First person to smugly declare, “And this is exactly why I pay off my balance in full every month/don’t use credit cards” get a swift punch in the groin. [New York Times]

Hey didn’t this Ron Paul guy have integrity or whatever? He stood up to the Texas GOP and Tom DeLay and the Bush Family, he didn’t have any problem attacking lamers like Rudy Giuliani or Mitt Romney, but Doctor Ron “Go Ron Paul” Paul is just shivering in his panties when repeatedly given the opportunity to say No to America-hating sex creep Rush Limbaugh. It’s creepy! [YouTube]

Remember how John McCain used to want to lose elections to, uh, whatever that was? Lose elections to win elections? Anyway, this week’s suspension of his campaign is happening in Michigan. Team McCain is closing up shop, pulling the teevee ads, ending the mailers, canceling all events, the end. MORE »

Good lord, people, who even knew we would be doing this, tonight?! Just think, drinking and watching some crap on the teevee and maybe just cold layin’ down some blogs. Oh yeah right that is just the normal life in America every single day … or it was, before the Economy Collapsed. Anyway, who knows what Walnuts! will do — not wear pants? Pick his nose and wipe it on Jim Lehrer? A vaudeville softshoe? Everything’s possible when you are an absolutely crazy old idiot. MORE »

We’ve always known, in our hearts, that he was and is Walnuts! You’ve known it, even if you’re not always sure why this is the case. (Here’s why.) And now, finally, from the California GOP itself, here is the ultimate proof that crybaby coward John “Walnuts!” McCain is indeed the one true Walnut. (Click “more” for the big version.) MORE »

Ahem, “Inside an intense White House meeting over the financial crisis on Thursday, where nearly every key player came to an agreement on the outlines of the bailout package, Sen. John McCain stuck out. The Republican candidate, according to sources with direct knowledge, sat quiet through most of the meeting, never offered specifics, and spoke only at the end to raise doubts about the rough compromise that the White House and congressional leaders were nearing. McCain’s reluctance to jump on board the bailout agreement could throw the entire week-long negotiation into a tailspin,” the end. Just a fucking baby. [HuffPo]

Two days ago John McCain admitted he hadn’t read Hank Paulson’s bailout plan yet. Paulson’s plan was written in words, after all, and these desperate times call for ACTION, not elitist do-nothing words. John McCain will mime his own bailout solution before Congress on Friday during the presidential debate. [YouTube via TPM]

John McCain’s whole brilliant scheme to bail Sarah Palin out of the debates will only work if his Republican pals refuse to come up with a financial plan for saving America until … enh, Monday or so. But now it looks like everybody is getting on the same page and working together in the spirit of bipartisan compromise and suchlike! This is good, maybe, for America, but bad for Walnuts. MORE »

Here is a brilliant switcheroo! John McCain proposes delaying his debate if he has not singlehandedly resolved America’s financial crisis by tomorrow, so that way he and Barack Obama can debate next Thursday — the night when Sarah Palin and Joe Biden were set to debate. And then once they’ve rescheduled the Palin/Biden debate, John McCain can pull another crazy stunt — announcing his own daughter is fake pregnant, maybe, or firing Ruth Bader Ginsburg, or refusing to appear in public in anything but a glittering leotard — and everyone will forget all about this Palin nut and how she withers under intense questioning by Katie freaking Couric. John McCain will personally bomb North Korea in an ancient fighter plane with a Muppet as his co-pilot before he allows Sarah Palin to debate anything besides a goldfish. A dead goldfish. [Political Ticker]

Well, nine minutes and all, but still, here is funnyman David Letterman setting up a huge “McCain’s a Phony Loser” routine with a recitation of the old POW stuff and then … “it’s starting to smell.” Here, America, is what your late-night host thinks of McCain’s stupid stunt. [Letterman]

DEBATEGATE, LULZ, HA: “Organizers said Wednesday they were going ahead as planned with the first 2008 US presidential debate, despite Republican John McCain’s call to postpone the event in the face of the Wall Street crisis. ‘We have been notified by the Commission on Presidential Debates that we are proceeding as scheduled,’ said the University of Mississippi, which was to host Friday’s encounter between McCain and Democrat Barack Obama.” Seems like McCain knew they wouldn’t cancel this. He just wanted a few Maverick headlines, like back in the old days when he was a Star. It’s funny because no one cares, at all. Ha ha, his favorite President George Bush is speaking on teevee tonight, too. [Jonathan Martin]