Hey did you guys know that Condi Rice is a dipshit still? It’s in the latest news information! “The last time we left Afghanistan, and we abandoned Pakistan … that territory became the very territory on which Al Qaeda trained and attacked us on September 11th. So our national security interests are very much tied up in not letting Afghanistan fail again and become a safe haven for terrorists … It’s that simple… if you want another terrorist attack in the U.S., abandon Afghanistan.” So… the Bush Administration wanted another terrorist attack in the U.S. between 2002 and 2008? This is the last time we ever trust that Karl Rove. [Crooks & Liars]

By the Comics Curmudgeon

What basic human impulse motivates the men and women who stride the corridors of power in our nation’s capital? Is it a desire to advance the interests of their nation? An urge to mold the government to reflect their political ideology? Do they wish to help their fellow citizens? Is it mere lust for power? Ha ha, obviously none of these are the real reason; rather politicians seek to attain and to hold elected office on the federal level because of the insatiable tingling of their naughty parts, because Washington, D.C., is a great big fuckfest for gross, nasty people who would otherwise spend their time masturbating morosely. Cartoons will show you this, though you’ll wish that they hadn’t. MORE »

You may have forgotten about this with glamorous President Obama hogging the airwaves last evening, but another famous celebrity appeared on the teevee last night! It was that lady, Condoleezza Rice, who made history by becoming the first Secretary of State to wear sexy dominatrix outfits on foreign junkets. She chatted a few minutes with Jay Leno, who gets all the good bookings these days. (Letterman is too busy having sex with his new wife, to whom he finally lost his virginity several days ago.) [NBC]

Condoleezza Rice just signed a $2.5 million contract to write three books about 1) her years in the Bush Administration and 2) her life. It will be so awesome to read about all the terrible throwdowns she got into drunk, and that time she engaged in a crack-fueled confrontation with Ohio cops and got arrested for a bunch of felonies, and that other time she got a root canal WITHOUT ANESTHESIA because she knew she’d go back on the sauce if she had just a whiff of narcotics. MORE »

Thanks to Condoleezza Rice, little schoolchildren all over the world now believe that you can grow up to be an accomplished concert pianist and an embarrassing failure at national defense, security, and diplomacy. On a farewell trip to London, Condi showed off her mad piano-in’ skillz for the Queen and everybody wondered what exciting talents Hillary Clinton might display as Secretary of State. (Hint: worm fiddling.) [ITN]

SCANDAL ALERT: Condi Rice co-owns a house with a Stanford liberal documentary director who used to make liberal documentaries with Bill Moyers! What a hypocrite. Rice, of course, works for an administration that is totally conservative and always doing things against liberals — and now we find out that she shares a home with a liberal?

According to Washington Post diplomatic correspondent Glenn Kessler’s book about Condi — which we sort of flipped through, but obviously not closely enough — Rice owns a house with liberal filmmaker Randy Bean. Oh, and there’s a third co-owner, too: “Coit Blacker, a Stanford professor who is openly gay.” Oh, and Randy Bean’s a woman. MORE »

Now it’s starting to get good. To hell with this FiringOfUSAttorneysGate — sure, if it hangs Gonzo it’s useful, if ever so boring. But with the official House oversight committee’s subpoena of Condi Rice specifically over the faked pre-invasion “intelligence” on Saddam’s mythical WMDs, we are quickly turning in the direction of actual war trials. MORE »

A singer in the chorus for Handel’s Messiah at the Kennedy Center sent in this very merry sighting of our beloved Secretary of State: MORE »

Polish Prime Minister Jaroslav Kaczynski arrived in Washington thinking he was going to meet with the president. It would’ve been only right, after Poland bravely performed as “the coalition” in the first few years of the Iraq War. But it turns out Bush forgot Poland:

According to a schedule released before Kaczynski’s arrival, he was to meet with President Bush at midafternoon, but White House spokeswoman Dana Perino said there was no such meeting on Bush’s schedule. She said a meeting was planned with Vice President Dick Cheney. “If the president were to drop by, we would let you know,” she added.

That’s gotta hurt. MORE »

A teeny-tiny secret microphone–in Russia, no less!–caught President George W. Bush swearin’ like the Vice President at the Group of Eight summit meeting in St. Petersburg. Reuters reports that in a lunch conversation with Brit PM Tony Blair, Bush said Syria should lean on Hezbollah to “stop doing this shit.” Bush also said Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice would likely go to the Middle East soon (seeing as U.S. secretarys of state always do so well there). MORE »