Tag Archives: contraception

  Chlamydia The Tattooed Lady

Texas School District So Good At Teaching Teens Not To F*ck, Only 1 In 15 Have Chlamydia

Why don't they listen?
Here’s some terrific evidence of the effectiveness of abstinence-based sex ed in Texas: not only does the state have among the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country, but Texas is also pretty darn good at promoting sexually transmitted diseases, too! See, for instance, the happily-shagging teens of the Crane Independent School District in west Texas, where one in 15 students at the high school have chlamydia. Read more on Texas School District So Good At Teaching Teens Not To F*ck, Only 1 In 15 Have Chlamydia…
  Jump in the pool -- the santorum's fine!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!
Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he’s DTF yet, so he’s created a “testing the waters” account, just to see if maybe he might want to lose another Republican primary: Read more on Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!…
  he sounds nice

The Gentleman From Arkansas Will Give Poor Women IUDs To Stop Birthing Trash

She just needed a breather to think about her life choices
You are not going to believe it, but there is a very conservative Republican state representative in Arkansas who wants to give taxpayer-funded birth control to ladies. Hooray and high-five, fellow feminazis, we have won the war at last! Let us now live in our misandrist matriarchal utopia happily ever after, the end. Read more on The Gentleman From Arkansas Will Give Poor Women IUDs To Stop Birthing Trash…
  God loves Notre Dame best. She's a masochist.

Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!

Word.
Ladies, would you like to guess who’s screwing around with your reproductive health coverage this week? Haha, that was a trick question — the answer is always “everyone,” but we were specifically referring to the Supreme Court! Yesterday it ordered the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals to revisit its decision last year demanding Catholic university Notre Dame … fill out a religious-freedom opt-out form if it didn’t want to supply contraceptive coverage under the rules of Obamacare. Why did SCOTUS vacate and remand Seventh Circuit’s decision? Because Burwell v. Hobby Lobby! Remember, “religious freedom” isn’t only about straight bakeries and straight florists – it is also about anti-science craft stores! Read more on Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!…
  Fertility Writes

Hero Science Man Matt Walsh: Feminists Hate Women, Because Slut Pills Kill

Lyra, you doofus. Bon Bon's a girl... you don't even need those, silly pony...
Matt Walsh, a dingus who writes for Glenn Beck’s Flaming Internet Hole, presents a science-based case against The Pill, which he has discovered is really, really bad for women, because SCIENCE. For one thing, he read a genuine medical study that found “women who took chemical birth control at any point in their lives show a 50 percent higher likelihood of developing a certain type of brain tumor.” That’s scary! Also it means that The Pill lets men have consequence-free sex, while women will all die of diseased brains! Read more on Hero Science Man Matt Walsh: Feminists Hate Women, Because Slut Pills Kill…
  Every Sperm Still Sacred

New Pope: You Ladies Don’t Have To Have All The Babies All The Time for Jesus

Who does Pope Rabbit like for president? Warren, of course.
Image by “sugarcane” at worth1000.com Pope Francis is doing that thing again where he halfway sounds like a liberal socialist weenie and then turns around and throws a bone to the patriarchal jerkface constituency. For instance, on his way back from the Philippines, he said today that Catholics don’t have to “be like rabbits” and bring forth a litter of young every few months, but he also emphasized that he was not condoning contraception, but rather “natural family planning,” aka the rhythm method, aka the get pregnant and thank the Virgin for another damn mouth to feed blessed little angel method: Read more on New Pope: You Ladies Don’t Have To Have All The Babies All The Time for Jesus…
  Bow Your Head With Great Respect And Genuflect Genuflect Genuflect

Crazy Domino’s Pizza Catholic Founder Guy Has Super Interesting Ideas About Slut Pills

Hey, what if Rover's not a weather balloon? What if it's a big communion wafer?
How’s this for a description of heaven on Earth? Take a look at Ave Maria, Florida, a privately owned town — built to go along with private college Ave Maria University — where, as the website says, everything is nigh-perfect to raise a family: Read more on Crazy Domino’s Pizza Catholic Founder Guy Has Super Interesting Ideas About Slut Pills…
  All This Fuss Over A Few Clumps Of Words

Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board

Grab yer razor blades and white-out!
So here’s one more bit of Election Nice Time: turns out that even in hyper-conservative Gilbert, Arizona, a bedroom community to the Phoenix metro horrorplex, it is in fact possible for a conservative school board to go to far. And it looks like the Gilbert School Board’s decision last week to razor out a page from an Honors Biology textbook in the high school — because it mentions the abortion pill — is what counts as too far: the good people of Gilbert elected two new members and reelected an anti-censorship member, replacing the Tea Party-leaning majority on the board with a new majority that is firmly against slicing out a page from a biology textbook out of fear that high schoolers will learn that abortion exists. There were other tensions between the board and the community, too, but the textbook censorship seems to have been the last straw. Read more on Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board…
  Just Cut It Out Like...Like Something That Is Unlike An abortion

Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook

Fine, whatever, this is Shreveport, Loiusiana, not Gilbert. Fine
Rest easy, innocent children of Gilbert, Arizona: You won’t have to worry about being corrupted by your biology textbooks anymore! The Gilbert School Board voted Tuesday to remove a page from the high school’s honors biology textbook, because they were worried it might be in violation of an Arizona law requiring that all instructional materials promote “childbirth or adoption” instead of abortion. Read more on Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook…
  She makes a bag of hammers look good

Is Iowa’s Lady Wannabe Senator Joni Ernst Stupid Or Just Really Stupid?

Give her a minute she's trying to figure it out
Iowa state Sen. Joni Ernst is definitely not the brightest belle in the drawer. She’s hoping to get elected to the U.S. Senate on a platform of arresting the government for Obamacare, warning the rural folk about Agenda 21’s plot to make them ride bicycles like common Chinese, and also something about castrating pigs. Read more on Is Iowa’s Lady Wannabe Senator Joni Ernst Stupid Or Just Really Stupid?…
  Fundamentalist Clap Trap

Be Biblically Correct Between The Sheets With These Duck Dynasty Sex Tips!

Great moments in industrial design
Great American Thinker Phil Robertson has some important advice on how to stay healthy, avoid the crotch rot, and have a satisfying sects life: “Biblically correct sex is safe,” Robertson said during a sermon in West Monroe, Louisiana last month. “It’s safe. You’re not going to get chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, AIDS — if you, if a man marries a woman, and neither of you have it, and you keep your sex between the two of you, you’re not going to get ever sexually transmitted diseases.” Read more on Be Biblically Correct Between The Sheets With These Duck Dynasty Sex Tips!…
  Here have some news n stuff

This Guy Ranked All The Coen Brothers Films, But That’s Just Like His Opinion, Man

His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
It’s been 30 years since the Coen brothers released their first film, Blood Simple, so Christopher Orr at The Atlantic is re-watching and re-remebering all of them. And that’s cool, man, that’s cool. We’d even agree with him that this could easily be the best line from The Big Lebowski: “Say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.” Read more on This Guy Ranked All The Coen Brothers Films, But That’s Just Like His Opinion, Man…
  See you in court as many times as it takes

Barack Obama Turning Missouri Republican’s Daughters Into Slut-Pill-Popping Hooers

Whore
You know how Republicans are definitely NOT trying to take away anyone’s birth control? In fact, they’re the ones who actually want to make it easier for women to get it, by making it available over the counter so women can pay for it themselves, out of pocket, and no one’s religious liberty feeling will be hurt — unlike lady-hating Obama and those other so-called women’s groups like Planned Parenthood, because they are the REAL sexists. Read more on Barack Obama Turning Missouri Republican’s Daughters Into Slut-Pill-Popping Hooers…
  Katie Pavlich Attempts Journalism Again

Wingnut Outraged: Planned Parenthood Trying To Take Away Your Birth Control, Probably

Don't ask me, I'm just a girl...OH DAMMIT, THERE WE GO AGAIN WITH THE MISOGYNY.
It has been some time since we produced an edition of our semi-regular feature That’s Our Katie!, wherein we chronicle the idiocy of Townhall bobblehead Katie Pavlich. Mostly we have avoided writing this feature because doing so requires us to read Katie Pavlich’s work, and our therapist has had us working on our self-respect lately. But screw it, we successfully balanced our checkbook yesterday and we’re feeling good! Read more on Wingnut Outraged: Planned Parenthood Trying To Take Away Your Birth Control, Probably…
  Cory Gardner for feminist of the year!

Look At This Total Colorado RINO, Giving Away Slut Pills Like Candy

Ladies and friends of ladies, you will be happy to know that Colorado’s radical feminist Rep. Cory Gardner, who is trying real hard to unseat Democratic Sen. Mark Udall, wants to give you all the slut pills for your sexxxytime — and for freedom! — unlike some people who are named (cough) Mark Udall. Read more on Look At This Total Colorado RINO, Giving Away Slut Pills Like Candy…
  I Am Mad About A Thing

Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him

Sen. Ted Cruz of Texas is not a smart man. Oh, I know, I know. There’s a conservative fairy tale that Cruz is REALLY smart (Democrats, beware!) because he went to Princeton and Harvard Law School and was super good at debating, and Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz called him “off-the-charts brilliant.” But given his complete misunderstanding of the First Amendment — no, it does not protect your constitutional right to be on the tee vee — and his total miscomprehension of Green Eggs and Ham — no, the moral of the story is NOT that you should never try something new that scares you, like say Obamacare, because you probably won’t like it so don’t even bother — it’s hard to detect the off-the-charts brilliance of Ted Cruz lurking under all that mind-numbing idiocy. Cruz served up some of his signature stupid on the Senate floor Wednesday to protest the Democrats’ bill to fix Hobby Lobby. Republicans killed the bill, as we all knew they would, but at least Democrats can tell voters they tried to do something good, so now everyone who is running for election this fall wins. Hooray, I guess. One of Cruz’s favorite pastimes, when he’s not demanding investigations into black voters voting like some kind of voters who are allowed to vote or watching goat porn (hey, it seems like something he would do, doesn’t it?), is whining SO hard about “religious freedom,” by which he means the freedom of Catholics and evangelicals to dictate policy to America, because, like his daddy says, “America is a Christian nation.” On the Senate floor, Cruz accused Democrats of waging a war against the Catholic Church because of their failed attempt to un-exempt employers who SINCERELY believe stuff from having to comply with federal law if they SINCERELY believe they do not like that law. Prior to the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby ruling (yup, still mad about that), such employers would have faced a fine if they refused to comply with the law, because here in America, if you break the law, theoretically, you will face penalties for breaking the law. (Obviously, this does not apply to the rich and powerful because that would be RIDICULOUS.) Read more on Ted Cruz Has A ‘Basic Suggestion’ For Democrats, And I Have One For Him…
  wonkette world o' books

A Review Of The Free Amazon Preview Of Katie Pavlich’s New ‘Book’

Today is D-Day for one of the most anticipated events of the year around yr Wonkette’s newsroom, for it marks the release of Katie Pavlich’s book-like substance, Assault and Flattery: The Truth About the Left and Their War on Women.We’re so excited! Not excited enough to actually spend $25 on the goddamn thing and help Katie’s book-like-substance sales, or make the trek to the library, or download a copy to our Kindle. Then we might find ourselves feeling obligated to read the entire thing and risk falling into an abyss of self-loathing and despair over our career choices. But we can read the free preview on Amazon and review that, which is about as much attention as this thing deserves. We know we’re in for some good reading just looking at the list of chapter titles: Lynching the GOP; Barack Obama: The Most Anti-Woman President Ever (this is the same Barack Obama who signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and put coverage of contraceptives for women in his massive health-insurance reform bill, right?); The NRA: America’s Real Pro-Women’s Group… Good thing we’re not reading the book, because the material could not possibly be funnier than these titles. Katie, you’ve already peaked! But let’s read the rest of this free preview anyway. Read more on A Review Of The Free Amazon Preview Of Katie Pavlich’s New ‘Book’…
  she's a baaler

Washington Times: Hillary Clinton Worships Baal Or Zuul Or The Mighty Favog, Probably

This is encouraging! For all of us who wondered how we’ll ever get along come 2017, when a new president means we’ll be starved of “Obama is a muslin” stories, Washington Times columnist Robert Knight is auditioning a new possibility: Maybe Hillary Clinton worships Baal, a generic name for any one of several local deities that the Old Testament had no use for. (Thanks, Wikipedia!) You know, because ‘bortion. Or birth control that people are sure is ‘bortion even if it isn’t. Read more on Washington Times: Hillary Clinton Worships Baal Or Zuul Or The Mighty Favog, Probably…
  will no one rid us of this troublesome idiot?

Jonah Goldberg Has Thoughts About Hobby Lobby, And All Of Them Are Wrong And Dumb

We usually ignore Jonah Goldberg because sweet merciful Yehuda, life is just too short. But his column today on the Hobby Lobby decision is such a precious pile of stupid, we could not let it pass without comment. Also, if we have to think about Jonah Goldberg’s penchant for cosplay as a Game of Thrones character, then so do you. First, a rule of thumb for all you aspiring pundits out there: if a reader is so gobsmacked by the stupidity of a paragraph that he has to re-read it half a dozen times and then go into the secret Wonkette chatcave to talk about it with his fellow writers and make sure he is not insane, then there is a chance you have written something of such supreme idiocy that dead Greek philosophers would regret their part in the evolution of rational thought. Like so: Read more on Jonah Goldberg Has Thoughts About Hobby Lobby, And All Of Them Are Wrong And Dumb…
  This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things If We Are Ladies Anyway

Here Is All The Worst Supreme Court Suck On The Hobby Lobby Ruling For Ladyparts Only

If you want to spend your morning rage-reading the Supreme Court’s decision in Burwell, Secretary of Health and Human Services, et al. v. Hobby Lobby Stores, Inc., et al., aka, Actual Science Stuff v. People Who Think Your Birth Control Makes Jesus Cry, you may want to reconsider, because it will make you want to burn all the things. So save yourself some time and what’s left of your sanity, put an aspirin between your knees, and enjoy hating these most sucktastic highlights of the Supreme Court’s decision that corporations, unlike ladies, are people, and their beliefs trump your health care. Because men. Because reasons. Because religion. Because because. Read more on Here Is All The Worst Supreme Court Suck On The Hobby Lobby Ruling For Ladyparts Only…