Tag Archives: communists

  Hide yr dergs!

Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!

DON'T BELIEVE HIM BO.
You know that thing during the Super Bowl, where there is the Puppy Bowl for all the girls and homosexuals who are only there for the spiked punch? And know how, as per Mike Huckabee, Obama is doing the REAL HOLOCAUST to Israel, by making a deal to keep Iran nuke-free? Well, apparently Obama’s got time for a puppy Holocaust for Allah, during the commercial breaks of the real Holocaust, according to wingnut radio host Michael Savage, who we actually didn’t know still existed: Read more on Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!…
  Fix yourself a drink and let's gossip!

It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!

Awww the poor thing, get him a benedict immediately.
Good Sunday afternoon, Wonkers! What are you all doing? We are writing this post! Let’s sit together and drink adult beverages while we gossip about all the nice things we wrote this week. Was it all about Rand Paul? MOSTLY! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday, Let’s All Have Brunch And Gossip About The Week’s Top Stories!…
  Time to hide under the bed again

You’ll Never Guess Who Fox News Thinks Is Guilty Of Terrorisming The United States Of Paris

Wimpy tyrant dictator doormat Obama is refusing to call the terrorist attack in Paris a terrorist attack — except for how he did do that — but the omnipotent experts at Fox “News” know better. Not only was it a terrorist attack, but it was political correctness and New York Mayor Bill de Blasio what done it, because of political correctness and communism, THANKS OBAMA. Read more on You’ll Never Guess Who Fox News Thinks Is Guilty Of Terrorisming The United States Of Paris…
  today in hippies

Uh Oh, Joe Scarborough Is A Communist Now

What even the fuck, “Joe” Scarborough? We thought we could count on you to be our sexy douchey conservadaddy (shut up wonkers), and it turns out you are just another emoprog #Occupy communist pansy whining about income inequality and Warren Buffett’s secretary’s tax rate. First you came to take all our guns and put them in gun jail, then you called Sean Hannity a racist vulture douche (direct quote, we think), and now THIS? Then you look at what doesn’t make sense to I guess 95% of Americans? That the richest Americans, the richest Americans are paying 14, 15, 16% tax rates. While the secretaries are paying twice that much. Why we don’t have a minimum tax rate of 30% is beyond me. And I say that especially because of all the billionaires and gazillionaires. If you’re not getting a paycheck across your desk, chances are good you’re figuring how to pay 16%, 17%. That is obscene. It’s wrong and Americans, 95% of Americans think that’s wrong. And then the same thing with the off shore accounts. You know? My feeling if people want to move their people offshore, they need to move offshore with their money. Seriously. If they want to shield their money from taxes and go offshore, you’re not welcome in the United States of America. Follow your damn money. Just stop right there, you un-American pussy. No, really, stop, or that nice toddler Ben Shapiro will never be able to catch up with you on his little rubber baby legs, and put you UNDER ARREST. Read more on Uh Oh, Joe Scarborough Is A Communist Now…
  viva la revolucion!

Bill De Blasio Sworn In As New York City Mayor, Promises A Banker’s Head In Every Pot

Many of you were probably too hung over on Wednesday to remember that it was the day Bill de Blasio was inaugurated as mayor of New York City. It was a wonderful and festive day, though perhaps tinged with fear at what the city’s future in the grip of this mad Communist dictator may be. For those who missed it, Wonkette presents this transcript of de Blasio’s inaugural address. Greetings, comrades! Today is a glorious day for our revolution, a day we have dreamed of, planned and schemed for since the days when our forefathers and fellow travelers would gather in the back room of Morty Feinbaum’s haberdashery on Pitt just off Delancey to drink Morty’s homemade potato vodka and plot their evisceration of the aristocratic classes! For today is the day that I, Bill de Blasio, take control of the greatest city ever, New York City! (pause for applause, cheers, any dudebros in audience to chant “N-Y-C!”) Proletarians of the heroic working classes! I thank you for investing me with this awesome power. I thank you for ignoring the dire warnings of our fascist capitalist pig-dog enemies who kept telling you that a vote for Bill de Blasio was a vote for socialism, communism, and a return to the New York of the 1970s, when the city was a hellscape of criminality and our only hope lay with one man … a man driven by a thirst for revenge, a man who had only a gun and a Death Wish. (Pause for dudebros to chant “Charlie! Charlie!”) Read more on Bill De Blasio Sworn In As New York City Mayor, Promises A Banker’s Head In Every Pot…
  with the swearing and the hurting and the tinsel

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Trashy Racist Bitchsluts Need To Say ‘Merry Christmas’ Or Else

Looks like it’s time for another trip to the ol’ comment queue, that purgatory where comments submitted by new users must cool off until we deem them worthy of inclusion in the Wonkette Community (bribery can help). Our first missive comes from “Sam_Gavurin,” who was not at all pleased with our story about fake “War On Christmas” stories. Sam_Gavurin sent two important messages, the first being an all-caps “C H MERRY I S T M A S ! !” which we think may be some kind of concrete poem or something. The second made his point a bit more explicitly: If you miserable “Politically Correct ” killjoys want to abstain from CHRISTMAS, that’s fine with me! But DO NOT ruin CHRISTMAS for the rest of us. If you killjoys hate CHRISTMAS so much, move to a communist country, and leave us alone! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Since neither of the items in the actual story actually involved anyone attempting to ruin, abolish, or otherwise harm Christmas — except maybe the fascists of Orange County who don’t allow Christmas lights strung across a public road, because zoning/safety — we will have to assume that Sam_Gavurin just wanted to drop by and remind us of our holiday travel options. And a cheery Festivus to you, too, Sam_Gavurin! Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Trashy Racist Bitchsluts Need To Say ‘Merry Christmas’ Or Else…
  do not enable these pagan cookies

Wingnut Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson Begs You To Boycott Girl Scouts And Their Commie Lesbo Abortion Cookies

One of our favorite wingnuts, unhinged radio* panic-man Kevin Swanson, who gave us the science facts about tiny dead babies inside the wombs of women using the pill and how Mark Twain was possessed by demons, now has something else to freak out about: Cookies. Cookies baked not by elves, but by Girl Scouts, who are Communist lesbians. (OK, baked by several large commercial bakers under contract with communist lesbians.) And so, Swanson issued this simple plea to boycott Communist lesbian Girl Scout cookies, for the reasons mentioned right there: “Please, I beg of you, do not buy Girl Scout cookies … Please, I beg of you, stop buying Girl Scout cookies.” Also the brown acid. Stay away from the brown acid. Especially the thin mint kind. Read more on Wingnut Radio Preacher Kevin Swanson Begs You To Boycott Girl Scouts And Their Commie Lesbo Abortion Cookies…
  toonces look out!

Victoria Jackson Only Half As Crazy As Fox Made Her Look, Still Pretty Crazy

Hey, remember how we were yukking it up yesterday about Victoria Jackson’s very strange appearance on Bill O’Reilly’s Television Freakshow, where she talked about how she’s worried that communists are going to kill her and all Christians? WELL! In an article that was briefly posted to then deleted from her website — but not before it was reposted on a tea party site — Jackson claimed that the segment had been deceptively edited to make her seem unhinged. WE KNOW, RIGHT? Read more on Victoria Jackson Only Half As Crazy As Fox Made Her Look, Still Pretty Crazy…
  communists under the bed

Texas Dingbat Ted Cruz Will Explain At You That Harvard Law Is Full of Government-Overthrowing Communists

Have you met Ted Cruz yet? He is the new face of crazy for the Republican party, and boy does he have it all — the smug countenance of Paul Ryan! The poise of Joe McCarthy! And the batshit crazy of Rand Paul, or Ron Paul, whatever — either way, he is THAT CRAZY! Did you know, for example, that Harvard Law was stuffed with Commies back in the ’90s, and that they wanted The Communists to overthrow the government? From the New Yorker: Two and a half years ago, Cruz gave a stem-winder of a speech at a Fourth of July weekend political rally in Austin, Texas, in which he accused the Harvard Law School of harboring a dozen Communists on its faculty when he studied there…Cruz greeted the audience jovially, but soon launched an impassioned attack on President Obama, whom he described as “the most radical” President “ever to occupy the Oval Office.” (I was covering the conference and kept the notes.) He then went on to assert that Obama, who attended Harvard Law School four years ahead of him, “would have made a perfect president of Harvard Law School.” The reason, said Cruz, was that, “There were fewer declared Republicans in the faculty when we were there than Communists! There was one Republican. But there were twelve who would say they were Marxists who believed in the Communists overthrowing the United States government.” Read more on Texas Dingbat Ted Cruz Will Explain At You That Harvard Law Is Full of Government-Overthrowing Communists…
  math has a liberal bias

If You Notice That $9 Is More Than $7.25, Are You A Communist?

In Tuesday’s State of the Union address, President Obama pointed out that you can work for 40 hours a week at minimum wage and still live in squalid poverty, and suggested that we raise it from $7.25 to $9 per hour by 2015, and also index it to inflation. This, of course, is Communism! This is because wages are kind of like a tax on employers, and if you raise that tax, then employers won’t hire anyone, and ergo defacto, $9 is MORE than $7.25. Also too, raising the minimum wage will not help the deficit, which is the most important challenge our country currently faces, really! In sum, the best way to help Poors is to not help them at all, the end. Ha ha, just kidding, everything we just said is bullcrap, and raising the minimum wage will help lots of people start clawing their way out of being perpetually poor. Read more on If You Notice That $9 Is More Than $7.25, Are You A Communist?…
  Let Freedom Waft

Social Security Administration to Employee: Who Farted?

Look at poor, downtrodden you, just browsing Reddit to get through the day in your cubicle at some “private” company, where you aren’t offered the competitive salary, benefits, and rights to complain as those posh government workers in equivalent positions. Pissed, aren’t you? It isn’t fair – government workers have it almost as easy as Welfare Queen Michelle Obama. OR DO THEY?!?!?!?!?!?! Read more on Social Security Administration to Employee: Who Farted?…
  nature kills jobs

Climate Change Will Kill Pretty Much Everyone, Says Report About To Be Ignored

Climate change and contributing factors from carbon-intensive societies will cause the deaths of an estimated 100 million people in the next 18 years, according to a report released today that politicians will be paid handsomely to throw away and never think about again. More than 90 percent of those deaths are expected to happen in poorer, farming-based developing countries, according to Reuters, which explains why Mitt Romney does not give a flying you-know-what about dealing with climate change, and would rather use it to make fun of Obama, because the free market will extinguish the flaming poors, that is just how it works. Read more on Climate Change Will Kill Pretty Much Everyone, Says Report About To Be Ignored…
  good christian doctors

American Birth Control Mandate To Lead To Communist Chinese One-Child Policy! Everybody Panic!

Hey ladies! How’s your womb? Is it fruitful? No? What about now? Is it fruitful yet? Well are you even TRYING? It is your job to fill your stomach with tiny babies, a Quiver full of babies even, and if you do not want, say, 19 babies, then you are a heathen Communist Chinee. That is just so obvious we should not even have to say it, but apparently you are a Dumb Girl. Luckily, the Christian Medical Association is here to explain that an insurance company offering you birth control even if your employer doesn’t want you to have birth control is not only abrogating your employer’s First Amendment right to determine your sex life (you are a factory worker in Macau, right?) but is also the first step on the road to China’s one-child policy and forced abortion. It is simply that simple. Read more on American Birth Control Mandate To Lead To Communist Chinese One-Child Policy! Everybody Panic!…
  burn the witch!

Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts

We wonder if there is anything the Catholic Church could be investigating besides the Girl Scouts of America? NO. There is NOT. Nothing at all, move along, move along! Yes, Mother Church is busy investigating whether it should … well, not sure. Thunder from the pulpit about their evil ways? Discourage parish-based troops? Tell the quarter of scouts who are Catholic to jump in a lake … of fire? All of those things, probably, and then some. But the US Conference of Catholic Bishops is very serious about this, like Joe McCarthy-heart-attack serious! Not just because they had that Planned Parenthood brochure that everybody fainted about, nope! Or because they let a little transgender girl join a troop because they are disgusting perverts! Sorry, but it is something WAY WORSE. Critics contend that Girl Scouts materials shouldn’t contain links to groups such as Doctors without Borders, the Sierra Club and Oxfam because they support family planning or emergency contraception. Read more on Catholic Church Investigating New Threat To Humanity: The Girl Scouts…
  mommy was a commie

Here Is Your Weekend Video Of Ronald Reagan Being A Total Communist

Why is Ronald Reagan always trying to wage class warfare on executives paying less than their secretaries? Why does he want to punish people for success, by making them pay the same tax rate as a bunch of unemployed losers, like you? Why does Ronald Reagan hate Mitt Romney, and America? Maybe when he was naming names to Joseph McCarthy and HUAC he should have named HIMSELF! Watch Ronald Reagan gay-marry Barack Obama and Warren Buffett (Mormon-style!) after the jump! Read more on Here Is Your Weekend Video Of Ronald Reagan Being A Total Communist…
  with a nice chianti

Quiz! Who Said It: Tucker Carlson Or Idi Amin?

Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller has for our delighted eyes an unimpeachable story explaining why all Democrats are Communists, in the form of a funny quiz! And wait till you get a load of all the terrifying and outrageous and outrageously terrifying things Democrats and Communists say! Like so: 1. “This is the moment when we must build on the wealth that open markets have created, and share its benefits more equitably. Trade has been a cornerstone of our growth and global development. But we will not be able to sustain this growth if it favors the few, and not the many.” 2. “Rebuilding the social infrastructure will generate 11 million jobs. At least 3 million could be at work within 6 months — if the funds were available from Congress.” Ouch, the vapors! As if those weren’t bad enough, there is more! Read more on Quiz! Who Said It: Tucker Carlson Or Idi Amin?…