Tag Archives: connecticut

  Pocket Monster

Connecticut State Rep. Makes Peener Joke To Teen Girl Who Mentioned Snakes

Well, golly, it’s been at least a day or so since we’ve reported on some elected asshat saying something reprehensible in public, so obviously we’re overdue. This time around, the idiot is Connecticut Rep. Ernest Hewitt (D-OhForFuckssake), who last week decided that a dick joke would make for a perfect reply to a 17 year old girl’s testimony about how participating in a state-funded science education program helped her become more outgoing: The girl, a high school senior, had been testifying in support of funding for the Connecticut Science Center’s youth programs, which she said helped her to get over a fear of snakes. One lawmaker told her she was a good spokeswoman for the center and asked if there were any questions. ‘‘If you’re bashful I got a snake sitting under my desk here,’’ Hewett then said. Laughter at his remark from those in the room is heard in an audio tape of the exchange. Read more on Connecticut State Rep. Makes Peener Joke To Teen Girl Who Mentioned Snakes…
  stand your skee ball

Today We Are All This Lady Brandishing A Semi At Chuck E. Cheese

Let those without sin cast the first bullet, but who hasn’t wanted to brandish a firearm at a Chuck E. Cheese? Only those who have never had to be there, surely. But the big problem is, there is a difference between wanting to and doing so – and that’s exactly how a lady in Connecticut found herself in big fat trouble. Tawana Bourne, who is not a public figure but this does not stop HuffPo from putting her name in their headline (we can’t imagine why but it doubtless has nothing to do with Tawana usually being a black name we are sure!), was at a party at the ratty party palace in Midland and her son pushed another lady’s daughter off a ride. That happens, kids suck. But THEN, when the other mother got into an argument with Bourne about this, Bourne decided to use a visual aid and “brandished a .380 semiautomatic handgun and chambered a round.” Admittedly, this does sound like a fairly effective way to try and shut someone up, and luckily no one was hurt, but next thing you know, Bourne has gotten herself arrested and taken to jail, which is about the only place actually worse to find oneself than a Chuck E. Cheese! Read more on Today We Are All This Lady Brandishing A Semi At Chuck E. Cheese…
  when wonkette met rosa

Friday Nice-Time: A Love Letter to Rosa DeLauro

Yr Wonkette is ashamed to admit that we were hitherto unaware of the awesomeness of Representative Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn) before seeing the picture above. We are ashamed! Like rending garments levels of ashamed, because this woman is pretty much the coolest thing ever, despite RollCall’s sober cuntiness, as seen above. We are especially ashamed because apparently, besides having the most amazing wardrobe ever (seriously, go buy HuffPo a treat to say thanks for that slideshow), DeLauro is also, too, actually powerful and progressive: Read more on Friday Nice-Time: A Love Letter to Rosa DeLauro…
  if anything it just makes too much sense

National Review: Give Your Kids Boundaries, Like ‘No, You May Not Shoot Up A School’

Oh, everybody was sooooo outraged when Megan McArdle took to the pixels of the Daily Beast to suggest that since only banning all guns would be effective in stopping gun violence, and we can’t ban all guns, we should train our children to “gang-rush” men who are shooting at them with semi-automatic weapons, “Let’s roll!”-styley. Everyone screamed and moaned about how Megan McArdle is the worst, stupidest person in the whole darn land, and no one could ever be stupider. But surely you knew National Review Online — and specifically Charlotte Allen — had yet to weigh in? Read more on National Review: Give Your Kids Boundaries, Like ‘No, You May Not Shoot Up A School’…
  ps go fuck yourself

Internet Welcomes New Stupidest Man

Sorry, “Gateway Pundit” Jim Hoft, you have lost your crown and all your glory. All you need to read in this most brilliant piece from new Stupidest Man on the Internet “ProteinWisdom” (Jeff Goldstein) is the headline: Read more on Internet Welcomes New Stupidest Man…
  crying also too

Here Is Barack Obama Politicizing Guns By Saying The Word ‘Guns’

Here, courtesy of DailyKos, is President Barack Obama almost able (not really) to get through his statement on the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut. Surprisingly, no reporters in the White House briefing room shouted a dick question at him as he moved quickly from the podium. We guess Ghost Andrew Breitbart and his new minion Matthew Boyle don’t have White House press passes. Oh, sorry, was that rude, or snarky, or politicizing or something? Go fuck yourself. Read more on Here Is Barack Obama Politicizing Guns By Saying The Word ‘Guns’…
  filibust a cap in your ass

Today Perhaps Not Greatest Day For Rand Paul’s Hilarious Gun-Waiting-Period ‘Joke’

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has some ideas. And they are that if Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is going to be such a total Hitler as to suggest that a senator who wants to filibuster something has to actually filibuster that thing, then Rand Paul would like some Senate “rule changes” of his own! First and foremost? A “waiting period” of 20 days for each page of proposed legislation! This is very appropriate, because if you are going to make citizens sit through a “waiting period” to purchase guns from Jesus, shouldn’t we blah blah blah libertarian horgleschlommenhurk. Now we all know that Obamacare was 2400 pages, because Fox News said so. (No it wasn’t.) So with the Rand Paul waiting period, we would have had to wait 131 and a half years before we could pass it. We almost already did! But was today the most felicitous time for Kentucky Senator Rand Paul to unveil his snotty tantrum guardianship of the sacred Constitution, considering we are in a “waiting period” to find out if more than one child was more than 18 children were murdered at a Connecticut school? SURE. WHY NOT. Read more on Today Perhaps Not Greatest Day For Rand Paul’s Hilarious Gun-Waiting-Period ‘Joke’…
  rubbers and rubber checks

Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself

Hmmm, it looks like your Wonkette didn’t bother to write even the littlest thing about two-time-Senate-loser and Wrasslin’ Lady Linda McMahon this time around, probably because we had used up all our folding-chair jokes the first time around, and also probably because we didn’t care. But in fact, it is AFTER her (second) loss that Linda McMahon has become interesting! And how has she done that? Well, once she’d blown $100 million of her own money on her two (losing) campaigns, it seems she didn’t have enough left over to pay the uniformly low-income and African American folks who had been her (low-wage) fake-supporters, so they just waited and waited. But then they told the press “hey this rich lady isn’t bothering to pay us!” So THEN they got checks with a condom in the envelope, so’s they could fuck themselves! AND THEN THE CHECKS BOUNCED ANYWAY. Oh man. Read more on Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself…
  would you like a badge little one?

Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model

It is an intractable and inviolable part of the Boy Scouting Code (which is in Comic Sans on someone’s old Compaq) that gays and lesbians cannot serve in any Scouting capacity, because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do. However, Robert White of Milford, Connecticut, was a part of the Girl Scouts, and he’s heterosexually harassing women, so he’s got a future career ahead of him once he’s finished his sex offender registry. Robert White, a former member of the board of directors for Girl Scouts of Connecticut, was arrested this week amidst allegations he exposed himself to two female employees while at work, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president. Thankfully, though, he did not expose himself to male co-workers. That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult. Read more on Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model…
  legitimate rape

Hero Connecticut Supreme Court Justices Defend Rapists From Clutches of Temptresses With Cerebral Palsy

Here, Wonketteers, let us blog at you about a very, very sad story made EVEN SADDER by the geniuses serving on the Connecticut State Supreme Court. See, back in 2008, a man from Bridgeport, Connecticut, was found guilty of sexually assaulting a 26-year old woman with cerebral palsy who can’t speak and has very little body movement. But was it LEGITIMATE RAPE? No. No it was not, and the Supreme Court overturned his conviction because the victim did not “scream,” nor did she “bite” or “kick” her assailant. Nor was she considered legally unconscious, which would have spared her the burden of managing to bite, kick, or scream in spite of her substantial physical disabilities. But there is a bright side, dear readers, because this young lady will surely be relieved to discover that she was not legitimately raped! Read more on Hero Connecticut Supreme Court Justices Defend Rapists From Clutches of Temptresses With Cerebral Palsy…
  hey bitches

Hello Beggars, Here Is Your Newt’s Last Chance Liveblog

New York, come on down! Pennsylvania! Connecticut! Rhode Island! DELAWARE! Politico says Scientology founder L. Newton Hubbard has a chance to win in Delaware, but mostly the article is like haha madeyalook! Newt is done. Roasted. On a spit with an apple. Make sure to turn him evenly, to give the skin that lovely crackle. YES WE ARE SAYING NEWT GINGRICH SHOULD BE EATEN. Welcome to liveblog, fellows! 8:05 PM — RIVETING television looking at Alan Colmes’s face, but a bizarro moment from Bill O’Reilly who actually decries the media not illuminating the fact that Obama is not a Muslin? We haz a confused. We will listen to this for a moment. Read more on Hello Beggars, Here Is Your Newt’s Last Chance Liveblog…
  how very uncouth

Comical Connecticut Senate Candidate Cries ‘Whore’ During Debate

Fun Connecticut lady Lee Whitnum appears to be a fixture in pretty much every “Nutmeg State” Democratic primary for any national office. She gets up there and starts hollering about a valid concern — how every Connecticut Democrat, as well as every other politician, just does whatever Israel wants 100% of the time — with absolutely no tact. For example: the Senate debate last night when she called Rep. Chris Murphy a “whore.” Look, Lee, that was a long time ago and Murphy had to pay for law school somehow, okay? Read more on Comical Connecticut Senate Candidate Cries ‘Whore’ During Debate…
  havens and haven-nots

East Haven Mayor’s Idea of Latino Outreach Is ‘Eating Some Tacos’

Four East Haven, Connecticut police officers were recently arrested by the FBI for unlawful abuse and search of some of the city’s Latino residents, but Mayor Joe Maturo’s immediate response to the arrests was so heinous as to suggest that maybe the officers had been told to be racist and abusive by a racist and abuse-loving mastermind who barely won the election that put him in his current position. When asked, following the arrests, what he would do to promote Latino outreach, Maturo said, “I might have tacos when I get home.” Well played, powerful Republican man. Read more on East Haven Mayor’s Idea of Latino Outreach Is ‘Eating Some Tacos’…
  the forever war

Joe Lieberman Worried Social Security Hurting His Terrorist Murder Budget

America’s ugliest angel of war Joe Lieberman hobbled onto the Senate floor during the debt ceiling debate today to complain about how budget reductions will affect his favorite taxpayer-funded school for disadvantaged children, the Pentagon. Lieberman frames the debate over spending cuts by explaining that we should all begin viewing Social Security and national security as two zero-sum opponents pitting all of the country’s old people against all of its bombs and its torture dungeons. Which of these two things would America rather keep? “Kill Grandma or kill bin Laden’s corpse over and over again,” is Joe Lieberman’s Final Offer to everyone. VIDEO after the jump: Read more on Joe Lieberman Worried Social Security Hurting His Terrorist Murder Budget…
  let's give them a few trillion for our condolences

Defense Contractors Sad Lieberman Won’t Be Giving Them Money Anymore

Tragedy last week: Death-machine makers are losing one of their “friends with benefits,” insufferable phlegmy Senate goblin Joe Lieberman. Making matters worse, the voters of Connecticut have also gotten rid of Chris Dodd, for being terrible. “With both of the state’s senators departing Congress, companies like United Technologies will have to scramble to shore up their support on Capitol Hill,” said some lady from something called the “Lexington Institute,” which must be the part of the war machine that provides Lieberman with a steady supply of rice cakes to keep him happy — rice cakes wrapped inside memos telling him how to give the war people money to provide the world with murder. No! Not companies like United Technologies! Murder corporations are the most important citizens of all! Read more on Defense Contractors Sad Lieberman Won’t Be Giving Them Money Anymore…