JON MCNAUGHTON WOULD LIKE TO ADDRESS HIS CRITICS: The mastermind behind the greatest painting ever, Jon McNaughton, would like to go on the record: “Some of the chatter going around on these liberal blog sites I feel is unfounded.” Also: “Why Satan? I don’t for a second believe he looks like that, but I do believe he is real.” [Jon McNaughton Art]

Mike Huckabee has always seemed like a nice enough fellow, which is strange, because he also wants us all to shoot each other! Here he argues that if Iranian lady Neda had had a gun, she would’ve been able to shoot all of those mean people first, meaning… [some sort of segue, while laughing]… the American Constitution’s Bill of Rights is not what you think it is: “Some of us fail to understand that our 1st Amendment right to speak and assemble is meaningless without our 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.” Misread! [YouTube via Slog]

Well, that’s what this dingus gets for not carrying around a pocket-sized copy of The Communist Manifesto, which was pretty clearly published in 1848, MANY MOONS after the drafting of the Constitution. At a recent appearance in Wausau, Wisconsin, he said that the Founding Fathers “knew socialism doesn’t work. They knew communism doesn’t work.” On the other hand, the Founding Fathers knew two things did work: leeching, and slavery. [Wausau Daily Herald]

Of all the people/organizations in Washington most likely to embarrass themselves with Twitter’s power of spontaneity, those masterful enablers of the Inadvertently Hilarious at the RNC probably lead the pack. So look what they found yesterday: a word-play! Oh that Obama, that lying OBAMA, one day it’s “Constitution” this, another day “Gay Europe” that. Links to a brief YouTube clip, with no historical context. Does anyone want to learn the historical context, though? No! This isn’t Harvard or whatever the hell it’s called, the other one, Dart-Mouth. MORE »

Poor Hillary Clinton, who spends literally all of her time sending out spoofed Joe Biden emails begging donations for her massive campaign debt, has yet another financial indignity on her horizon: She’ll make $4,700 less per year than the current black Secretary of State, because that’s how Barack Obama’s America rolls. MORE »

• OH NOES: Hillary Clinton cannot legally be the Secretary of State, maybe, because of Ron Paul’s Constitution! [Gawker]

You know who hates edible Christmas gifts and loves the New Testament? James Dobson, that’s who! And that’s why he despises Barack Obama and his delicious fruitcake Constitution for pointing out that Leviticus says a lot of wacky shit about shellfish. Wait, did that last bit make zero sense? Then it still makes one million times more sense than what Focus on the Family’s leader will be saying on his radio program today. MORE »

Would you like to buy some “signed and numbered, limited edition archival prints and canvases” commemorating Ron Paul’s liberty? In the rare case you turn that pitch down, what if we told you they feature the work of “renowned artist Randy Lee Blain”? Check some of these prints after the jump, but be warned: they may be hilarious, and hobbit-like. MORE »

Huckles appeared on Today this morning (I assume) to explain why he wants to convert the Constitution into the Jesus Novel. It’s great how whenever he’s asked whether homosexuality is a sin, he responds, “Oh we’re all sinners, and now here’s a joke to change the subject!” And that subject always does get changed, even though he’s left us with the logical conundrum that all of our “sinful” tendencies should be banned by Constitutional amendments.

I appreciate that Mike Huckabee is open about his desire to change the Constitution to better reflect “the word of the living God.” Because, really, not many of his constitutional amendmendofascists compatriots are nearly as open about their desires. He’s not a fan of the whole separation-of-church-and-state thing here, he’s really just out to make sure that the laws reflect his religion’s view of society and he doesn’t give a crap who knows it. It’s not like he’s playing like the intelligent design people that it isn’t about God or something, he’s saying my Jeebus wants what he wants and I know what he wants and I’m going to do that, and I appreciate it, Mike, because moving to a foreign country takes more planning than just November through January. MORE »

Wow, we thought we’d have to search a *little* to find an obnoxious and misdirected Paultard rally, but here we are working at the Radisson in Manchester — where Fox News is not hosting any Paul-excluding forums tonight — and the shit starts raining. They’re chanting about some document called the Constitution. We hear New Hamphshire’s is working out swell for all parties, balanced budgets and the like, so maybe they mean to say the Articles of Confederation.