Wonkette

Tell mom she’ll have to figure out how to program the TiVo herself: The St. Paul Paultardpalooza is moving to the 20,000-seat Target Sports Arena (in Minneapolis). The chances are increasing that more people will come to the “Twin Cities” to celebrate the Ron Paul Revolution than will show up to give a golf clap to GOP nominee John McCain. This is a beautiful development. Get your tickets now, for only $17.76 fiat dollars — to symbolize the year in which Dr. Paul first demanded that Thomas Jefferson spell “revolution” in a gay way with the EVOL backwards. [TwinCities.com]

Even though his campaign staff has been literally decimated and he released a sad Web video in early March saying “I still love Freedom but Victory is maybe not available to me, in the conventional sense, meaning ‘winning,’” Ron Paul is still running for President. And why not? He just won 16 percent of the Pennsylvania Republican primary vote. Plus, passionate Paultards have been raising a ruckus at conventions from Missouri to Nevada! He will still be President after Hillary seizes the nomination from Ralph Nader and moves to Guam. [Washington Post]

NFL DESTROYS MCCAIN: On September 4, John McCain is set to accept the Republican nomination with a glorious convention speech, most likely about the latest wave of arthritis prescription drugs. This same night, the NFL is kicking off its new season with a big Prime Time football game. This presents a huge obstacle for both the GOP and the NFL, America’s favorite pastimes. When will Al Gore step in as a Neutral Broker and fix this problem too? [Jonathan Martin]

Yes, absolutely, no doubt, because that is precisely what Time’s Joe Klein says and that makes it true. You see, back in the old days, the national nominating conventions were very important. Since humans had no means of communicating long-distance until 1994 or so, each party’s leaders would gather in some fancy saloon in, say, Ohio, and smash whiskey bottles over each other’s heads until they decided on a good presidential nominee. And this is why Al Gore will finally win the presidency at this year’s Democratic National Convention. MORE »

DEPARTMENT OF GRANDIOSE PLANS: We’ve got all kinds of exciting plans for your 2008 entertainment! Ken Layne is covering the Republican and Democratic conventions somewhere in Colorado or Minnesota or something, and the Nevada Caucus, and other stuff! Jim Newell and Elizabeth Glover are going to New Hampshire to kidnap John McCain for the Log Cabin Republicans! Plus, other assignments! This will be the best 2008, ever. BUT WE AREN’T GOING TO IOWA, even though we’ll have full team live-blogging coverage all night, until Ron Paul’s victory speech (for both nominations). So if you’re in Iowa please send us lots of crap, and keep the comments busy, and a special lucky person who sends us lots of tips will get a FREE gift, probably a Wonkette t-shirt. (Do we still have those, Megan & Jim?)

Some of the cities on the GOP ‘08 Convention shortlist seem a bit unlikely (we’ll be a mite surprised if a Republican sets foot in New Orleans any time in the next 10 years, let alone 2), but they are the “tent that is a bit smaller, but still fairly large, we promise Party” (aren’t they?), so no city is too blue for their attention. Though, as Boi from Troy explains, some might be too pink. MORE »

DCist offered a prize of $100 to anyone who could get a picture of Cornel West chowing down on a slice at this year’s American Political Science Association convention. They seemed surprised someone won. How about a hundred dollars to anyone who can keep West from having his picture taken? MORE »