Tag Archives: connecticut

  Truther Dare

Sandy Hook ‘Truther’ Arrested Just For Harassing Sandy Hook School Staff. How Is That Even Fair?

Wait, you mean repeatedly calling a school and asking them why they faked a massacre is a crime? Who knew?
The New World Order Reptilian Overlords claimed another victim last week as brave Sandy Hook ‘Truther” Timothy Rogalski was arrested Tuesday after leaving several harassing phone messages at the school’s temporary new location in Monroe, Connecticut, accusing staff of complicity in making up the murder of 20 children and six staff on December 14, 2012. He later called back and spoke directly to an administrative assistant; police traced the calls to Rogalski’s home. So much for Free Speach in Obama’s America! Read more on Sandy Hook ‘Truther’ Arrested Just For Harassing Sandy Hook School Staff. How Is That Even Fair?…
  I'm On A Vote Mothafukka

Watch Jon Stewart’s Favorite Midterms Batsh*t Moments (Video)

nautical times
Jon Stewart brings us more yummy electoral goodness, starting with a brief montage of precious election moments: Mitch McConnell’s bizarre b-roll ad and subsequent #McConnelling, Charlie Crist’s fan, Joni Ernst cutting nutz, and New York Republican Michael Grimm and his beautiful fraud indictments — not to mention his offer to break a reporter in half “like a boy” for asking a question about it (somehow, Stewart really doesn’t mention it). Read more on Watch Jon Stewart’s Favorite Midterms Batsh*t Moments (Video)…
  Son of a Glitch

Connecticut Unable To Get An Election This Morning

Whoops! (yes, it's shopped. Connecticut is not tropical. Yet.)
Update: new development; see end of post. Elections never run flawlessly, and it’s not unusual — and no, not an indication of wholesale fraud — to hear of voting machine glitches and snags. We’re quite willing to accept that there’s nothing nefarious going on when one or two touch screen machines screw up, though that’s also a good argument for good old optical-scan ballots, too. And then there’s more unfortunate applications of Murphy’s Law on Election Day, like how the Georgia secretary of state’s “find your polling place” website crashed this morning. Again, that seems like a glitch, not frauding, although that one looks a lot hinkier in the context of the state maybe losing tens of thousands of new registration applications. Read more on Connecticut Unable To Get An Election This Morning…
  white woman's burden

Awesome Judge Candidate Does Not Get Why You Guys Are So Worried About Her Hubby The White Supremacist

We're actually cool with kitten pride, though
Elections are tricky things, what with people poking into your background and all that, so it usually behooves aspiring politicians to think about what might play badly as they begin their elective office quest. Now, running for some pissant local judicial seat isn’t like running for president of these here United States or anything, but it’s still wise to do a wee bit of thinking about whether the fact that your husband is an out and proud white supremacist might cause the tiniest bit of consternation. Read more on Awesome Judge Candidate Does Not Get Why You Guys Are So Worried About Her Hubby The White Supremacist…
  my life in the krool skool kult

Are Your Teens Sullen? Time To Sue Their ‘Death Cult’ Teachers For Magical Realism Assignment!

Bad enough that Our Public Schools are full of secular humanists and evolution and even socialist fruits and vegetables — now the teachers are recruiting students into weird death cults! A family from Avon, Connecticut, an affluent suburb of Hartford, accuses three Spanish teachers and a guidance counselor at Avon High School of recruiting two of their three daughters into a bizarre “religious cult that promotes martyrdom, and celebrates death,” and by that they apparently mean one other than Christianity. The family is suing the four faculty members, the high school, and Wellesley College for not noticing that the daughters were being brainwashed by the “cult.” Read more on Are Your Teens Sullen? Time To Sue Their ‘Death Cult’ Teachers For Magical Realism Assignment!…
  dancin' fool

Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead

Talia Maselli of Newington, Connecticut, is officially Yr. Wonkette’s favorite teen of the day, because of her excellent taste in men. Last fall, she sent a prom invitation to her ideal date: Old Handsome Joe Biden. Smart girl, thinks ahead. Unfortunately the Veep couldn’t make it, even after this seemingly irresistible pitch: “I am inviting you so far in advance because I’m sure many 17-year-old girls send you prom invitations, and I had to beat them to it … I could only tolerate a high school dance if I was to be escorted by the most delightful man in America.” And if Biden didn’t go, she might ask out John Boehner instead, she said. “And we can’t have that now can we?” Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead…
  The Purple Prose of Texas

Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let’s Kick Out All The Liberal States.

You have to admire the creative thinking of Texas candidate for Lieutenant Governor Jerry Patterson. He doesn’t want Texas to secede from the United States; that’d be dumb. He loves Real America. Instead, how about we get rid of the states what Hate America? “I get lots of questions all the time, ‘Well, we should secede.’ I say, ‘No, I’ve got a better idea. Instead of secession, I’m a proponent of expulsion,’” he told the AP. “I want to kick about four states out of this union.” Specifically, that would be California, New York, Massachusetts and Connecticut, because who needs their liberalism and whatever piddling contribution to the GDP they represent? Also, we were not aware that this is the sort of thing that the Texas lieutenant governor has a say in, but apparently the way you become Texas’s Second Lady is to tell people about how you’d tackle stuff that the job has nothing to do with, like impeaching the Preznit. Read more on Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let’s Kick Out All The Liberal States….
  second amendment solutions

Responsible Gun Owners On Parade

We started the morning with the tale of responsible gun owner Shemane Nugent, who accidentally forgot that there was a handgun in her carry on luggage; now, even more brilliance from the responsible gun owners of America. How about Wendell Docteur of Stratford, Connecticut? He was out for a ride on his bike with a handgun stylishly stowed in his waistband; the gun went off, wounding him in the right leg. At the hospital, Docteur fabricated a story about being “confronted by a half dozen men, dressed all in black with hooded sweatshirts covering their faces,” who robbed him, shot him, and then ran off yelling “North End, North End,” the name of a neighborhood in Bridgeport (we haven’t done any demographic research, but we’ll bet that “North End” is not primarily home to Vietnamese or Austro-Hungarians). Docteur’s story fell apart when police asked him why the only hole in his pants was where the bullet exited. He admitted accidentally shooting himself, but “couldn’t account for the handgun he had shot himself with.” He was charged “making a false statement, unlawful discharge of a firearm and failing to report a lost firearm” and released on $10,0000 bond. Always save your receipt when you throw away a gun you’ve shot yourself with! Read more on Responsible Gun Owners On Parade…
  let's get ready to rumble

Typical Connecticut Parking Lot Brawl Between Octogenarian Dems And Young Whippersnapper Results From Board Of Ed Race, Just Like You’d Expect

Well here is a fine how-do-ye-do, and it involves a couple in their 80s; an email about any possible openings on the Norwalk, Connecticut, board of ed; a 38-year-old “belligerent” head of the local Democratic party wrapping her fist around her car keys to deck an 84-year-old man; and nobody pressing charges because hell, when you’re a jet you’re a jet all the way, presumably. Let us start in the middle, since that is where NancyonNorwalk put the sexplainer of why these people in their 80s got a beatdown from the late-30s female head of the local Democrats, in a parking lot. (And really, go read Nancy’s entire post of beauty and light.) First, Regina Krummel, 82, had left a voicemail for the Democratic Town Committee Chairwoman, Amanda Brown, 38, because Krummel wanted to talk to Brown about why Brown had left Krummel off a list of people interested in running for the Board of Ed. And cut to: Mrs. Krummel said she started to get out of the car and [Democratic Town Committee Chairwoman Amanda] Brown ran up, waving a printout of an email Mrs. Krummel had sent in April. “She was waving it in my face as I got out of the car and screaming at me,” Mrs. Krummel said. That email referred to Mrs. Krummel’s desire to run for the BOE. According to Mrs. Krummel, the email said, “If there is an opening for an At-Large Board of Education candidate I’d like to throw my hat in the ring.” Brown had highlighted segments of the email, and was saying, “You said ‘if,’” the Krummels said. SHE SAID “IF.” OK, got it? TIME FOR PARKING LOT BEATDOWN!!! Read more on Typical Connecticut Parking Lot Brawl Between Octogenarian Dems And Young Whippersnapper Results From Board Of Ed Race, Just Like You’d Expect…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup

Guten Tag, liberal Wonkstaffel! With the upcoming holiday when all good God-fearing Americans celebrate the founding of the Greatest Nation in the History of Ever™, we thought it a good opportunity to check up on the continued efforts to protect/eviscerate that most sacred of all American freedoms, the right to vote the right to own as many death-dealing penis substitutes as you need to feel safe and secure in your own home. Specifically, we were wondering about our old friend Steamin’ Adam Kokesh and his plans for this glorious Fourth of July now that he has canceled his Million Armed Lunatics March on our nation’s capital. In its place Adam had called on his followers to march in small groups on all fifty state capitals in an event he is calling the Final American Revolution, and we wanted to reassure ourselves that our decision to be nowhere near Sacramento or even Phoenix this Thursday was a good one (really this is a good decision for any day of the year.) Read more on Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control

With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our refrigerator, we have thought we might break out the Dance of Joy if just one politician would tell him to go fuck himself. Connecticut Governor Dan Malloy did just that on Sunday’s edition of State of the Union, telling Candy Crowley that LaPierre “reminds me of the clowns at the circus,” adding “this guy is so out of whack, it’s unbelievable.” Malloy just this week signed into law some tough new gun restrictions in his state, including banning over 100 types of assault weapons, restricting ammunition clips to ten rounds, requiring background checks on all gun purchases, eligibility rules for buying bullets, and a dangerous weapon offenders registry. Yay Connecticut! Read more on In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control…
  stupid is as stupid does

Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn’t Shoot Them First

Stupidest Man On the Internet Jim Hoft has perpetrated more blogging about the Sandy Hook massacre. As usual, he also performs multiple acts of vandalism on facts and logic. Today’s flaming bag of dogshit on the internet’s porch contains one (1) factual error and one (1) wholly specious conclusion. We shall resist the urge to stomp on it, but will rather douse it with the Water Of Fact-Checking and then carefully remove it with the Tongs of Sweet Reason. Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn’t Shoot Them First…
  sideboob also too

What Do You Mean Connecticut’s ‘Women’s Day’ Isn’t About Boobs?

Yesterday was Connecticut’s “Women’s Day at the Capitol,” an annual get-together in which entire office buildings are full of women. This is a great thing to do — it’s an exciting day of discussion and learning, sure, but who really cares about that? It’s great because — did you know? — all those women… have boobs. Read more on What Do You Mean Connecticut’s ‘Women’s Day’ Isn’t About Boobs?…
  Pocket Monster

Connecticut State Rep. Makes Peener Joke To Teen Girl Who Mentioned Snakes

Well, golly, it’s been at least a day or so since we’ve reported on some elected asshat saying something reprehensible in public, so obviously we’re overdue. This time around, the idiot is Connecticut Rep. Ernest Hewitt (D-OhForFuckssake), who last week decided that a dick joke would make for a perfect reply to a 17 year old girl’s testimony about how participating in a state-funded science education program helped her become more outgoing: The girl, a high school senior, had been testifying in support of funding for the Connecticut Science Center’s youth programs, which she said helped her to get over a fear of snakes. One lawmaker told her she was a good spokeswoman for the center and asked if there were any questions. ‘‘If you’re bashful I got a snake sitting under my desk here,’’ Hewett then said. Laughter at his remark from those in the room is heard in an audio tape of the exchange. Read more on Connecticut State Rep. Makes Peener Joke To Teen Girl Who Mentioned Snakes…
  stand your skee ball

Today We Are All This Lady Brandishing A Semi At Chuck E. Cheese

Let those without sin cast the first bullet, but who hasn’t wanted to brandish a firearm at a Chuck E. Cheese? Only those who have never had to be there, surely. But the big problem is, there is a difference between wanting to and doing so – and that’s exactly how a lady in Connecticut found herself in big fat trouble. Tawana Bourne, who is not a public figure but this does not stop HuffPo from putting her name in their headline (we can’t imagine why but it doubtless has nothing to do with Tawana usually being a black name we are sure!), was at a party at the ratty party palace in Midland and her son pushed another lady’s daughter off a ride. That happens, kids suck. But THEN, when the other mother got into an argument with Bourne about this, Bourne decided to use a visual aid and “brandished a .380 semiautomatic handgun and chambered a round.” Admittedly, this does sound like a fairly effective way to try and shut someone up, and luckily no one was hurt, but next thing you know, Bourne has gotten herself arrested and taken to jail, which is about the only place actually worse to find oneself than a Chuck E. Cheese! Read more on Today We Are All This Lady Brandishing A Semi At Chuck E. Cheese…
  when wonkette met rosa

Friday Nice-Time: A Love Letter to Rosa DeLauro

Yr Wonkette is ashamed to admit that we were hitherto unaware of the awesomeness of Representative Rosa DeLauro (D-Conn) before seeing the picture above. We are ashamed! Like rending garments levels of ashamed, because this woman is pretty much the coolest thing ever, despite RollCall’s sober cuntiness, as seen above. We are especially ashamed because apparently, besides having the most amazing wardrobe ever (seriously, go buy HuffPo a treat to say thanks for that slideshow), DeLauro is also, too, actually powerful and progressive: Read more on Friday Nice-Time: A Love Letter to Rosa DeLauro…
  if anything it just makes too much sense

National Review: Give Your Kids Boundaries, Like ‘No, You May Not Shoot Up A School’

Oh, everybody was sooooo outraged when Megan McArdle took to the pixels of the Daily Beast to suggest that since only banning all guns would be effective in stopping gun violence, and we can’t ban all guns, we should train our children to “gang-rush” men who are shooting at them with semi-automatic weapons, “Let’s roll!”-styley. Everyone screamed and moaned about how Megan McArdle is the worst, stupidest person in the whole darn land, and no one could ever be stupider. But surely you knew National Review Online — and specifically Charlotte Allen — had yet to weigh in? Read more on National Review: Give Your Kids Boundaries, Like ‘No, You May Not Shoot Up A School’…
  ps go fuck yourself

Internet Welcomes New Stupidest Man

Sorry, “Gateway Pundit” Jim Hoft, you have lost your crown and all your glory. All you need to read in this most brilliant piece from new Stupidest Man on the Internet “ProteinWisdom” (Jeff Goldstein) is the headline: Read more on Internet Welcomes New Stupidest Man…
  crying also too

Here Is Barack Obama Politicizing Guns By Saying The Word ‘Guns’

Here, courtesy of DailyKos, is President Barack Obama almost able (not really) to get through his statement on the massacre in Newtown, Connecticut. Surprisingly, no reporters in the White House briefing room shouted a dick question at him as he moved quickly from the podium. We guess Ghost Andrew Breitbart and his new minion Matthew Boyle don’t have White House press passes. Oh, sorry, was that rude, or snarky, or politicizing or something? Go fuck yourself. Read more on Here Is Barack Obama Politicizing Guns By Saying The Word ‘Guns’…
  filibust a cap in your ass

Today Perhaps Not Greatest Day For Rand Paul’s Hilarious Gun-Waiting-Period ‘Joke’

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul has some ideas. And they are that if Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is going to be such a total Hitler as to suggest that a senator who wants to filibuster something has to actually filibuster that thing, then Rand Paul would like some Senate “rule changes” of his own! First and foremost? A “waiting period” of 20 days for each page of proposed legislation! This is very appropriate, because if you are going to make citizens sit through a “waiting period” to purchase guns from Jesus, shouldn’t we blah blah blah libertarian horgleschlommenhurk. Now we all know that Obamacare was 2400 pages, because Fox News said so. (No it wasn’t.) So with the Rand Paul waiting period, we would have had to wait 131 and a half years before we could pass it. We almost already did! But was today the most felicitous time for Kentucky Senator Rand Paul to unveil his snotty tantrum guardianship of the sacred Constitution, considering we are in a “waiting period” to find out if more than one child was more than 18 children were murdered at a Connecticut school? SURE. WHY NOT. Read more on Today Perhaps Not Greatest Day For Rand Paul’s Hilarious Gun-Waiting-Period ‘Joke’…
  rubbers and rubber checks

Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself

Hmmm, it looks like your Wonkette didn’t bother to write even the littlest thing about two-time-Senate-loser and Wrasslin’ Lady Linda McMahon this time around, probably because we had used up all our folding-chair jokes the first time around, and also probably because we didn’t care. But in fact, it is AFTER her (second) loss that Linda McMahon has become interesting! And how has she done that? Well, once she’d blown $100 million of her own money on her two (losing) campaigns, it seems she didn’t have enough left over to pay the uniformly low-income and African American folks who had been her (low-wage) fake-supporters, so they just waited and waited. But then they told the press “hey this rich lady isn’t bothering to pay us!” So THEN they got checks with a condom in the envelope, so’s they could fuck themselves! AND THEN THE CHECKS BOUNCED ANYWAY. Oh man. Read more on Classy Wrasslin’ Two-Time-Loser Lady Linda McMahon Stiffs Staff, Invites It To Screw Itself…
  would you like a badge little one?

Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model

It is an intractable and inviolable part of the Boy Scouting Code (which is in Comic Sans on someone’s old Compaq) that gays and lesbians cannot serve in any Scouting capacity, because they will convince small children that it’s okay to watch Bravo more than they already do. However, Robert White of Milford, Connecticut, was a part of the Girl Scouts, and he’s heterosexually harassing women, so he’s got a future career ahead of him once he’s finished his sex offender registry. Robert White, a former member of the board of directors for Girl Scouts of Connecticut, was arrested this week amidst allegations he exposed himself to two female employees while at work, according to an arrest warrant affidavit. White is also a former Republican Board of Education majority leader and former PTA Council president. Thankfully, though, he did not expose himself to male co-workers. That’s basically pedophilia, except for the part where everyone involved in an adult. Read more on Completely Heterosexual Alleged Sex Offender Is A Good Scouting Role Model…