constitution

You know what sucks about being an American? When the big bad government steps in and says that you have to treat all people the same, even if they are not like you. First, they came for our lunch counters, and now they are coming for our discrimination against gays. Luckily, there are some patriotic […]

You may have read about the performance-art “Satanists” who have offered to build a monument on the grounds of the Oklahoma Statehouse; under the law’s clause claiming that the state doesn’t favor “any particular religion or denomination,” it looks like the law pretty much says the state would have to allow it, right? Not so […]

You know that drunk uncle who arrives at your Thanksgiving meals to complain about how the messicans and my-NOR-AH-ties and homosessuals are ruining America, which was founded by White Manly Jesus on White Christian Values? If that uncle were a state, he would be Texas, the embarrassing wrinkly scrotum-skin of America, smelling like an odd […]

A Minnesota school bus driver — who’s also a pastor at two Minneapolis churches — was fired from his bus-driving job last week for mixing up his two occupations. Needless to say, he believes that interfering with his evangelizing to a captive audience of children on a bus is a violation of his First Amendment […]

Bryan J. Fischer, the issues director of the good ol’ American Family Association, who has many interesting Thoughts on interesting Topics, has some airtight logic for us, and that is that if the Founders did not want a Christianist theocracy, then why did they put a date on the Constitution, HENGGHHHHH? Did Bryan J. Fischer […]

After a gloriously fulfilling celebratory circle-jerk for not ‘killing the hostage’ of the global economy, the Senate took a well-deserved two-week vacation. Unfortunately, tradition requires that they come back and find new ways to grab headlines without actually doing anything. While the Senate GOP would like nothing more than to get medieval on Ted Cruz’s […]

Americans, we need to band together. Not you fake-Americans what who love the gehys and messicans and blahs and all the creepy different people who are ruining this country white folk rightly earned by killing off the people who were here before. We need Real AmericansTM to stop our country from being overrun by damn […]

Just to add that perfect little soupçon of WTF to the end of the Dumbest Government Shutdown In History, the House vote to reopen the government and extend the debt ceiling was interrupted by the House stenographer completely losing her shit: “He [God] will not be mocked,” the stenographer, apparently named Molly, yelled into the […]

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, that weekly big ball of wadded-up idiocy from our inbox that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that didn’t quite merit a full-length Wonket post. Up first, a quick visit to that land of fiscal restraint, North Carolina, where Gov. Pat McCrory presided over a 2013 legislative […]

Gays have it so easy, man. They can marry in 13 states, people – THIRTEEN! That’s as many as were originally in America when Jesus walked across the Atlantic Ocean to found this nation! And they can serve openly in the military, no longer having to fear being outed as they risk their lives in […]

You might think that our Christianist textbooks would have the decency to mention this true historical event where Jesus handed the Constitution to America’s children while Washington, Lincoln, Adams and Hamilton sang show tunes, but this basic fact is strangely absent from the two textbooks we’ve been reviewing. They don’t even argue that the Constitution […]

Remember all that conspiracy around the election when Democrats were saying that Republicans were trying to suppress democratic voters and Republicans were all, “Naw, mang, we just really care about voter fraud from predominantly minority populations.” But then officials kept accidentally spilling the beans on the true intent, like Pennsylvania GOP House Leader Mike Turzai […]

While Texas Republicans are working hard to protect some awful men who do not understand what abortion is from regretting their abortions, Republicans in Washington are working hard to protect your constitutional right to sexually harass hot chicks. Over the past month, conservatives and libertarians have criticized efforts to curb sexual harassment on college campuses […]

Here’s a thing Justice Scalia said during oral arguments on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act (AKA B. Hussein Soetoro’s Diktat on the Punitive Application of Collectivist Death Panels v. Bald Eagle) that is quite typical of him: “An equally evident constitutional principle is the principle that the Federal Government is a government of […]