Jon Tester just declared victory on the teevee, cooly noting that the candidate who gets the most votes usually wins. MORE »

Crazy Conrad already tried to ban Montana reporters from attending his “Victory Party” because the Billings Gazette committed the sin of running a USA Today poll showing he was doomed. MORE »

Crazy Conrad is in so much trouble that the White House promised a Bush campaign trip to Montana, which wasn’t even in play until Burns was revealed to be completely owned by Jack Abramoff. MORE »

Halloween is the perfect day to engage in the ritual of “eating your own.” Monty Warner, a “GOP media consultant” and friend of Jack Abramoff, has written a brutal letter to a Montana newspaper all about Conrad Burns and his staff being bought and owned by the convicted lobbyist. MORE »

The coveted Wonkette endorsement for Montana’s senate race goes to … the guy who drank “a silver solution to boost his immune system in the late 1990s after he became concerned about a possible shortage of antibiotics after the year 2000.”

And why is that so awesome? Because it turned his skin blue.

Stan Jones is running as a Libertarian in the Conrad Burns-Jon Tester race. He bravely concedes that he doesn’t have a shot in hell of winning, even if the voting machines run on Windows 98. But he’s out there anyway, getting his message across. And what exactly is that message? We read his position papers and found a lot of the standard Libertarian stuff we support — the usual guns, money, dope and responsible sinning + blow up Washington while Congress is in session — and some folksy twists we know you’ll love, after the jump.

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Already famous for catching all the terrorists who drive taxis by day and kill by night, hilariously pretending his employees are illegal aliens, taking massive bribes from Jack Abramoff and cold hatin’ on firefighters, Crazy Conrad Burns is finally in trouble for something related to his actual job in the Senate. MORE »

In a Senate subcommittee meeting yesterday, Conrad Burns made fun of the following ethnicities: MORE »

Wonkette Operative Holly Martins reports: MORE »

Good news, everyone! LegiStorm (which, yes, sounds like the homepage of some sort of white supremacist organization, but is, in fact, a useful and terrifying database of Congressional salaries) is back online after a couple server problems yesterday (we can relate). We’ve barely begun to go through all the data available for shameless gawking, but it should provide a nice bit of value-add to otherwise dry posts. Like the one we were going to do on Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT), and how he’s crazy just corrupt, this time. See, he took a ride on the private Vonage plane (if they can CHARTER PLANES for SENATORS why can’t they provide halfway decent CUSTOMER SERVICE?). In exchange for supporting pro-Vonage legislation, etc. etc. etc. But the legislation was apparently a rider to a port security bill that somehow facilitates or improves Vonage customers’ 911 access, which really doesn’t sound all that bad to us. So in search of genuine scandal, we just decided to go see how much he pays his staff. MORE »

Montana’s wackiest politician is in trouble again — this time for sticking his wife in Coach with the poor people while he flew in luxurious First Class. MORE »

Sen. Conrad Burns, fresh off his heroic crusade against the day-shift taxi drivers who have no faces yet “kill at night,” had a typical (for him) campaign appearance Sunday night.

The occasion was a debate at a high school in Hamilton, Montana. After accusing his Democratic challenger of various misdeeds, the surly crowd started yelling “PSYCHO!” at Burns, while others “booed and baited” the confused old man. (Please, please send us the video. Thanks.)

More Montana insanity, after the jump ….

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