What has Condoleezza Rice accomplished in the past week? The answer is always the same: nothing! What has she been doing, where has she been going? Well, that’s a more complicated question. Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! This past week was really fun in Condiland! Like her illustrious mentor, G. H. W. Bush, she inspired a new foreign language insult! It was her birthday! Something about laser helmets! And at the end of the week? OMG, new hairdo. Did you hear me? NEW HAIRDO.

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What has Condoleezza Rice accomplished in the past week? The answer is always the same: nothing! What has she been doing, where has she been going? Well, that’s a more complicated question. Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™! This past week? OMG, it was mostly all about writing about Condi! We’re talking people running into each other at cocktail parties and going, all, “OMG, you’re writing a book about Condi? Me too! Have you seen my latest newspaper article about her? It’s so much better than Glenn Kessler’s.” Soon there will be enough words written about Condoleezza Rice to build her a stairway to the moon! Which would be a good idea right around now! MORE »

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Politics is 99% image, the other half is kissing babies. Jim Ramstad knows that and his top-down-screaming-out, “money ain’t a thing” lifestyle is letting you know he’s skipping the 8th step — no apologies. Michael Hayden isn’t apologizing either, he likes the European futbol and doesn’t give a damn if it’s the 4th of July. Mike Piazza’s not running for anything but he knows the voters love the Magnum P.I. style, and Bill Bennett’s not running either, but he probably should start, for his health.

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The headline used on Yahoo News, S.L. Bracing for Bush-Rice Visit Next Month, really hit me today. My heart totally goes out to all those poor people in Utah who will have to struggle with the aftermath of this impending media event, scheduled to achieve landfall on August 30. The photo-op alone will surely have a duration of at least 30-minutes and the impact crater will likely cover several blocks in Salt Lake City’s better neighborhoods. Shoe store clerks will need to be air-lifted out when it’s all over. MORE »

Vice President Dick Cheney, left, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, center, and Secretary of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff wait for the arrival of President Bush and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper in the East Room of the White House Thursday, July 6, 2006 in Washington. (AP Photo/Charles Dharapak)

(AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Guest-blogger Princess Sparkle Pony here again. You know, yesterday we had a lot of fun chuckling at the stunning lack of new information in Glenn Kessler’s Tuesday puff piece on Princess Condi. But then I saw the above AP photo of our heroine, which shows her greeting the Afghani Foreign Minister guy yesterday at the State Department. It made me think that perhaps I had misjudged the usually talented Mr. Kessler, and that in the very title of his piece, “Defining Her Own Sphere of Influence”, he was actually slyly making the first ever mainstream media reference to Condi’s secret friend, the spherical, invisible object she likes to cuddle when she’s nervous. I first revealed the existence of this elusive object on my own blog, and it was even briefly mentioned here at Wonkette. What, you can’t see it? I’ll visualize it for you after the jump…

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Everybody loves Condi, and everybody wants new Condiproduct delivered daily, so what’s a newspaper to do when she’s gone (or boring) for a few days and no fresh photo-ops or breaking vague quotes are available? Well, if you’re Glenn Kessler at the Washington Post, you simply cut up all the past profiles, throw them up in the air and paste them where they land to create the stunningly pointless new puff-piece which ran yesterday. Yes, yes, she controls her image with unprecedented tightness, she gets greeted by celebrities at foreign airports, she’s a bit of a clothes-horse, people want her to run for President, she’s the anti-Hillary… WE GET IT! Please, Madame Secretary, Doctor Ferragamo, we’re begging you: tease out your hair, slap on some hot-pants, dance on a tabletop and give ‘em something new to write about. Is it any wonder some people forego the ennui and simply make shit up? MORE »

Good morning! Some of you know me as Peteykins while others know me as Princess Sparkle Pony, but through Friday you can call me Wonkette, as the overlords at Gawker Media have plucked me, dew-fresh and daisylike, to fill in for the rest of the week. You’ll have to forgive me because in real life I’m a museum staffer here in DC, so I’m not exactly accustomed to wearing pajamas during the daylight hours, and also, wouldn’t you know it, on the days when I get to be Wonkette, my favorite person to write about, Condoleezza Rice, is nowhere to be found, so I’m in search of other noteworthy hairdo scofflaws to laud. So, seriously, Hill staffers, if ever there was a time to air your coiffure-related gripes, by all means send your tips to tips@wonkette.com.