Tag Archives: conventions

  Nice state you've got there -- shame if something were to happen to it

Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent

On Thursday, wingnut Indiana Gov. Mike Pence signed his state’s Fuck The Gays bill into law, which basically says that as long as your religion tells you Jesus’s first and only question on Judgment Day will be “and how many of my gay children did you personally abuse?”, you are free to use those beliefs to deny LGBT people service and accommodations in the forgotten, godforsaken state of Indiana. Gov. Pence did so because apparently the threat of losing tourism dollars and business is less important than making sure nobody forces Aunt Lurlene to bake a pie for a fag. This is called Religious Freedom, and it is somehow what this great nation was founded upon, according to idiots. Read more on Corporations And Celebrities Agree: Anti-Gay Indiana Can Get Bent…
  But in a good way!

Christian Church Will Take Convention To Better State Than Anti-Gay Indiana, For Religious Freedom

The Disciples of Christ denomination's cup runneth over, even for gays!
Yesterday we learned that the organizers of Gen Con, a huge gamer convention that brings about $50 million a year in tourism moneys to Indianapolis, are threatening to pick up and leave Indiana once their contract with the state expires, because Gov. Mike Pence promised to sign a backward bill that says it will guarantee “religious freedom,” but is in a reality a license for the most horrible residents of Indiana to discriminate against LGBT people by denying service, accommodations and whatnot. Gov. Pence has now made good on that promise, signing the bill Thursday morning in a “private ceremony.” Good for the Gen Con folks, because an Indiana with a “Fuck You Gays” bill doesn’t deserve tourism money. But now a true House Of The Lord is ALSO threatening to take their convention to a better state. Yes, you read that right. A Christian denomination, the Disciples Of Christ to be exact, wrote a letter to the governor saying, “Sorry, we follow Jesus,” because apparently a law designed to discriminate against a minority goes against their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs: Read more on Christian Church Will Take Convention To Better State Than Anti-Gay Indiana, For Religious Freedom…
  no really

25 Things To Watch For At The Republican National Convention

25. Paul Ryan will poop his pants while giving a speech, it will be hella embarrassing. 24. A Florida alligator will eat Marco Rubio and then go “we all saw this coming.” 23. Chris Christie will pour local seawater all over his tits. 22. An elephant will fly in from outer space and crash into the Tampa arena and have babies everywhere. 21. Editor Rebecca will save Rep. Virginia Foxx from the hurricane and then they’ll do a bunch of cocaine. Read more on 25 Things To Watch For At The Republican National Convention…
  censorship

Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech

The Mitt Romney for President 2012 campaign had a smashing idea for night one of next week’s convention: Get Ann Romney to speak! She’s a nice gal who “humanizes Mitt Romney,” don’t you know. Have you heard? Once the world meets Ann Romney, nothing but Endless Victory will follow. And yet problems have arisen: (1) Ann Romney’s opening act will be a hurricane that levels the city of Tampa and (2) CBS, ABC and NBC won’t even be showing the speech. Instead they’re airing repeats of what, one thing about a detective, another one about fairy tales. A Hawaii thing. (They are all about detectives.) Read more on Mom-Hating Major Networks To Show Repeats of Dumb Shows Rather Than Ann Romney’s Speech…
 

George W. Bush Selflessly Chooses To Let Others Enjoy All of Tampa’s Strippers

George W. Bush was president for eight years, and it was awesome and he was famous he was powerful, but now he lives in a big mansion in… Dallas… eww… and has lots of money and never wants to see or talk about politics again. For the second consecutive time, he will not be attending the Republican National Convention. Since he is America’s most popular president, perhaps even the Second Jesus, it must be a simple matter of scheduling issues. Sucks for him! He’s going to miss some fun (/unfun and predictable) themed strippers in Tampa, the nation’s worst city behind Charlotte, North Carolina. Read more on George W. Bush Selflessly Chooses To Let Others Enjoy All of Tampa’s Strippers…
  some hearts

Unmitigated Disaster Dick Cheney Calls Obama An ‘Unmitigated Disaster’

Dick Cheney has a new heart, and is ready to tell the world of the darkness that is inside it. This weekend, the former vice president showed up at the Republican state convention in Wyoming to tell a crowd what they wanted to hear (there seems to be a lot of money in this!) Sitting in an ugly rainbow chair for one and a half hours, Cheney insulted Obama and the status quo (much of quo came from another status, but never mind), “without seeming to tire.” Because hatred is a powerful elixir, my prrrrecious. Read more on Unmitigated Disaster Dick Cheney Calls Obama An ‘Unmitigated Disaster’…
  silver bullets

We Must All Pray To Allah For A Gingrich-Perry Dream Ticket

Fox News’ Carl Cameron reported an EXCLUSIVE (MUST CREDIT DERRICK BELL) story yesterday about the possibility of Newt Gingrich “forming a predetermined ticket with Perry [that] will unite the evangelical, Tea Party and very conservative voters” and allow them to win the nomination at the convention. Both Gingrich and Perry’s people are publicly denying that they’ve talked about this, but come on — this has all the trappings of an authentic Newt Gingrich Big Idea. Read more on We Must All Pray To Allah For A Gingrich-Perry Dream Ticket…
  and then they will leave forever just like the hornets did

2012 Dem Convention To Be In Charlotte, If South Doesn’t Re-Secede By Then

The Democratic National Committee announced that it has chosen Charlotte, N.C., for its 2012 presidential nominating convention the week of Sept. 3. The announcement that Charlotte had bested St. Louis, Cleveland and Minneapolis to become the host city first came in an email from First Lady Michelle Obama to DNC members. Read more on 2012 Dem Convention To Be In Charlotte, If South Doesn’t Re-Secede By Then…
  but will they also let her sell her crazy pills?

Sharron Angle Running For President of Makeup

What would Harry Reid be doing right now if he hadn’t miraculously come back to win Senate re-election? Well, this is apparently what the second-place finisher is supposed to do: “An evening of glamour with special guest Sharron Angle.” Ah, the makeup convention. “Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them!” A feminist call to action. Read more on Sharron Angle Running For President of Makeup…
  the death of liberty fucking finally

Teabaggers Forced To Cancel Convention Nobody Will Go To

In February, the Teabaggers had a “unity” party convention in Nashville, just like a real political party! Except for some reason those people had to pay to be delegates, every speaker dropped out at the last second, and Teabaggers from warring factions got up off their scooters near the hotel pool and lunged angrily at each other and fell onto the ground, writhing and unable to get up. Because the event was such a roaring success the first time, they planned another one in Las Vegas. That one kept being pushed back because of a lack of interest. (What would you rather spend your Social Security checks on, Glenn Beck’s rally, or this convention WITHOUT GLENN AND SARAH, but with people who actually believe this Teabagger stuff?). But now it is cancelled. Haha. Read more on Teabaggers Forced To Cancel Convention Nobody Will Go To…
  evil politico=coppertone dog

Christine O’Donnell Has a Bachelor’s Degree In Suntan Lotion Marketing

It turns out that people who worked on Christine O’Donnell’s campaigns think she is dumb and makes terrible decisions. Somebody call Glenn Greenwald! You’re not allowed to make fun of people for being stupid unless they come from one of those dynastic political families he resents! So what has come out so far today in this endless librul circle-jerk of silly O’Donnell revelations that distract them from their impending November doom? Turns out she once gave out thousands of suntan lotion samples to promote her campaign. And she thought she could be the 2008 Republican Convention keynote speaker if she just showed up. Read more on Christine O’Donnell Has a Bachelor’s Degree In Suntan Lotion Marketing…
  crazy-ass lobster people

Insane Maine GOP Conventioneers Also Search, Vandalize Classroom

Earlier this week we learned that the Maine GOP, during its state convention, replaced its standard platform with a hilarious four-page teabagger e-mail that one local reporter could only describe as “a mix of right-wing fringe policies, libertarian buzzwords and outright conspiracy theories.” It turns out, though, that this was only the second most comical thing that the teabaggers did during the convention. Some folks, while caucusing in a rented classroom at the nearby middle school, got it in their heads that the classroom’s teacher was a commie liberal indoctrinating the children with commie liberalism, and so they just dug through all of his stuff and trashed the place. Read more on Insane Maine GOP Conventioneers Also Search, Vandalize Classroom…
  america's greatest mid-major swing state cities

Republicans About To Settle On… Ha ha ha, Freaking Tampa, Freaking *Tampa, Florida*, For Their Next Convention

Nowhere on Earth is better for old white men with no control over their sweat glands to spend their August than FLORIDA. And yet it appears that’s where the Republicans will hold their 2012 convention, in its ~4th-largest fake town of lies and candy, Tampa, home of nonsense. Read more on Republicans About To Settle On… Ha ha ha, Freaking Tampa, Freaking *Tampa, Florida*, For Their Next Convention…
  the world's forgotten boy

Iggy Pop Makes Harold Ford Uncomfortable

Human joke Harold Ford was at that “rock & roll hall of fame” award dinner in wherever it is, Cleveland? And Iggy Pop just cold ran over there and started goin’ nuts, as proven by the picture of a television set somebody posted at the Balloon Juice web blog. Each day is better and better, for America. Read more on Iggy Pop Makes Harold Ford Uncomfortable…
  the world is literally her oyster

Why Would Sarah Palin Speak At One Big Convention But Not Another?

This sure is queer. Sarah Palin has announced that she will speak at the upcoming National Tea Party Convention but will not speak at or even attend its sudden rival, CPAC. You could argue that it’s because the older, more established CPAC will probably not be quite as insane a “National Tea Party Convention,” but let’s not split hairs: they’ll both be magnificently nightmarish spectacles of torture and sadness. (The friggin John Birch Society is co-sponsoring CPAC this year, remember?) What could it be then? Hmm, long-shot here, but maybe Palin’s particular convention choices have something to do with the fact that the Tea Partiers will pay her a $100,000 fee, while CPAC does not pay any fees — or as their spokesperson calls them, “honorariums.” Who knew CPAC was so Soviet? [Washington Independent] Read more on Why Would Sarah Palin Speak At One Big Convention But Not Another?…
  joementum

MILE HIGH CLUB: So, everything’s packed, everybody’s already a wreck, and oh hell there is actually a whole theme thing we’ve neglected, despite the daily DNCC emails. Monday: “One Nation” starring Nancy Pelosi. Tuesday: “Renewing America’s Promise,” starring Hillary. Wednesday: “Securing America’s Future,” starring Joe Biden, with grandstanding appearance by Bill Clinton. Thursday: “Change You Can Believe In,” starring Barack Obama and a stadium full of people driven crazy by the ban on booze and “shoes with wheels.” [SF Gate] Read more on …
  by the time we got to ronstock

There’s Room For 20,000 St. Paul Paultards!

Tell mom she’ll have to figure out how to program the TiVo herself: The St. Paul Paultardpalooza is moving to the 20,000-seat Target Sports Arena (in Minneapolis). The chances are increasing that more people will come to the “Twin Cities” to celebrate the Ron Paul Revolution than will show up to give a golf clap to GOP nominee John McCain. This is a beautiful development. Get your tickets now, for only $17.76 fiat dollars — to symbolize the year in which Dr. Paul first demanded that Thomas Jefferson spell “revolution” in a gay way with the EVOL backwards. [TwinCities.com] Read more on There’s Room For 20,000 St. Paul Paultards!…
 

Valiant Ron Paul Still Running For President!

Even though his campaign staff has been literally decimated and he released a sad Web video in early March saying “I still love Freedom but Victory is maybe not available to me, in the conventional sense, meaning ‘winning,'” Ron Paul is still running for President. And why not? He just won 16 percent of the Pennsylvania Republican primary vote. Plus, passionate Paultards have been raising a ruckus at conventions from Missouri to Nevada! He will still be President after Hillary seizes the nomination from Ralph Nader and moves to Guam. [Washington Post] Read more on Valiant Ron Paul Still Running For President!…
 

NFL DESTROYS MCCAIN: On September 4, John McCain is set to accept the Republican nomination with a glorious convention speech, most likely about the latest wave of arthritis prescription drugs. This same night, the NFL is kicking off its new season with a big Prime Time football game. This presents a huge obstacle for both the GOP and the NFL, America’s favorite pastimes. When will Al Gore step in as a Neutral Broker and fix this problem too? [Jonathan Martin] Read more on …
 

Could Liberal Elitist Al Gore Win Nomination?

Yes, absolutely, no doubt, because that is precisely what Time‘s Joe Klein says and that makes it true. You see, back in the old days, the national nominating conventions were very important. Since humans had no means of communicating long-distance until 1994 or so, each party’s leaders would gather in some fancy saloon in, say, Ohio, and smash whiskey bottles over each other’s heads until they decided on a good presidential nominee. And this is why Al Gore will finally win the presidency at this year’s Democratic National Convention. Read more on Could Liberal Elitist Al Gore Win Nomination?…
 

DEPARTMENT OF GRANDIOSE PLANS: We’ve got all kinds of exciting plans for your 2008 entertainment! Ken Layne is covering the Republican and Democratic conventions somewhere in Colorado or Minnesota or something, and the Nevada Caucus, and other stuff! Jim Newell and Elizabeth Glover are going to New Hampshire to kidnap John McCain for the Log Cabin Republicans! Plus, other assignments! This will be the best 2008, ever. BUT WE AREN’T GOING TO IOWA, even though we’ll have full team live-blogging coverage all night, until Ron Paul’s victory speech (for both nominations). So if you’re in Iowa please send us lots of crap, and keep the comments busy, and a special lucky person who sends us lots of tips will get a FREE gift, probably a Wonkette t-shirt. (Do we still have those, Megan & Jim?) Read more on …
 

RNC 2008 In San Francisco: Slightly Less Likely Than Fallujah

Some of the cities on the GOP ’08 Convention shortlist seem a bit unlikely (we’ll be a mite surprised if a Republican sets foot in New Orleans any time in the next 10 years, let alone 2), but they are the “tent that is a bit smaller, but still fairly large, we promise Party” (aren’t they?), so no city is too blue for their attention. Though, as Boi from Troy explains, some might be too pink. Read more on RNC 2008 In San Francisco: Slightly Less Likely Than Fallujah…