Tag: Condoms

Nancy Pelosi Just Wondering How Many Of You Republicans Are On Slut Pills

Nancy thinks Republicans denying Zika funding because of Planned Parenthood are a buncha birth control-using hypocrites, yep yep yep.

Tennessee Legislators Love Bible, Hate Sex So Much

a href="http://wonkette.com/593435/oh-great-now-even-the-southerns-are-gender-fluid"It's been a busy week for the Tennessee Legislature, which voted Monday to name the Holy Bible the state's "official book," so it can join the official gun (.50 cal Barrett sniper rifle, manufactured in the state), official...

Ted Cruz Hasn’t Sticked 17 Kids In His Wife’s Babyhole So Stop Whining, Hillary

You probably don't want to think about how Ted Cruz does the nasty to his wife. You probably don't want to think about Ted Cruz at all, really. But too bad for you. It's his turn to enjoy his moment in the...
Don't all teens talk like this? Especially on the sidelines of a f'ball game?

Sundays With The Christianists: Let’s Read Some Terrible Pro-Abstinence Comics!

Thanks to the extremely slow delivery process of an online fundagelical ministry, we have finally received a crackerjack prize we ordered back in August: a copy of the fabulous "Truth For Youth Bible," which is full of lies right...
Values Voters arriving.

It’s The Values Voter Summit! Has Grindr Crashed Yet?

Hooray, the Values Voter Summit started Friday morning in Washington ... and you're late! Haha, just kidding, it's never too late to go to a sausage party full of sad, closeted dicks. We woulda been ALL OVER THIS SHIT...
Cucumbers are vicious lovers.

Hooker Dude Wants To Make Sure Teenagers Don’t Do Sex Things To Cucumbers

Once in a while, there is a straight news story that already has a Wonkette headline. This is one of those stories. OH DOES HE? So here is what is happening. There is a Republican state representative in Michigan called...
Why not bring back the classics?

New Orleans Crotch Cricket Rate Off The Charts, So Let’s Not Teach Sex Ed

How's this for a surprise? Louisiana, where abstinence-only sex ed is mandatory and schools are actually forbidden by law from teaching about contraception and STDs, has the cities with the highest and second-highest STD infection rates in this great...
I got it off the toilet seat

Nerdy Teens Invent ‘Smart Condom’ To Detect STDs, Never Getting Laid Now

Science Nice Time, kind of! Three English teenagers have invented -- well, at least done the groundwork for -- a condom that changes color when it comes into contact with common sexually transmitted diseases. Cool! Also, Ick! But Cool! Students...
Warrior president.

Rick Santorum Sorry For Saying Nice Thing About Bruce Jenner, Swears He Didn’t Mean It

Frothy hater of erotic freedom Rick Santorum surprised a lot of people this weekend when he said that Bruce Jenner, who revealed in a widely watched interview with Diane Sawyer that he (that is the pronoun Jenner has requested...
Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he's...
Now you listen here Mister Sassy Iranian Foreign Minister!

Confused Republican Senator Continues To Insist He’s President of America

A certain newbie senator is still running his mouth off about how he is not going to allow the president to act in his authority as president because he's suffering the delusion that "freshman senator" is the most powerful...
Glamour Shots, maybe.

Be Biblically Correct Between The Sheets With These Duck Dynasty Sex Tips!

Great American Thinker Phil Robertson has some important advice on how to stay healthy, avoid the crotch rot, and have a satisfying sects life: “Biblically correct sex is safe,” Robertson said during a sermon in West Monroe, Louisiana last month....
Invading a middle school near you title="invading a middle school near you"

Fox’s Todd Starnes Exposes Big Condom-Public School Industrial Complex

Can’t get enough dick? We can never get enough dick -- news about dicks, politicians being dicks, anonymous airport dick, and sometimes dicks talking about dick-things. Enter Todd Starnes, Fox News comment-spewer and host of the physical embodiment of all...

Cardinal Dolan Explains Contraceptive Coverage No Big Deal Since Sluts Can Just Buy Rubbers At 7-11

A celibate man told a lady reporter Sunday on CBS's Face the Nation that businesses should have the right to eliminate contraceptive coverage in their employees' insurance, because he hears tell that you can just walk into any 7-11...

Attention School Districts: Camille Paglia Does Not Care For Your Sex-Ed Condoms And Gaydoctrination

Sometimes we worry that we're turning into old weird Camille Paglia. "YOU ARE CRIMINALIZING THE MALE ESSENCE!!!!1!" we shriek when girls go, "he whistled at me, I am malegazeraped, waah." So it is good to know we are not turning...

In Attempt To Reconnect With Gay Fans, Michelle Shocked Advocates Safe Sex

Since we don't like to make fun of people if we know or strongly suspect there might be something really for real wrong with them, we are just going to leave this here. But seriously, Michelle Shocked looks like a...