Tag Archives: cory booker

  Dicktember Surprise

New York Pol: Hackers Made Me Follow That Porn Star On Twitter! HACKERS!!!

We were in a hurry, but you can still photoshop the sex toy of your choice in there.
Here’s a Dicktember item for your Likely Explanations bin: A county official in New York knows exactly why he’s “following” a porn star on his Twitter account: He was hacked! Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone, a Democrat, explained to the New York Post that nefarious hacker activity was the only possible reason his Twitter account shows him following porn actress Belle Knox’s twitter stream (link NSFW if you look around for a while. Message: we care). Read more on New York Pol: Hackers Made Me Follow That Porn Star On Twitter! HACKERS!!!…
  Check Out The Government Teats On That Chick

GOP Senate Candidate Would Be Winning If Stupid Women Couldn’t Vote

And it's been all downhill since 1919
Sen. Cory Booker’s Republican opponent in the New Jersey race for U.S. Senate, Jeff Bell, has an excellent theory (which is his and was invented by him) about why he’s way, way behind Booker in the polls: It’s those darn women and their dumb dependence on the federal government. Way to go, Republican Outreach machine! Maybe the GOP will rebrand itself again. Read more on GOP Senate Candidate Would Be Winning If Stupid Women Couldn’t Vote…
  still illegal in virginia

The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013

Like most years when there’s a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America’s) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to swallow? Oh yes. But somehow, freedom will endure, we guess. Here is a list of 13 tyrannies that made patriots gag in 2013: Read more on The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013…
  bipartisan-curious

Rand Paul Wars On Christmas With Festivus Grievance Tweets

As if it weren’t bad enough that the right has turned “Merry Christmas” into a shibboleth, now they’re trying to co-opt Festivus.* Senator Rand Paul (R-Galt’s Gulch) announced yesterday that he would be tweeting his very own “airing of grievances” for fun and publicity, and so of course we are compelled to indulge him. Strangely, the nine fulltime employees of Twitchy found this something worth promoting, rather than part of the War On Christmas. There are rules on this, and if Rand Paul wants to have fun with a show about liberal New York Jews who mock the values of Real America, it’s funny, by god. Read more on Rand Paul Wars On Christmas With Festivus Grievance Tweets…
  same senate different day

Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism

Cory Booker, welcome to the Senate. On a day better known for scary costumes, you are one good-looking piece of eye-candy that we are very excited to see more of! And you were sworn in by the only man in the Senate we would like to bone more harder, Old Handsome Joe Biden, playing his oft-overlooked role of President of the Senate. What kind of treats does the Senate have in store for you today? Well, less than an hour after being sworn in, you got to cast your first votes. But your recent victory streak came to a screeching halt, per WaPo: Senate Republicans on Thursday blocked a vote on the nomination of Rep. Mel Watt (D-N.C.) to lead the Federal Housing Finance Agency.  The Senate voted 56-42 to proceed to a vote on Watt’s nomination — shy of the 60 votes required to end debate. Welcome to the Senate, Cory, where a ‘majority’ of 42 Senators get to hold up the people’s business. Democracy is a strange thing, sometimes. Read more on Senate Welcomes Cory Booker With Traditional Obstructionism…
  pity party of personal responsibility

New Jersey Senate Loser Steve Lonegan Would Have Won If It Weren’t For That Darn Government Shutdown

There’s a very simple explanation for why Steve Lonegan lost last week’s special election for U.S. Senate to Cory Booker: The government shutdown. OK, that, and Lonegan’s being a loathsome asshat, maybe. But mostly the government shutdown, Lonegan told the Star-Ledger in an interview published Monday: “There is no doubt in my mind or in the minds of any of my campaign staff that the shutdown cost me the election,” Lonegan said in a post-mortem interview today. “If I had known it was going to happen and that it was going to be handled so badly in Washington, I wouldn’t have run for senate.” We guess the shutdown just reminded all the Takers how much they love being enslaved and not helping themselves, so they voted for the Moocher candidate, right? Read more on New Jersey Senate Loser Steve Lonegan Would Have Won If It Weren’t For That Darn Government Shutdown…
  champagne glass full of nice time

Cory Booker Marries All The Gays, Destroys Good Christian Heckler In Two-Fer Of Evil (Video)

Here’s your Nice Time video for the day: Newark Mayor and Senator-Elect Cory Booker officiating at the city’s first same-sex weddings, marrying nine couples just after midnight, when New Jersey joined the rest of the 21st century. Did everything go seamlessly? Of course not: some asshat protester decided to Make A Statement, and was crushed beneath Cory Booker’s tyrannical heel. Read more on Cory Booker Marries All The Gays, Destroys Good Christian Heckler In Two-Fer Of Evil (Video)…
  you too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident

Daily Caller Shocker: Carpetbagging Cory Booker Does Not Even Live In Newark Maybe, Conspiracy Goes All The Way To The Top

Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller, everyone’s favorite home for racists who can’t read good and stuff, has quite the little scoopty scoop, and that is that Cory Booker, who is a better human being than you, is NOT a better human being than you, because of how he is LYING about living in Newark, according to these “neighbors” who have coincidentally been interviewed bitching about Cory Booker in every Daily Caller story about Cory Booker since Cory Booker became a thing, but do NOT call them “anti-Cory Booker activists,” they are NEIGHBORS, the Daily Caller SAYS SO. (Also, one neighbor “James Sharp” does not seem to care for Cory Booker. Isn’t that weird, since the DemocRAT Machine candidate Booker famously defeated was named “Sharpe James”? That is weird right? The Daily Caller would never try to pull one over on us, would they? DON’T BE RIDICULOSE, OF COURSE THEY WOULD.) So the Daily Caller has this scoop, where they go around and look in Cory Booker’s windows and declare the home vacant. And then they are all Zoolander male model style, “AHA! He says he lives here but property records show that it is owned by some lady!” And then Buzzfeed is all, “Earth to Daily Caller, that lady was the landlady and here are some rent checks, and also possibly go to this other home in Newark Cory Booker moved to in late September!” and the Booker campaign was all “orange mocha frappuccino!” And now it is a big spitty mess because the Buzzfeed story declared the neighbors who said Cory Booker didn’t even live there to be “anti-Booker activists” and got one of their names wrong, and then the Daily Caller was all, “AHA Earth to Buzzfeed nice reporting!” and Buzzfeed was all, “Oh okay, here is a correction on the lady’s name,” and the moral of the story is Cory Booker is the worst human being since Josef Mengele gave birth to Nazi Barack Obama. Except for this. Be ready you guys. Are you sitting down? Read more on Daily Caller Shocker: Carpetbagging Cory Booker Does Not Even Live In Newark Maybe, Conspiracy Goes All The Way To The Top…
  like mother freaking teresa

Nice Time: Cory Booker Is A Better Human Than Any Of Us Edition

We know some of you beloved Terrible Ones have a huge raging throbbing hate-on for Newark mayor and New Jersey’s next senator, Cory Booker. You are all like waaaaah, banks! We get it. (Actually, we don’t really get it. But we guess the 27-year-old us who voted for Nader kind of gets it? Nope, still not getting it.) Well, perhaps you remember when we brought you news that Booker’s opponent, Steve Lonegan, went and unjustly fired one of his aides just for being totally normal and straight, unlike Cory Booker, and explaining that normal straight dudes, when they see a nice rack of lamb, offer to suck on those tittays real good, because that is how you get a girl to put your weenis in her mouth. It is just Science Fact. But how did Mr. Cory Booker respond? Did he just keep laughing off Lonegan aide Rick Shaftan’s accusations of Teh Gheigh? Or was he all like, listen you sick sumbitch, or however black people say sumbitch, something something that showed he was really mad? Well, put away your Dukakis ’88 bumper stickers, because Cory Booker did get mad! He’s had all he can stands and he can’t stands no more! Read more on Nice Time: Cory Booker Is A Better Human Than Any Of Us Edition…
  and he texts...just like a woman

Why Doesn’t Cory Booker Sexually Harass Women Better, Asks Dude Fired Just For Being Normal And Straight

An aide to New Jersey Republican senatorial candidate Steve Lonegan got himself fired yesterday following a bizarre, obscenity-filled rant against Democratic candidate Cory Booker. When are political types going to realize that bizarre, obscenity-filled rants are serious business, and should best be left to professionals like Yr Wonkette? In the interview with Talking Points Memo’s Hunter Walker, who is making rather a cottage industry of them, Lonegan staffer Rick Shaftan speculated that voters would reject Booker because of his tweeted flirtations with Lynsie Lee, a stripper in Oregon — not because Booker chatted with a stripper, but because he failed to sexually harass Lee properly, which Shaftan considered pretty suspicious, and maybe even kind of faggy. Read more on Why Doesn’t Cory Booker Sexually Harass Women Better, Asks Dude Fired Just For Being Normal And Straight…
  life is a cabaret

Who Invited The New York Times To Our ‘Cory Booker Flirted With A Stripper’ Party?

Yes, we know, boobs. And Cory Booker. It’s very exciting. Especially the boobs. But really especially the Cory Booker, what a piece! Buzzfeed (NSFW link, because boobs) was first with the magical tale of how a man named Cory Booker used his Twitter to say he loved a stripper named Lynsie Lee. Go to Buzzfeed if you like pictures of boobs that might even be not fake, who knows? Possibly Cory Booker? And of course Gawker followed soon after, wrongly accusing Lee of veganism, which they later corrected (she works at a vegan strip club in Portland, OR, because Portland). And of course yr Wonkette could not let this pass without comment, so don’t get all glass housey with us! Read more on Who Invited The New York Times To Our ‘Cory Booker Flirted With A Stripper’ Party?…
  man of steel

Cory Booker Refuses To Douse Hopes That Everyone Can Sleep With Him Maybe

OMG you guys, did you hear that Cory Booker might be gay? Well, actually, what he said was that he wasn’t necessarily ruling out the possibility that he may or may not be gay, or straight, or something! In an interview with the Washington Post, Booker said that since he has not yet acquired a “life partner,” some people speculate that he might be gay, and he doesn’t actually say that he isn’t. Now stop that swooning, all of you. Read more on Cory Booker Refuses To Douse Hopes That Everyone Can Sleep With Him Maybe…
  here he is mr. america

Cory Booker Deflects Bullet Of Emo Liberal Peevishness, Will Leap U.S. Capitol In Single Bound

Newark Mayor Cory Booker, the caped-crusading, embattled-cat recovering, amateur fireman, Mr Plow come to life, twitter-master and media darling, won the Democratic primary for New Jersey’s open Senate seat yesterday despite a big ol’ Hate-On from liberal writers everywhere, including our own erstwhile wonkets. But why all the hate, haters? Read more on Cory Booker Deflects Bullet Of Emo Liberal Peevishness, Will Leap U.S. Capitol In Single Bound…
  It's Not Corruption If Everyone Does It

Cory Booker, Chris Christie Allegedly Received Illegal Pay-To-Play Campaign Cash, How ‘Sopranos’ Is That?

As flags across New Jersey fly at half-staff in remembrance of beloved teevee man James Gandolfini, dozens of Garden State politicians are scrambling to explain their connections to an illegal pay-t0-play scheme that wouldn’t have felt out of place in one of the more boring episodes of The Sopranos. Here’s how it worked: the bankrupt and recently-sold Birdsall Services Group would ask employees to write checks of $300 or less to politicians in positions to steer government construction contracts to Birdsall, then Birdsall would reimburse the employees out of company coffers. Sound familiar? Birdsall got in some legal trouble over this, which is how the Star-Ledger got their hands on Birdsall’s SECRET FILE of who got their SECRET MONEY. Chris Christie’s on there, with a little “S” next to his name, for “secret” (really). Cory Booker’s on there. Jon Corzine’s on there (of course, what a scumbag). Humorously, other groups receiving secret, illegal contributions were “Citizens For Good Government,” a Democratic group, and “Citizens for Responsible Government,” a Republican group. Top THAT, George Orwell! Read more on Cory Booker, Chris Christie Allegedly Received Illegal Pay-To-Play Campaign Cash, How ‘Sopranos’ Is That?…
  bachmann booker overdrive

Like The Poor, Cory Booker And Michele Bachmann Will Always Be With Us

Sure, everybody is all up in your grill today with fresh new news like the fact that the NSA is in your bedroom watching you RIGHT NOW or something, but here at Wonkette we also provide the valuable service of discussing completely obvious news because…well, because we really need to keep feeding you people new content so you will come look at us over and over and maybe give us monies. So what is most utterly unsurprising today? Give us more pageviews and clicky-clicky to see. right after the jump! Read more on Like The Poor, Cory Booker And Michele Bachmann Will Always Be With Us…
  UPDATE

Chris Christie Splits the Baby, Eats It

Gov. Christie has returned from the wilderness where he was in communion with The Great Smog God of Turnpike Exit 7-A, and has made his official declaration about how to fill Sen. Lautenberg’s recently vacated Senate seat. Read more on Chris Christie Splits the Baby, Eats It…
  swiftboat returns

New York Times Cory Booker Takedown Just Got A Lot More Embarrassing For The New York Times

Over the weekend, we told you about a New York Times hit piece on Tall Column of Chocolate Love Cory Booker, and how reporter Kate Zernike did not seem to be doing herself any favors by ending it with a steaming dump of DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? Now, thanks to HuffPo, we are almost in awe of Zernike and her proud cuntiness. Let’s review: She said WAAH there is still poverty in Newark! She said HISS Cory Booker raised taxes while also cutting spending! She said BLARGLE Cory Booker spends all his time in New York hobnobbing with Richard Branson instead of in his community! So. About that. Read more on New York Times Cory Booker Takedown Just Got A Lot More Embarrassing For The New York Times…
  journamalism

Cory Booker Is The New York Times’ New Al Gore

We guess Newark Mayor Cory Booker sighed too much in his presidential debate with Texas governor Jorge Boosh, because the New York Times has decided he is a big giant asshole! Meow, says the Times’ Kate Zernike, Cory Booker spends a quarter of his time out of town (getting $100 million grants for his city from famous rich people). Hiss, says Kate Zernike, did you know Newark has poverty and Cory Booker has not even made the people of Newark not poor? Here is a shiv, says Kate Zernike, did you know Cory Booker raised taxes 20 percent even while laying off hundreds of city workers and selling city buildings? Why, it is almost as though he is Simpson-Bowlesing the city of Newark, trying to fix entrenched economic problems with a mixture of revenues and spending cuts. BURN HIM. Is there any reason Kate Zernike might have what amounts to a very unbecoming personal animus toward Newark’s mayor? Read more on Cory Booker Is The New York Times’ New Al Gore…
  this is why we can't have nice things

Newark Tries To Murder Cory Booker

America, have you enjoyed your Cory Booker? He has been your American superhero, your bright shining full-of-integrity star in the awful firmament of American politics. He saves ladies from burning buildings. He has a Gosling-style tumblr dedicated to him. He scored free Hot Pockets for America, or at least for Newark. He’s just like you, if you were much better at everything and people fawned all over you on the twitters. It is with great regret, therefore, that Wonkette must inform you that Cory Booker is just another dirty politician like all the rest! Read more on Newark Tries To Murder Cory Booker…
  cape not pictured

Cory Booker Will Bring You Some Blankets in His Sexxy New Tumblr

Those shameless libruls are at it again, making jokes about your teenage daughters and black men and THE SEXING. Only this time, these concepts are being strategically interwoven into a new hawt Tumblr, “Cory Booker Hey Girl” (much more sneaky than two short weeks ago, when Lena Dunham explained the importance of losing one’s virginity to Barack Obama in a polling booth). Perhaps you are familiar with this sort of Tumblr, because like any responsible American citizen, you harbor unrequited romantic feelings for actor Ryan Gosling. This new rendition of “Hey Girl” begs the question, “Sure, Ryan Gosling captured your heart when he ended racism by dancing in the ‘Remember the Titans’ locker room, but did he invite you into his living room to charge your iPhone?” Read more on Cory Booker Will Bring You Some Blankets in His Sexxy New Tumblr…
  name rank and serial number

Call Off Your Dogs, Twitter: Cory Booker Evolves On ‘Nauseating’ Attacks On Romney’s Record At Bain

You did it, Twitter! You got superhero Newark Mayor Cory Booker to retract and correct his Sunday Meet the Press statement that examining His Lord High Hairgel’s record at Bain was “nauseating” and “vilifying private equity.” Yay YOU! After the jump, BOOKER’s hostage video. It’s nice! Read more on Call Off Your Dogs, Twitter: Cory Booker Evolves On ‘Nauseating’ Attacks On Romney’s Record At Bain…
  greatest american heroes

Nobody Will Let Poor Chris Christie Save Your Pussy From That Tree

Haha, here is a “funny” video from Governor Sammiches, Chris Christie, about how he is so jealous of perfect angel Newark Mayor Cory Booker, last seen breaking and entering into a burning building and abducting the woman therein. Except that it is actually funny? It’s okay dudes, you can still hate him afterwards. Nobody’s here to take your spite from your cold dead hands. Read more on Nobody Will Let Poor Chris Christie Save Your Pussy From That Tree…