Tag Archives: contests

  taking the bait

Verdict: WaPo Pundit Contestants All Massively Better Than Richard Cohen

We’ve read these ten columns from the Washington Post–Newsweek Interactive Kaplan Test Prep Daily’s Actual Sex Contest, and not a single one pissed us off as much as an average column by George Will, Richard Cohen, Charles Krauthammer, David Ignatius, Bill Kristol, Fred Hiatt, Jackson Diehl, Ruth Marcus, Michael Gerson, David Broder, etc. But maybe we just don’t know them yet? Read more on Verdict: WaPo Pundit Contestants All Massively Better Than Richard Cohen…
  it doesn't have to be good

Washington Post Pundit Contest Submission Period Ends Tonight, You Guys!

You have until 11:59 p.m. to submit your essay to the Washington Post‘s “America’s Next Great Pundit” contest, the winner of which receives two doses of Richard Cohen’s “orange” flavor Metamucil! Supposedly the judging and elimination rounds will begin late next week and… oh god… we are just not prepared for this avalanche of comedy. [Washington Post] Read more on Washington Post Pundit Contest Submission Period Ends Tonight, You Guys!…
  you're a wiener!

CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR THE PROMISED WORLD WINNERS: Miss Natalie Elder quoted “Take the ‘A’ Train,” John Downs dropped “Let’s Fall In Love,” and Philip Bender mentioned “Blue Skies,” so they have defeated the Puzzle of Weirdness and shall each receive a copy of Lisa Tucker’s new novel, hooray! Thanks to the crazy number of Wonkette Readers who took part in the contest! Read more on …
  contests and books together at last

Win a Copy of Lisa Tucker’s ‘The Promised World,’ By Proving You Can Read!

We’ve got three (3) copies of bestselling author Lisa Tucker’s crazily well-reviewed new novel, The Promised World, available as special Wonkette Prizes for three readers who solve the Puzzle of Weirdness. UPDATE: WE HAVE WINNERS, NO MORE EMAILS PLEASE! Read more on Win a Copy of Lisa Tucker’s ‘The Promised World,’ By Proving You Can Read!…
  death

A Children’s Treasury Of Government-Solicited YouTubes About The Flu

Back in May or February or some other month, the world went nuts over a bunch of Mexicans giving everyone flu, from pigs, in an attempt to take over the world. But when Americans actually got this flu, they did not find it much worse than “regular American flu,” which only kills old people, gremlins, and dragons. This false alarm did not stop the government, a.k.a. “that Sebelius lady,” from launching a YouTube contest in JULY to “create a 15, 30, or 60 second video Public Service Announcement (PSA) that will inform and motivate people to take steps that will help prevent the spread of the flu.” That means any flu! The submission period ends tonight at midnight, and the winner will receive $2,500 while his or her winning video will “be featured on broadcast TV and on government Web sites.” Your Wonkette has viewed all 155 submissions (read: like six or seven), and… uh… you’re in a bit of a bind, Sebelius. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Government-Solicited YouTubes About The Flu…
  the greatest american since jesus

Everyone Participate In Mitt Romney’s Baseball Essay Contest!

First: HOW HOT is Mittens in high definition? Mmm, 1080p of crisp, orange-pored lies. But what does he want? It’s a contest! Mittens knows that there are radical terrorists literally everywhere trying to end America and specifically you. What we need now, Mittens suggests, are more Essays. An Essay Contest. Winner gets to sit on his lap at the baseball field. Read more on Everyone Participate In Mitt Romney’s Baseball Essay Contest!…
  rigged soviet-style elections

Liz Kucinich on ‘Cleveland’s Dancing with the Stars’

The hot wife of lovable libtard Congressman Dennis Kucinich has entered some dancing-type contest in her adopted city of Cleveland, home of downtown shooting victims, accused mutilators, and drunken wreckers of motorized bar stools. Congressman Kucinich would like you to vote for Elizabeth on Cleveland’s Dancing with the Stars, a vigorous competition featuring Cleveland celebrities. Tune in to News Channel 5 between 5am and 7am on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, and then vote or whatever. Just vote. How do you vote? Who knows, your editor can’t even make the videos work on that news site. [The Hill] Read more on Liz Kucinich on ‘Cleveland’s Dancing with the Stars’…
  furry fandom

Plushie Exhibit Submissions Welcome Now!

Art Whino Gallery and Licorice Tree (a maker of super creepy plushies with, uhh, human teeth) are looking for submissions for a plushies group exhibit, “Mortal Plush: I Am Not Your Toy” set for July 11. Read more on Plushie Exhibit Submissions Welcome Now!…
  pagan rituals

Call for Submissions: WaPo’s Annual Peep Show

Here’s a Peep Show for the whole family: The Washington Post is now accepting submissions for its third annual Peeps Diorama Contest, in celebration of the “candy” Peeps that are somehow representative of Easter, in America. Read more on Call for Submissions: WaPo’s Annual Peep Show…
  but awards season is over

MORE CONTESTS! Here, go vote for “local blogger” Jim Newell and “local yoga celebrity” Liz Glover in this popularity contest run by Atlanta’s “Creative Loafing” freebie. So fun, to click things! We are on the road to Recovery. [CityPaper] Read more on …
  what tastes like stale peanuts and despair?

Barack Obama Is President Of Ice Cream

Poor old John McCain can’t even win a stupid ice cream contest. Wonkette Operative David sends us this sad report: “Apparently, Baskin-Robbins has been holding a national Flavor Election, which is kind of like an election where only fat, diabetics can vote (Kinda like the real election?). Anywho, the not only did Obama’s Whirl of Change trounce The Straight Talk Crunch in national polls — ice cream is in the tank — but it seems like nobody is fucking eating McCain’s horrible Ice Cream. … Even the french vanilla with egg yolk got more love (yuk).” Read more on Barack Obama Is President Of Ice Cream…
  sexy costumes

SEND IN YR POLITICAL HALLOWEEN PHOTOS: Hey losers, do you want to be famous or are you just losers? Send in as many fun “politically themed” Halloween costume photos from yr office parties and whatnot ASAP and we will post them, if they are funny. That is Barack Obama as a pirate, last Halloween. Read more on …
  horror

Which Oval Office Hell Demon Will You Be For Halloween?

John McCain has been asking everyone “Who is the REAL Barack Obama?” and, ha, we’ve finally smoked him out; here is the Real Barack Obama, a bird-faced hellcop space lord clutching a dead kitty, staring at the camera, trying to rape John F. Kennedy. He’s with, uh, Jim Webb there in the dunce cap. You’ve been warned. Anyway, what will you readers be for that yearly celebration of evil, Halloween? Let’s have a contest! Whoever sends us the funniest “political” costume photo by this time next week will win a special prize… to be determined later? Probably a pack of smokes or a few used dildos, don’t hold your breath. [Gawker] Read more on Which Oval Office Hell Demon Will You Be For Halloween?…
  sexy contests

John McCain Wants All ‘Joe The Plumbers’ In America To Send Him Amateur Porn Clips

Oh yes my friends, there is definitely a “JohnMcCain.com/Joe” site up and running now, and it’s a contest. How do you like that logo? It’s styled after a traditional blue collar name tag, for perhaps a set of overalls — a cute throwback to the 1950s, which was the last time America actually had blue collar jobs. Read more on John McCain Wants All ‘Joe The Plumbers’ In America To Send Him Amateur Porn Clips…
  you're a wiener!

Announcing Wonkette’s Political Book Contest Winners!

You people are fast! We announced our contest with Hachette Book Group less than an hour ago, and we’ve already got about a hundred entries. So, let’s pick some winners now and get this over with, because otherwise we will have to read through a THOUSAND seven-word poems about why you need 11 political books. Read more on Announcing Wonkette’s Political Book Contest Winners!…
  cheer up losers!

Win These Eleven (11) Political Books!

CONTEST OVER, THANKS FOR PLAYING! Now that we’re all poor and soon there will be no Internet or TeeVee, it’s time to learn to read again! How would you like to win Eleven (11) new political books from Hachette Book Group USA? You would like that a lot, we bet. Read more on Win These Eleven (11) Political Books!…
  fun wonkette contests

Look At These Two Clowns! Just Look!

HA HA HA we are posting this picture because it’s funny. Apparently Larry King is interviewing, whatsisname, King Ahmad of France. On the teevee. So, CONTEST: Everyone design a Blingee for this photo, e-mail a link to the finished product to tips@wonkette.com (subject line: “LARRY KING ES HALF-BREED MUSLIN”), and we’ll post the best one at some point so you can be “famous.” [The Page] Read more on Look At These Two Clowns! Just Look!…
  exciting contest

Lucky ‘American Wife’ Contest Winners Announced

With over 130 submissions to the highly exclusive and prestigious “Tell us which first lady you like, as long as it wasn’t trampy Mrs. Fillmore” contest and only 10 copies of Curtis Sittenfeld’s American Wife to give, your chances of winning this thing were roughly equivalent to your chances of getting into Harvard last year. Ah, but the special privileges that society accords the Wonkette book contest winner! Many of you wrote that you liked Eleanor Roosevelt, because she was a pleasant lesbian with an overbite; Senator William Rufus King, also known as “Miss Nancy” and “Aunt Fancy,” for being bachelor president James Buchanan’s secret first lady; and Betty Ford, on account of the drugs. Read more on Lucky ‘American Wife’ Contest Winners Announced…
  exciting giveaways

Hey Rascals, Time Is Running Out On Your Chance To Win An ‘American Wife’

In a mere twelve-ish hours or so, Wonkette’s one-time-only “name your favorite First Lady” contest will close. So check out the Official Rules here and send in your wonderful 25-word Idears (that is what famous First Lady Howard Dean calls them) to tips@wonkette.com by noon tomorrow with the subject line MY FAVORITE FIRST LADY IS NOT THAT STRUMPET ABIGAIL FILLMORE. You might just win yourself a copy of that book, American Wife! Meanwhile, if you do not participate in this contest, you will be forced to chant “Nancy Reagan” into a mirror five times until the ghost of Jane Wyman shows up and murders you with a rusty eyelash curler. Read more on Hey Rascals, Time Is Running Out On Your Chance To Win An ‘American Wife’…
  literary contest

Win A Free Copy Of ‘American Wife’!

Hey Wonkette readers, are some of you “into” actual books? Here is your chance to win one, for free: a galley copy of Curtis Sittenfeld’s American Wife, which tackles the difficult question of why a tasteful librarian with all the apparent trappings of a human soul would end up married to a snickering idiot jock who likes bombing things. Just write to tips@wonkette.com by noon o’clock Eastern on Wednesday with the subject line MY FAVORITE FIRST LADY IS NOT THAT STRUMPET ABIGAIL FILLMORE and tell us, in 25 words or less, who your favorite first lady is. The ten lucky winners will be announced Friday. More rulez ‘n stuff after the jump. Read more on Win A Free Copy Of ‘American Wife’!…
  cocktails

Announcing the Winning Wonkettini Cocktail!

We asked you to come up with the new D.C. Cocktail of the Now, and good jesus did you people respond. There were a hundred or so actual drink recipes submitted in the comments, and your editors painstakingly tested them all in our elaborate Experimental Bar. The winning choice — with small adjustments by Wonkette and mixologist Scott L of the new Asian Spice restaurant in Chinatown — will amuse your brain, delight your senses and, most importantly, fuck you up. Read more on Announcing the Winning Wonkettini Cocktail!…