Wonkette

You know who hates edible Christmas gifts and loves the New Testament? James Dobson, that’s who! And that’s why he despises Barack Obama and his delicious fruitcake Constitution for pointing out that Leviticus says a lot of wacky shit about shellfish. Wait, did that last bit make zero sense? Then it still makes one million times more sense than what Focus on the Family’s leader will be saying on his radio program today. MORE »

Would you like to buy some “signed and numbered, limited edition archival prints and canvases” commemorating Ron Paul’s liberty? In the rare case you turn that pitch down, what if we told you they feature the work of “renowned artist Randy Lee Blain”? Check some of these prints after the jump, but be warned: they may be hilarious, and hobbit-like. MORE »

Huckles appeared on Today this morning (I assume) to explain why he wants to convert the Constitution into the Jesus Novel. It’s great how whenever he’s asked whether homosexuality is a sin, he responds, “Oh we’re all sinners, and now here’s a joke to change the subject!” And that subject always does get changed, even though he’s left us with the logical conundrum that all of our “sinful” tendencies should be banned by Constitutional amendments.

I appreciate that Mike Huckabee is open about his desire to change the Constitution to better reflect “the word of the living God.” Because, really, not many of his constitutional amendmendofascists compatriots are nearly as open about their desires. He’s not a fan of the whole separation-of-church-and-state thing here, he’s really just out to make sure that the laws reflect his religion’s view of society and he doesn’t give a crap who knows it. It’s not like he’s playing like the intelligent design people that it isn’t about God or something, he’s saying my Jeebus wants what he wants and I know what he wants and I’m going to do that, and I appreciate it, Mike, because moving to a foreign country takes more planning than just November through January. MORE »

Wow, we thought we’d have to search a *little* to find an obnoxious and misdirected Paultard rally, but here we are working at the Radisson in Manchester — where Fox News is not hosting any Paul-excluding forums tonight — and the shit starts raining. They’re chanting about some document called the Constitution. We hear New Hamphshire’s is working out swell for all parties, balanced budgets and the like, so maybe they mean to say the Articles of Confederation.

We pretty much could spend the whole week showing clips of Ron Paul’s idiotic appearance on Meet the Press last Sunday, but we’ll stop with this (just to practice our self-discipline). Among the other topics he discussed with Tim Russert was his plan to amend the Constitution to not let teh Messicans become US citizens. He mentions that amending the Constitution is constitutional. How true, how true. The only thing about that argument is that, um, it kind of negates his entire platform of not fucking with the Constitution. So if changing the Constitution is constitutional, and his platform is based on not changing the Constitution, then his platform is unconstitutional? This can only mean… GO RON PAUL 2008!!!11!1!!

Did you know that Dumbeldore’s outing has serious implications for the originalist interpretation of the Constitution? Also, Dolores Umbridge is totally supposed to be fucking Chertoff, man.

From: Ettore Greco
To: (Basically every news outfit in America, plus Wonkette)
Date: Today, 1:04 pm

Soon, we will not trust a Muslim on a bus or a Jewish surgeon at the hospital or a Christian policeman in the streets. Once expanded the conflict in the Middle East, Bush will attempt to remain commander in chief even after his mandate to involve all populations in this War. After 2008, this manipulated war of Religions will spread more and more to resemble a new Crusade. There is one solution to stop this course, otherwise inevitable: to divulge the evidence of Wavevolution (based on the simple transformation from waves to mass) to offset Moses’ big lie. In fact, the Bible is the Constitution and origin for Jews, Christians and Muslims which are the instruments used by the Bush’s conspiracy.
www.wavettore.com
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George W. Bush has used his veto power exactly once during his six long, miserable years in office — and that was to ensure Ronald Reagan’s legacy of Alzheimer’s would continue for all elderly Americans. What’s next for Bush’s once-used veto pen? Hint: The legislation involves the two things he hates most. Okay, here’s another hint: Those two things are Washington and Democracy. MORE »

While American politicians are usually Satanists or Vampires, EU politicians are animated corpses and/or mummies. MORE »

“The Second Amendment to the Constitution: Why it is important to our nation.”
by Wonkette
7th Grade MORE »