Wonkette

Have you heard of these frightening creatures called “Obamacons”? They fold up into trucks and shoot laser beams out of their eyes, and they have terrifying names like “Chuck Hagel” and “Colin Powell.” But are they good or evil? That depends on whether or not you’re Robert Novak, who wrote a column or something about them today. MORE »

The enfeebled Mexican liberal John McCain might be the presumptive nominee of the Republican party, but that didn’t stop about 25 percent of the Republican voters in recent primaries from casting their ballots for such worthies as Alan Keyes, Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, and “Undecided.” So how will the candidate who is barely tolerated by most of his voters and enthusiastically loathed by a significant few hope to do in the fall? MORE »

Here is New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol with his latest Monday babble: “But I do think I can speak for most of my fellow right-wingers when I say this: We once looked forward with unambivalent glee to the fall of the house of Clinton. Many of us still do. But we also see the liberal media failing to give Hillary Clinton the respect she deserves. So, since we conservatives believe in giving credit where credit is due, it falls to us to praise Hillary.” We have put this through our Kristol Translator and you may read the result after the jump. MORE »

As promised, Barack Obama singlehandedly defeated a squadron of Fox News anchors at a game of pickup basketball and then he healed the lepers by touching them and sat down for a little chat with Chris Wallace on Sunday. The conversation was all very civilized until Wallace asked about his Muslim flag pin, which was given to him by the Weathermen back when they were Vietnam medics. Ha ha we kid! Even then President Cool maintained his legendary sangfroid. Selected Q&As after the jump. MORE »

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia would like all you Sad Sallies who are still sore over the 2000 election (which he personally decided, on a bet) to hike up your panties and get over it. “That was like so ten minutes ago,” he tells 60 Minutes‘ Leslie Stahl in an interview to be aired this weekend. Scalia explains that he is great friends with Ruth Bader Ginsburg and other known liberals whom he has had the graciousness not to murder or even jail in their many years on the Supreme Court. And then he lets loose with a shocking revelation! MORE »

Ladies and gentlemen, mark your calendars: Fox News Sunday will air an interview this weekend with Senator Barack Obama, who only appeals to black people and Midwesterners and men and elitists. Now that he’s behind in the race by every conceivable measure except the popular vote, pledged delegates, and number of states won, he’s turning to Fox News for help reaching out to key demographics who can put him over the top. MORE »

Remember way back in JANUARY when math-hating yokel Mike Huckabee looked, for about five minutes, like he might win the Republican presidential nomination? Soon you’ll be able to relive the magic all over again, because he is writing a book, about his campaign! He’ll share secrets like how to gain 35 pounds on the campaign trail without even trying; how to talk your wife into putting a paper bag over her head during Jesus-approved procreative activities; and why Chuck Norris would have made the best Treasury Secretary since Alexander Hamilton. MORE »

Instead of barnstorming Pennsylvania today like all the other Democrats in the race, John McCain will take the devil-may-care approach of campaigning in Ohio, a state that voted like a million years ago. Yesterday he visited Selma, Alabama in his “tour of cities that Time forgot,” and hugged the charming quilters pictured above before racing off to another state that isn’t voting today. Join us as we cover the last two days of John McCain courting the Blue Collars, the black folks, and other crucial pillars of the Party of Wall Street. MORE »