Wonkette

This week, Joe and Hadassah Lieberman, Henry Rollins, Ian Svenonius, Paul Begala, Harriet Miers, Ralph Nader, Conrad Burns and Scooter Libby were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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Senator Wayne Allard (R-Terrorist) sent out a nice press release today honoring the “first responders” who fight crime and fires and whatnot — if by “honoring” you mean “calling them a bunch of losers.” MORE »

* Five “big unveiling speech” tips from Steve Jobs to George Bush, with love. XOXO. [Passport]
* Political-media-military complex is all about the dick, er, diction. [Think Progress]
* George Bush is a graduate of the, “love, blood, and rhetoric school.” But he knows full well you can’t have “love and rhetoric without the blood. Blood is compulsory.” [Salon]
* Golden boy Eliot Spitzer clueless on the BCC function. [Potomac Flacks]
* Vogue reading set rushes out to buy Hummers — cause expensive gas will make us skinny! [Freakonomics]
* Jagged little pill Conrad Burns lost an election for being too close to lobbyists — is now a lobbyist. [TPM Muckraker]
* Hot new must-have download! Tony Snow’s conference call with right wing bloggers this afternoon! [Atlas Shrugs]

Jesus! This is possibly the most deadly situation we’ve ever seen. What did this poor staffer do to Conrad?

Another absolutely terrifying photo of the former senator from Montana’s War On Christmas Rampage through Washington, after the jump.

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Our beloved Montana ex-Senator is on a mad rampage through Washington today, and his weapon is a pickup truck

Remember how Conrad Burns boldly warned us of the Arab Taxi Drivers who operate cabs by day and kill at night? Finally free of Senate decorum, he’s trying to kill off all the Terrorists himself … along with everybody else on the streets today, at least one terrified congressional staffer and, presumably, the deer around Cheney’s house.

Wonkette operative “Barney” has an incredible eyewitness report, after the jump.

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* Reliable Source: Diplomats be having parties. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Education Sec. Margaret Spellings was on “Celebrity” Jeopardy, set to air today. It will settle definitively and objectively whether she’s purposefully mendacious or just dumb… “The Congressional Club, the 98-year-old organization of congressional spouses, held its orientation for new wives and husbands” … “Davis” is still the most common surname in Congress… The National Capital Area Chapter of the Annual Leukemia & Lymphoma’s February $1,000/plate benefit will feature “entertainment” from Bill Cosby and Hootie and the goddamn Blowfish… The Madison Club rush was alarming dry. Mole claims “this year’s rush goal was to bring in more brunettes.” [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Saddest story ever: Roast of Bill Frist fails miserably when no one can think of a single funny story about him. We can think of a couple good ones… Conrad Burns continues to lose his mind, attack all reporters who dare approach him… Seersucker day in grave danger after John Cornyn ruins his suit… Katherine Harris is in this month’s Playboy, but not in the way you’re thinking, sicko. [The Hill]

Younger readers — say, those not in rest homes — were likely bewildered by this exchange between outgoing lunatic Conrad Burns and Civil War-era Senator Robert Byrd:

Mr. Byrd then asked Mr. Burns, a professional livestock auctioneer, to regale him with one last yodel, and Mr. Burns obliged, in expert fashion.

“Almost as good as the fiddle,” Mr. Burns said, referring to Mr. Byrd’s instrument of choice. “Almost,” responded the Democrat.

A Wonkette operative kindly forwarded this image as explanation: MORE »

How do you top the most graceless political loss in recent history? If you’re Crazy Conrad Burns, you emerge in Washington a week later muttering nonsense, making weird threats to Robert Byrd, yelling at reporters and chasing your soon-to-be unemployed staffers up the Capitol Dome like some Phantom of the Opera in an ill-fitting cowboy hat. MORE »

* It was a whole week of amazing 2006 Midterm Election madness, starting with a “I’ll choke your wife if you choke mine” deal between Congressmen McChokey and McSmacky.
* George Allen spent about 72 hours above the pop singer Madonna, in a ranking of influential American Jews.
* Completely unsurprising election day clusterfucks.
* Voters realize at the last second that terrorism is scary, but still care more about having their money stolen and the troops in Iraq.
* GOP pollster makes predictions — half right, half wrong, but still loses job.
* We spent election night at CNN’s blog slumber party. Exciting as that sounds, all we could do was keep asking ourselves the same question over and over.
* Oh yeah, those fake predictions we made, were on the money.
* Other highlights from our insane all-night election coverage, including a dispatch from Jim Webb’s never ending victory party.
* Of course, the party did eventually end — for George Allen … Macacaship Down!
* Not 12 hours after we collapsed on our desks, Rumsfeld was out, Robert Gates was in, and the 2008 Presidential race had started.
* The goodbyes are the hardest part: Godspeed George and Conrad and Mehlman.

Conrad Burns, enemy of firefighters and last, best hope for continued racist crazy ranting in the US Senate, has finally conceded, beating George Allen to the reality-facing punch officially, but without a public appearance. No, instead, he’s getting his gun and going out after “game.” MORE »