocktail dresses approximately ten million inches above the knee from nine in the morning ’til eleven at night, each being pursued by 10,000 sex-starved young conservative males. Why else would they all go to CPAC? [...]
How Much Were These People Paid To Like Mitt Romney?
Your Wonkette was walking through the hallway at CPAC on Friday only to find this pagan shouting dance underway to celebrate Mitt Romney, conservatives’ cherished leader.
Deconstructing Sarah Palin’s Marvelously Bad Speech At CPAC
Here is more fun typing from our contributor, Bilbo! By Bilbo Thankfully for the world, and reality, CPAC somewhat peacefully come to an end Saturday afternoon, at least the official administrative meeting and speechifying and seminaring and workshopping “official schedule” part of it, and it seems to have ended with the world intact, and no [...]
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