Welcome, kids, to Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we give our browser tabs a Silkwood shower, then inspect the drains for stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not enough to hang a full blog post on. We recommend that you apply the mood-altering substance equivalent of a wire brush to your […]

In Fullerton, California, a forensic pathologist testified that a homeless man didn’t die from being beaten and tasered in 2011. Nah, that was just what was going on at the time when his heart happened to fail because he was a meth addict: Dr. Steven Karch, the final witness for two former city police officers […]

What up Philadelphia? Just all being the City of Brotherly Love, right? And what is more brotherly or loverly than Philadelphia cops busting into an abandoned house on a drug raid only to find some dude and his chick, high on speedballs and love, about to have sex? What to do? Well, if you are […]

Just in case you good folks aren’t already filled with rage and sad this morning, how about this news from Charlotte, North Carolina? Police were responding to a 911 call about a possible breaking and entering (a woman had called saying someone was repeatedly knocking on her door), and then: Police say that when they […]

A firefighter in Evansville, Indiana, was nearly tased in the face Tuesday after police misinterpreted his friendly wave as giving them the finger. George Madison Jr. was riding his bicycle when a police car made a sudden left turn in front of him at an intersection. He says he raised his hand to wave because […]

Atherton, California, is America’s third most expensive zipcode, and is also semi-famous for its police blotter, which often reads like a cavalcade of first-world problems: A man was reported to be sitting down and talking to himself. Police made contact and confirmed he was using a cellphone. A resident worried that a noisy hawk in […]

Sheriff’s deputies in the Florida panhandle town of Warrington shot a 60-year-old man in the leg Saturday as he was getting a cigarette out of his mother’s car in the driveway of the home they share. A neighbor called 911 when they saw Roy Middleton getting into the car at 2:24 a.m., and the Escambia […]

Hey, fun exercise: imagine nine people getting together to talk about tiny little gadgets that were invented specifically to cause agonizing pain, and figure out the parameters of who is allowed to use them on you, and in what context? Sounds awesome, right? Now, what if one of these nine people were, say, Antonin Scalia, […]

Here is a kid probably being an asshole. He is all aggro and in this fat cop’s face even while some pretty girl with long luscious hair tries to stop him by distracting him with her young nubile body. Yup, total jerkwad move, kid. We get it, you have testosterone now. Maybe go smoke a […]

In another failed attempt to have a Serious Discussion about things that allegedly matter to the American people, like the invisibility of jobs, the mirage-like appearance of money and the light-as-air noggins of the land’s lawmakers, the White House held a contest to see which American person-submitted questions President Obama should answer in a YouTube […]

Do you like to protest against the 1% and also rage against the machine and also find sex partners at the various activist actions? WATCH OUT, and not just for the usual reasons of venereal disease and having some dude never leave your couch. Undercover police are increasingly being given orders to have sexytime with […]

Everywhere, there is vacant real estate. Vacant storefronts, vacant warehouses, vacant McMansions and barns and especially big-city buildings stuck in some twilight of redevelopment or property speculation or repossession. The collapse of the Great Global Real Estate Bubble may have destroyed a lot of theoretical wealth, but it also left an abundance of places to […]

How did America’s heavily militarized security guards for the 1% spend the work week? Oh, just pepper-spraying sitting students in the face, macing old ladies, stomping peaceful protesters, yanking women around by their ponytails, destroying libraries and bloodying the faces of America’s citizens. You know, what they’ve dreamed of doing for decades.

Remember when people were freaking out over the Patriot Act and Homeland Security and all this other conveniently ready-to-go post-9/11 police state stuff, because it would obviously be just a matter of time before the whole apparatus was turned against non-Muslim Americans when they started getting complain-y about the social injustice and economic injustice and […]

Here’s what Barack Obama did Tuesday: An interview with teevee clown Jay Leno, followed by a flight to San Francisco to raise money from gazillionaire venture capitalists. Here’s what the riot cops from 10 Bay Area police departments did on Tuesday night, just across the bay in Oakland: Fire “rubber bullets” on protesters demanding economic […]