The Blackwater news was, what, two years ago now, and we’re still inexplicably allowing these creepy private security companies to not only take the helm “guarding” major war zones, but to do so without *any* military supervision or need to adhere to basic laws or standards of conduct? Well THANK GOD this is the case, because the private sector works better, always, everywhere, and creates incentives for profit-minded companies to compete in the booming “who can act most retardedly and embarrassingly and illegally in a war zone” market. At the end of the day, it’s savings for the American consumer! No — scratch that: At the end of the day, it’s naked, fat contractor slobs, supposedly protecting the U.S. Embassy in Kabul, but really just drinking poop-filtered cheap vodka and chips with dip, the dip being poop, from each other’s unwiped assholes. MORE »

Congratulations to Blackwater, who, despite being just one of the many private armies currently employed by the Pentagon and State Department to “provide security” in Iraq, is handily beating all their competitors when it comes to shooting Iraqis. Blackwater has officially fired weapons “at least twice as often per convoy mission as security guards working for other American security firms.” Someone’s getting a hefty bump come the holiday appropriations season! MORE »

Now Iraq wants to kick out all the “security” contractors! This could a problem, because they operate totally outside any and all laws oh and also we need them to keep running things there as we pretend to withdraw American forces. But Maliki’s government has banned Blackwater from working in Iraq and they’re investigating the deaths of all those civilians who accidentally got killed by people who or may not have been Blackwater employees. Of course, our contractors are immune from Iraqi prosecution but they can investigate all they like. What’s that got to do with Mitt Romney, you’re not asking? Good question!

Mitt Romney today tapped a former CIA official, who is now a top officer in a private security firm with widespread operations in Iraq, to head his counterterrorism policy advisory group.

That former CIA official? Cofer Black — like Blackwater, the company he vice-chairs!

So we can all feel confident that Mitt will continue the administration’s current counterterrorism strategy of shooting suspicious-looking dudes on sight there so we don’t have to shoot them on sight here.

Iraq to Review All Security Contracts [NYT]
Romney Names Terrorism Policy Advisers [Boston Globe]
Earlier: Iraqis Kicking Out Our Mercenaries

MORE »

The Iraqi Government is kicking private security firm/mercenary army Blackwater out of their country — wait, what? They can do that? Blackwater runs their fucking country! Apparently the Iraqis are all upstet that our soldiers-for-hire keep opening fire on civilians because they answer to no one but the dollar. Of course there are something like 100,000 mercenaries in Iraq shoring up our military with half the professionalism at twice the cost, and we kinda need them to secure that one block-long Potemkin “open air market” that all our congresspeople keep visiting. MORE »

Good news, boys: “Tori” the Escort is going to be in Baghdad’s Green Zone for an extended tour, starting next week! Thanks to the graciousness of the Private Security Company Association of Iraq, Tori from Atlanta will be working out of a secured compound in the green zone, “entertaining all members of the PMC community registered with PSCAI with a few stipulations.” Private contractors are invited to contact her for an appointment.

MORE »

* To sum up: guy accuses white house of bad intelligence practices, White House uses henchman for a white collar hatchet job on guy’s wife - thereby offending both legal and natural practice. You care because when Scooter Libby’s trial starts tomorrow the witness stand will be a virtual “Who’s Evil in Washington: 2003.” [WP, NYT]
* Dick Cheney gives the same answer to every question: “There’s nothing wrong with it or illegal.” [NYT]
* Troop surge was “the only option,” obv. [WP]
* And Democrats are against it, this they know for sure. [NYT]
* Government contractors in Iraq may soon add “take it to prison” to their already established “taking it to the bank.” [WP]
* Robert Gates enjoyed his evening with UK counterpart Des Browne, wants a second date. [NYT]
* Two more Hussein lieutenants hanged, coming soon to a theater near you. [LAT]
* Republican presidential contenders have a hard time finding where to sit on Iraq plan. [USAT]
* Martin Luther King so well loved that only 2 in 10 college students don’t have a clue who he was. [WP]

* Condoleezza Rice “counselor” Philip Zelikow resigns, claims loyalty will keep him from writing a tell-all. [WP, NYT]
* Government contracts to receive closer scrutiny by Democratic congress — “tranny hookers” still allowable, as long as their fees are added to the catering line on expense reports. [WP]
* They’re still counting votes in Ohio’s 15th District. [AP, NYT]
* Kofi Annan says of civil war in Iraq, “We are almost there.” An Iraqi leader says, “It’s worse than a civil war.” The Saudi royal family says, “Jump.” Dick Cheney says, “How high?” [WP]
* The Los Angeles Times has been saying it was a civil war since October. [LAT]
* A “senior intelligence official” says al-Sadr’s Iraqi Shiite Militia receives training from Hezbollah. [NYT]
* Justice Department opens “a full review” of Bush’s warrantless wiretapping program. [NYT]
* New House Democrat Chris Carney knows something about Iraq, nothing about choking mistresses. [NYT]
* Christian Coalition parts ways with pastor who wants to help poor, save planet. [NYT]

Here is a picture of Katherine Harris in 1997. MORE »

U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris said Tuesday she has been informed by the Justice Department that she is not a target of an investigation concerning convicted defense contractor Mitchell Wade.

MORE »

“Like to see Justice investigate these, amirite?” (Photo via AP) MORE »

So lawmakers take lobbyist-sponsored trips, so what? So a 4-day jaunt to London for Thomas Bliley (R-VA) cost $30k, so what? The Times points out today that even more lucrative than being a member of Congress is working for a member of Congress. Congressional aides got $30 million in sponsored trips over the last couple years, beating their bosses by $10 mil. MORE »