Tag: constitution

Ben Shapiro Making Trouser Starbursts Over Sexy New Candidate David French (Who?)

Well, we guess Ben Shapiro, former lover of all things Breitbart, is one of the Renegade Jewishes now, officially, as he is drenching the front part of his bathing suit region with Embarrassment Stains over Bill Kristol's boy wonder independent...
ryan c, man's pocket Constitution says this is some bullshit, man.

Ryan Bundy Doesn’t Understand Why He Can’t Have His Guns. In Jail.

Why is jail so much like jail?

New #NeverTrump Plan To Stop Donald Trump Is BRB CAN’T STOP GIGGLING

Maybe this would work! Or maybe there would be riots!
Guys with beards this epic are either brilliant or fucking nuts

Arkansas Gentleman In Jail Just For Loving Bible Too Much, Threatening To Kill Seven Mayors

Guy who threatened seven mayors insisted that learning the 10 Commandments along with his ABCs made him the man he is today. Hmm.
Hold on, hold on, still thinkin' ...

Ted Cruz Knows Dildos Are Slippery Slope To Banging Your Sister

<a href="http://wonkette.com/600562/good-christian-girls-riding-dildos-straight-to-hell"></a>Tuesday, we told you about a disturbing trend Astrogliding its way across America, wherein otherwise pure Christian lady humans are losing their Christian salvation by playing with dildos all the time. If only somebody was willing to ride...
Strange, we keep finding reasons to use this

Mississippi: You Call That A Gay-Hatin’ Bill, North Carolina? THIS Is A Gay-Hatin’ Bill!

Doesn't it feel like we're taking a little bus tour of U.S. America these days, to see the new, enchanted ways everybody's coming up with to screw the gays and the BLTs? Today we are in Mississippi, where Republican Gov....
This would fix everything

Shame If Someone Had To Shoot SCOTUS Nominee To Teach Him About Second Amendment

In case you were wondering if we have reached peak foaming-at-the-mouth outrage yet over President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, hahaha, aren't you adorable? We have, however, reached the part of our civilized national debate where Very Concerned Citizens casually...

GOP To Hold Its Breath Until It Turns Blue, Or Until Hillary Wins White House

As promised, Oval-Office-thiever-in-chief Barry B. Bamz O'Baby YoMama nominated a perfectly reasonable and qualified white dude to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court. As also promised, congressional Republicans took all of zero seconds to say "NO WAY, HOMBRE!" because "principles"...

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...

Obama Nominates White Dude For Dead Scalia’s Supreme Court Seat, GOP Obviously Appalled

Despite stern warnings from Senate Republicans that so-called "President" Obama better not do anything crazy, like act as if he is the president, the wussy tyrant usurper-in-chief has decided once again to invite them to perform sexual relations on...

Stabby Ben Carson Says Violence Is Sometimes The Answer

Everybody is giving Donald Trump SO MUCH grief right now, just because his supporters are a bunch of violent, "poorly educated" thugs who hate everybody who's smarter and less filled with trans fat and bitterness than they are. But...

Guess Why Elizabeth Warren Is Mighty Pissed At Republicans This Time

It has been far too long since we have watched our favorite lady senator from Massachusetts schoolmarm at Republicans, for sucking. So we are overdue. You know why Sen. Elizabeth Queen o' Our Hearts Warren is mad at Republicans...

Just Because Justice Scalia Is Dead Doesn’t Mean He Can’t Vote

Here is a crazy idea from a crazy person that is so crazy, it just might work! (Spoiler: It will not work.) Kory Langhofer, who is "not a fan of government," is allegedly a lawyer in Arizona, and he has thunked...

Oregon Militia Twit Sues America For Being Literally Satan

Haha those Bundy Oregon militia snotweasel dicknose brats finally have something in common with REAL terrorists. Whereas Osama bin Laden's al Qaeda organization liked to think of America as "the Great Satan," militia supporter and "sovereign citizen" Shawna Cox,...
Not actually Bundy's son

Lawless Nevada Thug Cliven Bundy Gets To Stay In Jail Forever, Hooray!

Oh, those jackbooted federal government thugs have done it this time! They arrested Cliven Bundy last week in Oregon on charges related to the insane violent 2014 standoff he started in Nevada over whether the Constitution protects the God-given...

Ben Carson Wakes Up From Nap To Share Weird Dream He Had About Supreme Court

Rejoice, fellow Americans, for Ben Carson is awake and alive and still running for president, apparently! And he has heard the tragic news of the untimely demise (OR WAS IT MURDER?!) of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Does he have thoughts? Sort of,...