Wonkette

The most prolific blogger ever in the history of mankind has been dark since yesterday, and anxious readers have come up with a bunch of creative explanations far beyond his colleague Marc Ambinder’s simple and obvious, “He’s taking a couple days off.” Join us as we enter the dark labyrinthine souls and speculations of Sullivan readers… MORE »

Remember that time former pro wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura ran for Governor of Minnesota, and then he said, “Until you hunted man, you haven’t hunted yet,” and then he turned into a crazy paranoid kook with Satanic facial hair? Well, now he has a new book, and he has embarrassed the Libertarians, so he is doing about as well as anybody expected. [Reason]

Crack reporters at ABC News have uncovered the real evidence that Mike Huckabee set up American hero John McCain for a fall: his continued hints at an upcoming “YouTube moment” of reckoning. That and Huckabee’s continued presence in the Republican primary race, despite there being no statistical chance he could clinch the nomination…unless something terrible were to happen to McCain, of course. MORE »

Former Pakistani Prime Minister Benazir Bhutto was assassinated today in Rawalpindi, Pakistan after attending a political rally. After someone pumped her full of lead, a suicide bomber detonated his load in her crowd of supporters, probably to slow emergency services enough to assure the shooting was successful. We would normally probably snark, but we also recall that Al-Qaeda assassinated Northern Alliance leader Ahmed Shah Massoud as sort of a favor/thank-you gesture to the Taliban on September 9, 2001 to ensure their continued protection, so we’re sorta just going to hide under the covers for a couple of days. [Washington Post]

There are now two places on Earth where New Orleans isn’t a half-abandoned wasteland: Micheal “Brownie” Brown’s mind and Google Maps. MORE »

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* Justice Department tries to whack a wise guy to save Rudy and Hillary’s reputations. [HuffPo]
* Rich white assholes suspect John McCain might be “tainted, perhaps beyond repair.” [Club for Growth (PDF)]
* Second Iranian agent forsakes his homeland for burgers, baseball and big fake titties. [Newsmax]
* Congressman Mike Doyle thinks Pitchfork Media is the hipster equivalent of Fox News. [Tech Dirt]
* Bush edging ever closer to the all-time record for futility. [Political Arithmetik]
* So, you say you never ever want to get laid? [Political Insider]
* Fred Thompson’s new running mate is the other guy from Law & Order. Betcha didn’t see that coming. [Hotline on Call]
* Hurry! Only one day left to get your application in to spend the summer flip-flopping around the Hill and blowing Howard Dean. [Democrats.org]
* Dennis Miller is hosting Rudy’s fundraiser tonight, so, like with dinner, laugh before you go. [Suitably Flip]

* Hillary Clinton’s “One Week, One Million” fund-raising campaign taps into the base impulses of Net surfers. [TechPresident]
* The eyebrow-plucking alligator shoe wearing set is behind you all the way. [GQ]
* Cunningham/Foggo clusterfuck moves on from Watergategate/Hookergate to Highestlevelsofpowercoveringupreallyheavyshitgate. [TPM]
* The 1/2 Hour News Hour is decidedly less funny that the 23 1/2 other hours on Fox, says Olbermann. [C&L]
* How about a vice president who’s on teevee any hour of day or night? McCain/Thompson ‘08. [Hotline on Call]
* Billy Frist the kitty murderer gets older today. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]
* September 11, 2001: the best day of Rudy Giuliani’s life. [Media Matters]

• Bush unafraid to reveal his manipulation tactics to reporters, they’re slower on the uptake than terrorists. [The Carpetbagger Report]

• When Nancy Pelosi says “civility and bipartisanship,” she means “get medieval on your ass.” [Whiskey Bar]
• Libertarians are kingmakers in Montana, still paupers everywhere else. [The Volokh Conspiracy]
• Fox News blurb-writing done by either a Murdoch or a 7th grader. [Think Progress]
• Massive election gains by Democrats were not by accident, not a result of your favorite conspiracy theories. [Unclaimed Territory]
• Timing of Rumsfeld ouster irks right-side bloggers and GOP candidates that could’ve benefited from that shit happening two months ago. [Captain's Quarters]
• Republicans to pressure George Allen to concede, as they can’t stand his mouth either. [Hotline on Call]
• Jim Webb announces his transition team, for spite. [MoJo Blog]
• Rumsfeld had offered to peace before, but yesterday’s events made it inevitable. [Gawker]
• Ok, maybe the comedians didn’t quite have the Rummy rumor first. But they were close. [theGarance]

• Another nail in Cocktober’s coffin: everyone’s had the Foley emails since June. [Harpers]

• Duke Cunningham breaks out the crayons, scrawls letter to San Diego Union-Tribune. [TPMMuckracker]
• Fox News is preparing to serve their new masters. [MoJo Blog ]
• New anti-Coulter books fuel the hate-filled flattery she thrives on. [GalleyCat]
• Ironically, we only read blogs for the pictures of naked ladies. [Radosh]
• Are Saudis increasing the oil supply to lower prices and help the Republicans? They would, if they had any left. [Outside the Beltway]

• There are telltale signs hidden in the details of the Cocktober Surprise, sitting there, waiting to be discovered - clues that God himself orchestrated the “Do I make you horny?” IM convos. [Unclaimed Territory]

• Rove aide and sports fan Susan Ralston resigns over Abramoff scandal. [TPMMuckraker]
• North Korea’s not building nukes to bargain with, they’re building them to blow shit up with. [Captain's Quarters]
• Obama is exactly twice the dinner companion that John Kerry is — but should eat more, he’s still kinda a skinny kid. [The Swamp]
• David Ignatius gets a big fat late pass. [Sadly, No!]
• Bush to be impeached, basically any minute now. [After Downing Street]
• David Brooks thinks Mark Foley is a folk hero to be “worshiped at consciousness-raising drum circles.” [Hit & Run]
• It’s a 3-day weekend guys, better start puffing down so you can remember it. [ScrappleFace]

• Hastert displays his stammering and backpedaling techniques, gets winded going back to 2003 — when he first learned about Foley. [WP, NYT, USAT]

• In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, a cornered, paranoid Hastert lashes out: Foley scandal is fault of Brian Ross, George Soros, and Bill Clinton consortium. [CT]
• WP prints more of the Foley IMs, but redacts the good parts. ABC on the other hand didn’t bother to redact the name of the teenager Foley sent emails too, though since corrected. [WP]
• Political fallout aside, Foley might be okay. “For the most part, the law is going to allow you to be a dirty old man.” [W$J]
• Dan Bartlett thinks bloggers have “too much time on their hands,” and that Bush’s “comma” remark is historical analysis, not belittling pith. [WP]
• White House, like, still totally down with waterboarding, brah. [WP]
• Five at Hewlett-Packard charged with criminal conspiracy, face fines that amount to a month of “latte money.” [NYT, LAT]
• Ben Bernanke warns of a “substantial correction” in the housing market. Sorry about your condo. [W$J]

• A cabin in Montana and a copy of Newsweek is all you need to forget this world forever. [The Carpetbagger Report]

• Economics wonks: “9-11 was not that big an event.” DOES THEIR CONTRARIANISM KNOW NO BOUNDS? [Freakonomics]
• The Rude One pens his power ballad at ground zero, finds roses still thorny. [Rude Pundit]
• Freaks don’t just come out at night, they are also regular attendees of disaster anniversaries. [Little Green Footballs]
• White House maintaining policy of admitting to things 18 months after The New Yorker finds them out. [The Cool Honey]
• Bill Richardson eats cheetah steaks for breakfast just because it’s so baller. [The Corsair]
• Abu Ghraib prisoners now torturing selves over complaining about American torture, which apparently isn’t close to Iraqi torture. [Telegraph]

• George Allen’s campaign trying to hire “conservative blog maven” to put out the fires next time he blurts out an onomatopoetic racial slur. [Hotline On Call]

• GOP attacks Kos, publishes dirty words on site. [GOP.com]
• Joe Scarborough covers “Fake News vs. Fox News” as if it’s real news. [Crooks and Liars]
• Tucker Carlson removed his satin shirt before calling the Democratic leadership, “wussies.” [Media Matters]
• Magic chicken bones indicate nation to enter recession. [Jeff Matthews Is Not Making This Up]
• The rest of the world hates America because, “they’re just mad we thought of bombing them before they thought of bombing themselves.” [Pandagon]