Oh, this is sweet: Chief Justice John Roberts intentionally (allegedly!) fucked up the Presidential Oath, so the wingnuts could claim Obama really isn’t president, because he said the words in the wrong order. See, not only is Roberts a Republican hack, but Obama voted against his confirmation. But Roberts’ evil plan sort of fell apart, because he was dealing with Barack Obama the famous Constitutional Law Professor. MORE »

Here they are, the two leaders of the Free World, exchanging a sexy “knuckle bump” under the new White House Christmas Tree. No wonder the transition to the Obama Administration is going so smoothly … these two were in on it. [White House]

Politico, everyone — the Politico has a scoop! MORE »

• IMPORTANT LEGAL FORESHADOWING THING: Wonkette Florida Court Operative “Jocelyn” writes, “There is a tallahassee police dept special response unit truck parked behind the florida supreme court. Has been there since this morning.” Hmm… we have no idea what this means! But still: STOLEN ELECTION!!!

Um, “Digg is totally hijacked by COINTELPRO and Likud party hacks. The best way to stop them is to allow the artificial world from whence they came to collapse,, and don’t bother to feed them when they come begging.” &c. [Ron Paul Forums]

We all hoped he would run for vice president, with Ron Paul, or maybe run against Al Franken or something, but famous independent wrestler Jesse Ventura will instead host a teevee show about conspiracy theories. Today is just one big disappointment. [Seattle Times]

Ha ha, these people are funny because they named their magazine “Paranoia,” meaning they recognize that they are simply insane people with a printing press. [Reason]

So this guy in Orlando was driving, at night, when he suddenly noticed a gazillion cars all covered in goofy graffiti saying “Obama smokes crack.” But that’s only the beginning of the troubling evidence at the crime scene pointing to a NOBAMA PUMA Just Say No Deal Hillary Clinton 4 EVA Conspiracy. MORE »

Finally, he speaks. Former conspiracy theory presidential candidate and the Original Ron Paul, Lyndon LaRouche, has offered his take on the Obama phenomenon. It ain’t so good! Specifically: Obama’s father was a bad father and also an agent with MI5, every male from every continent inseminated Obama’s whore of a mother, and Obama is a monkey who also works with British Intel. Obama is also a Racist. MORE »

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! MORE »

DO YOU HATE THE GOVERNMENT AND ITS LIES AND THE HORRIBLE CORRUPT CORPORATES WITH THEIR LIES TOO AND THEN DO YOU HATE HOW NO ONE CARES ABOUT ANYTHING AND THE IRAQ AND THE EARMARKS AND ALSO THE LIES? YOU SHOULD CALL IN SICK TO WORK ON MARCH 19 THEN BECAUSE THAT WILL STOP THE LIES AND IRAQ AND CORRUPTION. THIS WILL SHOW THAT HIPPOCRITT HOMO JOHN EDWARDS WHOS BOSS. MORE »