constitution
Ron Paul: An Enigma Wrapped in a Riddle Wrapped in the Constitution
Yesterday, we learned that noted constitutional scholar Ron Paul accepts and cashes his Social Security check even though it is “unconstitutional.” He did not say why, exactly, Social Security is unconstitutional (although Your Wonkette suspects it has something to do with his poor grasp of a common law system), and so it remains one in a [...]
The Senate Furniture That Fell Off The Back Of A Truck
The news today is actually a guide to buying government furniture (it belongs to us, right?), knowing the difference between corn syrup and corn sugar (one doesn’t exist), and having awkward conversations in real life and angry ones on the Internet. Someone illegally sold a ton of Senate furniture. His selling point was likely how [...]
Ted Nugent: ‘Ride Into That Battlefield,’ Behead The Democrats This Fall
We have found the one musician who would not be enraged to find one of his songs used without permission at a conservative orgy somewhere in America: he is of course Ted Nugent, who attended the NRA’s annual ball gala cotillion this past weekend to sing “songs,” show his support of fast-acting weaponry, and tell [...]
Another Small Town Becomes Victimized By Constitution
Oh, Florida, it is America’s treasured swampland. It is a place ruled by those important “small town values” and giant biblical structures donated by local highway construction hot-shots. Or at least it was, until some Jesus-hatin’ foreigner came in and ruined everything, because that is how these stories go. Thank the Almighty for the USA [...]
Hero Veteran Gets Court Permission To Sue The Pants Off Donald Rumsfeld
At some point during the Iraq War, the United States decided not only to torture and unlawfully imprison all the furriner brown people it could get its hands on; it also decided to start torturing and unlawfully imprisoning its own citizens as well. Hooray for totalitarianism! During the war, Old Rummy Rum gave one of [...]
Innovative New Tenth Amendment Idea: U.S. Citizens Don’t Exist
But, Arizona state senate president guy, how are we supposed to distinguish ourselves from the brown hordes? Are you saying they have the same status as white “Americans”? PEARCE: U.S. history, most of us weren’t around when the Constitution was written. But you remember we kind of existed before Congress, the states. We created the [...]
An Open Letter To Birthers: Find a New Way To Question Obama’s Eligibility
Dear Birthers: It’s okay, I’m white. Listen up, you guys: I like what you’re doing. I do. It’s very entertaining. Even your name is funny! Your undying Birther devotion to your initial impulse that the president of the United States “doesn’t seem like he’s from around these parts” is adorable. But I’m afraid this birth [...]
Blah Blah, Sen. Mike Lee Wants Child Labor Legal Again, Blah Blah
What a boring Friday! Why is that Loughner kid not doing anything crazy? There are so many reporters there in Tucson, ready for him to lick a bailiff. What are we supposed to talk about, each vote in that RNC election? Meh. Or that the new Utah senator says the ban on child labor is [...]
Terror Threat Level: Very Orange
Whoa what even happened in the House of Representatives today? Those dudes are trying to prove they can read? Very fancy. Our special U.S. GOP Terror Threat Alert Robot can also read, with her mind, which is a computer chip from a spaceship. And the Wonkbot TSA-1138 has now been programmed to read the Facebook [...]
Birther Arrested For Shouting During ‘Natural Born’ Part of Constitution
House Republicans are making a good start on not doing much of anything for the next couple years by their reading the Constitution. How could a Teabagger oppose such a thing? Oh, right. And oh, right, our president was born on the other side of the globe in Kenya, not on the other side of [...]
Teabaggers Forced To Pretend They Like the Whole Constitution Today
For Teabaggers, it seems, the older the law, the better. Everything we need is in the Constitution, because it was written at the beginning. Even though back then, people had no idea what America was going to look like or, really, what it should be. And even though the beloved founders failed miserably at their [...]
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