That Clean Energy and Security Act that Congress was so sure it passed yesterday? Nice try commies, it’s basically still in galley form! The Examiner’s SCOOP reveals there’s a 300 page “manager’s amendment” that hasn’t been edited into the official 1,090 page copy of the bill, which all members of Congress have read and would be 100% prepared to answer essay questions about, provided they know the essay topic beforehand and can use their notes.

Anyway, the Corner finds this all very typical, of hippies. And also asks, sagely: what is the hurry anyway? Right, it’s like, where’s the fire, you guys? Besides California and most rain forests and at this point probably the Arctic? Ha ha. If Democrats cared about the environment so much there’s no way they would be spending 1300+ sheets of paper to say so. MORE »

Waterboarding-lover and generally bad human Lindsey Graham met with Sonia Sotomayor today as she was making her “rounds,” in Congress. While most legislators have simply said afterward that they had a pleasant, interesting conversation with her, Lindsey Graham bragged to reporters about how he told her, “Sonia, you would not believe how much I want to vote against you. It is literally insane, the level of hatred I have towards you, personally.” MORE »

Can you imagine America without its favorite dingbat congresslady, baby-farming conservative icon Michele Bachmann? Would we be able to laugh, ever again? Well get ready for eternal sorrow, because some attorney in her district is maybe planning to challenge Bachmann in the GOP primary next year! His name is Chris Johnston, and he is the kind of Islamic Terrorist who would dare to question the intellectual integrity and public record of the only Real American congresslady in all of Washington and/or Minnesota! MORE »

Peter King, one of exactly two Republican congressmen from the state of New York remaining after Obama stole GOP Rep. John McHugh for army secretary, must defend his Long Island seat — not just from whatever contender in 2010, and the big increase in Democratic voters, and the dying-off Republican voters, but from the Dems’ crafty plans to screw him with redistricting in 2012. MORE »

It’s just past four o’clock, so get in your comfy chair because it’s time for your Wonkette Tuesday New Health Care Reform Proposals Update! Today we discuss the Max Baucus-favored “TRIGGER COMPROMISE,” in which a public health care option would only come into play when private insurance companies fail to meet certain coverage requirements. Let’s take a look at Washington’s latest hell-spawned Respectable Centrist ploy to ruin legitimate long-term reform! MORE »

America’s favorite doctor, Ron Paul, is struggling with demons we cannot even begin to comprehend. Here he is whining to an empty House of Representatives last night, about the night terrors he suffers and the horrifying intrusion of interdimensional orcs into his waking life. [YouTube]

…But what if an adult wanted a Hello Kitty Credit Card? And say this adult ordered a Hello Kitty Credit Card, on the Internet, several weeks ago, right… did it just get lost in the mail or something? [Swampland]

Vote Krystal Ball for Congress, Virginia District 1! She’s 27 and had a baby at some point and this changed everything. “I said to myself, enough. I vowed, ‘I will protect Ella and all the babies like her in the First District of Virginia and throughout the country.’” Blah blah blah GREAT, Wonkette officially endorses this lady. [Krystal Ball For Congress via NBC Washington]

Do you own some terrible old car? Probably not! But you might be making payments on some terrible old car. Communist Premier Nobama and his Duma-Politburo (the House and Senate) have got a great deal for you: Just trade in your gas-guzzling sticker-covered crapmobilie full of McDonald’s bags for a shiny new better-mileage-getting Automobile of the Future, and you’ll get $4,500. That is, what, equal to about a year’s worth of unemployment? MORE »

$20 and a Wonkette Tee Shirt to whoever steals Michele Bachmann’s dog. Just like that.

We give credit to The Hill for having the courage to start a very necessary new blog, Twitter Room, which nobly tries to capture all of the insane shit members of Congress write on their Twitters. Here’s something they picked up from Rep. Leonard Boswell’s Twitter yesterday — they even read LEONARD BOSWELL’S TWITTER, these Hill people! — about how his grandson will soon become a Man. [Twitter Room, Leonard Boswell]