We pretty much could spend the whole week showing clips of Ron Paul’s idiotic appearance on Meet the Press last Sunday, but we’ll stop with this (just to practice our self-discipline). Among the other topics he discussed with Tim Russert was his plan to amend the Constitution to not let teh Messicans become US citizens. He mentions that amending the Constitution is constitutional. How true, how true. The only thing about that argument is that, um, it kind of negates his entire platform of not fucking with the Constitution. So if changing the Constitution is constitutional, and his platform is based on not changing the Constitution, then his platform is unconstitutional? This can only mean… GO RON PAUL 2008!!!11!1!!

Did you know that Dumbeldore’s outing has serious implications for the originalist interpretation of the Constitution? Also, Dolores Umbridge is totally supposed to be fucking Chertoff, man.

From: Ettore Greco
To: (Basically every news outfit in America, plus Wonkette)
Date: Today, 1:04 pm

Soon, we will not trust a Muslim on a bus or a Jewish surgeon at the hospital or a Christian policeman in the streets. Once expanded the conflict in the Middle East, Bush will attempt to remain commander in chief even after his mandate to involve all populations in this War. After 2008, this manipulated war of Religions will spread more and more to resemble a new Crusade. There is one solution to stop this course, otherwise inevitable: to divulge the evidence of Wavevolution (based on the simple transformation from waves to mass) to offset Moses’ big lie. In fact, the Bible is the Constitution and origin for Jews, Christians and Muslims which are the instruments used by the Bush’s conspiracy.
www.wavettore.com
——————
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George W. Bush has used his veto power exactly once during his six long, miserable years in office — and that was to ensure Ronald Reagan’s legacy of Alzheimer’s would continue for all elderly Americans. What’s next for Bush’s once-used veto pen? Hint: The legislation involves the two things he hates most. Okay, here’s another hint: Those two things are Washington and Democracy. MORE »

While American politicians are usually Satanists or Vampires, EU politicians are animated corpses and/or mummies. MORE »

“The Second Amendment to the Constitution: Why it is important to our nation.”
by Wonkette
7th Grade MORE »

If the New Jersey state senate approves a terrifying new constitutional amendment, idiots will have the legal right to vote — and we know how well that worked out in the other 49 states. MORE »

We just needed the dates of the Constitutional Convention. Wikipedia’s usually okay for that kind of thing, right? MORE »

• A federal judge invalidates the administration’s warrantless wiretapping program, saying it “blatantly disregard the parameters clearly enumerated in the Bill of Rights.” Oh, burn! [NYT, WP]
• Elsewhere in the federal judiciary, smoking causes cancer (and cigarette companies knew it). So long, “low tar” cigs. [WP, WSJ]
• Internal investigations suggest the Marine Corps withheld and destroyed information regarding the November killing of 24 Iraqis at Haditha. [NYT]
• Civilian contractor convicted in the beating death of an Iraqi prisoner. [LAT]
• The veracity of John Karr’s confession in the JonBenet Ramsey case is being questioned. Hey, 12 hours in a Thai prison and you’d confess to her murder, too. [ABC News] MORE »

Will it ever stop? What have we done to deserve… wait, hold on — it’s totally sunny out right now. Kinda pleasant, actually! Still, the Post reports today that the IRS, Justice, and the National Archives are waterlogged and closed. But wait — don’t go trafficking drugs, evading taxes, and not counting your slaves as 3/5ths of your state’s representation just yet! While the IRS remains closed and without a projected date for reopening, their spokesperson promises that “the tax system continues to operate.” Justice is apparently fine too, according to this email we were forwarded earlier today: MORE »

Some updates on Cynthia McKinneygate:

* Our friends on the Hill tell us that they have demanded that their bosses co-sponsor HR4968 (the “I Wonder If Heaven Got a Ghetto Act”), but, unfortunately, it turns out that many Representatives don’t know who Tupac is. Once again, Democracy has failed us. (We still urge you to write your Congressman about it).
* According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, “police have notified the federal prosecutor’s office in Washington that they will be seeking an arrest warrant after the investigation is complete next week.” Ohhhh shit.
* McKinney has cancelled today’s news conference.
* Out on bail, fresh outta jail, California dreamin’, Soon as Representative McKinney (D-GA) step on the scene she’s hearin’ hoochies screamin’

After the jump: IS CYNTHIA MCKINNEY’S COP-PUNCHING CONSTITUTIONALLY PROTECTED? The results of an EXCLUSIVE WONKETTE INVESTIGATION

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