Tag Archives: contests

  the body politic has a way of shutting that thing down

How Is Glenn Beck Saying America Got Raped Today? A Wonkette Contest!

We were pretty excited when Miss Kaili Joy came into the sekrit Wonket chatcave with this totally popular Salon tweet that had been liked by one egg. Kaili Joy G: should we place bets on what he’s talking about? I haven’t clicked yet Gary L: the immigration reform bill Rebecca S: I know! I know! HE IS SAYING THE MILITARY HAS A RAPE PROBLEM! The rest of the chatcave did not find this to be a likely answer. Rich A: I think we are misconstruing the metaphor. My theory is that he’s talking about something God endorses that the American people were totally asking for by wearing a metaphorical push-up bra Gary L: I’ve told America a million times what will happen if it goes out at night wearing a short skirt and slathering on the makeup like a common trollop But the real question is: Did Jose Canseco tweet America’s cell phone number? OK, quick, make your guesses, and we’ll click through, with Egg, after the jump! Read more on How Is Glenn Beck Saying America Got Raped Today? A Wonkette Contest!…
  clear skies initiative joke here

Let’s All Enter Utah’s ‘We Love Oil And Gas’ Poster Contest, For Earth Day!

This post brought to you by the auspices of the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil-Spill Blogging. Attention, Wonkrinis! The Beehive State is throwing an Earth Day poster contest, with the very excellent theme of “Where Would WE Be Without Oil, Gas & Mining?” and we know ever so many of you would like to join! Let us read the mission statement, together! •To improve students’ and the public’s awareness of the important role that oil, gas, and mining play in our everyday lives. • To highlight how modern mining and petroleum extraction techniques and reclamation methods minimize environmental impacts while providing society with the raw materials required to have our high standard of living. • To allow teachers to combine natural resources, science, and social studies education with individual creativity and artistic skill for an activity that meets several learning objectives in the science and social studies curricula. Cool Earth Day project, Utah! We will enter you now! Read more on Let’s All Enter Utah’s ‘We Love Oil And Gas’ Poster Contest, For Earth Day!…
  Jesus Built My Hotrod Of Correction

Here Are Your ‘Winning’ Bradlee Dean Pix ‘N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)

After we received a delightful phoney-baloney legal threat from Expert Showman Bradlee Dean’s assistant lickspittle, just because we supposably “defamed” Dean by directly quoting him, we asked you, the Wonkettariat, to show us your fauxto chops and serve us up some manipulated images, for Comedy! We also asked you to prepare us some lawyerly replies to the underling’s Nastygram. And did you ever come through! Our winning entry, above, is by “Muhammed_PBUH,” who will receive a brand-new Wonkette “Rod of Correction” Edition M1A Abrams Main Battle Tank, perfect for home or office use. More exciting Pix ‘n’ Letters after the jump! Read more on Here Are Your ‘Winning’ Bradlee Dean Pix ‘N Lawyer Letters (You Win Nothing!)…
  bloated sacks of shit

Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!

Hey, remember today? When we got that hilares letter informing us that we better, like, say sorry or something, and DEFINITELY take down all that libel-y stuff about one Mr. Herr Doktor Bradlee Dean? Well, some of you asked for a Photoshop contest, but we will do you one better! Since so many Wonkerados are attorneys (in addition to like two thirds of our writing staff), we thought we would let you have some Sexy Lawyer Funtime too! Read more on Wonkette Bradlee Dean Photoshop Funtimes And Legal Letter Contest!…
  pancakes also too

Attention Maryland Gays: Wonkette Will Marry You So Good (UPDATE)

Updated below. We have a contest on our hands, people! There are no rules but the prize is getting married. Since Maryland voters got all hopped up on equality and passed Question 6, Your Wonkette has decided to get in on the gay marriage game, because we Care About The Community and it sounds way fun. If you are a gay couple who wishes to get married and you need an officiant, Wonkette will provide you, free of charge, a genuine ordained reverend in the Universal Life Church. (It is so legal, he has been ordained for five years now, and he is me.) Read more on Attention Maryland Gays: Wonkette Will Marry You So Good (UPDATE)…
  hu-mans onboard

Romney’s World: With The Middle East On Fire, He Would Like Us To Help Rename His Plane

What is the worst possible thing that Egg Romney could call the Romney flying machine? Here is a message from His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, to inform us! Ann likes to joke that the campaign plane should be called “Hair Force One.” Read more on Romney’s World: With The Middle East On Fire, He Would Like Us To Help Rename His Plane… Read more on Romney’s World: With The Middle East On Fire, He Would Like Us To Help Rename His Plane…
 

Calling All Wonkers! Let’s Help ‘FrackNation’ Show The Positive Benefits Of Fracking

Tipster ‘NotThatDewey’ has apparently landed himself on a heck of an email list, and now the down home, grassroots folks of the American Petroleum Institute EnergyCitizens.org would like him (and you!) to put together a one-minute video showing the positive wonderful and totally orgasmic benefits of fracking! Does fracking increase your girth for her pleasure? PROBABLY. Will it help you lose weight? HELL YEAH. Does it add that special frisson of excitement from not knowing when Ohio will get its next fracking-induced earthquake? Oh, indubitably! Read more on Calling All Wonkers! Let’s Help ‘FrackNation’ Show The Positive Benefits Of Fracking…
  the next diane arbus

Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth

Whoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad! And lots of you submitted funny Mitt Romney I’m With Mitt Instagram iPhone Photos Of Hilarity, and we would love to showcase them all but there were too many so we picked seven. One was from heroine reader “MissTaken,” showing that birth control is a liberal lie because she used all those ABORTION TOOLS in the picture but still ended up a Mom For Mitt anyway. What are the other six pictures, and will any of them feature testicles? Find out after the jump! (SPOILER: Yes, of course there will be testicles.) Read more on Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth…
  son of man

Hooray You Are All Wonkette Contest Winners

Who are the smartest, prettiest, nicest, least sexual-harrassy, best commenters in the whole wide Internet? Wonkers, that is who! And it is lucky that we did not announce our winners in the Official George W. Bush White House Portrait MSPaint Contest before today, because your Editrix woke up late after an all night Sudoku binge and has been unable to find anything funny to type about in the entire universe. Oh, Elizabeth Warren won the Senate primary in Massachusetts! That is wonderful, but it would only be “funny” if we loved making Pocahontas jokes. (Hahaha, a lady thinks she is part-Indian, what a maroon!) Also, oh some Mormons marched in Salt Lake City’s gay pride parade! That is so nice, yay them! (Not funny.) Sooooo here are your wieners, is what we are saying. Read more on Hooray You Are All Wonkette Contest Winners…
  fun with photoshop

Contest! What Is This Official George W. Bush White House Portrait Missing?

Did we all have a good time watching Dubya make some funneez at the White House today? It was pretty good! He was all like, haha, you know and I know and everybody knows that I was pretty much the worst at being the preznit, for reals, hilares, just Mr. Jokey Jokey about what a terrible job he did. He’s somehow easier to take out of office than he was in, no? But enough about that! Please get out your MSPaint, because we feel this portrait is just missing … something. Couldn’t say what, because then you would just steal it, and we would get 470 pictures of GWB with his cock in his hand, and we do not want to see that. The contest will be open until 5 p.m. Friday. Winners get nothing, as per usual. Send to tips@wonkette.com with the subject line “This is not a portrait of George W. Bush with his cock in his hand.” Amen. Read more on Contest! What Is This Official George W. Bush White House Portrait Missing?…
  god blersh amercia

Send Us Your Dumb Romney-App Instagram Pix, If You Want To Be Cool

OK, yes, ha ha, we’ve all had a good laugh about the fact that version 1.0 of Mitt Romney’s world-beating With Mitt iPhone app proclaimed that he would proudly lead his real home nation of “Amercia,” but I think we’re missing the important point here: the only thing this app does is overlay a series of dumb Mitt-themed graphics over whatever you want to take a picture of, and you can take a picture of literally anything, and then upload it to the Internet or whatever, which opens the door to eleven kinds of hilarity! Remember in the Wonkette days of yore, when everyone got so excited because the Bush re-election campaign let you put text on a campaign sign, and you could add stuff about buttsex and the like? With With Mitt: The App, you could actually take a picture of buttsex and make it into a fake Mitt campaign ad! Well, technically the user agreement says that you agree “that any images you use, upload, or display do not contain material inappropriate for children … [or] that is offensive or in bad taste,” so, anal is kind of a grey area, but surely no one could object to this adorable picture of your Comics Curmudgeon’s cat, could they? The image denotes what President Romney will be doing on Day One Job One, which is to say: cowering under his desk. But wait, can you do better? Read more on Send Us Your Dumb Romney-App Instagram Pix, If You Want To Be Cool…
  wonkette art contests

Win An Autographed Copy Of Rachel Maddow’s Book By Drawing A Dumb Computer Picture

Go get all those guns and quaaludes you keep locked up in the shitter, because it’s time for the latest Wonkette Art Contest! Random House has sent us two autographed copies of Friend of Wonkette Rachel Maddow’s new book, Drift, an empirical study of floating wood patterns in the Missouri River between 1876 to 1912. No no no, we’re thinking of the latest POLITICO EBOOK… this Maddow one’s about war, yikes! Your Wonkette has already bartered away one copy for back alley dental care, but the other will go to the one of you who draws/photoshops/paints a funny computer picture of one thing or another. Read more on Win An Autographed Copy Of Rachel Maddow’s Book By Drawing A Dumb Computer Picture…
  madeyalook

Which GOP Presidential Candidate Looks Best With His Shirt Off?

It is now time for an important Phriday Photo Phun Contest! Buzzfeed’s continuing mission to unearth every possible comical Romney clan photo from the far corners of the Internet has finally hit pay dirt with some hawt topless Mitt Romney pixxx. How does shirtless Mitt Romney stack up next to the other Republican presidential candidates? YOU BE THE DECIDER. Do we have a shirtless Rick Santorum photo to enter into competition as well? Read more on Which GOP Presidential Candidate Looks Best With His Shirt Off?…
  sexy contests

Which Terrible Picture of Bill Maher vs. The Pope Won Our Ticket Contest?

Because of the upcoming April 1 performance of teevee’s anti-Jesus person Bill Maher at the Bethesda Strathmore Music Center, we had a pair of tickets to give away to the Wonkette reader who could make the most troubling computer image of Maher mud wrestling St. Joseph Ratzinger, the famous Nazi Hero who recently became the Pope of Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich. Which picture won the tickets? Was it this one? Or was it one of the other Top Six Finalists? WHO WILL WIN, etc. Read more on Which Terrible Picture of Bill Maher vs. The Pope Won Our Ticket Contest?…
  devil riddles

Can You Identify the Candidate Goblins In Our GOP Debate Blingee?

We cannot read through all 1,004 comments from last night’s debate liveblogging — this is why comments are robotically moderated, and why we depend upon you to alert us to spammers ‘n lamers who must be banned — but a cursory glance last night revealed that nobody matched the goblins in our Republican Debate Blingee with their corresponding “real life” candidates. So we are going to deal with this issue using the time-tested methods of American-Corporate Democracy: You all spend a lot of time and energy voting, and then we’ll announce the predetermined results! Read more on Can You Identify the Candidate Goblins In Our GOP Debate Blingee?…
  but where's bristol palin?

Wow, 50 People Did That Washington Post Win-a-Date-With-Broder Contest

That dumb Washington Post op-ed contest has put up the entries of its first-round winners or whatever, so the future of American thought has been secured. And there are 50 of them, because somehow more than 2 people entered this thing! You can also click to “vote” for some of the op-eds. Some guy named Bria Ho is currently leading that with only 106 votes, and his op-ed is about how the Washington Post should not have this contest because the Internet is filthy or something like that. What? He also mentions “‘lulz catz,'” to prove to us that he doesn’t know proper Internet terminology because he doesn’t use the Internet at all, despite being in an Internet contest. But more importantly, somebody e-mailed us and said one of our very own Wonketteers is in the running for this. Our condolences. Read more on Wow, 50 People Did That Washington Post Win-a-Date-With-Broder Contest…
  the future of test prep

Washington Post Doing Another ‘America’s Next Great Pundit’ Thing

As the air turns crisp and the leaves begin to fall, the Washington Post has once again launched a dumb contest to select new dumb op-ed contributors. They sent us an e-mail about this because they know we are fans of their opinion page, and apparently they are calling this “America’s Next Great Pundit, Season II,” which makes it sound like a real teevee show! Wow, if only! That would certainly get ratings. So you are once again invited to submit an entry into this contest, but please no minorities or women or people younger than 55. That was the problem they had with last year’s contest. Read more on Washington Post Doing Another ‘America’s Next Great Pundit’ Thing…
  helping our blog friends

RedState’s Lonely Photoshop Contest

With nothing else to talk about today, despite the fact that Sharia is slowly being added to law books all over the country, RedState decided they were gonna have themselves a good ol’ Photoshoppin’ contest with a photo of the newly made-over Oval Office. But three hours later, why has no one entered yet? “Da Rules: Don’t be profane, don’t be disgusting, don’t be crazy. This is for fun.” First of all, “Da”? That sounds BLACK. And it’s impossible not to be profane or disgusting or crazy when you make a racist Photoshop. And also Photoshops of the Oval Office are VERY SERIOUS MATTERS for conservatives, not “for fun.” So we are providing a Photoshopped image of a floating Erick Erickson with his trusty laptop in this version of RedState’s Oval Office photo, and we are holding a Blingee contest! Read more on RedState’s Lonely Photoshop Contest…
  bush told us to go shopping

SEND US SEXY PICTURES OF *YOU* IN YOUR WONKETTE T-SHIRTS: We learned from the Comics Curmudgeon (who is also your morning editor Josh Fruhlinger) that readers love to see fellow readers wearing funny shirts from the site they’re all reading. Why? Probably something about psychology or pornography. Read more on …
  so does this mean osama lost or *won*?

SEMI-MUSLIM UNDERWEAR MODEL WINS TEEVEE PRIZE: Ever since that “Miss USA Teenager” show with that dumb gal from South Carolina who, ultimately, is much smarter than Sarah Palin, we have closely followed the teevee beauty pageants put on by Donald Trump. Today that hard work paid off when we noticed some gal from Michigan won the “Miss USA Barely Legal” contest even though she tripped on her nightgown and is “kinda Muslim.” Welcome to the real America, underwear model Rima Fakih! [NYT/E-Online] Read more on …