Ted Stevens didn’t have a chance at winning his Senate race — not after reports surfaced that the RNC had paid $150,000 for his elaborate pine-tar facials and wardrobe of decaying burlap sacks. Thanks to commenter “belmonttau” for the screenshot.

A ballsy Wonkette hero operative sends us a fantastic photo with this description: “I got convicted Senator Ted Stevens to sign this ‘I am VECO’ hat with a silver sharpie on election night 2008.” No, it’s not just funny because she fooled Stevens into believing that she was a supporter. Veco, for you hippie anti-corporates, was the corrupt company that bribed Ted Stevens with hundreds of thousands of dollars in gifts and money, which he forgot to report! This led to his criminal conviction on seven counts, which was followed immediately by his reelection to the United States Senate.

The jury deliberating over Ted Stevens’ corruption trial consisted exclusively of angry cat ladies and addled kooks, one of whom was so disruptive she almost caused a mistrial. But then there was this OTHER juror, Juror No. 4, who ALSO messed things up by disappearing, mysteriously, to “go to her father’s funeral in California” over the weekend and never turned up again. (She was replaced at the last minute and bam, the alternate and the old jurors quickly reached a verdict.) But HMMMM has anyone ever been to a funeral on a racetrack where they race horses, for sport and money? MORE »

Sarah Palin took a HARD LINE against domestic terrorist Ted Stevens this afternoon after a wishy-washy first response, saying he “needs to step aside.” Take that, crook. Sarah Palin is playing a good hand here: get this douche out of the way tonight, appoint herself to fill out the remainder of his term in the Senate, quit that on Friday morning, and then campaign through Tuesday as a former Senator and Governor a.k.a. the most qualified candidate on either ticket in the last quarter-century. [LAT/Top of the Ticket]

John McCain does not believe Earmark Welfare Queen Ted Stevens should be running for Senate re-election anymore, now that he has been convicted by a jury of being a terrible fraud. Yesterday Stevens was found guilty of making false statements regarding the free sex dungeon a contractor built for him and his wife in Nowheresville, Alaska. And today John McCain pitched Ted Stevens’ corrupt, embittered old carcass under the bus. MORE »

The jurors in the corruption trial for corrupt Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens are now in their second day of deliberations, and they’re having trouble! It seems one among them is running around the jury room shouting schizoid psychobabble at the others, which is just not productive at all, and so the other jurors have tattled on her! “In a note to the judge, jurors asked that one of their panel be sent home. The note described the female juror as rude, disrespectful and unreasonable.” We hear that this lady juror’s name is Michele and she’s been calling her colleagues “anti-America” whenever they say anything. MORE »

Seven months and fifteen billion news cycles after everyone forgot about that New York Times article about John McCain’s torrid sex affair with the gal who looked like his wife, only younger, that alleged gal has now surfaced to deny she ever had sex with John McCain. Whaaaa? MORE »

Well “my friends” it is Friday and this is precisely the sort of headline that will either make people click the clicky to READ MORE or just go “ugh” and vomit quietly in their shoes. Because seriously who wants to know about Ted Stevens’ long love affair with former Secretary of State Colin Powell, a man who has built a career defending the veracity and reputations of unreconstructed crooks? MORE »

Check out this piece from Washington Post “color” writer Dana Milbank detailing the theatrics of the Ted Stevens corruption trial. Ted Stevens’ defense lawyer’s strategy is, of course, to paint Stevens as the Common Man, who likes to go huntin’ and stuff. It’s just his dumb wife who’s actually the miserably corrupt turd Senator: “Yes, Stevens, the first sitting senator to be indicted in a generation, failed to report a home renovation and other pricey gifts from a pipeline company. But, his lawyer told the jury yesterday, it was his wife who reviewed the bills and took care of the finances.” [WP]

Uncle Ted Stevens, the elderly fraud who “gets hysterical when he has to spend his own money,” will soon be going to trial for various lies related to the renovation of his Alaskan Sex Cabin in the wilds of Girdwood. The good people of the Alaska Wilderness Political Fund will be liveblogging the whole agonizing ordeal, from jury selection to the part where Ted Stevens snaps on the witness stand and declares “This whole court’s out of order!” and gets wheeled off for shock treatments while his Inuit pal throws a marble wash station out the window. Catch it all here. [A Bridge to Justice]

Ooh, it’s the new scary McCain ad! Alas, it leaves out William Ayers, Jeremiah Wright, the Rosenbergs, and Jane Fonda. They are all from Chicago, and they all have implanted chips in Barack Obama’s brain that make him Not Ready to Lead. [YouTube]