“[The bakery owner] says the [Drunken Negro] cookies are a caricature, and a work of art. He says no one got upset about the DEAD GEESE BREAD he baked after the recent plane crash. …The bakery owner says he’s not prejudiced. ‘My brother-in law, he’s Cuban. So, you know, I like everybody.’” This is probably the best video on the Internet, right now. [Gothamist via Gawker]

A few months ago, John McCain’s second and current wife, “Trollop” Cindy, was caught stealing recipes from the Food Network and publishing them as her own material, a simple lapse of ethics that you’re supposed to learn, and master, at age four. To atone for this, Cindy fired a hapless intern. But the problem was systemic! Cindy has contributed another recipe, to Parents magazine. This recipe for Oatmeal Butterscotch Cookies was, of course, directly cribbed from Hershey’s website. Th-that’s not ch-change we-ee can b-believe in. In fact, it’s copyright infringement! Anyway, this Parents magazine article has a comments section, so let’s check it out. MORE »

As usual with these terrible betrayals of the public trust, it’s not the crime — it’s the coverup. If First Lady Cindy McCain had “talked straight” with the American people years ago and said, Yes, I get all my recipes from the Blue Cross drug formulary, we could have moved on. But instead she engages in this dangerous dance of deceit, leaving a trail of broken dreams and cribbed recipes behind her. One intrepid sleuth just uncovered what may be the first documented incident from Mrs. McCain’s life of shadowy food-crime — an error that may end up costing John McCain precious votes with a once reliable constituency… MORE »

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! So you know what the best, most exciting part of last week was? Waiting for Elizabeth Bumiller’s Condiography to finally come out on Tuesday! You know what the worst, most boring part of last week was? Reading it! OMG, so boring! It was a pretty uneventful Condiweek, though, so I’ll be filling up space in this column with some alternative marketing strategies for Ms. Bumiller’s opus. I mean, just because the inside’s boring, it doesn’t mean the outside has to be! Plus! Condoleezza Rice gingerbread cookies fresh from the oven of the Washington Post! All that and Rush Limbaugh, too, after the jump!

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Now that Laura Bush revived The Great Cookie Scandal of 1992, we can look forward to a deluge of chatter ranging from standard feminism 101 to baking tips for the burn prone. Awesome. So, before we get inundated with all of that, I should probably admit something that, while not among my top crimes or sins, it is nevertheless sick and deplorable. In a good way! MORE »

* “Unless you enjoy flushing $10 bills down the toity, I do not recommend signing up for the Cherry Blossom high tea on the Potomac …. A handful of Hershey’s kisses (whaa?) on the tables and a plate of stale cookies.” [Brunch Bird]
* “I didn’t get to bed until 5:30 on Saturday night/Sunday morning. Laura Sessions Stepp would not be pleased with me.” [hey pretty]
* Photos from inside the new stadium. [Near Southeast Redevelopment/Revitalization]
* New DC slogans, “Washington, D.C.: Less of a target than New York” and “Washington, D.C.: Our subway system is as easy as our interns.” [The DC Universe]
* DC Tech Events happening this week. [Ross Notes]

* Which President has spent the most time talking about Pearl Harbor? Hint: It’s not Franklin Roosevelt. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]
* Buy two regular price blowjobs from DC hookers and they’ll keep your secret for free. [TPM Muckraker]
* President Bush wants a cookie for some shit he was supposed to do anyway. [Hotline on Call]
* DHS program that assigns “secret terrorist ratings to millions of U.S. citizens,” gets highest possible “Five Kafkas” for its scary PoMo essence. [Computerworld, The Heretik]
* Walnuts McCain hires a communications director even Wal-Mart thinks is too evil. [Election Central]
* Some people just have to be first: “Top Ten Funniest Political Moments of 2006.” [Extreme Mortman]
* On Oscar night, pay close attention to the size of Al Gore’s ass — that’s how you’ll know if he’s running in ‘08. [SFGate]

The worst assassination attempt in Washington history happened last year when some old nut in Connecticutt — not Lieberman — mailed home-baked Rat Poison Cookies to each justice. MORE »