Wonkette

Happy Dead Presidents Day, everybody! Our most beloved non-Reagan dead president, John F. “Jack” Kennedy, was killed by Lyndon Johnson’s Anti-Castro Cuban CIA Mafia Military-Industrial FBI Complex way back in 1963. We still don’t know exactly what happened, because “the government” won’t release the files for another forty or fifty years (or never), but the Dallas Morning News says a weird old transcript proves or doesn’t prove how “lone gunman” Lee Harvey Oswald and mafia-nightclub tough Jack Ruby discussed killing JFK so, uh, the Chicago mob wouldn’t be bothered by Kennedy’s little brother, Bobby Kennedy, who was attorney general back when the attorney general was expected to do anti-crime things rather than just torture innocent foreigners forever, in Cuba. MORE »

Has Ron Paul’s Internet Brigade been interesting and hilarious? Of course! Has all his silly talk about “freedom” and the “U.S. Constitution” maybe made a few kids interested in those arcane and unprofitable fantasies? Sure! But will the loyalist Paulians ever, uh, acknowledge their guy’s a fringe candidate running an anti-war campaign within America’s Defense Industry Party and he’s not ever going to be president of anything, not even the Internet? Sort of, but not really. Let’s investigate. MORE »

Above, the now famous video of Rudy Giuliani taking a call from “his wife” in the middle of a capitulating speech to the NRA, who, understandably, hate him for supporting stricter gun control measures while mayor than just about any other politician in the country besides those who are or have been mayors of large cities. But maybe his wife wasn’t actually the one who was calling him! If you watch the video, and you’re a fan of either guns or the Constitution (or both!), you might notice that America’s Mayor is, in fact, in the middle of fundamentally misquoting our beloved Second Amendment when his wife calls. Our patriotic colleagues at FreeRepublic certainly noticed. MORE »

He’s back! Rudy Giuliani’s beloved YouTube campaign artist has returned with another delightful “drive around L.A. and say crazy bullshit about Republican candidates and the general political scene.” In this episode, he covers the pressing concerns of Mexicans having all the jobs, Gays having all the Republican politicians, Larry Craig’s refusal to become aroused by a hand down his pants, Mitt Romney’s sons trying to set up Larry in the airport bathroom, and other such things sure to delight Giuliani’s mouth-breathing supporters. And this time, the dude’s wearing a Tucker Carlson bowtie — wheels within wheels!

Rudy Giuliani — Not gay like Fred Thompson [YouTube]

It’s almost too depressing to mention again, but let’s recap the Pat Tillman revelations from Army medical examiners and internal Pentagon reports released last week and find out what happens when famous football stars turned Army Heroes become anti-war critics: MORE »

Justice was finally served in the Lone Star state today as the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals refused to un-drop charges of conspiracy against Tom DeLay. MORE »

Some hippy on DailyKos has revealed puzzling details from a mysterious book-tour stop by noted spook Bob Woodward. MORE »

Shockingly obvious new evidence proves that the bullets that killed President Kennedy could’ve basically come from anywhere and at anytime, even the future. The strongest case for mysterious weirdo Lee Harvey Oswald being one of the Lone Gunmen was that the two shots that killed JFK were extremely unique for some reason and could only have been fired from Oswald’s rifle. But researchers found plenty of other “exact matches” for the bullet fragments, including from new boxes of ammo.

Read more stuff that Gerald Ford is no longer around to “edit,” after the jump.

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Let the America-hating Arabs at the Washington Post say whatever they want, we stand by Dick Cheney and his continued claims that Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden had deep financial connections. MORE »