Tag Archives: constitution

  Not The Least Bit Similar

Bobby Jindal Didn’t Mind Stomping On Freedom When Judge Blocked Interracial Marriage

He seems nice
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal is taking a cue from Texas and has announced that court clerks and other public employees who don’t want to issue gay marriage licenses won’t have to, just as long as an invisible friend in the sky told them they mustn’t. It’s quite the popular view today, although as RightWingWatch points out, Jindal wasn’t nearly so accommodating of freedom of conscience in 2009, when a Louisiana justice of the peace refused to grant a marriage license to an interracial couple. In fact, Jindal was downright hostile to the poor judge’s sincerely held beliefs. Oh, but that was a long time ago, and totally different, because that judge never invoked Jebus (as far as we can tell) so just shut up. Totally different. Read more on Bobby Jindal Didn’t Mind Stomping On Freedom When Judge Blocked Interracial Marriage…
  Point and laugh some more

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.
You know how toddlers do sometimes when they skip their naps and the simplest perceived slight turns into a 30-minute-long RAGER of a screaming, crying temper tantrum? Well, that is what is happening to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton right now, and it is beautiful. We’d say somebody should intervene, but we think we’re gonna have to just let him cry it out. He issued the following hysterical screed in response to Friday’s Supreme Court marriage equality ruling, because it just hurts so bad to be a fucking loser like Ken Paxton right now. Here are a few of the best quotes: Read more on Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage…
  He's more like a Walmart greeter

Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way

Maybe Jesus is a Messican guy who lives in the city.
The mean liberals at the Freedom From Religion Foundation have found their latest target, and it is the innocent residents of Hawkins, Texas, who really like the big ugly-ass sign they have at the entrance to town that says “Jesus welcomes you to Hawkins.” What’s the problem? Oh, it’s on city-owned land, which means the city is endorsing Jesus as a deity, when they are supposed to remain impartial, according to that quaint little thing called the United States Constitution. But hold on a minute, according to the mayor, this is FINE, because Jesus is not welcoming people in a RELIGIOUS way. It’s more because Jesus is so popular — guess he just likes to greet people, like at Walmart: Read more on Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way…
  But yeah they'll still get paid

Hero Mitch McConnell Says Senate Not Gonna Bother Doing Its Job Anymore, Take That, Obama

You don't deserve that beer, pal
There’s an ugly rumor going around that the United States Senate of America has a job to do, besides sending love letters to our enemies and celebrating craft beer. According to the Constitution — or maybe the Bible, we always get those two confused — the Senate is supposed to review presidential nominees for the federal judiciary, hold some hearings, and then vote “YAY, go do some judging, Your Honor,” or “Hells nope, you are a terrible racist piece of scum, go away, JEFF SESSIONS, or just become Alabama’s next senator, we guess.” Read more on Hero Mitch McConnell Says Senate Not Gonna Bother Doing Its Job Anymore, Take That, Obama…
  ooh poll taxes!

Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!

Ohio is even less expensive than Monopoly!
Ohio is on top of our nation’s massive problem with voter fraud. You know how Democrats do, during early voting, they vote 900 times, and then they vote 900 more times on Election Day, under the names of so many dead people. This is such a big problem that Ohio science studies show that 0.002397 percent of the votes cast in the 2012 election were bad, rude, fraudulent votes. So, we gotta tackle this! Thank goodness Ohio state Rep. Andrew Brenner is around, to put forth a new voter ID bill, Ohio HB 189, that, among other things, will charge voters $8.50, so they can get an ID for voting purposes. Poll taxes! So retro! Read more on Ohio Will Let You Vote For The Low, Low Price Of $8.50!…
  weep for the oppressed Christian majority

North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever

If you don't pray in Jesus's name, the big guy in the sky can't hear you.
North Carolina’s Lincoln County doesn’t have any Jewish, Muslim or Hindu houses of worship, but that does not mean the godless liberal Ay-rabs, with their San Francisco Sharia Law values, aren’t currently attacking the poor Christians who populate the rural county. This is why Carrol Mitchem, chairman of the Lincoln County Board of Commissioners, has chosen a particularly stupid passion in life, which is making sure all county meetings start with prayers to Jesus, only Jesus, and definitely none of them Funny Gods from Foreigner-ville: Read more on North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever…
  this will totally work

Rep. Steve King Shows Gay Supreme Court Who Is The Very Straight Boss Of Them

Jesus
Rep. Steve King has introduced a completely new and different bill to stop the Supreme Court from forcing gay marriage on these United States in June. It is called the “Restrain the Judges on Marriage Act of 2015,” and it would make a law that says, whoops, sorry, if a case has “G-A-Y” and “marriage” in the title, judges aren’t allowed to hear it: Read more on Rep. Steve King Shows Gay Supreme Court Who Is The Very Straight Boss Of Them…
  Now how's about all you lezbogays get in the kitchen and make South Carolina a sammich?

South Carolina Waves Constitution Around To Prove Gays Can’t Get Married And Ladies Are Chattel

South Carolina woman no longer protected by the 14th Amendment, we guess.
The Supreme Court is planning to hear arguments at the end of April in Buttsechs v. Phyllis Schlafly (not what it’s really called), the case they will most likely use to permanently cram gay marriage into the throats and bottoms of all the American people. This means that everyone and their wingnut uncle is submitting an amicus brief that says either “here is why I want to be able to marry the person I love” or “God will bomb America with fire if we let those faggots destroy our way of life!” But the state of South Carolina has sent the Supreme Court a truly stunning love note, which essentially says that due to the 14th Amendment, they are TOO allowed to discriminate against the homosexuals. Why? Because the 14th Amendment says they can also clearly discriminate against ladies. According to this logic, ladies are just like gays, in that they are inferior to straight white Christian slaveowners, wait what? Read more on South Carolina Waves Constitution Around To Prove Gays Can’t Get Married And Ladies Are Chattel…
  Complete with matching blankies for you and your libertarian sex lover

Let’s All Poke Through Rand Paul’s Online Garage Sale And Then Not Buy Anything

Today is the day Rand Paul has been waiting for, when Rand Paul announced that Rand Paul will officially lose the 2016 election! And wouldn’t you know it, he came prepared, for he has many, many nice things for sale, in case you need Rand Paul on your tits, your dick, or your bedroom ceiling, which is where you’ll want to put that fancy eye chart up there! Yours for only $20.16! He did an eye chart, you see, because he pretends to be an ophthalmologist. Read more on Let’s All Poke Through Rand Paul’s Online Garage Sale And Then Not Buy Anything…
  IMAGINE if Ted Cruz was president of the gays

Ted Cruz Would Be Very Bad News For Gays, If He Were President LOL

Not immaculate, but OK
Canadian Ted Cruz declared his candidacy for emperor of the US Americas today, having decided that the best way to run a presidential campaign is to blow your load really early, like a teenage girl trying to be the first say “FIRST!!!” in a Perez Hilton comment thread. He, of course, did his premature ejaculation announcement speech at Dead Jerry Falwell’s Liberty University, the only known educational institution to have the distinction of being the safety school you go to if you can’t get into University of Phoenix. Speechifying at Liberty is a surefire dogwhistle, when you want to reassure hateful, stupid idiots that you are just as hateful and stupid as they are. Falwell, after all, famously blamed the gays, the abortionists and the ACLU for 9/11. Read more on Ted Cruz Would Be Very Bad News For Gays, If He Were President LOL…
  The Wonkette Media Empire

Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette

Here at yr Wonkette, we’re always brainstorming new ways to amuse and confound you. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this thing! It is called The Weekend Stock Photo Report With Weekend S. Photo! It is kind of a video slide show of funny pictures that we are definitely allowed to use, and a voice-over that says funny things about the politics, and boy aren’t you a lucky duckie, huh? Read more on Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette…
  second amendment solutions

Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing

THE SETUP: A group in Texas called Open Carry Tarrant County feels very affectionately toward guns and certain Amendments. They also like HB195 (“the Texas Constitutional Carry Act of 2015″), a bill before the Texas legislature that would do two main things: Remove the requirement that Texans obtain a permit to carry a concealed handgun, and permit any legally sober Texan to carry a handgun, either concealed or openly upon their corpus, pretty much anywhere except churches, prisons, sporting events, hospitals, saloons, amusement parks, and government meetings. So Open Carry Tarrant County assembled to do a little lobbying for HB195 at the State House! Read more on Open Carry Nuts Yell Nonsense At Texas State Rep, Because That Is Kind Of Their Thing…
  Federal Judge Tells Gays To Suck It

Louisiana Federal Judge Screws Gays, Lesbians (And Not In The Good Way)

Probably should pull the cone outta his mouth to make room for his foot.
RICK SANTORUM WINS! After years of spewing vitriol from his frothy mouthhole, his lies about how all the gays are just incesting, dog-humping miscreants has finally managed to convince someone! Unfortunately, that someone is a GODDAM FEDERAL JUDGE from Louisiana: Read more on Louisiana Federal Judge Screws Gays, Lesbians (And Not In The Good Way)…