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Posts Tagged ‘congressmen’

STORIES FOR YOUR GRANDKIDS

Montana State Sen. Charged In Congressman’s Boat Crash

Wednesday, October 7th, 2009

We're going to Narnia!In late August, juuuuuust as the Congressional recess was reaching a close, Montana Rep. Denny Rehberg — who has a history of getting trashed and flopping around on horses in Kazakhstan — went out on a boat with some buddies, and within minutes that boat was somehow vertical, among a pile of rocks. How drunk was the Boat Captain?, America asked. Well now we know: 0.16 — and that was several hours after the crash! It wasn’t Rehberg, though, operating the boat, just one of his buddies, some loser local politician who is now in big big trouble. MORE »


LET'S GET SCANDAL-Y

Roughly Cylandrical Object Located Near Rehberg Boat Crash

Friday, August 28th, 2009

While Rep. Denny Rehberg’s life, which is in stable condition, will be first on the docket during tonight’s Wonkette Prayer Hour, we must wonder — given his history of getting trashed in Kazakhstan and falling off horses — exactly how wasted he and his buddies may or may not have been when they crashed their boat into very huge rocks late last night. And lo, “Twitter person Bob B.” has sent us this photo of the wreckage, in which he thinks he has spotted the smoking gun: a keg of beer. It looks a little too skinny to be considered such in our estimation. Probably just a trash can. (They were throwing away the tree.) (While drunk?) [Twitter]


JOSEPH CAO IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE

Famous Ex-Congressman William Jefferson Convicted, Will Serve 10 Million Years In North Korean Labor Camps

Wednesday, August 5th, 2009

Poor Ex-Congressman William “Dollar Bill” Jefferson of Louisiana! All the man did was use his seat on the Ways and Means Committee to secretly broker a deal between a Virginia telecom company and the Nigerian vice president, the $90,000 bribe for which he laundered in emptied food wrappers in his home freezer, and now some do-gooder activist Alexandria jury has found him guilty on 11 of 16 corruption counts for a possible sentencing of 115 years in jail. What’s the point of being a congressman, then? [Times-Picayune]


POLS WHO CALL CONSTITUENTS STUPID = WONKETTE HEROES

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
  • CONGRESSMAN INSULTS MEMORY OF FIREFIGHTERS & NYC COPS & GIULIANI FROM 9/11: Democratic Rep. Collin Peterson of Minnesota is in “hot water” for telling The Politico, awesomely, that “25 percent of my people believe the Pentagon and Rumsfeld were responsible for taking the twin towers down. That’s why I don’t do town meetings.” Okay, but what does the insane 75% believe? [Star Tribune]

SEXY PARTIES

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

SEXY NEW WINGNUTS!: The readers of the Huffington Post have selected this young man, the 27-year-old Aaron Schock of Peoria, Illinois, as the “hottest freshman” in Congress this year. Sorry ladies, he’s a Republican! His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum. [HuffPo]


SCANDALS

Friday, May 9th, 2008

FOSSELLA TO RESIGN? Drunken Congressman Vito Fossella, who has a 3-year-old illegitimate child, will apparently resign within 72 hours. And that will be the end of New York City’s only Republican congressman. [WNBC 4]


TOP

Drunk Congressman Fossella Has Love Child!

Thursday, May 8th, 2008

It has not been a very good week or so for Drunk Congressman Vito Fossella (R-NY). Last week he was arrested in Northern Virginia for drunk driving. He was in Northern Virginia to go see his family, he told police — his secret OTHER family, that is! He acknowledged today that he had a child out of wedlock who is now three years old. So apparently he only visits that one while drunk? He has apologized to his wife and three “real” children, who unfortunately live in Staten Island, with him. [AP]


HOUSE

Thursday, May 1st, 2008

NEW DRUNK CONGRESSMAN: “Rep. Vito J. Fossella (R-N.Y.) was arrested overnight in Alexandria and charged with driving while intoxicated, court records showed today.” Rep. Cowboy McSteak (R-TX) escaped scot-free, however. [WP]


REPUBLICANS

Will The NRCC Stop Sending Their Sleazy E-mails?

Monday, March 10th, 2008

Christ, we knew the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) blitz would come sooner or later today, but these e-mails excoriating Democratic congressmen have all come in since 5:44 ET. Should we just unsubscribe from their sleazy mailing list already, or would that be premature?


NEW JERSEY

That Drunk Jersey Congressman Doesn’t Want Highway Named After Him

Friday, February 15th, 2008

Ex-Congressman Robert Roe of New Jersey, whose record of hitting family vans while drunkenly driving motorcars got a highway dedicated to him, is requesting that the Jersey government rescind the naming legislation. This request would’ve been useful before the legislature and governor drafted and passed the legislation. And why is he turning down this honor anyway — he’d get a highway, and people would chill after a month or two. Is he drunk again? [Daily Record]