conspiracy theories

TAKING CUNTPUNT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL  11:25 am May 21, 2013

Secret Service Investigating Right Wing Radio Host Who Offered To Shoot Hillary Clinton In Her Benghina

by snipy

You might all be surprised to learn that sometimes at Wonkette our language is, shall we say, less than decorous. You are shocked, we know! But ’tis true! We lovingly let people know they can eat bags of dicks and we never miss an opportunity to remind you that Jim Hoft is the stupidest fucking [...]

TRUST NO ONE  1:48 pm April 30, 2013

Former Members Of Congress Seek Evidence of Alien Life, Their Own Continued Relevance

by Doktor Zoom

Six former members of Congress, two of whom you may actually have heard of if you don’t live in their state, are holding 30 hours of pretend “hearings” at the National Press Club this week on the important topic of what the U.S. Government really knows about the existence of extraterrestrials, according to a mostly [...]

KEEP RUNNIN' YER PISSFLAPS  6:20 pm April 29, 2013

‘Irate Boston Man’ Unloads Epic Rant At Alex Jones Acolyte, Earning Love & Gratitude Of Millions

by Doktor Zoom

Here for your enjoyment are four minutes and ten seconds of America’s Newest Hero, the as-yet unidentified man heard here calling InfoWars “reporter” Dan Bidondi — and his boss infamous turd nugget Alex Jones — the most delightful variety of swears captured on video since whenever Susie Essman was last on Curb Your Enthusiasm. (Kid [...]

BLOWHARD IN THE WIND  3:47 pm April 19, 2013

Maine Governor: University Wind Turbine Uses ‘Little Electric Motor’ Or Maybe Witchcraft

by Doktor Zoom

Seems like C_R_Eature missed a Top Science Discovery in his roundup of the week’s science news: Maine Gov. Paul LePage, who has had just about enough of this “clean energy” nonsense, accused the University of Maine of using vile subterfuge and “a little electric motor” to fool decent god-fearing folk into thinking that electricity can [...]

I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO GLUE MY POSTER  5:15 pm April 4, 2013

Good News: Most Americans Reject Conspiracy Theories! Bad News: A Big Chunk Of Americans Believe Them!

by Doktor Zoom

So, how should we react when a poll shows that over a third of Republicans and independents say they “believe that a secretive power elite with a globalist agenda is conspiring to eventually rule the world through an authoritarian world government, or New World Order”? (When you factor in the 15% of Democrats who fear [...]

ABSENT BLACK DADS  3:00 pm February 14, 2013

RNC Committeeman Dave Agema: Hey Y’All Know If This Onion Story About ‘Bama’s Slow Sad Son Is True?

by Jeff Wattrick

Republican National Committeeman and former Michigan state representative Dave Agema is a swell guy. He once, in the midst of a state budget showdown, skipped some key votes so he could hunt sheep in Russia. (True fact: The sheep were afraid, but not of getting shot!) Another time, he complained taxpayers were spending too much [...]

ISN'T ONE SEKRIT MUSLIN ENOUGH?  3:14 pm February 11, 2013

Latest Wingnut Meme: CIA Nominee Brennan Is Secret Muslim Infil-Traitor, Just Like In That ‘Homeland’ Teevee Show

by Doktor Zoom

OK, Wingnutosphere — just knock it off. We are no longer accepting new nominations for “Least Plausible Conspiracy Theory,” so can you just give it a rest now, please? The latest contender is a claim making the rounds about how John Brennan, Barack Obama’s nominee to head the CIA, secretly converted to Islam while he [...]

ORGANIC FREE-RANGE WORD SALAD  8:52 am January 10, 2013

Wackaloon Candidate For Nevada Governor Ready For Civil War, Obama To Kill Him

by Doktor Zoom

This somewhat unconventionally coifed gentleman is David Lory VanDerBeek, Nevada’s Constitution Party candidate for Governor in 2014. In addition to failing to win election to the U.S. Senate in 2012, he has posted several very long videos to YouTube, and we have watched two of them so you won’t have to (we kind of gave [...]

I SCREAM YOU SCREAM WE ALL SCREAM FOR AR-15S  8:54 am January 8, 2013

Alex Jones Yells, Adopts Bad British Accent While Calmly Explaining His Serious Concerns

by Doktor Zoom

Damn you all to hell, Alex Jones! You have really gone and done it now. It wasn’t enough that you took fringe conspiracy theories from badly photocopied screeds to the mainstream, or that your idiocy pollutes virtually every Google search, pushing aside decent American porn, or that you have a dedicated following of rabid basement-dwelling [...]

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON STUPID  9:16 am December 12, 2012

Wingnut Chick: Do Drugs and You Might End Up Like That Guy Who Became President

by Taylor Huffman

Maybe you’re on the fence when it comes to Marijuana legalization – you tried it at a Cranberries concert in the ’90s and didn’t understand all the fuss, but you’re worried your commute to work will be cluttered with one too many drum circles. Perhaps you hate the stuff, but you’re like, sooo anti-Fed you’d [...]

FOR ONCE WE'RE ROOTING FOR THE CIA GUYS  11:13 am November 3, 2012

Intelligence Community Points Out Fox Was Kinda Lying About Benghazi This Whole Time

by Doktor Zoom

As you may have noticed, the Wingnut Noise Machine is seriously pushing the notion that President Obama deliberately sat back and did nothing when a Libyan militia attacked the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi on Sept. 11, apparently because he is either incompetent (the “charitable” view) or because he just plain hates America that much (the [...]

WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AT WAR WITH EASTQUESTRIA.  12:50 pm October 22, 2012

Ghost Breitbart: Murdoch’s Wall Street Journal Now Part Of Obama’s Propaganda Machine

by Doktor Zoom

Hey guys! Did you know that there’s a vast left-wing conspiracy to cover up the TRVTH about what happened in Libya? Totally factual and documented — at least, inside what Wonkette’s BFF Rachel Maddow calls the conservative “media bubble where [there are no] neutral or contrasting points of view.” And so, when Rupert Murdoch’s Wall [...]

THE YECCHS FILES  3:30 pm August 24, 2012

Creative Unified Obama Conspiracy Theory Designed to Push All Wingnut Buttons At Once

by Doktor Zoom

Back in our grad skool Shakespeare class, Professor Kiefer noted that Elizabethan tragedians, keen to keep the groundlings entertained, kept ramping up onstage murders until some plays ended with bodies heaped all over the stage. He linked this to other escalations of sensationalism in popular culture, from the Théâtre du Grand-Guignol to the ever-more baroque [...]

99 WAYS TO DIE  12:30 pm August 16, 2012

Heavy Metal Yowler Dave Mustaine Knows Obama Did All Those Shootings, Probably 9/11 Too

by Josh Fruhlinger

If there’s one aspect of modern political discourse your Wonkette editor finds unbearably tedious, it’s “Remember how our side did X and you reacted with outrage, but now YOUR side did X and WHERE’S THE OUTRAGE,” because the only thing duller than arguing about tax policy or whatever is meta-arguing about arguing. That having been [...]

WE FORGOT TO SAY "BETWEEN THE SHEETS!"  6:04 pm August 7, 2012

Psychic Wonkette Post Foresaw Hero Journalist Jerome Corsi’s Next Move: Gaybama!

by Doktor Zoom

What do we know about this “Barack Hussein Obama” person anyway? Beyond the obvious stuff, of course, like the fact that he is the son of Malcolm X, was a spy in Pakistan, and astrally projected to Mars, we mean. But how is it possible, in today’s modern media-saturated world of iPhones and 24-hour news [...]

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