Bad enough that Our Public Schools are full of secular humanists and evolution and even socialist fruits and vegetables — now the teachers are recruiting students into weird death cults! A family from Avon, Connecticut, an affluent suburb of Hartford, accuses three Spanish teachers and a guidance counselor at Avon High School of recruiting two […]

Talia Maselli of Newington, Connecticut, is officially Yr. Wonkette’s favorite teen of the day, because of her excellent taste in men. Last fall, she sent a prom invitation to her ideal date: Old Handsome Joe Biden. Smart girl, thinks ahead. Unfortunately the Veep couldn’t make it, even after this seemingly irresistible pitch: “I am inviting […]

You have to admire the creative thinking of Texas candidate for Lieutenant Governor Jerry Patterson. He doesn’t want Texas to secede from the United States; that’d be dumb. He loves Real America. Instead, how about we get rid of the states what Hate America? “I get lots of questions all the time, ‘Well, we should secede.’ I […]

We started the morning with the tale of responsible gun owner Shemane Nugent, who accidentally forgot that there was a handgun in her carry on luggage; now, even more brilliance from the responsible gun owners of America. How about Wendell Docteur of Stratford, Connecticut? He was out for a ride on his bike with a […]

Well here is a fine how-do-ye-do, and it involves a couple in their 80s; an email about any possible openings on the Norwalk, Connecticut, board of ed; a 38-year-old “belligerent” head of the local Democratic party wrapping her fist around her car keys to deck an 84-year-old man; and nobody pressing charges because hell, when […]

Guten Tag, liberal Wonkstaffel! With the upcoming holiday when all good God-fearing Americans celebrate the founding of the Greatest Nation in the History of Ever™, we thought it a good opportunity to check up on the continued efforts to protect/eviscerate that most sacred of all American freedoms, the right to vote the right to own […]

With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our refrigerator, we have thought we might break out the Dance of Joy if just one politician would tell him to go […]

Stupidest Man On the Internet Jim Hoft has perpetrated more blogging about the Sandy Hook massacre. As usual, he also performs multiple acts of vandalism on facts and logic. Today’s flaming bag of dogshit on the internet’s porch contains one (1) factual error and one (1) wholly specious conclusion. We shall resist the urge to […]

Yesterday was Connecticut’s “Women’s Day at the Capitol,” an annual get-together in which entire office buildings are full of women. This is a great thing to do — it’s an exciting day of discussion and learning, sure, but who really cares about that? It’s great because — did you know? — all those women… have […]

Well, golly, it’s been at least a day or so since we’ve reported on some elected asshat saying something reprehensible in public, so obviously we’re overdue. This time around, the idiot is Connecticut Rep. Ernest Hewitt (D-OhForFuckssake), who last week decided that a dick joke would make for a perfect reply to a 17 year […]

Let those without sin cast the first bullet, but who hasn’t wanted to brandish a firearm at a Chuck E. Cheese? Only those who have never had to be there, surely. But the big problem is, there is a difference between wanting to and doing so – and that’s exactly how a lady in Connecticut […]

Yr Wonkette is ashamed to admit that we were hitherto unaware of the awesomeness of Representative Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn) before seeing the picture above. We are ashamed! Like rending garments levels of ashamed, because this woman is pretty much the coolest thing ever, despite RollCall’s sober cuntiness, as seen above. We are especially ashamed because […]

Oh, everybody was sooooo outraged when Megan McArdle took to the pixels of the Daily Beast to suggest that since only banning all guns would be effective in stopping gun violence, and we can’t ban all guns, we should train our children to “gang-rush” men who are shooting at them with semi-automatic weapons, “Let’s roll!”-styley. […]

Sorry, “Gateway Pundit” Jim Hoft, you have lost your crown and all your glory. All you need to read in this most brilliant piece from new Stupidest Man on the Internet “ProteinWisdom” (Jeff Goldstein) is the headline: “Obama, silent about union violence in Michigan, immediately reacts to Connecticut school shooting.” That is all.

Here, courtesy of DailyKos, is President Barack Obama almost able (not really) to get through his statement on the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut. Surprisingly, no reporters in the White House briefing room shouted a dick question at him as he moved quickly from the podium. We guess Ghost Andrew Breitbart and his new minion Matthew […]