Wonkette

Ladies and gentlemen, mark your calendars: Fox News Sunday will air an interview this weekend with Senator Barack Obama, who only appeals to black people and Midwesterners and men and elitists. Now that he’s behind in the race by every conceivable measure except the popular vote, pledged delegates, and number of states won, he’s turning to Fox News for help reaching out to key demographics who can put him over the top. MORE »

Remember way back in JANUARY when math-hating yokel Mike Huckabee looked, for about five minutes, like he might win the Republican presidential nomination? Soon you’ll be able to relive the magic all over again, because he is writing a book, about his campaign! He’ll share secrets like how to gain 35 pounds on the campaign trail without even trying; how to talk your wife into putting a paper bag over her head during Jesus-approved procreative activities; and why Chuck Norris would have made the best Treasury Secretary since Alexander Hamilton. MORE »

Instead of barnstorming Pennsylvania today like all the other Democrats in the race, John McCain will take the devil-may-care approach of campaigning in Ohio, a state that voted like a million years ago. Yesterday he visited Selma, Alabama in his “tour of cities that Time forgot,” and hugged the charming quilters pictured above before racing off to another state that isn’t voting today. Join us as we cover the last two days of John McCain courting the Blue Collars, the black folks, and other crucial pillars of the Party of Wall Street. MORE »

Remember that time former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum said John McCain was “very rough in the sandbox“? Remember that time he told Hugh Hewitt “there was a reason John McCain collapsed last year, and it’s because he was the frontrunner, and everybody in the Republican Party got a chance to look at him”? Well, you’ll never guess who Rick Santorum thinks the next President should be! In an editorial in the Philadelphia Inquirer, he lists all the reasons that John McCain will make a wonderful President by keeping man-on-dog sex out of the White House. MORE »

A Boston area cable news host thinks Bill O’Reilly is such a dangerous “mental case” that he should not be the guest of honor at the Boston/New England Emmys. This brave crusader even offers up evidence that O’Reilly’s crazy loofah rants are signs of an actual personality disorder or something. MORE »

New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol wrote this morning that Barack Obama is a fraud. Like most things Bill Kristol writes about, this is old by four news cycles. He lies about which church services he attended once, in the past! And his preacher is like a terrorist or sump’m! After a wry introduction involving Ben Affleck and a nightclub, the always deft Kristol dispels any notions that America’s Youth may be “Generation Obama.” Instead, they are the “9/11 generation.” MORE »

You might think that wiretaps, IRS investigations, and prostitutes led to New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s current difficulties, but in fact it was God, via the Family Research Council. The conservative FRC never liked Spitzer and his abortion-loving ways, so to fight back they did the only sensible thing: they prayed to the Lord to nail that flaming charlatan’s balls to the blessed Rock of Gibraltar. MORE »

Anybody who has ever heard the name “Sophia Petrillo” knows that certain old people don’t mince words. They enjoy shocking the younger set with their “straight talk.” And that is precisely what John McCain did yesterday when he revealed his not-so-secret political philosophy! MORE »

William F. Buckley Jr., the founder of conservative politics, died yesterday, leaving a decrepit magazine and its very-Y2K blog as heirs. If you thought the endless eulogies on the National Review’s Corner blog might veer towards hyperbole as the news cycles went on, you were underestimating. How is Jonah Goldberg taking the news? Kathryn-Jean Lopez? The other 40 writers on the Corner? They’re honoring their founder’s legacy by promoting their books, relating the death to various natural disasters, and cursing the liberals ahead of time for disrespecting Buckley. Buckley, unfortunately, is not the problem. MORE »

You’d never know it by reading National Review today, but that conservative magazine used to be an important, interesting and intellectual journal. That’s because William F. Buckley Jr., who died early this morning at the ripe old age of 82, was a hell of a writer (but a crappy novelist). He also had famous eyebrows, as the New York Times notes in its obituary. MORE »

This forbidden-lobbyist-love scandal is a stroke of good fortune for John McCain. Revelations that he may have landed a sizzling hot blonde half his age have brought a new aura of virility and sex appeal to the Spanish-American war hero’s ancient carcass. He is also being hailed by Christian conservatives for having the good taste to conduct a heterosexual extramarital affair. And now we learn the scandal has brought conservative talk radio’s most lovable personalities flocking to his bosom. According to Politico, “they have a common enemy” now. Meaning, of course, the terrorists. At the New York Times. MORE »