conventions
Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech
The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) [...]
George W. Bush Selflessly Chooses To Let Others Enjoy All of Tampa’s Strippers
George W. Bush was president for eight years, and it was awesome and he was famous he was powerful, but now he lives in a big mansion in… Dallas… eww… and has lots of money and never wants to see or talk about politics again. For the second consecutive time, he will not be attending [...]
Unmitigated Disaster Dick Cheney Calls Obama An ‘Unmitigated Disaster’
Dick Cheney has a new heart, and is ready to tell the world of the darkness that is inside it. This weekend, the former vice president showed up at the Republican state convention in Wyoming to tell a crowd what they wanted to hear (there seems to be a lot of money in this!) Sitting [...]
We Must All Pray To Allah For A Gingrich-Perry Dream Ticket
Fox News’ Carl Cameron reported an EXCLUSIVE (MUST CREDIT DERRICK BELL) story yesterday about the possibility of Newt Gingrich “forming a predetermined ticket with Perry [that] will unite the evangelical, Tea Party and very conservative voters” and allow them to win the nomination at the convention. Both Gingrich and Perry’s people are publicly denying that [...]
2012 Dem Convention To Be In Charlotte, If South Doesn’t Re-Secede By Then
The Democratic National Committee announced that it has chosen Charlotte, N.C., for its 2012 presidential nominating convention the week of Sept. 3. The announcement that Charlotte had bested St. Louis, Cleveland and Minneapolis to become the host city first came in an email from First Lady Michelle Obama to DNC members. “I am thrilled to [...]
Sharron Angle Running For President of Makeup
What would Harry Reid be doing right now if he hadn’t miraculously come back to win Senate re-election? Well, this is apparently what the second-place finisher is supposed to do: “An evening of glamour with special guest Sharron Angle.” Ah, the makeup convention. “Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign [...]
Teabaggers Forced To Cancel Convention Nobody Will Go To
In February, the Teabaggers had a “unity” party convention in Nashville, just like a real political party! Except for some reason those people had to pay to be delegates, every speaker dropped out at the last second, and Teabaggers from warring factions got up off their scooters near the hotel pool and lunged angrily at [...]
Christine O’Donnell Has a Bachelor’s Degree In Suntan Lotion Marketing
It turns out that people who worked on Christine O’Donnell’s campaigns think she is dumb and makes terrible decisions. Somebody call Glenn Greenwald! You’re not allowed to make fun of people for being stupid unless they come from one of those dynastic political families he resents! So what has come out so far today in [...]
Insane Maine GOP Conventioneers Also Search, Vandalize Classroom
Earlier this week we learned that the Maine GOP, during its state convention, replaced its standard platform with a hilarious four-page teabagger e-mail that one local reporter could only describe as “a mix of right-wing fringe policies, libertarian buzzwords and outright conspiracy theories.” It turns out, though, that this was only the second most comical [...]
Iggy Pop Makes Harold Ford Uncomfortable
Human joke Harold Ford was at that “rock & roll hall of fame” award dinner in wherever it is, Cleveland? And Iggy Pop just cold ran over there and started goin’ nuts, as proven by the picture of a television set somebody posted at the Balloon Juice web blog. Each day is better and better, [...]
Why Would Sarah Palin Speak At One Big Convention But Not Another?
This sure is queer. Sarah Palin has announced that she will speak at the upcoming National Tea Party Convention but will not speak at or even attend its sudden rival, CPAC. You could argue that it’s because the older, more established CPAC will probably not be quite as insane a “National Tea Party Convention,” but [...]
There’s Room For 20,000 St. Paul Paultards!
Tell mom she’ll have to figure out how to program the TiVo herself: The St. Paul Paultardpalooza is moving to the 20,000-seat Target Sports Arena (in Minneapolis). The chances are increasing that more people will come to the “Twin Cities” to celebrate the Ron Paul Revolution than will show up to give a golf clap [...]
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