Tag Archives: Corruption

  Won't Someone Think Of The Soccer Moms?

Head Foot-The-Ball Guy Resigns In Huge FIFA Scandal We All Care About Very Much

Art swiped shamelessly from the incomparable Bill Griffith. OK, with some shame.
Wow, have you been following the incredibly fascinating FIFA scandal as closely as we have? As sports-related fuck-tussles go, it’s like the Chicago Black Sox times DeflateGate plus BENGHAZI! It’s all about corruption and bribery in the governing body for soccer, or “real football,” which is a sport that the rest of the world has had wars over, and which Americans grudgingly haul their children to practice for in minivans, until they decide soccer is uncool and they’d rather spend all their time playing videogames and masturbating. Anyway, last week the U.S. Justice Department, in cooperation with Swiss authorities, arrested and indicted a whole bunch of FIFA officials on big-time corruption charges. And now, because the ongoing investigation has begun to maybe implicate FIFA’s president, Sepp Blatter, we learned Tuesday that Sepp Blatter is resigning as president of FIFA, which means we won’t have Sepp Blatter to kick around anymore, which is sad considering that kids in poor third-world slums actually play soccer by kicking around an inflated sepp bladder. It’s all they have. Read more on Head Foot-The-Ball Guy Resigns In Huge FIFA Scandal We All Care About Very Much…
  Have YOU Considered A Hobby In Law Enforcement?

Tulsa Sheriff’s Office Faked Certification For Cosplaying Cop Who Accidentally Killed A Man, Oops

Gee. Who could have told someone to fake the records?
It was bad enough that the Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office apparently makes a habit of handing a badge and a gun to any rich schmuck who buys the department some flak vests and a few Crown Vics. Which is how reserve deputy Robert Bates, 73, found himself shooting Eric Harris to death, mistakenly thinking, Bates says, that he’d grabbed his taser. But don’t worry about the reserve deputy program; the Sheriff’s Office insisted Bates was fully trained as an “advanced reserve,” and had a whole assload of training in proper law enforcement procedure. He was just as well-trained as a real live deputy. Read more on Tulsa Sheriff’s Office Faked Certification For Cosplaying Cop Who Accidentally Killed A Man, Oops…
  A New Jersey Politician In A Corruption Scandal? Mercy!

NJ Sen. Robert Menendez Indicted; Sorry, Daily Caller, No Fake Underaged Hookers This Time

You're looking especially Muppetlike today, Senator
Sen. Robert Menendez (D-New Jersey) has been indicted on corruption charges by the Justice Department in a bribery scandal that Yr Wonkette would never even cover if the guy had been a Democrat. He’s accused of receiving campaign contributions and a lot of fancy la-dee-da travel on private jets and vacations in the Dominican Republic in exchange for doing political favors for Salomon Melgen, a Florida eye doctor whom Menendez insists is just a really good friend who he enjoyed hanging out with and occasionally tossing the occasional port security contract, as friends do. Read more on NJ Sen. Robert Menendez Indicted; Sorry, Daily Caller, No Fake Underaged Hookers This Time…
  WSPR

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Aaron Schock will no longer be in Congress but is yes longer be in trouble with the Feds, Barack Obama thinks everyone should be required to vote for some reason, and Maine Gov. Paul LePage is pretty sure that Stephen King, who lives in Maine, doesn’t live in Maine. Missed last week’s Report? That’s because we didn’t do one and instead adopted a cat. Here’s the one we did the week before, though. Read more on The Weekend Stock Photo Report Resigned From Congress Before It Was Cool…
  sopranos on the mississippi

Surprise! City Of Ferguson Run By A Bunch Of Grifty Criminal Racists!

Every time we read another nugget of information dug out of the Justice Department’s report on the gangster cartel that has run the town of Ferguson, it becomes more apparent that the town’s entire municipal court and police force need, to borrow a phrase from conservative plans for Obamacare, a root-and-branch repeal. Or, put another way, fire the entire apparatus out of a cannon into the sun. Read more on Surprise! City Of Ferguson Run By A Bunch Of Grifty Criminal Racists!…
  Does Club Fed have a day spa?

Grifty Virginia Governor’s Wife Sentenced To Sleeping On Very Low Thread Counts In Prison

Nope, can't take the Ferrari to prison with you.
Ice Queen and former Virginia First Lady Maureen McDonnell brought single-digit temperatures with her to Richmond this morning for her sentencing hearing in the case of tobacco pills, unrequited love, and rides in a Ferrari that gripped the nation last summer. Federal Judge James Spencer sentenced her to 12 months and one day after a hearing featuring character witnesses and a brief appeal from McDonnell herself. The sentence is right in between the 18 months what the prosecution was asking for and the community service the defense wanted. Read more on Grifty Virginia Governor’s Wife Sentenced To Sleeping On Very Low Thread Counts In Prison…
  Exploding Foamy Pig Doots II: Electric Poopaloo

Mean Enviros Won’t Let Tenn. State Rep. Throw Pig Carcasses All Over The Place, Except They Did

Have you seen the little piggies in their starched white shirts?
Let’s just call this story “Son Of Exploding Foamy Pig Doots,” shall we? Except there’s no exploding, and the foaming is mostly just a froth of pure pigshit coming from Tennessee state Rep. Andy Holt, who is quite certain that no sir his hog farm did NOT get any special treatment from regulators, even though he operated for years without a permit, left hog carcasses lying around unburied, and pumped half a million gallons of hogshit into a creek near his farm. Read more on Mean Enviros Won’t Let Tenn. State Rep. Throw Pig Carcasses All Over The Place, Except They Did…
  Think Global Act Loco

Resigning Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber Gonna Go To So Much Jail Maybe (Because He’s A Democrat)

He still looks nice on Facebook, though
Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber may be resigning effective Wednesday, unless he changes his mind again, but he and his fiancée, Cylvia Hayes, still have a big ol’ pile of legal problems. Both the state and now a federal grand jury are investigating the two for all sorts of possible corruption, ranging from the state’s clean energy policies to a proposal for a new coal terminal at a port. For one thing, maybe they’ll figure out how those things go together. The feds subpoenaed a broad range of state records from the state on Friday, not long after Kitzhaber announced his resignation. Read more on Resigning Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber Gonna Go To So Much Jail Maybe (Because He’s A Democrat)…
  It'll be just like Robocop or Escape From New York.

Koch Brothers Pledge $889 Million To Least Losery 2016 Candidate, If Any

They just want to buy the White House is all
If President Obama’s lame-duck “don’t give a fuck” attitude has been improving your outlook on life lately, then fresh from Freedom Partners’ annual winter summit comes some news that will send you crashing right back down to Frown Town. An anonymous source who attended the summit told the Washington Post that Big Energy kingpins Charles and David Koch, the richest elder vampires of the richest family of bloodsuckers in the world, have apparently committed to spending a staggering $889 million during the 2016 general election. In other words, an unparalleled stream of cash that would make Donald Trump blush. Read more on Koch Brothers Pledge $889 Million To Least Losery 2016 Candidate, If Any…
  grift is a very big thought indeed

Ben Carson Shilled Scam AIDS And Cancer Cures For 10 Years, Will Be Your Next President Obvs

grift is a very big thought indeed
Just how much clownery do you need to completely obliterate the good will you built up from starting a foundation to do brain surgery for poor kids? How much pure nonsense does a trailblazing brain surgeon need to peddle to convince the world that he is venal and/or not very smart? Dr. Ben Carson, 2016 GOP presidential nomination hopeful/flirt, isn’t entirely sure, but being a student of the scientific method, he is apparently extremely determined to find out. Read more on Ben Carson Shilled Scam AIDS And Cancer Cures For 10 Years, Will Be Your Next President Obvs…
  Jail Time For Bobzo

Sad Former VA Gov. Bob McDonnell Will Be Your Pen-Pal, From Prison

Nope, can't take the Ferrari to prison with you.
Photo: US District Court, Eastern District of Virginia   Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has been sentenced to two years in the Crossbar Hotel on multiple corruption charges. Federal Judge James Spencer said that the case “breaks his heart” but added that a “price must be paid” for doing corruption — awfully good of the judge to choke back his tears like that and do his job. Read more on Sad Former VA Gov. Bob McDonnell Will Be Your Pen-Pal, From Prison…
  not all cops

Orange County Cops Putting All The Kids In Jail, No Big

That's some fine police work, Lou.
In 2009, celebrated Santa Ana Police Detective Andy Alvarez was tasked to investigate a bloody attempted murder case, in which a man in a Jeep pulled up to three teenagers and opened fire on them. Alvarez had two leads. The first was that the shooter reportedly shouted “Delhi,” the name of a Santa Ana street gang, before opening fire. The second was that two of the victims positively identified another kid in the Jeep as Francisco Vega, a former classmate with whom they’d previously had trouble. The OC Weekly reports: Read more on Orange County Cops Putting All The Kids In Jail, No Big…
  Have A Koch And A Smile

John Oliver: Forget The Senate, These State Elections Are Really Going To Screw Us (Video)

Love It Or Be Impaled By It
Tomorrow’s the big election, and while most of the hoopla is about who’s going to control the Senate, John Oliver would just like to remind you that 1) No matter who’s in charge, the Senate isn’t going to get a damned thing done, and 2) a lot of the serious political fuckery is going on at the state level, where people are trying to get elected by running campaign commercials like the one above, from Montana, featuring “an old man stabbing a child to death with a flag.” (The same ad also includes the candidate saying how much he loves the Constitution — over a photo of the Declaration of Independence.) Read more on John Oliver: Forget The Senate, These State Elections Are Really Going To Screw Us (Video)…
  the morning after

Virginia Republicans Decry McDonnell Verdict, Citing State’s Rich Heritage Of Grift

nice car
  Photo: US District Court, Eastern District of Virginia Like the long days and warm weather, the Trial of the Century of the Summer had to come to an end. On Thursday, Bob and Maureen McDonnell were convicted of their many alleged crimes against Virginian Humanity (and acquitted of a couple counts of lying to a bank, whatevs). While we’re waiting for Lord and Lady Griftington to be sentenced in January, let’s see what Virginia has to say about the guilty guilty pretty much totally guilty verdicts of its former first couple! Read more on Virginia Republicans Decry McDonnell Verdict, Citing State’s Rich Heritage Of Grift…
  And throw away the key the Virginia way

Jury Finds Lord and Lady McDonnell Of Virginia So Many Kinds of Guilty (UPDATE!)

Wipe that smile off your face
After three days of deliberations, the jury in the Trial of the Century of the Summer has reached a verdict for Bob and Maureen McDonnell on charges of corruption and bank and wire fraud and more fraud and more corruption. Guilty, guilty, guilty, and guilty some more. There were a couple things they weren’t guilty of. Pretty much guilty though. Read more on Jury Finds Lord and Lady McDonnell Of Virginia So Many Kinds of Guilty (UPDATE!)…
  the beginning of the end

McDonnell Grift Trial, Week Five: Maureen Goes Gaga

smilin bob
  Photo: US District Court, Eastern District of Virginia Prosecutors and defense attorneys ended the fifth week of the federal corruption trial of Bob and Maureen McDonnell with their closing statements and, as a reward for not vomiting or bursting into tears at being reminded of it all, the long-suffering jury was given a reprieve in the form of the holiday weekend and directed to come back at 9:30 Tuesday morning for instructions. Since they are down to one alternate juror, we hope that no more than one of them decides a life on the run is better than having to deliberate on the distasteful details of this case for a single minute. We are on the eve of Verdict Watch in the Trial of the Century of the Summer. Read more on McDonnell Grift Trial, Week Five: Maureen Goes Gaga…