Tag Archives: contraception

  But What About Marching Babies To The Oven Door?

Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks

No real reason for including Raptor Jesus here. We just like Raptor Jesus better than Ben Carson.
Ben Carson took his turn to swing the Idiot Stick at that fake story about Planned Parenthood running a Fetus-Parts Thrift Shop. Not only did he repeat the usual nonsense about how terrible it is that Planned Parenthood is forcing women to have a legal surgical procedure they can’t possibly want — what woman could ever want an abortion? — he also added an Extra Bonus Lie: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Planned Parenthood, and for all we know, the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus are all in on a massive conspiracy to “eliminate black people,” just as Margaret Sanger planned from the start. Read more on Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks…
  The Big Diseasy

New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed

Why not bring back the classics?
How’s this for a surprise? Louisiana, where abstinence-only sex ed is mandatory and schools are actually forbidden by law from teaching about contraception and STDs, has the cities with the highest and second-highest STD infection rates in this great nation of ours. Cosmopolitan New Orleans is actually #2 in that competition, with the top prize going to Baton Rouge, which is of course French for “Pustulent Crimson Infected Stick.” But Think Progress brings us an inspiring profile of a man who’s trying to change that: State Rep. Wesley Bishop, who has the daffy idea that maybe if New Orleans schools adopted comprehensive sex education, the city might actually scream a bit less frequently when it pees. Read more on New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed…
  not his exact words

Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change

But what about when there was only one set of footprints? I slipped in some Santorum, said Jesus.
Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters’ degree in chemistry, from his pre-poping days.* One of these men needs to stay out of trying to say words about climate change, and according to Santorum, it’s Big Dumb Pope. Read more on Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change…
  Uh ... thanks?

Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome

They sure love us
Senate Republicans are really concerned about making sure women have greater access to birth control. No, really, it is true! (No, really, it is not.) From the same party that has tried for years to defund Planned Parenthood, ban certain types of birth control that they think murder babies (because they are idiots who don’t understand what contraception is), and protect employers’ “right” to tell you what kind of medicine you can use on your ladyparts comes the latest clever attempt to make life harder for the ladies, but, you know, “for the ladies.” Read more on Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome…
  how rude!

Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(

Did you REALLY just tell me that my IUD is a baby?
These things exist, called Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPC’s). They like to set up in the inner city, and they act like they’re just trying to help the pregnant ladies who want abortions, but in reality, women who go there get fed whole lines of incorrect medical “info” (aka “lies”) about how abortion causes breast cancer and abortion causes ladies to be depressed forever, and so on. Sometimes they just tell ladies they’re whores, and that they’ll never be able to get pregnant again if they get ‘bortions. Most of them don’t even have medical staff. Read more on Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(…
  Yes the law is the law even for ladycare

Yes, Insurance Companies Have To Cover Your Vag

Pay the fuck up
It should not be necessary for the Obama administration to tell health insurance companies, “Seriously, you have to, it’s THE LAW!” about the requirements of the Affordable Care Act, but alas. It seems the insurance industry figured the Department of Health and Human Services’s specific guidelines for coverage of women’s preventive health care were, like, suggestions. Not the actual law that insurance companies are required to follow, because it is THE LAW: Read more on Yes, Insurance Companies Have To Cover Your Vag…
  Chlamydia The Tattooed Lady

Texas School District So Good At Teaching Teens Not To F*ck, Only 1 In 15 Have Chlamydia

Illegal
Here’s some terrific evidence of the effectiveness of abstinence-based sex ed in Texas: not only does the state have among the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country, but Texas is also pretty darn good at promoting sexually transmitted diseases, too! See, for instance, the happily-shagging teens of the Crane Independent School District in west Texas, where one in 15 students at the high school have chlamydia. Read more on Texas School District So Good At Teaching Teens Not To F*ck, Only 1 In 15 Have Chlamydia…
  Jump in the pool -- the santorum's fine!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!
Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he’s DTF yet, so he’s created a “testing the waters” account, just to see if maybe he might want to lose another Republican primary: Read more on Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!…
  he sounds nice

The Gentleman From Arkansas Will Give Poor Women IUDs To Stop Birthing Trash

You're fired!
You are not going to believe it, but there is a very conservative Republican state representative in Arkansas who wants to give taxpayer-funded birth control to ladies. Hooray and high-five, fellow feminazis, we have won the war at last! Let us now live in our misandrist matriarchal utopia happily ever after, the end. Read more on The Gentleman From Arkansas Will Give Poor Women IUDs To Stop Birthing Trash…
  God loves Notre Dame best. She's a masochist.

Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!

Word.
Ladies, would you like to guess who’s screwing around with your reproductive health coverage this week? Haha, that was a trick question — the answer is always “everyone,” but we were specifically referring to the Supreme Court! Yesterday it ordered the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals to revisit its decision last year demanding Catholic university Notre Dame … fill out a religious-freedom opt-out form if it didn’t want to supply contraceptive coverage under the rules of Obamacare. Why did SCOTUS vacate and remand Seventh Circuit’s decision? Because Burwell v. Hobby Lobby! Remember, “religious freedom” isn’t only about straight bakeries and straight florists – it is also about anti-science craft stores! Read more on Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!…
  Fertility Writes

Hero Science Man Matt Walsh: Feminists Hate Women, Because Slut Pills Kill

Lyra, you doofus. Bon Bon's a girl... you don't even need those, silly pony...
Matt Walsh, a dingus who writes for Glenn Beck’s Flaming Internet Hole, presents a science-based case against The Pill, which he has discovered is really, really bad for women, because SCIENCE. For one thing, he read a genuine medical study that found “women who took chemical birth control at any point in their lives show a 50 percent higher likelihood of developing a certain type of brain tumor.” That’s scary! Also it means that The Pill lets men have consequence-free sex, while women will all die of diseased brains! Read more on Hero Science Man Matt Walsh: Feminists Hate Women, Because Slut Pills Kill…
  Every Sperm Still Sacred

New Pope: You Ladies Don’t Have To Have All The Babies All The Time for Jesus

Who does Pope Rabbit like for president? Warren, of course.
Image by “sugarcane” at worth1000.com Pope Francis is doing that thing again where he halfway sounds like a liberal socialist weenie and then turns around and throws a bone to the patriarchal jerkface constituency. For instance, on his way back from the Philippines, he said today that Catholics don’t have to “be like rabbits” and bring forth a litter of young every few months, but he also emphasized that he was not condoning contraception, but rather “natural family planning,” aka the rhythm method, aka the get pregnant and thank the Virgin for another damn mouth to feed blessed little angel method: Read more on New Pope: You Ladies Don’t Have To Have All The Babies All The Time for Jesus…
  Bow Your Head With Great Respect And Genuflect Genuflect Genuflect

Crazy Domino’s Pizza Catholic Founder Guy Has Super Interesting Ideas About Slut Pills

Hey, what if Rover's not a weather balloon? What if it's a big communion wafer?
How’s this for a description of heaven on Earth? Take a look at Ave Maria, Florida, a privately owned town — built to go along with private college Ave Maria University — where, as the website says, everything is nigh-perfect to raise a family: Read more on Crazy Domino’s Pizza Catholic Founder Guy Has Super Interesting Ideas About Slut Pills…
  All This Fuss Over A Few Clumps Of Words

Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board

Grab yer razor blades and white-out!
So here’s one more bit of Election Nice Time: turns out that even in hyper-conservative Gilbert, Arizona, a bedroom community to the Phoenix metro horrorplex, it is in fact possible for a conservative school board to go to far. And it looks like the Gilbert School Board’s decision last week to razor out a page from an Honors Biology textbook in the high school — because it mentions the abortion pill — is what counts as too far: the good people of Gilbert elected two new members and reelected an anti-censorship member, replacing the Tea Party-leaning majority on the board with a new majority that is firmly against slicing out a page from a biology textbook out of fear that high schoolers will learn that abortion exists. There were other tensions between the board and the community, too, but the textbook censorship seems to have been the last straw. Read more on Arizona Voters Abort Biology-Textbook-Censoring School Board…
  Just Cut It Out Like...Like Something That Is Unlike An abortion

Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook

Fine, whatever, this is Shreveport, Loiusiana, not Gilbert. Fine
Rest easy, innocent children of Gilbert, Arizona: You won’t have to worry about being corrupted by your biology textbooks anymore! The Gilbert School Board voted Tuesday to remove a page from the high school’s honors biology textbook, because they were worried it might be in violation of an Arizona law requiring that all instructional materials promote “childbirth or adoption” instead of abortion. Read more on Arizona School Board Aborts Pages From Biology Textbook…