Wonkette

Bizarre psychopath Condoleezza Rice went to Stockholm, Sweden yesterday to discuss the future of Iraq with god knows who else. At the same time in Sweden, the rock band Kiss was having a concert, even though they were supposed to have all retired years ago. The band members asked Condi to stop by their hotel after she was finished solving Iraq and… she did! Rice, you see, is such a big fan of Kiss that her favorite song of theirs is "Rock And Roll All Nite," an obscure b-side that only two or three other Americans have ever heard. Elitist. [AP ]

Oh no! Condi’s stuck on repeat! Or maybe shuffle! She went places, she met people… but it all seems so familiar, like she’s just coasting for the next eight months or something. I don’t know about you, but there are some Condi reruns I’d much rather see, so let’s use the magical, revelatory power of Photoshop to pump up the Condiweek that was… after the jump, natch!

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The United States Government still rightly classifies Nelson Mandela and other members of the African National Congress as a certain flavor of terrorist for fighting white minority rule several decades ago. But because of the Liberals, Congress is now ignorantly passing legislation to remove these travel restrictions, which Condoleezza Rice called “embarrassing” over a month ago. Well of course she said that. MORE »

It was a pretty bad Condiweek! She went all the way to the Middle East and accomplished little more than photo-ops with the morbidly obese; she bickered with kindly old man Jimmy Carter; and then she came home and participated in one of the most gruesomely cynical Bush Administration publicity stunts EVER. Catch up with America’s Princess Diplomat after the jump!

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Kind of a weird week in Condiland! She had to threaten her staff again, had an awkward moment with Madeleine Albright, and endured the embarrassment of standing idly by as the Pope got kissed by — ew! — Nancy Pelosi. And that was really kind of it! So let’s flesh things out the way real journalists do: by making things up! See the pictures and feel the magic, after the jump!

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Veteran Condiwatchers thought the ridiculous vice presidential rumors were over and done with, but oh no, there was to be one final, glorious flare-up last week to finally burn them to cinders. What else has America’s Princess Diplomat been up to for the last seven days? Well, it all involves paperweights, cutesy baseball references, Jimmy Carter, and torture! Yay! Find out all about it after the jump.

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Last week was fun for Condi fans, but not so much fun for Condoleezza herself. She got dragged around by Bush on his farewell lap around NATO, and she had some laffs with George, but mostly was kind of a fifth wheel. Back home, the rest of us got to enjoy hot new Condicising photos and we finally learned who’s playing Madame Secretary in Oliver Stone’s Bush movie. Find out who the lucky actress is after the jump!

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America’s Princess Diplobot had a busy end of March: She celebrated 4,000 troop deaths in Iraq, reminisced about slavery, and reignited vice presidential rumors all by herself, by doing nothing more than talking to a friendly bear. Way to go, girl! Catch up with Condi after the jump!

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Do you know who Lou Dobbs, the orange-headed anti-Mexican elitist, hates more than The Illegals? Cotton-pickin’ politicians such as Condoleezza Rice! You see, “cotton-pickin’” refers to people who pick cotton, and is a term of derision used by angry old men of a certain age who prefer arcane insults over nice all-purpose Anglo-Saxon adjectives. Fortunately for Dobbs, he stops himself midway through this terrible slur and avoids touching that tar baby. [YouTube via TPM]

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! MORE »