Condoms
New Birther Judge Gary Kreep: Gays Threw Pus And Come On Me
Did you know that in many states there are judicial elections? And that those judicial elections are a pathway for really exceptional conspiracy-driven wingnuts, rather than your garden-variety wingnut, to ascend to positions of power? And it is almost impossible to get rid of them once they are elected? You do now!! Democracy, California-style, has [...]
Sure, Here Are Michelle Obama And Ann Romney In A Chinese Condom Ad, Because Why Not
Is this Chinese ad for Durex condoms, featuring Michelle Obama and Egg Romney, real? We think so! And that is good enough for us. [e.weibo.com]
Bishop In Search Of Hitler and Stalin Says Obama Good Enough Match
Peoria, IL – Bishop Daniel Jenky was conducting his Sunday message to a small group of Catholic followers in his modest countryside church, nestled in Peoria, Illinois. Bishop Jenky really knows how to deliver a powerful message. And just as Jesus would have done, he compared President Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler and Joseph Stalin. [...]
Hot Girl Totally Into You Until Condom Appears
Here’s some Public Service Announcement sent to your editor. Look how the happy, pretty girl totally scowls when your “helicopter” puts the condom on your “Washington Monument.” Gah, condoms! Don’t ruin another “sexy weekend in D.C.” by unrolling some gross old condom. Playas don’t need a raincoat!
Here Are Photos of Julian Assange’s Famous Broken Condom!
Congratulations, condom. Now you too are famous. As far as we know, the condom hasn’t spoken a word to a police about its connections to the American government or how much it paid it off. [Gawker]
Julian Assange Has Book Deal; Julian Assange Dick Photos Are Out There
Julian Assange is still standing in the snow outside of his mansion-prison in the land of animal-blood-eaters, talking to fellow journalists (and all the kids watching at home!) about the dangers of condom use when having sex with a sleeping woman. And also Latin American wiretapping, if they have time. He is still wearing that [...]
Michael Moore Posts Bail For Fellow America-Hater Julian Assange
WikiLeaks America-hater-droid Julian Assange has finally been released on bail for not wearing a condom while in Sweden or whatever, and his bail was paid in part by the less Internetty, more fattily American Julian Assange, Michael Moore. Assange now “must reside at Ellingham Hall, a Georgian mansion in Bungay, eastern England,” which would be [...]
Julian Assange Terrorizes World With Consensual, Unprotected Sexytime
Remember when fragile Australian War Criminal Julian Assange allegedly raped two Swedish ladies? We confidently assumed these so-called ladies were actually just CIA drag queens causing mischief, but the Facts suggest otherwise: Julian Assange joyously finger-banged these two Swedes — and it was awesome and totally consensual — but Julian forgot to wear condoms on [...]
BREAKING: Old Ex-Nazi Slightly Changes His Opinion On Condoms
Well, not exactly BREAKING or whatever, unless you’re Catholic for some reason and didn’t see this yesterday: Some old European guy in a Rome suburb told a guy who was writing a book that some people should wear condoms, if they’re gay AIDS prostitutes in Africa who can’t help themselves from giving everyone AIDS. This [...]
Clever D.C. Intern Uses SmarTrip Card As Fake I.D., Is Bludgeoned To Death By The Management
“I’m only 19 BUT as you can clearly see from my big red badge, I have an internship yanking the goose hairs off Congressman Blowhard’s back — you know, THE Congressman Blowhard? — So, my friends and I would like a pitcher of Poland Spring Vodka but you don’t need to bring extra glasses, a [...]
Crude Robot Runes Signal Impending Onslaught of D.C.
Wonkette omen operative “Jacklyn” sends us this photo and writes, “Does anyone know what these paintings are or why they are there? They are painted on streets all around the Mall… 3rd, 4th, and 7th, Streets NW at least.” We have no clue but are willing to conjecture: In ten days, a race of oversized, [...]
GIMME GIMME GIMME: Here is an appropriately rat-sized “McCain Party Box,” one of the various cash crops that will be sold (for money!) at the upcoming Republican National Convention. What, pray tell, cums inside a McCain Party Box? [Sigh]. It will probably just be toffee or some other old man candy. [Star-Tribune]
Do They Really Talk Like This At Fancy Sex-Hooker Businesses?
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