Wonkette

Ralph Nader really wants to ruin this election, too, so he is apparently running for president again. And guess what? The bitter, poor, unemployed and probably communist voters of Michigan (a “failed state”) are supposedly throwing 10% of their votes away on “Nader-Gonzales.” Well, at least Alberto Gonzales found a job. Read the exciting campaign update from Ralph the Mouth, after the jump. MORE »

Ooh boy, Hillary Clinton has her first ad up in Pennsylvania, the thing that is voting in like a month! She says she will “level the playing field” by taking money away from the Corporates, who made most of their money in the 1990s when “The Clintons” were personally sending dump trucks of $100 bills to Fat Cats’ front yards. [YouTube]

This is another party of protesting hippie marauders, who met up around noon to march down K Street — home of evil lobbyists like John McCain — and yell at all the corporates in their plush silk-lined oil money offices. For a good half an hour, the group was steadily making its way through D.C. yelling “Down with K Street,” or some such. For this same half an hour, they were on L Street. Oops! Check out this latest Wonkette Film, where the hobbits finally reach K Street, the road they hate. [YouTube]

John Edwards will end his 49th run for president Wednesday after failing to capitalize on his angry hobo-under-the-bridge message. He will make his announcement at 1 p.m. EST from New Orleans, where he will probably tell us to go fuck ourselves for being apathetic to Insurance Companies, his campaign’s central theme. It is not clear whether he will endorse either candidate. [AP/Breitbart]

Mitt Romney took an adventurous campaign turn today by trying to connect with the Fortune 500 C.E.O. crowd, a demographic that always votes for the most progressive, tax-hiking liberal candidates. He mentioned how hard it is to lay off workers, how much it eats away at your corporate humanity, and how he’s done it like 50 million times. Coincidentally, this purging of the soul took place before a Latino builders’ union. Ohhhh Mittens! MORE »