Tag: constitution

Strange, we keep finding reasons to use this

Mississippi: You Call That A Gay-Hatin’ Bill, North Carolina? THIS Is A Gay-Hatin’ Bill!

Doesn't it feel like we're taking a little bus tour of U.S. America these days, to see the new, enchanted ways everybody's coming up with to screw the gays and the BLTs? Today we are in Mississippi, where Republican Gov....
This would fix everything

Shame If Someone Had To Shoot SCOTUS Nominee To Teach Him About Second Amendment

In case you were wondering if we have reached peak foaming-at-the-mouth outrage yet over President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, hahaha, aren't you adorable? We have, however, reached the part of our civilized national debate where Very Concerned Citizens casually...

GOP To Hold Its Breath Until It Turns Blue, Or Until Hillary Wins White House

As promised, Oval-Office-thiever-in-chief Barry B. Bamz O'Baby YoMama nominated a perfectly reasonable and qualified white dude to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court. As also promised, congressional Republicans took all of zero seconds to say "NO WAY, HOMBRE!" because "principles"...

Let’s Meet Obama’s Sexxxy Silver Fox SCOTUS Nominee, Merrick Garland!

Hooray, the president of America, Barack the Great, has made a nominee to replace Dead Antonin Scalia's rotting flesh 'n' bones on the Supreme Court! Don't you want to know everything about him? No? Well SUCKS TO BE YOU...

Obama Nominates White Dude For Dead Scalia’s Supreme Court Seat, GOP Obviously Appalled

Despite stern warnings from Senate Republicans that so-called "President" Obama better not do anything crazy, like act as if he is the president, the wussy tyrant usurper-in-chief has decided once again to invite them to perform sexual relations on...

Stabby Ben Carson Says Violence Is Sometimes The Answer

Everybody is giving Donald Trump SO MUCH grief right now, just because his supporters are a bunch of violent, "poorly educated" thugs who hate everybody who's smarter and less filled with trans fat and bitterness than they are. But...

Guess Why Elizabeth Warren Is Mighty Pissed At Republicans This Time

It has been far too long since we have watched our favorite lady senator from Massachusetts schoolmarm at Republicans, for sucking. So we are overdue. You know why Sen. Elizabeth Queen o' Our Hearts Warren is mad at Republicans...

Just Because Justice Scalia Is Dead Doesn’t Mean He Can’t Vote

Here is a crazy idea from a crazy person that is so crazy, it just might work! (Spoiler: It will not work.) Kory Langhofer, who is "not a fan of government," is allegedly a lawyer in Arizona, and he has thunked...

Oregon Militia Twit Sues America For Being Literally Satan

Haha those Bundy Oregon militia snotweasel dicknose brats finally have something in common with REAL terrorists. Whereas Osama bin Laden's al Qaeda organization liked to think of America as "the Great Satan," militia supporter and "sovereign citizen" Shawna Cox,...
Not actually Bundy's son

Lawless Nevada Thug Cliven Bundy Gets To Stay In Jail Forever, Hooray!

Oh, those jackbooted federal government thugs have done it this time! They arrested Cliven Bundy last week in Oregon on charges related to the insane violent 2014 standoff he started in Nevada over whether the Constitution protects the God-given...

Ben Carson Wakes Up From Nap To Share Weird Dream He Had About Supreme Court

Rejoice, fellow Americans, for Ben Carson is awake and alive and still running for president, apparently! And he has heard the tragic news of the untimely demise (OR WAS IT MURDER?!) of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. Does he have thoughts? Sort of,...

Who Will Save The Babies Now That Antonin Scalia Is Roasting In Hell?

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (or "Anthony" Scalia if you are a moron, like Michele Bachmann) died Saturday night, when his heart quite suspiciously up and quit, as if a 79-year-old with health problems suddenly dying out of the blue is even...
Troll so hard

Badass Sen. Elizabeth Warren Kindly Invites GOP To Shut Up About Scalia Replacement

Know what's a nice thing to read on a Monday morning? No, not news that Antonin Scalia won't be around to replace Roe v. Wade with a two word ruling that says "JIGGERY POKERY!" Instead, it is your girlfriend Sen....
and also too energy, we forgot to put "energy" when we made our meme

Is It Time To Put Ben Carson Out Of His Misery? (Electorally Speaking, Of Course!)

Dear friends, we are worried about our smartest brain surgeon to ever cut open brains and also run for Republican president of America, Ben Carson. We have been saying for a long time that we are pretty sure his...

It Really Sucks To Be Ted Cruz Right Now

Is Ted Cruz the most hated man in all the Americas that he is from? Duh. Every single member of the Republican Party hates his guts so hard, they'd rather support Donald Trump, whose guts they also hate, just not...
To be sure, the gay bears tend not to be too overt at mosques

American Hero Heads To Prison For Threatening To Kill Muslims Because Fox News Told Him To

A man in La Mesa, California, was sentenced Wednesday after pleading guilty last year to leaving voicemails threatening to shoot employees of the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR). He has a really good excuse, though: the Fox News made him...