• February 13, 2012

communists

A quarter-century ago — when Newt Gingrich was still somewhere between dumping wife No. 1 and wife No. 2 before having a six-year-long adulterous affair with yet another woman from the office, who eventually became the third Mrs. Gingrich — a not-completely-white-haired Newt railed against Ronald Reagan for eight whole minutes from the House floor. [...]

At a certain point, when something is unpopular enough, it is eradicated. And yet, the U.S. Congress continues to exist! Here is a new poll in the Washington Post that proves the American Houses of “Representative Government” have a nationwide approval rating of 9 percent. Guess what’s more popular than the U.S. Congress? Well, a [...]

GAH!!! Here is the terrifying proof of communist organizer Barack Obama’s secret socialism revealed once and 4 all!!!! Who even wants to know what this terrifying secret 50th birthday cable says. Probably just “BARACK OBAMA THANK Y?OU FOR UR HELP IN SHARING ALL OF AMERICAS SEKRETS WITH US, RUSSIA” over and over in some sort [...]

Bob Dylan does things on his own schedule. For a half century now, newspaper people and other media cretins have regularly parachuted into Bob Dylan Land, taken a confused look around, and then ran back to their typewriters or radio mics or television studios or laptops or, we guess, cell phones with the Twitter, in [...]

Did you know Donald “The Dildo” Trump also has a line of crappy men’s accessories? Apparently true! And you would never ever see such things in real life unless you worked in accounting at some used car dealership in Ocean City, Maryland. But, if for some reason you know one of those CostCo shoppers who [...]

People who aren’t billionaires experienced a rare “hopeful” sensation (haha, remember that word, “Hope”? Before it was removed from the Oxford English Dictionary and replaced with “OMG”?) last week, after an activist judge legislating from the bench ruled that Scott Walker’s Gilded Age labor bill was total garbage. Scott Walker’s goon squad just cold-ignored this [...]

Ever since Thomas Jefferson blotted out “Supreme Soviet Koran” in the Declaration of Independence and used “Our Queen’s Loyal Subjects” instead, communistic-socialism has been the defining element of America. Usually, it’s the fear of communism more than the actual thing itself, as whatever modern global socialist benefits occasionally added to America (Social Security, Medicare, government-funded [...]

Here’s the latest wacky photoshop going around the wingnut blogs: It’s the Oval Office, but full of hilarious socialist iconography and some old-fashioned racist fun. Can you identify the hundred things added to this image to amuse jobless old white people on their ‘puters? And how many of these things would the confused elderly teabaggers [...]

Poor old Tom Coburn was a wingnut proto-teabagger Republican Hero until the other day, when he went INSANE and told a crowd of morons they should maybe not be so hateful and personal about politics, when reasonable people can disagree, etc., and Nancy Pelosi is actually a “nice lady.” Wonkette op-art contributor Lauri Apple takes [...]

Well, that tears it. Cuban Communist nightmare thug Fidel Castro wrote a sympathetic newspaper column about our president, which means that Obama must resign immediately. “The extreme right hates him for being African-American and fights what the president does to improve the deteriorated image of that country,” Castro wrote. Right at this moment, legions of [...]

Your Wonkette Intern spent a delightful afternoon this past Tuesday with famed Obama apostle Howard Dean, who preached the Health Care gospel and even cured leprosy with his gentle touch. The sermon was hosted by none other than Kremlin subsidiary Campus Progress — surprise, surprise!

Man, our Monday news is just such a bummer! You got your lost French airliner, your dead abortion doctor, a venerable car-maker going bankrupt, and now the Republicans have quit shouting “racist bigot” at the nation’s first Hispanic Supreme Court nominee, so there is pretty much nothing fun or funny to talk about today. Thankfully, [...]

Those who listen to the elitist Chicago street organizer public-radio program Wait Wait … Don’t Tell Me got a special treat this weekend, as Barack Obama’s personal Rasputin, David Axelrod, appeared on the show to describe how much this Socialist White House hates our nation’s fake-breasted gay-hating soft-porn models. [NewsPoliticsNews/NPR]

Whoa, a black person on Sesame Street! They were not kidding, about the change. Here is elitist fashion plate Michelle Obama disrespecting our Queen again by saying the best thing she ever did was some kind of fetish play with a red monster which is actually just some terrible carpet with ping pong balls for [...]

DC is like the annoying little sister of decent American cities, hopping around from foot to foot and whining to bigger, fancier New York and San Francisco that it, too, can have big concerts and movie stars and such. And sometimes, it can!