Tag Archives: cops

  Bad Cop No Brownie!

Pot-Munching Cops Too High To Destroy All The Hidden Cameras, Oops

The internet is a wonderful thing
Today our parable comes from the Book Of Chootzpah: In the Year Of the Bad Cop, the City of Santa Ana did decide that there were too many medical marijuana dispensaries operating without a license, and lo, they did send Centurions to bust some Stoners. And it came to pass that the Centurions did break down the doors of a dispensary that was already open for business, and with guns drawn did raid the place, then proceed to tear down all the security cameras. But lo, they missed one, and what a wonder did it behold: The Centurions did partake of the edibles, and found them Good. And thus were the Centurions Busted. Read more on Pot-Munching Cops Too High To Destroy All The Hidden Cameras, Oops…
  Satan probably did it

Mean GoFundMe Refuses To Raise Cash For Allegedly Murderous Baltimore Cops

Pppppplease!
Why does GoFundMe hate the wingnuts so much? It seems like every day, somebody is putting up a campaign, only to have it canceled, just because the beneficiaries of the sweet wingnut cash quote unquote “broke laws.” First you had them taking down the anti-gay Oregon cake bakers’ GoFundMe, because they were found to be in violation of Oregon civil rights laws. (The owners contend that Satan did it, of course.) Then the gay-hating flower lady, Barronelle Stutzman, had her GoFundMe taken down as well because, oops, she actually violated Washington state laws. And now, the nice Baltimore Fraternal Order Of Police (they are not nice) tried to raise some money for the cops who are charged with murdering Freddie Gray, and their campaign was gone within 41 MINUTES, because apparently raising money for accused murderers isn’t cool anymore, how is that EVEN fair? Read more on Mean GoFundMe Refuses To Raise Cash For Allegedly Murderous Baltimore Cops…
  better than new zealand maybe

Mind If We Grab Your Ass? Your Florida Roundup

Meth, baby
Florida. It’s a marvelous place, no? A place so resplendent that millionaire Major League Baseball players choose not only to call the state home, but to live in a camper behind a Florida Walmart, because Florida is just that fucking wonderful, even in a camper behind a Walmart. Read more on Mind If We Grab Your Ass? Your Florida Roundup…
  freeeeeeeeeeeedom!!!!1!

Greetings From The Freest* State In The Land, Suckers: Your Florida Roundup

Good news, everyone! According to some outfit called the John Locke Foundation, which is based in North Carolina and apparently doesn’t visit often, Florida is not only the state where half-senile olds turn out in droves to elect baldheaded, Medicare-frauding cartoon ghouls governor (twice), but also the “freest” state in the nation. Of course, as the good folks at Reason remind, this can only be so if you ignore all the bullshit our cops do (and, I might add, the fact that we fought like hell against letting the gays marry and voted down medical marijuana at the Reefer Madness-style urging of the law enforcement establishment). But that’s okay, because the John Locke folks don’t really give a fuck about civil liberties or any other such hippie nonsense. Nope, it’s all guns and taxes and vouchers and hating on Medicaid for the poors — they seem like such nice people — and Florida kicks everyone’s ass on that stuff: Read more on Greetings From The Freest* State In The Land, Suckers: Your Florida Roundup…
  Puget About It

Decent Seattle Police Union Head Risks Getting Thrown Out Of Police Union Head Union

Can we still say 'he seems nice' when he actually does seem nice?
This week, the Seattle police union went out of its way to tell cops that they’d better be OK with diversity, or go elsewhere. On its Facebook page, the Seattle Police Officers Guild reminded officers not to be assholes on social media, because it’s all whatchacall, PUBLIC: Read more on Decent Seattle Police Union Head Risks Getting Thrown Out Of Police Union Head Union…
  Here have some news n stuff

At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs

Take a nap on your own time
It would seem the editorial writers of the usually sedate New York Times are a tad miffed about a thing. And it’s not how hard it is to find good help these days to make organic artisanal vegan food for Little Junior, or how the ladies need to stop being more successful than the menfolk and just marry whatever Tom, Dick, or Harry is interested. Nope, the Times is, in fact, righteously and justifiably a tad miffed — and by “a tad miffed,” we mean AS MAD AS HELL at New York’s “finest” — and they are NOT going to take it anymore: Read more on At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs…
  Post-racial my ass

Off-Duty Black Cops Racisted By White Cops In NYC Because Of Course

Just the black ones, though. And the black adults. But not in a racist way.
If there is one thing that 2014 has taught us, it is that SCOTUS Chief Justice John Roberts was 128 percent correct to overturn the Voting Rights Act because there is no more racisming in America. One only has to look to the NYPD for evidence: Read more on Off-Duty Black Cops Racisted By White Cops In NYC Because Of Course…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  good cop bad cop red cop blue cop

Bay Area Cop Threatens To Shoot Everybody Who Thinks Their Lives Matter

Here's how to not get shot kids: don't irritate me with your
Police officers often claim that their aggressive posture and liberal use of deadly force is just an inevitable and sadly necessary part of the difficult job they do. But one San Jose police officer seems very eager to do extrajudicial killing on his own time. Call ’em extrajudicial extracurricular killings. Read more on Bay Area Cop Threatens To Shoot Everybody Who Thinks Their Lives Matter…
  Ninth-Graders Break Out 'Truckload Of Bowling Balls' Jokes

Dallas Police Launch Manhunt After Miscarried Fetus Found In High School Restroom

You'll never get anywhere with that de-fetus attitude
Big excitement at Woodrow Wilson High School in Dallas, where a fetus was found in a women’s restroom Friday, leading to approximately five million police descending on the school, as well as an equal number of shocked reactions about the horrors of a teen mother callously abandoning her infant. Read more on Dallas Police Launch Manhunt After Miscarried Fetus Found In High School Restroom…
  Stop Resisting! Stop Resisting!

New Crime To Worry About: Sitting While Black

Even the three-fingered cops of the future are terrifying
In yet another completely isolated incident that has nothing to do with race, another black man has released a video of police going to town on him for being an uncooperative ne’er do well. In this case, the unruly offender is Christopher Lollie of St. Paul, Minnesota, who on Jan. 31 of this year was waiting to pick his kids up from daycare when confronted by a cop who wanted to know his name and why he was sitting down on a chair in a skyway in between two buildings. Like a troublemaker, he seemed to think he had the right to not give his name and ID to a police officer without her telling him what he’d done wrong — and then what he’d done wrong was to not comply with her “Papers, please” request, which marked him as a probable criminal threat with dreadlocks. Read more on New Crime To Worry About: Sitting While Black…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Returns, Fixes Ferguson And Everything Else (Video)

As we’ve noted before, Jon Stewart should not be allowed to go on vacation, ever. During his late-June break, ISIS took over a huge chunk of Iraq, the House sued the president, and Israel went to war in Gaza (again). And two days into Stewart’s most recent summer hiatus, Michael Brown was shot to death by a cop in Ferguson, Missouri. The weirdest stuff seems to happen when there’s no Jon Stewart around to mock it. Read more on Jon Stewart Returns, Fixes Ferguson And Everything Else (Video)…
  The Beat Generation

Florida Marine Gets A Beating For Sassing Back To A Cop

I'm not touching you...OK, I'm throwing you to the pavement, but not touching you...
Here’s another reason why so many Americans love those who are dedicated to protecting and serving their community. Last December, Marine Corps Corporal Curtis Shannon got himself a good beating for his refusal to roll down his car window all the way when confronted by an increasingly angry, out-of-control cop in St. Petersburg, Florida. The cop had pulled him over for allegedly driving in an “erratic manner,” and like some kind of maniac who thinks he has rights, Shannon recorded most of the interaction on his cell phone. Even though you KNOW where it’s headed, it’s just fucking terrifying. Read more on Florida Marine Gets A Beating For Sassing Back To A Cop…
  Wow So Empathy

Dozens Rally In St. Louis To Declare We Are All A Cop Who Killed An Unarmed Teen

There's Darren Wilson! GET HIM! Or, uh, her...
Buzzfeed’s Jim Dalrymple II went to a rally in St. Louis this weekend in support of Officer Darren Wilson, held at “Barney’s Sports Pub in south St. Louis — a place many described as a popular police watering hole.” At its peak, the gathering attracted between 50 and 70 supporters. Read more on Dozens Rally In St. Louis To Declare We Are All A Cop Who Killed An Unarmed Teen…