Tag Archives: congress

  Deja vu all over again

GOP Had So Much Fun Playing With National Security Funding, They’re Doing It Again This Week!

He's in charge here
If you loved last week’s edge-of-your-seat excitement about whether the Republican-controlled Congress would do its job and pass a bill funding the Department of Homeland Security, like a bunch of elected legislators whose job is to keep government agencies running, you will love this week’s edge-of-your-seat excitement about the exact same thing all over again! Read more on GOP Had So Much Fun Playing With National Security Funding, They’re Doing It Again This Week!…
  Elizabeth Warren for everything -- again

The Professor Schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren Primer On How Republicans Ruined Our Whole Day

Our hero, again
Oh, is it Sen. Elizabeth Warren kicks some Republican ass again o’clock already? Why yes it is! Earlier this week, Warren and fellow Legislative Badass Rep. Elijah Cummings launched their new Middle Class Prosperity Project because they are a couple of actual Democrats who would like to see the middle class prosper (and no, not by doling out corporate tax cuts, that’s not how you do it, Rick Perry). Read more on The Professor Schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren Primer On How Republicans Ruined Our Whole Day…
  Somewhere Mary Landrieu is weeping

Obama Vetoes Keystone Pipeline Because He Is A Pussy We Guess

There he goes murdering jobs and the oil industry again
This post sponsored by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil Spills, Fracking, Clean Coal, Dirty Lies, and Laying Pipe. Time to impeach! repeal! sue! President Obama again, for doing exactly what he said he’d do: veto the Keystone XL Pipeline Oil Spills Are Good For ‘Merica And Other Living Things Act of 2015. Read more on Obama Vetoes Keystone Pipeline Because He Is A Pussy We Guess…
  if at first you don't succeed fail fail again

GOP Has New Plan To Keep Department Of Homeland Security Open, Just Kidding

Good plan
Hey, Congress, you fellas all tanned, ready, and rested after that well-deserved vacation you took last week just because you guys sure do love vacation? Great, maybe you can get back to the business of doing your job and figuring out how to keep the Department of Homeland Security up and running, since funding expires this week. Sorry that didn’t solve itself while you were on vacay! Read more on GOP Has New Plan To Keep Department Of Homeland Security Open, Just Kidding…
  Salute in your shorts

Pentagon Used Your Money To Give Dudes $84 Million In Boners Last Year

People of the wingnut variety are always yammering on about “outta control government spending!” and “I am being tyrannied into buying SLUT PILLS for all the ladies!” and dumb liberals always say, you know, if they were coming after your Viagra you’d be mad too. One entity that is NOT coming after your Viagra is the United States military. Originally, all patriotic Americans were under the impression that the military was spending about $500K a year on boners,  but the Military Times did some rock-hard-hitting penis journalism and found that the real cost of keeping your men boned up is $84.24 million per year: Read more on Pentagon Used Your Money To Give Dudes $84 Million In Boners Last Year…
  Who could have seen this coming?

Americans Swear To Remember To Blame GOP For Shutting Down Homeland Security, LOL

Who could have seen this coming?
Republicans have a terrific plan to humiliate President Obama by refusing to fund the Department of Homeland Security unless he promises to stop hearting those damned Messicans. This is flawless plan, obviously, and proves how, with the Very Grown Up Republicans finally in charge of the entire legislative branch, things really are going great, just like they’d promised back in November. Sure, shutting down DHS might hurt a little — you know, because national security and all — but that’s a small price to pay in order to teach the president a lesson. Read more on Americans Swear To Remember To Blame GOP For Shutting Down Homeland Security, LOL…
  What a quandary

GOP Rep Just Sure Obama Really Loves Those Mooslims He’s About To Bomb

See that crew cut up there? That’s Scott Perry, representative for Pennsylvania’s fourth congressional district, spanning a wide swath along the portion of the state known as Pennsyltucky, which is basically everything between Philly and Pittsburgh, a general morass of meth and dumb interspersed with the occasional Amish. Anyway, Perry was hanging out with Yr Wonkette’s second-favorite Mooslim-hater — really, you need to ask who’s number one? — the other day for something called the Defeat Jihad Summit, which must have been a hoot, can’t believe we missed it. Eventually the subject turned, as these things do, to the Authorization to Use Military Force against the Islamic State that the president requested earlier this week. Read more on GOP Rep Just Sure Obama Really Loves Those Mooslims He’s About To Bomb…
  Bumblin' Stumblin' Fumblin'

New Republican Congress Accomplishes Nothing, Goes On Vacation

Thank god somebody has some fresh thinking!
Back in November, Idea Men John Boehner and Mitch McConnell conserva-splained at America how they would fix Congress now that they’d won the midterms. These Bold, Robust Ideas were intended to unite the party and carry forward the Will of the People, who had Spoken in November. Read more on New Republican Congress Accomplishes Nothing, Goes On Vacation…
  let them eat

House GOP Will Return Dignity To Poor By Starving Them

are these the good kind of handouts or the bad kind...?
In their never-ending quest to prevent the safety net from catching actual poor people, the House GOP is once again taking aim at one of its favorite targets — all of the Food Stamps. Invoking Track 4 of their Greatest Hits, the GOP seeks to cut the SNAP benefits, but obviously for the recipients’ own good. Bush crony and Texas Rep. Mike Conaway (R-Fossil Fuels) is running point with all of the Bootstrap Bluster we’re used to hearing regurgitated from Republican congressmen who barely work. Read more on House GOP Will Return Dignity To Poor By Starving Them…
  If Obama hadn't done it none of this would be a problem

GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare

The other day we introduced you all to our new favorite people, the World Net Daily-style commenters recruited as plaintiffs in the latest Republican lawsuit to destroy Obamacare forever and ever. The case is called King v. Burwell, and it’s a complex lawsuit, but let’s try to spell it out: Under the Affordable Care Act, subsidies are provided to qualifying people in order to help them pay for their insurance, and they are provided by state insurance exchanges, and in states that were too lazy/wingnut to set up said exchanges, the federal government handles the subsidies. Read more on GOP So Mad Obama Failed To Plan For GOP Destruction Of Obamacare…
  peace in our time except for all the war

Obama To Ask Republicans’ Permission To Bomb Ay-rabs, They Will Surely Love Him Now

Perhaps you recall that for the last year or so, ever since those child-murdering dickbags who go by the name the Islamic State started making a nuisance of themselves in the Middle East — and we started bombing them, because America — various members of Congress have been demanding (demanding!) that the president ask them to grant him an Authorization for the Use of Military Force, basically a permission slip to do what he’s already doing anyway. Read more on Obama To Ask Republicans’ Permission To Bomb Ay-rabs, They Will Surely Love Him Now…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Republican Congress Fiddles While Syria Burns (Video)

56 repeals of Obamacare!
Congratulations, Republicans! You’ve been running both houses of Congress for a month now, and so far, you’ve failed to pass your own bills on abortion and immigration, but at least you did pass a bill to demand building the Keystone XL pipeline — the same month as five other pipelines in the nation exploded or ruptured. And the House voted for the 56th time to repeal/restrict/delay Obamacare, so there’s that. Read more on Morning Maddow: Republican Congress Fiddles While Syria Burns (Video)…
  build the dang fence around congress

Republicans Suing Obama Again, This Time About The Mexicans

He's in charge here
Some days we almost feel sorry for John Boehner, what with having to herd the feral cat farm that is the House Republican caucus while simultaneously convincing the Beltway’s Very Serious People that he, too, is a Very Serious Person who wants to Get Things Done and Has Ideas and Jobs, Jobs, Jobs. So when the feral cats are demanding that he Impeach!!!1! over the fake Benghazi scandal or the fake IRS scandal or Obamacare or not deporting all the Messicans or not having the proper amount of melanin for a POTUS, The Boehner has to find a way to mollify the raving, addled lunatics who would just as soon depose him and arrest the president for TREASON, without looking like a raving, addled lunatic himself, lest he lose the power and position he clearly holds so dear. Read more on Republicans Suing Obama Again, This Time About The Mexicans…
  Another great moment in GOP outreach

Congressmoron Louie Gohmert Quite Displeased With ‘Our Republican Females’

Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, one of spittiest ragemonkeys the GOP has to offer, is feeling lots of upset feelings this week, and it is because House Republicans were forced to cancel a vote on their 20-week abortion ban bill that was scheduled to coincide with the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. Read more on Congressmoron Louie Gohmert Quite Displeased With ‘Our Republican Females’…
  We'll have what he's smoking please

Louisiana Congressman Has Reefer Sadness

Doctor. Congressman. Idiot.
Louisiana Republican Rep. John C. Fleming MD has some words of warning about the dangers of The Marijuana, for those of you who want your medical information from a guy who gets his information from The Onion: Read more on Louisiana Congressman Has Reefer Sadness…
  romney would have done it better

Obama Is Bad Commie, Shrinks Deficit Again

Glad that's all behind us now
Do you remember the Great Deficit Panic of 2011? How Obamacare and The Stimulus and the GM Bailout were going to bankrupt the country? How our children were going to be left roaming the streets, forced to dumpster-dive for scraps because of oppressive socialist taxes? How we had The Sequester? How the Very Serious People decided Obama needed to Show Leadership, and how the president was willing to gut Social Security to appease the Ron Fucking Fourniers of the Beltway? How this mercifully fell apart because the Republicans weren’t willing to tax the Rich even if Obama ratfucked the Olds? How we had a Deficit Commission that was supposed to reach a Grand Bargain but could not because the Republicans were like we will only give you a Grand Bargain if you do everything we say, otherwise fuck this shit? And how none of this could possibly be George W. Bush’s fault, even though he dropped a $1.4 million deficit turd on Obummer’s desk on his way out of the Oval? Read more on Obama Is Bad Commie, Shrinks Deficit Again…
 

Five Other Already-Illegal Things Congress Should Vote to Make Illegal

The United States House of Representatives, man, what a place. When they’re not quoting the Bible to piss on climate change or trying to gut Social Security or voting for the 407th time to REPEAL OBAMACARE or fellating their corporate benefactors or holding their collective breath until the usurper resigns in disgrace or gets tried for treason, whichever, they’re voting to make already-illegal taxpayer-funded abortions even more super-duper illegal, because they really, really want all you ambulating vaginas out there to get to babymakin’, for God and country. Read more on Five Other Already-Illegal Things Congress Should Vote to Make Illegal…
  your tax dollars at work

House Votes To Extra Super Double-Ban Taxpayer Funding For Abortion (Which Is Already Illegal)

Just lay back and think about the savings
Republicans love tradition, and that is why on Thursday, on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade (haha, take that, ladies!), the House held its traditional vote for the No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion Act, which they introduce every single congressional session, because tradition! Read more on House Votes To Extra Super Double-Ban Taxpayer Funding For Abortion (Which Is Already Illegal)…
  But don't worry they will keep trying to ban abortion in all of the ways

House GOP Aborts Dumb Anti-Choice Bill Because Ladies Vote Too, Huh

do we need to go back to THIS?
Today is the 42nd anniversary of Roe v. Wade, which is one of those Supreme Court decisions that you totally know about! In Roe, the Court held that ladies have a constitutional right to have an abortion up until fetal viability, or roughly 24 or 25 weeks of pregnancy, so if you are a pregnant lady and you have been pregnant for fewer than 24 weeks, you may choose to stop being pregnant, and that is your constitutional right. Read more on House GOP Aborts Dumb Anti-Choice Bill Because Ladies Vote Too, Huh…