Everyone has been wondering when Al Franken, the comedian who therefore is not smart but gets to be a Senator anyway, would stop pretending to care about “political issues” already — his 20-year campaign is over! — and just go nuts shouting insane Playboy rape jokes, constantly, in Judiciary Committee meetings. And at yesterday’s Sotomayor hearing he did, technically, tell his First Joke in the Senate, a snoozy little ice-breaker for the nation’s grandmothers about how teevee lawyer Perry Mason was hardly the best lawyer of his time, oh ho ho. Then he asked some serious questions… but it was too late! The world’s “most important governing body” is NO PLACE FOR VERBAL HUMOR, some nut writes in The Hill. MORE »

Good for Sonia Sotomayor! That Tom Coburn has just been so mean to her during these hearings that she will now shoot him in the head, “Oklahoma Justice” style. But not before Coburn gets to mock her with his Ricky Ricardo voice! [Political Wire]

• JEFF SESSIONS CALLS THE OL’ RACIAL STATUE-OF-LIBERTY PLAY: We have no idea what that means. But here’s what Sen. Jeff Sessions told Miss Mex with regards to her vote in the damn Ricci case: “And, in fact, your vote was the key vote. Had you voted with Judge Cabranes, himself of — of — of Puerto Rican ancestry — had you voted with him, you — you — you could have changed that case.” Hey, not everyone has to be a race traitor, Sessions. [WP]

So what’s going on with “So-So” today, the first day of Q&A at her confirmation hearings? Ah, famous musician Orrin Hatch wants to know how she could uphold a state ban on the use of nunchucks, as she did in the case of Michelangelo the Bipedal Turtle vs. State of New York, because we all know that the Constitution’s second amendment legalizes ninja murder. [YouTube]

Chuck “I’m no NAIL” Grassley want 2 fix health care/kill ChrRangel 4ever butt mex judge need fixin 2, ES BUZY. [Chuck Grassley's Twitter]

TODAY WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF THE U.S. SENATE JUDICIARY COMMITTEE’S TIME, AND AN INSULT TO BASEBALL AND AMERICA: So many times today your Wonkette editors have prepared to write posts about the Sotomayor hearings, but it all just sucks too much, these people reading their pieces of paper. Maybe we should post a clip of the heckler interrupting Al Franken’s first hearing speech? How about no! Where is all the VIOLENCE? Anyway, this clip is the best distillation on the entire Internet of today’s evil Opening Statement Marathon. (Thanks, John Roberts!) [Gawker]

Lindsey Graham’s least favorite Mexican monster, Sonia Sotomayor, learned English when she was 45 years old, from large-print comic books about Satan. And now, thanks to illegitimate president Barack Obama’s affirmative-action hiring policies, Judge Sotomayor is the star of today’s super-boring Senate confirmation hearing! Thanks to Ustream, we’ve got a live teevee video feed right here, so go ahead and make fun of everything, in the comments.

When we read that young Sam Alito had supported the notion that “no private sexual act between consenting adults should be forbidden” — not he’s not even limiting to groups of two! — we thought we knew him. Sure he seemed sedate when Bush introduced him, but surely he must be set to trade video collections with Clarence Thomas and pick pubic hairs out of his tallboy. But it turns out this is not the case. Despite Judge Alito’s pansexual enthusiasm, he is a complete dork. Which we love. MORE »

Harriet Miers 2.0 appears to be getting off to a jerky start. First, she appears to have told Sen. Arlen Specter that the landmark privacy case Griswold v. Connecticut was “rightly decided,” when really she meant “you have the blood of the unborn on your hands, stem-cell killer!” She also told Sen. Chuck Schumer that when it came to some of the legal issues he wanted to discuss, she needed to “’sort of bone up on this a little more.” Indeed. We suspect she hasn’t boned much at all. At least we believe her that, when it comes to abortion rights, “nobody knows how I would rule.” That includes her. — WONKETTE MORE »

The White House, intent on getting people talking about something besides Harriet Miers’s clothes, religion, and cardiac fitness, brought up six former Texas State Supreme Court judges yesterday to chat with president and to give the press corps some insight on to the keen legal mind of Ms. Miers. And insight they gave, though as to into what area of the body is anyone’s guess: “I’d trust her with my wife and with my life,” said former Texas Supreme Court Chief Justice John Hill. MORE »