conspiracy theories
Tennessee Dems Nominate Insane No-Name Conspiracy Monster for Senate, But At Least He’s Not Harold Ford
It appears that whatever crew of shady state ballot-fucking political operatives have finally released their 2012-edition Alvin Greene Candidate. This time it’s in Tennessee, and his name is Mark Clayton. He will carry the Democratic party banner in this fall’s matchup against Sen. Bob Corker, because his name was listed first on the primary ballot [...]
Orly Taitz Losing Senate Race, GOP Racism Against White People to Blame
Here is a very important regional political update that you will not want to miss: famous dingbat and U.S. Senate candidate Orly Taitz has been snubbed for the endorsement of the California Republican Assembly. Orly Taitz has considered all the reasons why this might be the case, and Republican racism against white people is the [...]
Arizona Lawmaker Fears Highway Bill Will Lead To One North American Country, Currency Called The ‘Amero’
On Thursday, in the revolutionary desert of this nation, an Arizona lawmaker by the name of David Stevens, a Republican representing Sierra Vista, refused to support a highway bill that would fund the creation of a new highway from Phoenix to Las Vegas (nay, may all roads lead there!) — not because of the gambling [...]
Indiana GOP Rep: Girl Scouts Are Bunch of Gay Communist Abortionists
Remember a few decades ago when conservative parents used to keep themselves awake at night worrying about the music of Judas Priest or Kiss shooting mind control rays full of Satanism into their children’s brains? Those would be today’s “center-left” voters. To be a true conservative American Jesus warrior these days, you must move past [...]
Some Guys: Obama Teleported to Mars With Us
The latest ploy to draw skepticism (or bizarre, unwanted fandom) to our $99 Million Dollar Man, President Obama, is to suggest that he teleported to Mars during a top-secret CIA mission to explore the planet in the 1980s. According to two guys named Andrew D. Basiago and William Stillings, Obama, then known as one “Barry [...]
Hugo Chavez Demands to Know If United States Gave Him Cancer
In case you ever wonder to yourself, as a dark thought experiment, what it sounds like when someone as profoundly paranoid and insane as Michele Bachmann actually ends up as a head of state, you get hilarious newz reports about your president like this one: A day after officials announced the cancer diagnosis of Argentina’s [...]
Michelle Obama’s Trip to Target Was Basically a Lie
Our FLOTUS is very fortunate, because there is no Wall Street Insanity, in her world. Michelle Obama lives a much calmer existence, in a place where simple questions (“Where do fat people come from?”) have simple answers (“Arby’s”). So she is sometimes able to spend her time doing enjoyable things, like celebrating her wedding anniversary [...]
Wingnuts Ambush John McCain Demanding He Retract ‘Hobbits’ Insult
Roving gangs of unruly Arizona Teatards showed up to a John McCain town hall meeting to do the usual: holler and gnash their teeth and complain about the price of scooter fuel and double deep fried Oreos. Not news! But the butthurt contingent of lunatics also demanded that WALNUTS apologize for that one recent time [...]
South Carolina GOP County Co-Chair ‘Likes’ Cop Killing on Facebook
Murderous right-wing nutjob rage seems to be all the fashion these days! South Carolina Republican Kershaw County co-chair Jeff Mattox thought fit to go ahead and click the Facebook “Like” button on a link to a bizarre, lengthy ALL CAPS-laden screed asking, “when is somebody justified in shooting a police officer?” Hint: if you answered [...]
Paultards Race To Discover Secret Meaning of Ron Paul Retirement
Ron Paul, currently on his third run for president, is finally “in it to win” this time: he announced he will not seek re-election to his Congressional seat so he can focus on his presidential run. This has led to a massive outpouring of grief from sobbing Paultards, who all want to know WHO NOW POSSIBLY [...]
Can of Pringles Causes Bomb Scare At Bilderberg Meeting In Switzerland
The annual super secret scary capitalist meeting of the Bilderbergs is underway in St. Moritz, Switzerland, with all the usual vintage cronies like Kissinger and Rockefeller and the Goldman Sachs chairman and their European villain equivalents. OR IS IT? Two mysterious heroes for democracy attempted to either have a snack or, if you look at [...]
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