contraception
What Do Ladies Want, If They Even Know? A Debate By Two Republican Gentlemen
Nebraska and Oklahoma: Two neighboring states that proudly embrace their independent pioneer heritage, their rival university f’ball teams with silly names, and their domination by agribusiness interests — they are like power bottoms for Archer Daniels Midland! Both states also share a near-complete stranglehold on state politics by the GOP. (Oh sure, Nebraska’s weirdass unicameral [...]
Oklahoma State Senate Bill: Employers Ain’t Gotta Insure Contraceptives Because Women Are Meant To Be Mommies
Oh, hey, here’s a new twist on an old story! You already know how having to pay for insurance coverage for birth control is a violation of an employer’s sacred right to tell employees how to live, but a genius state Senator in Oklahoma, Clark Jolley (R-Not All That Jolly) has just placed himself in [...]
Independent Women’s Forum Furious At Your Wonket!
Oh Lucy what have we done now! Oh, we have just MISUSED and MISCONTEXTED words from the Independent Women’s Forum’s senior contraception correspondent, by not quoting them from the original source (Andrea Peyser) when she did not include them in her column! Not only did we not include Lisa Schiffren’s invisible words that did not [...]
You Got Your Government In My God: The Year In Churchstate
Congratulations, U.S. America and such as! You have survived yet another calendar year without the establishment of a theocracy or the utter banishment of religious faith! It was a year in which the most momentous SCOTUS decision on church and state was a fairly narrow (and stupid) ruling that allows churches to ignore fair employment [...]
Wacky Ohio Nuns’ Video Says Women Who Use Contraceptives Make Men Gay
The “Children of Mary,” a group of nuns in Ohio, has released a video that is a kind of one-stop shopping trip for insane ideas about birth control. If you can’t bring yourself to waste 13 minutes of your life watching it (and we do not blame you at all if you decide to skip [...]
Idaho Jails Discover Exciting New Potential Guests: Ladies Who Take RU-486
Jennie Linn McCormack, a single mom from Pocatello, Idaho, was just around when the sister of her friend and the local police department needed someone to blame for McCormack’s abortion, which she induced in late 2010 by purchasing RU-486 over the Internet. The manufacturers and sellers of RU-486 were nowhere to be found, and there [...]
Romney Fans To Gobble Down Sex Pills At Posh Fundraiser
Real Americans everywhere are recoiling in disgust at Mitt Romney’s latest campaign move: He’s inviting the wealthiest plutocrats to dine with him on Star Island, a literally insular retreat of the rich and powerful near Miami. The fat cats will have to pony up $50,000 apiece just to bask in Mitt’s presence, with the campaign [...]
Catholic League Declares Itself To Have Broken Jon Stewart’s Spirit
Jon Stewart performed two sold-out nights in Florida over the weekend, and the Catholic League is ALL OVER IT. Jon Stewart making Florida laugh while making fun of Florida was enough to set off a torrent of Jon Stewart Google alerts in the Catholic League’s inbox, and the organization was the thrilled to find that [...]
Bachmann: Birth Control Mandate Might Lead To Scary One-Child Rule
Have you missed Michele Bachmann and her tortured labyrinths of lugubrious logic since she dropped out of the presidential race, as we have? Do not worry, it’s not as if the babbling brook has gone dry; it is merely that no one is paying attention anymore. But they should! Because Michele Bachmann has a novel [...]
Poor Old Lisa Murkowski Instantly Regrets Her Blunt Amendment Vote
Independent Republican write-in Sen. Lisa Murkowski spent all weekend getting hollered at by ladies in Alaska over her “yes” vote on last week’s failed Blunt amendment, which would’ve let any employer exclude contraception from its health plan offerings if scary vagina pills offended their pwecious moral or religious fee-fees. Wasn’t Lisa Murkowski supposed to be [...]
‘National Review’ Discovers Condoms In NYC, Solves Contraception
What an adventure did a random National Review Editorial Associate get himself into! Gather ’round, ye hobos, and hear his tale of daring… subterfuge… and rubber procurement! (Drop acid now.) It all began when a dazed but persistent carrier pigeon alighted upon the curlicued fountain pen of our Editorial Associate, to finally vomit forth the [...]
Elderly Bachelor Tells Women How Jesus Will Allow Them To Get Pregnant
An elderly lifelong bachelor who lives with hundreds of other old, single men in a stylish European capital city has given strict orders to the world’s women and married heterosexual couples on the allowable methods for human impregnation. Dressed in flowing silken capes and a bejeweled silken hat, the childless old man described his religion’s [...]
Santorum: Contraception Is Evil Because This Racist Author Said So
During Wednesday night’s debate in some temporarily politically relevant zone of America, Rick Santorum defended his belief that contraception is dangerous and the cause, as opposed to the solution, to social problems like single motherhood and attendant issues e.g. poverty, but not zygotes, because they are not a problem but are excellent in every imaginable [...]
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