conservatives
House Conservatives Offer Up New Budget Full Of Really Great Ideas That Everyone Loves
Oh good, we had grown tired of making fun of Paul Ryan and his “budget,” so it’s nice that the Republican Study Committee (RSC), chaired by Chairman Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA, of COURSE), has released its own budget for us to make fun of. Highlights include: turning Medicare into a voucher system, raising the retirement [...]
Mosques Are Not Like Churches and Should Maybe Be Banned, Says Colorado Lawmaker
Do you have faith in your fellow (hu)man today? If so, do you want it shattered real fast, somewhere within the next 250 words? AWESOME because Wonkette is here to help! Turns out that there was some sort of Conservative confab in Colorado a few days ago called the Western Conservative Summit, wherein conservative lawmakers [...]
Good Morning, The Future Is Here!
Welcome, Wonkette readers! Racism is in the past, the CDC is promising there are no zombies, and we’re building weapons to fight aliens! Aren’t you glad the past is over? According to Pew, difference in political opinions is what most divides Americans, rather than race or class. At first, this sounds amazing, because hello? Hooray [...]
What Conservative Blogger People Totally Sold Out To Mitt Romney Yesterday?
Mitt Romney is a fraud and a liberal and they would never like him, the conservative Internettery told us for years. Who goes to closed-door suck-offs with politicians, anyway? But yesterday, they all met up to hug each other at the elite — ELITE — Capitol Hill Cub. Why have they abandoned the true conservative [...]
CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex
Like every year at CPAC time, the “no strings attached” sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the hotel with a discreet dude who wants to give/receive some oral, “maybe more with the right [...]
Joe the ‘Plumber’ & Kirk Cameron Plot Moral Crimes At CPAC
What are these two future co-presidents of Walmerica talking about, high above the commoners at CPAC? Nothing that makes any sense, that is for sure! Also is there some sort of Behind the Music style sob story to explain why 1980s teen teevee heartthrob Kirk Cameron is now reduced to hanging out with a spoiled [...]
National Review’s Racist Halloween Costumes To ‘Scare Liberals’
Halloween, it’s almost here! To help out with last-minute costume ideas, National Review Online has a devilish little “politically incorrect” suggestion: why not dress up as one of those wicked murderous imperialists from British history, to annoy your neighborhood lefties? NRO’s guest British historian “H.W. Crocker III” has drawn up a helpful list of arcane [...]
Wingnuts’ ‘We Are The 53 Percent’ Just Proves Point of ’99 Percent’ Movement
Right-wing hobo prince Erick Erickson started a cheeky conservative response to the popular “We are the 99 percent” tumblr with his very own “We are the 53 percent” site using the Republicans’ parrot-poop false “point” that only 53% of Americans pay taxes. The site is remarkable only for the fact that the user-submitted stories are just [...]
‘Anti-Porn Pledge’ Michele Bachmann Signed Also Noted Benefits of Slavery
Last week tragic illiteracy victim Michele Bachmann signed a “Marriage Vow” pledge thing to stand up for Guantanamo Bay torture victim “straight-people marriage” with all the usual Jesus tools like hate for gays, Islam and porn. WE ARE GOING TO PRAY that Bachmann did not actually bother to read this thing she signed and then [...]
Liberals Eat Fancy Healthy Food, Conservatives Eat Awful Garbage
According to a scientific survey of some people on the Internet somewhere, liberals eat the fanciest of fancy foods — while conservatives literally eat filthy garbage, mostly from fast-food anusburger chains. See if you can tell which meals were far more likely to be enjoyed by left-leaning humanists: coconut curry lamb and rice, fresh fruit, [...]
Canada Shame Report: It’s Terrible Up North Now, Too
Good news, you Yankee slobs! The era of Canadian moral superiority is over, R.I.P., amen, etc. Has it not been adorable, for years, when we up in the icy hinterland would lay claim to some sort of intrinsic goodness that everyone just believed because, whenever necessary, we could holler about health care and gay marriage [...]
Conservative Brains Fearful, Unable To Understand Complexity, Science Shows
In a study commissioned by Colin Firth “while serving as a guest host of the BBC Radio 4′s Today program in London last year,” so you know it’s good, British researchers found people who describe themselves as liberal have “a larger anterior cingulate cortex–a gray matter of the brain associated with understanding complexity,” whereas people [...]
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