Tag Archives: conspiracy

  fiddling while miami drowns

Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea

Oh HAI impending doom.
Perhaps you’ve heard that, thanks to [redacted] and its associated rising sea levels, Miami is very soon likely going to underwater. Tampa, too. And you would think that, were you the governor of the state that includes those two rather large cities, you might want to do something about it, or at least have your scientists talk about doing something about it. Read more on Florida Sees, Hears, And Speaks No Climate Change. Also: Sinks Into The Sea…
  Still No Vaccine For Stupid Yet

Georgia Congresscrank Never Vaccinated His Kids And They All Turned Out Mostly OK

He's a real hot item, Loudermilk
Yet another Republican has gone on the record in favor of infectious diseases. At a town hall meeting last week in Cartersville, Georgia, freshman Rep. Barry Loudermilk explained that he thinks vaccinations should not be mandatory, because none of his unvaccinated children ever caught anything that killed them. Why, yes, Loudermilk is a member of the House Science and Technology Committee. Why do you ask? Read more on Georgia Congresscrank Never Vaccinated His Kids And They All Turned Out Mostly OK…
  Strange Frootloops

WND Loon Erik Rush Wants To Hang Entire Obama Administration Some More

If Lincoln could hang 38 Sioux, why can't we hang us some bureaucrats?
WorldNetDaily conspiracy-spinner (ah but we repeat ourselves) Erik “Not the famous Rush, the crazier one” Rush has had enough of all the high criming and high misdemeanoring in the Obama administration, and damned if he’s willing to wait for an election to get rid of the Kenyan Usurper. Nope, he wants some bodies to swing from a gallows for all the crimes. High Crimes. Treasonous crimes. Not to mention all the Beyoncé and kale. Read more on WND Loon Erik Rush Wants To Hang Entire Obama Administration Some More…
  Couldn't Happen To A Nicer Corporate Scumbag

Evil Murdery Mining CEO Don Blankenship Indicted For Being Unbelievable Dick

Don Blankenship at a -- get this -- Labor Day event.
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Coalmine Explosions, Oil Spills, and Occasional Revenge Fantasies. Yr Wonkette is a generally peaceful sort, a secularist who believes that people should try to be nice to each other and to get along. We don’t believe in the death penalty, and we don’t believe in Hell. Read more on Evil Murdery Mining CEO Don Blankenship Indicted For Being Unbelievable Dick…
  Stop making us talk about it some more

Surprise! Mike Huckabee Part Of Democrat Conspiracy To Make Obama Impeach Himself

RINO
We have some BREAKING NEWS to report on the developing story of the vast left-wing conspiracy “scam” to force Republicans to talk about impeaching President Obama even though they do NOT want to talk about that at all, no sir. Seriously, they don’t want to talk about it. They really don’t want to talk about it. Truly, you cannot find a single Republican who wants to talk about impeaching the president. And yet, when asked on Monday whether Mike Huckabee, who supposedly is a Republican, believes the president is “worthy of impeachment,” the Huck did not say, “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s absurd, come ON, man.” Which is what you’d think a so-called Republican would say when asked about impeaching the president, since NO Republicans actually want to impeach the president, wink wink nudge nudge say no more. But, strangely, the Huck did not say that. Instead: Read more on Surprise! Mike Huckabee Part Of Democrat Conspiracy To Make Obama Impeach Himself…
  today in blahghazi

Surprise, Darrell Issa’s New Benghazi Revelation Not New Or A Revelation

Rancid beef jerky stick Darrell Issa has allegedly been in a snit over the new House Select Committee to investigate BENGHAAAAZI!!!11!!! because it bigfoots the investigations he has been chairing as head of the House Oversight Committee. Not that he doesn’t want to get to the bottom of the worst dereliction of duty since the Battle of Cannae … he just wants to get there first in the hope that the resultant glory will shine brightly enough to keep people from noticing he has the moral character of a feral sewer rat. Thus we had the spectacle yesterday of Issa leaking to his personal valet Jonathan Karl a new email that was supposed to show some malfeasance or other, but instead seemed to actually support the Obama administration’s contention that it thought from the very beginning that the Benghazi attack had been motivated by the YouTube video Innocence of Muslims. Whoops, that’s not the narrative the wingnuts have been pushing at full volume for almost two years. Read more on Surprise, Darrell Issa’s New Benghazi Revelation Not New Or A Revelation…
  'clinton death list' would be a good band name

Megyn Kelly Interviews Kathleen Willey About Why Hillary Clinton Murders Everyone All The Time

Assuming that Hillary Clinton runs for President, here’s a sample of what we can look forward to for the next two years: an endless Fox News rehashing of Bill Clinton’s peckerdilloes and all the related weirdness that followed. And by interviewing Kathleen Willey Tuesday night on Fox, thought leader Megyn Kelly is apparently setting the tone for 2016. Willey is a real blast from the past: she’s a conspiracy theorist with a long history of seemingly horrifying accusations against the Clintons that have never been substantiated. But they’re pretty sensational, all right, so she was the perfect person to put the spotlight on. She led off the interview with today’s rightwing Money Quote: “Hillary Clinton is the War On Women.” No need to explain exactly what that means (it means she didn’t cut Bill’s dick off like she should have), and don’t expect any details in this meandering interview — poor Ms. Willey is recovering from neck surgery, and so her head is a little floppy; don’t be mean about it. But that line, oh that line — it is a beautiful statement of vapid spite that will fit perfectly on a bumper sticker, right next to your Sons of the Confederacy license plate. Read more on Megyn Kelly Interviews Kathleen Willey About Why Hillary Clinton Murders Everyone All The Time…
  studies in tenacity

West Virginia Judge Indicted After Trying To Live Out Bad Noir Movie Plot

A West Virginia judge was indicted last Thursday on two charges of conspiracy after spending years trying to frame the husband of his former lover with a number of crimes. The AP reports that the indictment against Mingo County Circuit Judge Michael Thornsbury alleges that he tried between 2008 and 2012 to frame Robert Woodruff for crimes including drug possession, larceny and assault. The judge had been having an affair with his secretary — Woodruff’s wife, Kim — and he tried to eliminate the competition after she tried to break things off … The schemes involved a state trooper, the county emergency services director and another man, the indictment says, but none of them panned out. There is no word yet on whether the Coen Brothers have optioned the story. Read more on West Virginia Judge Indicted After Trying To Live Out Bad Noir Movie Plot…
  Each Benghazi More Benghazi Than the Last

Fox News Was Right About Benghazi All Along and Probably Everything Else Too

Impeach! Impeach! IMPEACH! Everything terrible you ever believed about our tyrannical gun-grabbing socialist Muslim foreign-born gay president has turned out to be true, according to the latest expose on Solyndra Fast and Furious Benghazi from ABC News: ABC News has obtained 12 different versions of the talking points that show they were extensively edited as they evolved from the drafts first written entirely by the CIA to the final version distributed to Congress and to U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice before she appeared on five talk shows the Sunday after that attack. Read more on Fox News Was Right About Benghazi All Along and Probably Everything Else Too…
  you can't handle the truth

Very Lucid NH Legislator Could Just Tell Those Blowed-Off Boston Legs Were Faked By Evil Government

There’s been a bit of a tin-foil lining to the Boston bombing, in that it has allowed us to really sort out who the most insensitive terrible meatsacks are wandering about in the public sphere. We likely would have gone to our graves never knowing the awfulness of New Hampshire state legislator (seriously, New England, what the fuck is WRONG with you these days?) Stella Tremblay, who would like you to know that the gubmint made Boston happen and that dude who got both legs horribly blown off was not in pain in the picture she saw so check and mate and good day sir, GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY JUST LIKE BENGHAZI: Read more on Very Lucid NH Legislator Could Just Tell Those Blowed-Off Boston Legs Were Faked By Evil Government…
  The Skeet's Gonna Hit The Fan

Hot New Conspiracy Theory: Wimpy Gun-Fearing Tyrant Obama Sending Death Squads To Murder Gun Fondlers

Hey, you know how Barack Obama is a liberal sissy who is too limp-wristed to handle a gun, so he fears and wants to ban them? So now, to add to that stew, there’s the (actual) true fact that the administration really does believe that it’s totally legal for the President to send death robots to vaporize Americans as long as they are Officially Our Enemies, because shut up is why. Mix in the “mysterious” deaths of a couple of people in January, and you have the makings of the latest nutzoid conspiracy theory: Barack Obama is sending 800 death squads to assassinate prominent gun-fondling friends of the Second Amendment. Read more on Hot New Conspiracy Theory: Wimpy Gun-Fearing Tyrant Obama Sending Death Squads To Murder Gun Fondlers…
  new sheriff not in town

Unsuccessful Sheriff Candidate Who Promised To Arrest All Abortions Moves To Chile To Be Next Pinochet Maybe

People of Hillsborough County, New Hampshire! You have done a great disservice to yourself and this nation by failing to elect Frank Szabo as sheriff. Now who will protect you all from federal agents and abortions? In an interview with the Monitor ahead of the primary, Szabo pledged to protect citizens against rogue federal bureaucrats if elected, arresting government agents if he thought it necessary to protect property and personal rights. In an earlier interview with WMUR, he had said he might use deadly force to stop abortions but later retracted that statement, saying that he would simply arrest abortion providers. NEW HAMPSHIRE WHY DO YOU HATE FREEDOM? Read more on Unsuccessful Sheriff Candidate Who Promised To Arrest All Abortions Moves To Chile To Be Next Pinochet Maybe…
  Still Stealing the Country

Obama Steals Election, Again, According to Totally Clear Evidence

We’ve been suspicious about possible voter fraud ever since effeminate numbers demon Nate Silver had a vision during his Pagan Rituals of a comfortable Obama reelection. With the weight of those mathematical odds in your favor, you’d almost be forced to resort to stuffing ballot boxes to remain in office. Good thing there’s an edgy, investigative media group — or Dean Chambers, the guy from Unskewed Polls, anyway — with a passion for journalistic integrity willing to blow the top off this thing! (You would kind of think he’d learned his lesson by now? Nah.) It’s natural to be uncomfortable with the truth, and we advise against proceeding if you’re not ready to have your mind blown. It ain’t easy to put down the Kool-Aid when you’re thirsty – but if you’re like us, and you want to quench that thirst with something purer, head over to Barackofraudo.com. Read more on Obama Steals Election, Again, According to Totally Clear Evidence…
  the protocrowleys of the elders of CNN

Intrepid Conservative Blogger Magnificently Exposes Massive Hofstra-Based Conspiracy

Follow along, libtards, as some guy on the internet blows your whole world up. Last week’s town hall debate was notable for many things – Romney trying to bumrush Obama like eighteen times, Obama not falling asleep five minutes in, and Candy Crowley sort of correcting Mitt Romney by shooting him right in his stupid face. But surely there is an explanation besides “Mitt was completely wrong” for why Crowley dared stand up to America’s Next President? Duh. A blogger at something called “The Last Refuge” and/or “The Conservative Treehouse” (they LUV Andy Breitbart!) has compiled an exhaustive breakdown of exactly how Crowley, Barack Obama, Michelle Obama and Kerry Ladka, the infamous questioner/executioner, conspired to completely and totally embarrass Mitt Romney for about fifteen seconds and therefore lose him every swing state. Read more on Intrepid Conservative Blogger Magnificently Exposes Massive Hofstra-Based Conspiracy…
  mind the gap

Fox News Watergates Debate Transcript; Erases Four Worst Minutes Of Mitt Romney’s Life

There’s a conspiracy afoot, kid detectives! After the debate, the networks posted “transcripts” of the debate. “What’s a transcript?” your dumb friend might ask. Well, a transcript is when someone writes down everything people said and then you cite from it on the internet! Well, Fox News “transcribed” the debate last night, but there was a mysterious four minute audio gap. Read more on Fox News Watergates Debate Transcript; Erases Four Worst Minutes Of Mitt Romney’s Life…
  the birthers are now the ringers

WND: Obama Gay Married Islam

It’s been nearly…oh, a few days, maybe, since there was an insane conspiracy theory about Barack Obama, so of course there’s another one! Barack Obama has a wedding ring, and unlike a normal American male, it is slightly fancy with squiggles and shit. Dr. Jerome Corsi, Ph.D., has investigated the ring through blurry, pixelated pictures and also consulted noted Islamic ring expert Mark A. Gabriel (who has a doctorate in “Christian Education”) who says without a doubt that the pictures of the ring are almost entirely certainly Islamic. Egyptian-born Islamic scholar Mark A. Gabriel, Ph.D., examined photographs of Obama’s ring at WND’s request and concluded that the first half of the Shahada is inscribed on it. “There can be no doubt that someone wearing the inscription ‘There is no god except Allah’ has a very close connection to Islamic beliefs, the Islamic religion and Islamic society to which this statement is so strongly attached,” Gabriel told WND. Below, the indisputable pictorial evidence that will convince you beyond a doubt that Obama’s ring…has squiggles on it? Read more on WND: Obama Gay Married Islam…
  employment is an inside job

Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11

Good news! The new Bureau of Labor Statistics unemployment report came out, and more Americans are working, the unemployment rate dropped to 7.8%, and jobs numbers were revised upwards in July and August. Of course, Barry Obama had a bad debate on Wednesday, so how could the economy mysteriously be recovering two days after Obama lost the entire election, friends? It’s a CONSPIRACY. At least, that’s what a bunch of Republicans are saying. Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you … BLS Troofers, because of course they are. Unbelievable jobs numbers..these Chicago guys will do anything..can’t debate so change numbers — Jack Welch (@jack_welch) October 5, 2012 Yes. They went in and tinkered a decades-old system to get a possible bump out of a positive jobs report. This is eminently logical. Also, they changed the buttons on Jack Welch’s clicker, because he simply cannot get the channel changed from this gonzo teen porn to the Hallmark Channel. Hahahaha, we kid, Jack Welch is not a pervert, just an insane demagogue. Read more on Insanely Low New Unemployment Numbers Mean Barack Obama Did 9/11…
  two minutes in heaven

Romney Tape Is Missing Two Minutes That Will Probably Lose Obama The Election

Two days after everything changed because Mitt Romney made clear he really, truly does not care for 47% of America, conservative bloggers have finally found the key to saving Romney’s ass from the comments they also think are entirely, completely awesome: there are two minutes missing from the 49 minutes of otherwise unbroken, unedited video, which something something liberal media. David Corn of Mother Jones released the “complete” audio and video of the secretly recorded Mitt Romney speech at a private fundraiser. Yet the complete audio and video is not complete.  There is a gap in the recording immediately after Romney’s now famous discussion of the 47% of voters who don’t pay taxes.  The cut in the audio and video comes while Romney is in mid-sentence, so we actually do not have the full audio of what Romney said on the subject. We must explore…the Mitt Split. Read more on Romney Tape Is Missing Two Minutes That Will Probably Lose Obama The Election…
  likely stories

Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated

Second-rate AM radio jackass Michael “Savage” Weiner has an important insight regarding the collapse and death of blogger Andrew Breitbart on a sidewalk Wednesday night: It was maybe an assassination! After all, Breitbart liked to go around claiming he had hawt videos of Barack Obama talking to liberals, which makes Barack Obama ineligible to be president (because he’s black). Important website World Net Daily reports, “It’s entirely plausible, Savage acknowledged, that Breitbart simply collapsed of a heart attack because of overwork and a reported history of health problems.” In other words, the Weather Underground finally got Breitbart! Read more on Wingnut Michael ‘Savage’ Weiner: Breitbart Was Assassinated…
  nothing to worry about!

TSA Now Testing Radiation Levels of TSA Airport Security Workers

How safe are those “backskatter” radiation machines, again? Completely safe, of course! But the Department of Homeland Security is just going to do a little check-and-see, just in case thousands and thousands of TSA airport security workers are about to be diagnosed with terrible cancers that will result, we assume, in the biggest lawsuit in history. Read more on TSA Now Testing Radiation Levels of TSA Airport Security Workers…
  only browns get the chair

Tom DeLay Sentenced To Three Years In Prison With Himself

Texas judge Pat Priest sentenced DeLay to three years on a conspiracy charge and also sentenced him to five years in prison for money laundering. Priest, however, allowed DeLay to accept 10 years probation on the money laundering charge, assuming he meets certain conditions set by the court. Read more on Tom DeLay Sentenced To Three Years In Prison With Himself…
  oh great get the UN involved

UN Appoints Minor Bureaucrat To Deal With Space Alien Invasion

Have you heard about the impending invasion of the Space Devils? Whether it’s another discovery of a new “earthlike” planet filled with thousand-foot-tall rape monsters or the latest MSNBC documentary about the night demons who arrive all the time in UFOs as foretold in the Bible, it seems we just can’t escape the fact that very soon now, the sky will be filled with gigantic “processing ships” where we’ll all be assaulted (sexually) around the clock for a hundred years (thanks to the aliens’ sophisticated Obamacare) and the beast-lords will stomp the Earth and chew the heads of our beloved children the way we eat entire CostCo crates of corn-syrup puffs each night when we settle down in front of the flat-screen. Anyway, the United Nations has decided this is just the kind of impossible, intractable problem that requires a special UN envoy. Read more on UN Appoints Minor Bureaucrat To Deal With Space Alien Invasion…