Wonkette

You know that congressman from Arizona who brought shame on his family of 12 children when he got indicted today in some very complicated scheme that had, unfortunately, nothing to do with attractive lobbyists or underaged congressional pages? Well, there are two things that make his long-anticipated “fall from grace” hilarious even if this scandal is not terribly sexy, gross, or weird. MORE »

Alaska Senator Ted Stevens is as ancient and snowy white as the craggy glaciers his people farm in the Land of the Midnight Sun. And despite the fact that he is 1,000 years old and knows nothing about the Internet and is under investigation for graft, he has boldly decided to run for re-election, again. MORE »

As if Americans didn’t have enough trouble with The Illegals coming up from Mexico to take all of our high-paying lettuce-picking jobs, there’s a new menace on the horizon. It comes from the lost pirate nation of Australia, which is sending a flood of lobbyists over our borders and depriving many hard-working Americans of the right to bribe Congress for a living. MORE »

This forbidden-lobbyist-love scandal is a stroke of good fortune for John McCain. Revelations that he may have landed a sizzling hot blonde half his age have brought a new aura of virility and sex appeal to the Spanish-American war hero’s ancient carcass. He is also being hailed by Christian conservatives for having the good taste to conduct a heterosexual extramarital affair. And now we learn the scandal has brought conservative talk radio’s most lovable personalities flocking to his bosom. According to Politico, “they have a common enemy” now. Meaning, of course, the terrorists. At the New York Times. MORE »

So ha ha, funny story, this “McCain” guy had a press conference where he said he was in bed with all sorts of lobbyists, including firemen and policemen and senior citizens, and not just the blonde kind. Alas we were too distracted by the earthquake that decimated the meth-generating segment of Northern Nevada to notice. More footage coming soon, but for now please enjoy the CNN highlights. [CNN]

This whole “presumptive nominee” thing must be serious, because the New York Times just dumped a million-word “investigative report” on how John McCain is the sleaziest sack of scum since, uh, all the other Republicans who already dropped out of the race. Also: Did he have a Dirty Sex Affair with some lobbyist broad who looks suspiciously like his current wife? Let’s find out! MORE »

GOOD-BYE, CROOK! Dirty little Congressman John Doolittle is retiring from the House, GOP spies said today. But you can’t retire from being the target of a massive corruption investigation! [AP/Yahoo]

Congressman John Doolittle of California — Tom DeLay’s scumbag buddy who took a bunch of dirty money from Jack Abramoff — might be wussing out after all. Doolittle’s chief of staff denies it, but the re-election campaign is already almost broke and he nearly lost his 4th District “safe seat” in the ‘06 midterms that swept away his crooked sweetheart Richard Pombo, from California’s 11th District. [TPM Muckraker, Politico, OpenSecrets]

Last week, Jacob Zuma beat Thabo Mbeki in a race to run South Africa’s African National Congress, which sorta set him up to take Mbeki out as the President. Mbeki is the President who said that HIV doesn’t cause AIDS, pregnant women should stop taking AZT to prevent transmission, the white people spread it through Africa on purpose and HIV could be cured through traditional remedies. Zuma was fired by Mbeki in 2005 when his financial adviser was caught soliciting a bribe and is now facing charges that he took hundreds of thousands of dollars of bribes from French arms dealers, not that that prosecution is at all politically motivated. Sometimes, even our bad leadership choices can be made to seem better. [Yahoo News]

Stuart Bowen was appointed by the Bush Administration to be the Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction, which means it was his job to root our fraud and abuses in the Iraq reconstruction efforts. I know, funny, right? Unfortunately for the Iraqis (and us), Stuart was a little bit too busy committing his own frauds and abusing the system to bother investigating anyone else’s.

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