MASSA WAS JUST COLD SLAMMIN’ EVERYBODY: It seems there’s more to the crazy Eric Massa sexytime allegations than him drunkenly telling some dude, at a wedding, how much he wanted to bone: “Former Rep. Eric Massa (D-N.Y.) has been under investigation for allegations that he groped multiple male staffers working in his office, according to three sources familiar with the probe. The allegations surrounding the former lawmaker date back at least a year, and involve ‘a pattern of behavior and physical harassment,’ according to one source.” Where’s the problem? These staffers are all such prudes. [Washington Post]

Ooh, an outdoor adventure for shouty South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson. If anyone deserves it, it is him. Maybe he is taking a few days to “write something,” like his state’s governor did when he went hiking. Who is this “Maryanna Lynch” though, like his wife or some such? Maybe she had a career? And didn’t change her last name? Hmm? MORE »

In late August, juuuuuust as the Congressional recess was reaching a close, Montana Rep. Denny Rehberg — who has a history of getting trashed and flopping around on horses in Kazakhstan — went out on a boat with some buddies, and within minutes that boat was somehow vertical, among a pile of rocks. How drunk was the Boat Captain?, America asked. Well now we know: 0.16 — and that was several hours after the crash! It wasn’t Rehberg, though, operating the boat, just one of his buddies, some loser local politician who is now in big big trouble. MORE »

While Rep. Denny Rehberg’s life, which is in stable condition, will be first on the docket during tonight’s Wonkette Prayer Hour, we must wonder — given his history of getting trashed in Kazakhstan and falling off horses — exactly how wasted he and his buddies may or may not have been when they crashed their boat into very huge rocks late last night. And lo, “Twitter person Bob B.” has sent us this photo of the wreckage, in which he thinks he has spotted the smoking gun: a keg of beer. It looks a little too skinny to be considered such in our estimation. Probably just a trash can. (They were throwing away the tree.) (While drunk?) [Twitter]

Poor Ex-Congressman William “Dollar Bill” Jefferson of Louisiana! All the man did was use his seat on the Ways and Means Committee to secretly broker a deal between a Virginia telecom company and the Nigerian vice president, the $90,000 bribe for which he laundered in emptied food wrappers in his home freezer, and now some do-gooder activist Alexandria jury has found him guilty on 11 of 16 corruption counts for a possible sentencing of 115 years in jail. What’s the point of being a congressman, then? [Times-Picayune]

• CONGRESSMAN INSULTS MEMORY OF FIREFIGHTERS & NYC COPS & GIULIANI FROM 9/11: Democratic Rep. Collin Peterson of Minnesota is in “hot water” for telling The Politico, awesomely, that “25 percent of my people believe the Pentagon and Rumsfeld were responsible for taking the twin towers down. That’s why I don’t do town meetings.” Okay, but what does the insane 75% believe? [Star Tribune]

SEXY NEW WINGNUTS!: The readers of the Huffington Post have selected this young man, the 27-year-old Aaron Schock of Peoria, Illinois, as the “hottest freshman” in Congress this year. Sorry ladies, he’s a Republican! His prize will be 45 minutes alone with Arianna in the “Printing Presses Through the Centuries” section of the Newseum. [HuffPo]

FOSSELLA TO RESIGN? Drunken Congressman Vito Fossella, who has a 3-year-old illegitimate child, will apparently resign within 72 hours. And that will be the end of New York City’s only Republican congressman. [WNBC 4]

It has not been a very good week or so for Drunk Congressman Vito Fossella (R-NY). Last week he was arrested in Northern Virginia for drunk driving. He was in Northern Virginia to go see his family, he told police — his secret OTHER family, that is! He acknowledged today that he had a child out of wedlock who is now three years old. So apparently he only visits that one while drunk? He has apologized to his wife and three “real” children, who unfortunately live in Staten Island, with him. [AP]

NEW DRUNK CONGRESSMAN: “Rep. Vito J. Fossella (R-N.Y.) was arrested overnight in Alexandria and charged with driving while intoxicated, court records showed today.” Rep. Cowboy McSteak (R-TX) escaped scot-free, however. [WP]

Christ, we knew the National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) blitz would come sooner or later today, but these e-mails excoriating Democratic congressmen have all come in since 5:44 ET. Should we just unsubscribe from their sleazy mailing list already, or would that be premature?

Ex-Congressman Robert Roe of New Jersey, whose record of hitting family vans while drunkenly driving motorcars got a highway dedicated to him, is requesting that the Jersey government rescind the naming legislation. This request would’ve been useful before the legislature and governor drafted and passed the legislation. And why is he turning down this honor anyway — he’d get a highway, and people would chill after a month or two. Is he drunk again? [Daily Record]