Tag Archives: contraception

  That we know of

The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week

Just Jeb!
Just Jeb! Oh, that Jeb Bush! He is literally THE WORST at running for president of America. It’s like his entire life, he’s been living in the shadow of his dad and his brother, and he’s just really tired of how every single time he walks in the front door of the Kennebunkport manse, his mother Barbara drops her polite demeanor, stands up on the dining room table and starts flapping her arms yelling “LOSER! LOSER! SHOULDA BEEN AN ABORTION!” And Jeb’s all like “NOT AGAIN MOM!” but she can’t hear him because she’s cracked herself up so hard she’s looking for an inhaler. Read more on The Seven Best Times Jeb Bush Embarrassed His Mother This Week…
  Are Your Kids Getting Enough Exorcise?

Illinois Bishop Has Godly Plan To Keep Gay Cooties Out Of Schools

Non-Sex-Having Man Wearing Dress Wants To Lecture You On Sexual Norms
Non-Sex-Having Man Wearing Dress Wants To Lecture You On Sexual Norms In an attempt to clamp down on all the rampant sin in Springfield, Illinois, the local Catholic diocese is planning to rid its schools of the offspring of homosexxxicans. Also, for the sake of insisting that they’re not bigots, the schools will aim to weed out kids whose parents aren’t “living in accord with church teaching.” Parents are not required to actually be Catholic, but they darn well better do sex like Catholics are supposed to, according to a new “Family School Agreement” pushed by Bishop Thomas Paprocki. Read more on Illinois Bishop Has Godly Plan To Keep Gay Cooties Out Of Schools…
  GOP sad face

More Bad News About Planned Parenthood. For Republicans, That Is

Though not for long at this rate You know how Republicans have been furiously jerking their little mottled boner stumps to their snuff flick fantasies of murdering Planned Parenthood? And we have been screaming what a dumb idea that is because everyone loves Planned Parenthood — waaaaaaaay more than they love all the presidential candidates and the whole Republican Party, in fact — and also, millions of women and boy-women rely on Planned Parenthood for their healthcare, and taking away people’s healthcare, or even just threatening to take away people’s healthcare, is a real dick move. It is also a real dumb move too: Read more on More Bad News About Planned Parenthood. For Republicans, That Is…
  Nice time for the ladies

Whore It Up And Fight Cancer With This One Weird Trick!

Hint: It’s birth control We all of us know how great birth control is, right? Heck, even “pro-life” Catholic Chris Christie uses it when he bones Mrs. Christie in her hoo-ha, and yes, you’re welcome for that lovely mental image. Birth control is so sweet-love-makin’ great — for treating extra-ouchie ovaries, regulating cycles, or just having a whole bunch of slutty sexxx all the time, without popping out a thousand and one babies from our ho-holes, like we are some kind of freak reality TV show star — which is why 111 percent of us U.S. Lady-Americans have used birth control at some point since we started getting our monthlies. OK, fine, we are exaggerating slightly: It’s only 99 percent. Read more on Whore It Up And Fight Cancer With This One Weird Trick!…
  Beware! Take Care! Beware!

‘Priests For Life’ Says We’re Gonna Be All Eated Up By Racist Pervert Sex Dragon Thing

They do Photoshop good!
So here’s a nifty explanation of why America is in so much trouble these days: Our Once-Great Nation is under attack by a three-headed sex dragon that is also a racist, according to “Priests For Life,” a radical Catholic anti-abortion group whose top spokeslady is Martin Luther King’s embarrassing niece Alveda King. And the group has this simple graphic, employing a picture swiped from a videogame to explain the unholy trinity of affronts to God’s commandment that we all go and make as many babies as possible, but only in straight Christian marriages, of course. Read more on ‘Priests For Life’ Says We’re Gonna Be All Eated Up By Racist Pervert Sex Dragon Thing…
  But What About Marching Babies To The Oven Door?

Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks

No real reason for including Raptor Jesus here. We just like Raptor Jesus better than Ben Carson.
Ben Carson took his turn to swing the Idiot Stick at that fake story about Planned Parenthood running a Fetus-Parts Thrift Shop. Not only did he repeat the usual nonsense about how terrible it is that Planned Parenthood is forcing women to have a legal surgical procedure they can’t possibly want — what woman could ever want an abortion? — he also added an Extra Bonus Lie: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Planned Parenthood, and for all we know, the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus are all in on a massive conspiracy to “eliminate black people,” just as Margaret Sanger planned from the start. Read more on Ben Carson Says Racist Obama Genociding All The Blacks…
  The Big Diseasy

New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed

Why not bring back the classics?
How’s this for a surprise? Louisiana, where abstinence-only sex ed is mandatory and schools are actually forbidden by law from teaching about contraception and STDs, has the cities with the highest and second-highest STD infection rates in this great nation of ours. Cosmopolitan New Orleans is actually #2 in that competition, with the top prize going to Baton Rouge, which is of course French for “Pustulent Crimson Infected Stick.” But Think Progress brings us an inspiring profile of a man who’s trying to change that: State Rep. Wesley Bishop, who has the daffy idea that maybe if New Orleans schools adopted comprehensive sex education, the city might actually scream a bit less frequently when it pees. Read more on New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed…
  not his exact words

Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change

But what about when there was only one set of footprints? I slipped in some Santorum, said Jesus.
Rick Santorum is a Catholic lawyer who likes long piggyback rides on the beach with Jesus and snuggle time with dead fetuses. Pope Francis is the boss of Catholics, and he also has a masters’ degree in chemistry, from his pre-poping days.* One of these men needs to stay out of trying to say words about climate change, and according to Santorum, it’s Big Dumb Pope. Read more on Rick Santorum: Dumb Pope Francis Needs To Shut His Mouth About Climate Change…
  Uh ... thanks?

Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome

They sure love us
Senate Republicans are really concerned about making sure women have greater access to birth control. No, really, it is true! (No, really, it is not.) From the same party that has tried for years to defund Planned Parenthood, ban certain types of birth control that they think murder babies (because they are idiots who don’t understand what contraception is), and protect employers’ “right” to tell you what kind of medicine you can use on your ladyparts comes the latest clever attempt to make life harder for the ladies, but, you know, “for the ladies.” Read more on Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome…
  how rude!

Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(

Did you REALLY just tell me that my IUD is a baby?
These things exist, called Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPC’s). They like to set up in the inner city, and they act like they’re just trying to help the pregnant ladies who want abortions, but in reality, women who go there get fed whole lines of incorrect medical “info” (aka “lies”) about how abortion causes breast cancer and abortion causes ladies to be depressed forever, and so on. Sometimes they just tell ladies they’re whores, and that they’ll never be able to get pregnant again if they get ‘bortions. Most of them don’t even have medical staff. Read more on Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(…
  Yes the law is the law even for ladycare

Yes, Insurance Companies Have To Cover Your Vag

Pay the fuck up
It should not be necessary for the Obama administration to tell health insurance companies, “Seriously, you have to, it’s THE LAW!” about the requirements of the Affordable Care Act, but alas. It seems the insurance industry figured the Department of Health and Human Services’s specific guidelines for coverage of women’s preventive health care were, like, suggestions. Not the actual law that insurance companies are required to follow, because it is THE LAW: Read more on Yes, Insurance Companies Have To Cover Your Vag…
  Chlamydia The Tattooed Lady

Texas School District So Good At Teaching Teens Not To F*ck, Only 1 In 15 Have Chlamydia

Illegal
Here’s some terrific evidence of the effectiveness of abstinence-based sex ed in Texas: not only does the state have among the highest teen pregnancy rates in the country, but Texas is also pretty darn good at promoting sexually transmitted diseases, too! See, for instance, the happily-shagging teens of the Crane Independent School District in west Texas, where one in 15 students at the high school have chlamydia. Read more on Texas School District So Good At Teaching Teens Not To F*ck, Only 1 In 15 Have Chlamydia…
  Jump in the pool -- the santorum's fine!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!
Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he’s DTF yet, so he’s created a “testing the waters” account, just to see if maybe he might want to lose another Republican primary: Read more on Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!…
  he sounds nice

The Gentleman From Arkansas Will Give Poor Women IUDs To Stop Birthing Trash

You're fired!
You are not going to believe it, but there is a very conservative Republican state representative in Arkansas who wants to give taxpayer-funded birth control to ladies. Hooray and high-five, fellow feminazis, we have won the war at last! Let us now live in our misandrist matriarchal utopia happily ever after, the end. Read more on The Gentleman From Arkansas Will Give Poor Women IUDs To Stop Birthing Trash…
  God loves Notre Dame best. She's a masochist.

Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!

Word.
Ladies, would you like to guess who’s screwing around with your reproductive health coverage this week? Haha, that was a trick question — the answer is always “everyone,” but we were specifically referring to the Supreme Court! Yesterday it ordered the Seventh Circuit Court of Appeals to revisit its decision last year demanding Catholic university Notre Dame … fill out a religious-freedom opt-out form if it didn’t want to supply contraceptive coverage under the rules of Obamacare. Why did SCOTUS vacate and remand Seventh Circuit’s decision? Because Burwell v. Hobby Lobby! Remember, “religious freedom” isn’t only about straight bakeries and straight florists – it is also about anti-science craft stores! Read more on Notre Dame Stands In Schoolhouse Door To Block Slut Pills Today. Tomorrow. FOR EVER!…