Tag Archives: connecticut

  Mad About A Thing

NRA Dude Hopes Virginia Shooting Victims’ Parents Won’t Be Total Pussies About This

He's weeping, and also telling the NRA to go fuck itself with a rusty dildo.
He’s weeping, and also telling the NRA to go fuck itself with a rusty dildo. After last week’s horrific on-air murder of TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward, many people immediately braced themselves for exactly what disgusting thing the NRA would have to say. At first, there were mostly tumbleweeds, but as the NRA is perhaps the most evil institution in all of America, it was only a matter of time! Here’s a disgusting, soulless, stomach-churning response from the NRA’s Colion Noir, who Media Matters reports is part of the NRA’s new campaign to make the organization look cool and hip and “Kids These Days,” as opposed to what it really is — a group of paranoid pants-shitting twats who really, truly don’t cry when your child dies. Read more on NRA Dude Hopes Virginia Shooting Victims’ Parents Won’t Be Total Pussies About This…
  Reading Is Fundament-al

High School Teacher Canned For Teaching Allen Ginsberg’s Filthy Buttsechs Poetry

Bias Confession: I think Howl is a wee bit overrated
The children of South Windsor, Connecticut, are at long last safe from the pernicious influence of David Olio, who has been forced to resign as an English teacher at South Windsor High School after showing a video of Allen Ginsberg reading his poem “Please, Master” to his Advanced Placement English class in February. The poem, which is definitely not rated PG, apparently upset some students enough that they complained to their parents, so the school suspended and then moved to fire Olio, who had taught at the high school since 1996. Read more on High School Teacher Canned For Teaching Allen Ginsberg’s Filthy Buttsechs Poetry…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Not Pay Taxes On Soda, Not While ISIS Is Still Around

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
On this week’s Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, Sarah Palin picks on Connecticut State Rep. Juan Candelaria for having the GALL to propose a tax on sugary soft drinks. Doesn’t Rep. Candelaria know that taxes kill jobs? Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Not Pay Taxes On Soda, Not While ISIS Is Still Around…
  Truther Dare

Sandy Hook ‘Truther’ Arrested Just For Harassing Sandy Hook School Staff. How Is That Even Fair?

Wait, you mean repeatedly calling a school and asking them why they faked a massacre is a crime? Who knew?
The New World Order Reptilian Overlords claimed another victim last week as brave Sandy Hook ‘Truther” Timothy Rogalski was arrested Tuesday after leaving several harassing phone messages at the school’s temporary new location in Monroe, Connecticut, accusing staff of complicity in making up the murder of 20 children and six staff on December 14, 2012. He later called back and spoke directly to an administrative assistant; police traced the calls to Rogalski’s home. So much for Free Speach in Obama’s America! Read more on Sandy Hook ‘Truther’ Arrested Just For Harassing Sandy Hook School Staff. How Is That Even Fair?…
  I'm On A Vote Mothafukka

Watch Jon Stewart’s Favorite Midterms Batsh*t Moments (Video)

nautical times
Jon Stewart brings us more yummy electoral goodness, starting with a brief montage of precious election moments: Mitch McConnell’s bizarre b-roll ad and subsequent #McConnelling, Charlie Crist’s fan, Joni Ernst cutting nutz, and New York Republican Michael Grimm and his beautiful fraud indictments — not to mention his offer to break a reporter in half “like a boy” for asking a question about it (somehow, Stewart really doesn’t mention it). Read more on Watch Jon Stewart’s Favorite Midterms Batsh*t Moments (Video)…
  Son of a Glitch

Connecticut Unable To Get An Election This Morning

Whoops! (yes, it's shopped. Connecticut is not tropical. Yet.)
Update: new development; see end of post. Elections never run flawlessly, and it’s not unusual — and no, not an indication of wholesale fraud — to hear of voting machine glitches and snags. We’re quite willing to accept that there’s nothing nefarious going on when one or two touch screen machines screw up, though that’s also a good argument for good old optical-scan ballots, too. And then there’s more unfortunate applications of Murphy’s Law on Election Day, like how the Georgia secretary of state’s “find your polling place” website crashed this morning. Again, that seems like a glitch, not frauding, although that one looks a lot hinkier in the context of the state maybe losing tens of thousands of new registration applications. Read more on Connecticut Unable To Get An Election This Morning…
  white woman's burden

Awesome Judge Candidate Does Not Get Why You Guys Are So Worried About Her Hubby The White Supremacist

We're actually cool with kitten pride, though
Elections are tricky things, what with people poking into your background and all that, so it usually behooves aspiring politicians to think about what might play badly as they begin their elective office quest. Now, running for some pissant local judicial seat isn’t like running for president of these here United States or anything, but it’s still wise to do a wee bit of thinking about whether the fact that your husband is an out and proud white supremacist might cause the tiniest bit of consternation. Read more on Awesome Judge Candidate Does Not Get Why You Guys Are So Worried About Her Hubby The White Supremacist…
  my life in the krool skool kult

Are Your Teens Sullen? Time To Sue Their ‘Death Cult’ Teachers For Magical Realism Assignment!

Bad enough that Our Public Schools are full of secular humanists and evolution and even socialist fruits and vegetables — now the teachers are recruiting students into weird death cults! A family from Avon, Connecticut, an affluent suburb of Hartford, accuses three Spanish teachers and a guidance counselor at Avon High School of recruiting two of their three daughters into a bizarre “religious cult that promotes martyrdom, and celebrates death,” and by that they apparently mean one other than Christianity. The family is suing the four faculty members, the high school, and Wellesley College for not noticing that the daughters were being brainwashed by the “cult.” Read more on Are Your Teens Sullen? Time To Sue Their ‘Death Cult’ Teachers For Magical Realism Assignment!…
  dancin' fool

Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead

Talia Maselli of Newington, Connecticut, is officially Yr. Wonkette’s favorite teen of the day, because of her excellent taste in men. Last fall, she sent a prom invitation to her ideal date: Old Handsome Joe Biden. Smart girl, thinks ahead. Unfortunately the Veep couldn’t make it, even after this seemingly irresistible pitch: “I am inviting you so far in advance because I’m sure many 17-year-old girls send you prom invitations, and I had to beat them to it … I could only tolerate a high school dance if I was to be escorted by the most delightful man in America.” And if Biden didn’t go, she might ask out John Boehner instead, she said. “And we can’t have that now can we?” Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead…
  The Purple Prose of Texas

Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let’s Kick Out All The Liberal States.

You have to admire the creative thinking of Texas candidate for Lieutenant Governor Jerry Patterson. He doesn’t want Texas to secede from the United States; that’d be dumb. He loves Real America. Instead, how about we get rid of the states what Hate America? “I get lots of questions all the time, ‘Well, we should secede.’ I say, ‘No, I’ve got a better idea. Instead of secession, I’m a proponent of expulsion,’” he told the AP. “I want to kick about four states out of this union.” Specifically, that would be California, New York, Massachusetts and Connecticut, because who needs their liberalism and whatever piddling contribution to the GDP they represent? Also, we were not aware that this is the sort of thing that the Texas lieutenant governor has a say in, but apparently the way you become Texas’s Second Lady is to tell people about how you’d tackle stuff that the job has nothing to do with, like impeaching the Preznit. Read more on Texas Lt Gov Candidate Rejects Secession. Instead, Let’s Kick Out All The Liberal States….
  second amendment solutions

Responsible Gun Owners On Parade

We started the morning with the tale of responsible gun owner Shemane Nugent, who accidentally forgot that there was a handgun in her carry on luggage; now, even more brilliance from the responsible gun owners of America. How about Wendell Docteur of Stratford, Connecticut? He was out for a ride on his bike with a handgun stylishly stowed in his waistband; the gun went off, wounding him in the right leg. At the hospital, Docteur fabricated a story about being “confronted by a half dozen men, dressed all in black with hooded sweatshirts covering their faces,” who robbed him, shot him, and then ran off yelling “North End, North End,” the name of a neighborhood in Bridgeport (we haven’t done any demographic research, but we’ll bet that “North End” is not primarily home to Vietnamese or Austro-Hungarians). Docteur’s story fell apart when police asked him why the only hole in his pants was where the bullet exited. He admitted accidentally shooting himself, but “couldn’t account for the handgun he had shot himself with.” He was charged “making a false statement, unlawful discharge of a firearm and failing to report a lost firearm” and released on $10,0000 bond. Always save your receipt when you throw away a gun you’ve shot yourself with! Read more on Responsible Gun Owners On Parade…
  let's get ready to rumble

Typical Connecticut Parking Lot Brawl Between Octogenarian Dems And Young Whippersnapper Results From Board Of Ed Race, Just Like You’d Expect

Well here is a fine how-do-ye-do, and it involves a couple in their 80s; an email about any possible openings on the Norwalk, Connecticut, board of ed; a 38-year-old “belligerent” head of the local Democratic party wrapping her fist around her car keys to deck an 84-year-old man; and nobody pressing charges because hell, when you’re a jet you’re a jet all the way, presumably. Let us start in the middle, since that is where NancyonNorwalk put the sexplainer of why these people in their 80s got a beatdown from the late-30s female head of the local Democrats, in a parking lot. (And really, go read Nancy’s entire post of beauty and light.) First, Regina Krummel, 82, had left a voicemail for the Democratic Town Committee Chairwoman, Amanda Brown, 38, because Krummel wanted to talk to Brown about why Brown had left Krummel off a list of people interested in running for the Board of Ed. And cut to: Mrs. Krummel said she started to get out of the car and [Democratic Town Committee Chairwoman Amanda] Brown ran up, waving a printout of an email Mrs. Krummel had sent in April. “She was waving it in my face as I got out of the car and screaming at me,” Mrs. Krummel said. That email referred to Mrs. Krummel’s desire to run for the BOE. According to Mrs. Krummel, the email said, “If there is an opening for an At-Large Board of Education candidate I’d like to throw my hat in the ring.” Brown had highlighted segments of the email, and was saying, “You said ‘if,’” the Krummels said. SHE SAID “IF.” OK, got it? TIME FOR PARKING LOT BEATDOWN!!! Read more on Typical Connecticut Parking Lot Brawl Between Octogenarian Dems And Young Whippersnapper Results From Board Of Ed Race, Just Like You’d Expect…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup

Guten Tag, liberal Wonkstaffel! With the upcoming holiday when all good God-fearing Americans celebrate the founding of the Greatest Nation in the History of Ever™, we thought it a good opportunity to check up on the continued efforts to protect/eviscerate that most sacred of all American freedoms, the right to vote the right to own as many death-dealing penis substitutes as you need to feel safe and secure in your own home. Specifically, we were wondering about our old friend Steamin’ Adam Kokesh and his plans for this glorious Fourth of July now that he has canceled his Million Armed Lunatics March on our nation’s capital. In its place Adam had called on his followers to march in small groups on all fifty state capitals in an event he is calling the Final American Revolution, and we wanted to reassure ourselves that our decision to be nowhere near Sacramento or even Phoenix this Thursday was a good one (really this is a good decision for any day of the year.) Read more on Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control

With the way so many of our politicians cower in terror every time they spot Wayne LaPierre rushing in their direction, his crazy eyes rolling in their sockets like the googly-eyed panda magnet on our refrigerator, we have thought we might break out the Dance of Joy if just one politician would tell him to go fuck himself. Connecticut Governor Dan Malloy did just that on Sunday’s edition of State of the Union, telling Candy Crowley that LaPierre “reminds me of the clowns at the circus,” adding “this guy is so out of whack, it’s unbelievable.” Malloy just this week signed into law some tough new gun restrictions in his state, including banning over 100 types of assault weapons, restricting ammunition clips to ten rounds, requiring background checks on all gun purchases, eligibility rules for buying bullets, and a dangerous weapon offenders registry. Yay Connecticut! Read more on In Which We Are Irrationally Hopeful That Not Everyone Is a Total Idiot About Gun Control…
  stupid is as stupid does

Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn’t Shoot Them First

Stupidest Man On the Internet Jim Hoft has perpetrated more blogging about the Sandy Hook massacre. As usual, he also performs multiple acts of vandalism on facts and logic. Today’s flaming bag of dogshit on the internet’s porch contains one (1) factual error and one (1) wholly specious conclusion. We shall resist the urge to stomp on it, but will rather douse it with the Water Of Fact-Checking and then carefully remove it with the Tongs of Sweet Reason. Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn’t Shoot Them First…
  sideboob also too

What Do You Mean Connecticut’s ‘Women’s Day’ Isn’t About Boobs?

Yesterday was Connecticut’s “Women’s Day at the Capitol,” an annual get-together in which entire office buildings are full of women. This is a great thing to do — it’s an exciting day of discussion and learning, sure, but who really cares about that? It’s great because — did you know? — all those women… have boobs. Read more on What Do You Mean Connecticut’s ‘Women’s Day’ Isn’t About Boobs?…