Wonkette

* This is how the world will end, not with a bang, but a clank, and the thump of a pneumatic hammer on an elevator. We’re relieved that no one was hurt, but it sure was exciting covering all the action. Er, whatever it is that passes for action. In the end, the biggest danger of the day was the risk of some soiled gabardine, but even that was averted. MORE »

Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached the end of the road in Congressional Catfight. The competition began two weeks ago, with eight tough contenders, who were later joined by five wild card entries. All in all, 13 fierce fighters. Only one could emerge victorious. MORE »

We’re about to close the polls in Congressional Catfight: Harris vs. Schmidt, and it’s looking like curtains for Katherine. “Mean Jean” has a sizable lead at this late hour. MORE »

The polls are now open in the final round of Congressional Catfight: Katherine Harris versus Jean Schmidt. You can cast your vote by clicking here. MORE »

All good things must come to an end — and that includes Congressional Catfight. We’ve milked this competition for all it’s worth, and now it’s time to crown a victor. MORE »

Well, that was easy. We’ve had some really close calls here at Congressional Catfight, including one race that required a runoff. But this latest Catfight — a battle royal between five fighters, to determine who would take the wild card slot and face Katherine Harris — resulted in a decisive victory.

We threw five worthy contenders into the ring: Corrine Brown (D-FL), the “bat shit crazy” rep from the mean streets of Jacksonville’s North Side; Barbara Cubin (R-WY), the ex-cheerleader known for her “wack paranoia” and penis-shaped cookies; Tom Tancredo (R-CO), the immigration-obsessed nutjob; Bernie Sanders (I-VT), everyone’s favorite Vermont socialist; and Jean Schmidt (R-OH), the firearms-carrying, flag-jumpsuit-wearing, coward-calling congresswoman better known as “Mean Jean.”

The result? Jean Schmidt, in a landslide. “Mean Jean” received 60 percent of the vote — more votes than the other four competitors combined, and over three times as many as her nearest competitor, Tom Tancredo. Schmidt has scratched and clawed her way into the final round of Congressional Catfight. (For those of you who are curious, the full vote tally is available after the jump.)

Check back later today, when we’ll open the polls in Congressional Catfight: Harris vs. Schmidt. We’re predicting a close and ugly battle between these two tough ladies of the House.

Earlier: Congressional Catfight: The Nominees for the Wild Card Spot

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For those of you who are dying to learn the winner of Congressional Catfight — or who are tiring of the whole thing — worry not. The competition is nearing its end, and we’re now just one round away from crowning a winner. MORE »

Last week, we solicited your nominations for a wild card contender, to take take on the winner of Congressional Catfight: Harris vs. Pelosi (polls closing soon; to vote, click here). You submitted lots of excellent nominations, by email and by comment, and we winnowed the field to five contenders.

Here’s the poll:

Gawker Media polls require Javascript; if you’re viewing this in an RSS reader, click through to view in your Javascript-enabled web browser.

You may already know which one of these folks you’d like to vote for. But if you’re undecided and in need of more information, excerpts from nomination squibs appear after the jump.

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* The Senate confirmation hearings for soon-to-be CIA Director Michael Hayden began this week. In the great tradition of the adult film industry, there will be two versions of the hearing; one for cable and one for pay-per-view, er, Senate Members’ Ears Only. We were actually pretty relieved that the hardcore hearings were closed, that shit was long enough. Finally, the denouement: he’s an idiot. MORE »

This was going to be the final round of Congressional Catfight, until we acceded to your pleas and agreed to throw a wild card into the mix. But it’s still a very important battle — an essential stop on the road to victory. MORE »

Some of you have complained that we overlooked some worthy candidates when selecting our eight competitors for Congressional Catfight. Of course, given that there were only eight slots in the tournament — and hundreds of crazy, bitchy people in the House — omissions were inevitable.

Here are the eight original Catfight competitors. Top row, left to right: Jo Ann Emerson (R-MO); Katherine Harris (R-FL); Sheila Jackson Lee (D-TX); Virginia Foxx (R-NC). Bottom row, left to right: Cynthia McKinney (D-GA); Nancy Pelosi (D-CA); Barney Frank (D-MA); David Dreier (R-CA).

But we do feel badly about not being more inclusive. So here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to allow you to nominate representatives that you feel were unfairly omitted from the competition. Then we’ll have a poll, and the nominee with the most votes will face the winner of Katherine Harris versus Nancy Pelosi.

You can make a nomination by adding a comment to this post or by emailing us (subject line: “Catfight Wild Card”). Please include the nominee’s name and a brief explanation of why she belongs in the competition. Please note that the contest is limited to current members of the House of Representatives — no past House members, no Senators, no staffers or spouses, etc.

We’ll take a handful of your best nominees and have a reader poll in which you’ll vote on who should take on the winner of Congressional Catfight: Harris vs. Pelosi. We look forward to your submissions. Thanks!

(For those of you who haven’t been following the competition closely, the tournament history appears after the jump.)

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After some voting irregularities in our Congressional Catfight between Katherine Harris and Barney Frank, we decided to hold a rematch. We put two polls before you, indicating that the competitor with the highest combined vote total for both polls would move into the final round. MORE »

As we head into Wednesday night, our Congressional Catfight rematch between Katherine Harris and Barney Frank is proceeding forward smoothly. Hopefully tomorrow’s results will not be marred by irregularities. MORE »