Tag Archives: constitution

  Sad war drumbeat :(

Aw, Man, Does This Mean We Don’t Get To Do War To Iran?

We sure showed 'em
And we were so looking forward to more endless war Bad news for bloodlusters who’ve been wanting, for years, to Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran. Despite all of the warnings from the very same stupid dicks who were completely wrong about Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction that turned out to just be Saddam’s doodles on the back of a cocktail napkin about how he might like to do some “weapons of mass destruction-related program activities” one day, it appears the Senate is prepared to back President Obama’s evil scheme to avoid warring on yet another country over in that desert region where all of our oil is buried: Read more on Aw, Man, Does This Mean We Don’t Get To Do War To Iran?…
  S-M-R-T

Let’s Watch Donald Trump And Mike Huckabee Jizz All Over America’s Tallest Mountain

Jesus says Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee are equally stupid.
Jesus says Donald Trump and Mike Huckabee are equally stupid. Oh look, it is Republican presidential candidates making a mountain out of … oh, this time they are making a mountain out of a mountain! Except they shouldn’t be making one fucking word about Obama restoring the name “Denali” to our nation’s tallest peak, because they are stupid, and it’s none of their fucking business what Alaskans want to call that big-ass mountain. (“Denali.” They want to call it “Denali.” Because that’s what they’ve always called it.) Read more on Let’s Watch Donald Trump And Mike Huckabee Jizz All Over America’s Tallest Mountain…
  The Gay Race War is real wait no it isn't

We Must Join With Ben Shapiro To Stop The Gays From Killing Again!

Oh look, it's the gays, taking away Ben Shapiro's freedom.
Oh look, it’s the gays, taking away Ben Shapiro’s freedom. Wednesday’s news was awful. Alison Parker and Adam Ward, a reporter and a cameraman with WDBJ-TV in Roanoke, Virginia, were murdered in cold blood, on television, for reasons we don’t fully know yet. The shooter, Vester Lee Flanagan, is dead now, by his own hand. We’ve already touched on how, for wingnuts without fully formed brains (looking directly at the men who suck Dead Breitbart’s corpse dick for a living, on the Breitbart website), the case is SOLVED, glory hallelujah, because the perp was black. Obviously, this is the beginning of the Race War. Obviously. Read more on We Must Join With Ben Shapiro To Stop The Gays From Killing Again!…
  Pretty talk

Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President

Bobby Jindal’s offical portrait. Yes, really. Louisiana Gov. Piyush “Bobby like the Brady Bunch” Jindal is the spittin’ image of racial transcendence. He doesn’t see race, even when he looks in the mirror, because he is a proud American, from America, raised by American immigrants who came to America, so that’s THAT. He is not Indian-American because he doesn’t believe in that sort of radical leftist divisive nonsense, and he’s “done with all this talk about hyphen-Americans.” And he’s so proud of his born-and-raised-right-here-in-America heritage that he’s willing to invoke laws that do not even exist to ensure that his state forever worships the Confederate traitors who declared war on the the United States and tried to leave it. Ah, patriotism. Read more on Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President…
  Smacked down again :(

Mean Judge Makes Kentucky Clerk Murder Jesus By Doing Marriage Licenses For Gays

Yep, lady, that's your God, stone cold rollin' His eyes at you.
Yep, lady, that’s your God, stone cold rollin’ His eyes at you. Here is your latest update on Kim Davis, martyr to the Christian masses and county clerk for Rowan County, Kentucky, who has been crucified by Teh Buttsechs Gods (read: the Supreme Court and the Constitution and Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear) more times than she can even count. Davis has already been ‘splained repeatedly that part of her duties as the county clerk is to do marriage licenses, and since the Supreme Court throat-crammed America with marriage equality, that includes gays. And the poor thing had been told by the wingnut “legal” outfit Liberty Counsel that it would be okay if she disobeyed, and also she should sue the governor because her religious freedom is being taken away. Heck, they’d even represent her! Read more on Mean Judge Makes Kentucky Clerk Murder Jesus By Doing Marriage Licenses For Gays…
  Today In Theocracy

Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution

Like Gamera, Baphomet is the friend of children everywhere
The merry Establishment Clause tricksters of the Satanic Temple held a big unveiling of their 1-ton statue of Baphomet over the weekend. Because they’re still waiting on a permit to place it next to the Ten Commandments monument at Oklahoma’s Capitol building — a monument that may be coming down anyway — the unveiling was held at the Satanic Temple’s chapter in Detroit. Not surprisingly, American Family Association radio guy Bryan Fischer is plenty angry about it, and would like you all to know that if we followed the REAL Constitution of the United States, none of this would be allowed, because the Founders only meant the First Amendment to apply to Christians. Read more on Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution…
  Sad stories

Fox News Lady Idiots Sick Of Being Tyrannied By Minorities All The Time

Boom, right?
If it is a day, you can be certain that there is a really stupid discussion happening on the Fox News network. Sometimes it is about Sharks Is Confusing, sometimes it’s about how it’s NO FAIR that some people get to say the N-word and others don’t. This time it happened on the “Outnumbered” program, and revolved around this story, of a redneck Missouri sheriff who just can’t understand why anybody would be offended by him sticking “In God We Trust” decals all over police cars, or how that’s kind of a separation of church and state issue. Read more on Fox News Lady Idiots Sick Of Being Tyrannied By Minorities All The Time…
  Oh yeah? YOU'RE Pontius Pilate!

Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus

I look like A Expert.
Wee young Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas, who seems to be under the impression he is president of both U.S. America and Iran, is making opinions with his mouth again. Because see, Barack Obama and John Kerry went to Iran and said, “Hey, would you like to bomb Israel and the United States, because you are Iran and you have started so many wars in the past few decades, unlike the United States and Israel, nations that are fainting flowers, too shy to start wars?” And Iran said, “Can you stop crippling our nation with sanctions and let us save a little face here, if we promise not to make nuclear bombs?” And Obama and Kerry replied, “Only if you promise to do nuclear war to everyone,” and a deal was made. At least that’s the wingnut version of it, we think, because they are very stupid, scared people. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus…
  Only two things come from Texas

Idiot Texas County Clerk Lady Issues Declaration About How Good She Hates The Gays

hooray
Thank goodness brave Texas bigots haven’t been shuttled off to the rainbow FEMA camps, so they can save the Republic from the santorum-drenched sodomite hordes. Molly Criner, county clerk for Irion County, issued a DECLARATION OF OBEDIENCE TO LAW AND THE DEFENSE OF NATURAL MARRIAGE (her words), and before anyone even had the chance to say boo, the sterling fellows at Liberty Counsel stepped up to the plate to defend her rights to legally break the law. Aw, what a charming little political stunt. Sorry, I mean political stunt. Political stunt! Excuse me, I must have something caught in my throat. Read more on Idiot Texas County Clerk Lady Issues Declaration About How Good She Hates The Gays…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?

Hey, Kids, hope you enjoyed both your Fourth of July and your Independence Day, seeing as how this was one of those years where they fall on the same day. Yr Wonkette had a nice day off and hardly blowed up anything at all that didn’t need ‘splodin’. And speaking of “highly Flammable,” we have for you a fine collection of deleted dumbth, starting with some thoughts from a “Dr. Lopez,” who we regret did not specify what his doctorate was in. Dr Lopez was not especially pleased with our piece on the Texas attorney general who issued an amazing public meltdown in the form of a press release following the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling. And Dr. Lopez had some thoughts about just what a Big Dummy our Evan Hurst must be — don’t be fooled by his flattery at the beginning! As always, punctuation and spelling are verbatim from original. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Was It Over When The Jews Bombed Pearl Harbor?…
  Not The Least Bit Similar

Bobby Jindal Didn’t Mind Stomping On Freedom When Judge Blocked Interracial Marriage

He seems nice
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is taking a cue from Texas and has announced that court clerks and other public employees who don’t want to issue gay marriage licenses won’t have to, just as long as an invisible friend in the sky told them they mustn’t. It’s quite the popular view today, although as RightWingWatch points out, Jindal wasn’t nearly so accommodating of freedom of conscience in 2009, when a Louisiana justice of the peace refused to grant a marriage license to an interracial couple. In fact, Jindal was downright hostile to the poor judge’s sincerely held beliefs. Oh, but that was a long time ago, and totally different, because that judge never invoked Jebus (as far as we can tell) so just shut up. Totally different. Read more on Bobby Jindal Didn’t Mind Stomping On Freedom When Judge Blocked Interracial Marriage…
  Point and laugh some more

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.
You know how toddlers do sometimes when they skip their naps and the simplest perceived slight turns into a 30-minute-long RAGER of a screaming, crying temper tantrum? Well, that is what is happening to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton right now, and it is beautiful. We’d say somebody should intervene, but we think we’re gonna have to just let him cry it out. He issued the following hysterical screed in response to Friday’s Supreme Court marriage equality ruling, because it just hurts so bad to be a fucking loser like Ken Paxton right now. Here are a few of the best quotes: Read more on Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage…
  He's more like a Walmart greeter

Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way

Maybe Jesus is a Messican guy who lives in the city.
The mean liberals at the Freedom From Religion Foundation have found their latest target, and it is the innocent residents of Hawkins, Texas, who really like the big ugly-ass sign they have at the entrance to town that says “Jesus welcomes you to Hawkins.” What’s the problem? Oh, it’s on city-owned land, which means the city is endorsing Jesus as a deity, when they are supposed to remain impartial, according to that quaint little thing called the United States Constitution. But hold on a minute, according to the mayor, this is FINE, because Jesus is not welcoming people in a RELIGIOUS way. It’s more because Jesus is so popular — guess he just likes to greet people, like at Walmart: Read more on Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way…
  But yeah they'll still get paid

Hero Mitch McConnell Says Senate Not Gonna Bother Doing Its Job Anymore, Take That, Obama

You don't deserve that beer, pal
There’s an ugly rumor going around that the United States Senate of America has a job to do, besides sending love letters to our enemies and celebrating craft beer. According to the Constitution — or maybe the Bible, we always get those two confused — the Senate is supposed to review presidential nominees for the federal judiciary, hold some hearings, and then vote “YAY, go do some judging, Your Honor,” or “Hells nope, you are a terrible racist piece of scum, go away, JEFF SESSIONS, or just become Alabama’s next senator, we guess.” Read more on Hero Mitch McConnell Says Senate Not Gonna Bother Doing Its Job Anymore, Take That, Obama…