Tag Archives: communism

  TAKE THAT HITLER-Y

Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips

Bernie's on yr tits, winning all yr elections.
Is Bernie Sanders going to take away Hillary Clinton’s tiara and crown himself King of America, with votes? MAYBE! It turns out that, unlike the 19 Republicans running (one per Duggar child, as the Bible instructs), Sanders is real serious about his candidacy, and people are really liking what he has to say. Some of his events have even been standing-room only! Read more on Surprise! Americans Love Socialism, Want To Kiss Bernie Sanders Right On His Man-Lips…
  make love not war

Ben Carson Coulda Killed Bin Laden And Saddam Without Going To War, Just Like JFK Did

His brain is broken.
Ben Carson made a Dumb again! He was trying and failing, like so many other Republican candidates before him, to answer the question, “would you have invaded Iraq?” To his credit, he said it was a mistake! But he said he would have gotten rid of Saddam Hussein anyway. How? He would use WAYS: Read more on Ben Carson Coulda Killed Bin Laden And Saddam Without Going To War, Just Like JFK Did…
  fail

Marco Rubio WINS THE INTERNET With Announcement For … No He Doesn’t

This picture is from Rubio's website. On purpose, apparently.
After hinting oh-so-subtly for days and days that he had a Big Announcement! to make on Monday evening, Marco Rubio made a Big Announcement! He is going to be president (no he’s not), but not just any president. He is going to be president of A New American CenturyTM, because he is young and hip and SO down with the kids these days that he doesn’t even need to capitalize his name. THAT is how hip he is. Unlike some candidates (Hillary Clinton), who are really old (Hillary Clinton), and represent yesterday (Hillary Clinton). Read more on Marco Rubio WINS THE INTERNET With Announcement For … No He Doesn’t…
  Real Flag False Story

‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!

We're pretty sure there's just not enough red dye for an entire iceberg.
Wonkette EXCLUSIVE must cite Wonkette!!! The Wingnuttosphere is full of excited stories about an absolute OUTRAGE that occurred last week, when the flag of COMMUNIST RED CHINA, our sworn enemy and trading partner, was flown in front of the Washington state capitol building in Olympia to honor a visit by Chinese Ambassador Cui Tiankai. After much huffing and puffing, the offensive banner was hauled down Saturday morning either by brave, Constitution-Loving Patriots, or by a maintenance worker who was removing it because the ambassadorial visit was over. Actually, Yr Wonkette has confirmed with the office of Gov. Jay Inslee that the flag was taken down as a matter of routine — not due to pressure from wingnuts. Read more on ‘Patriots’ Take Credit For Perfectly Routine Removal Of Chinese Flag, Save America From Communism!…
  Ain't no party like a Communist party because it's MANDATORY

Very Smart Children Holding ‘Communist’ Prom To Warm Our Cold Tyrannical Hearts

Communist par-TAY
Turns out conservatives were right. Decades of liberal indoctrination by commie thug teachers have trickled down to the high schools, and now the brainwashed students at Albuquerque’s Cottonwood (COMMUNIST!) Classical (COMMUNIST!) Preparatory (COMMUNIST!!!) School have democratically voted, as one does in a communist society, to turn their prep school into a hotbed of communism. With punch and dancing! Read more on Very Smart Children Holding ‘Communist’ Prom To Warm Our Cold Tyrannical Hearts…
  He Also Shares A Name With A Muppet On Socialist Public TV

Victoria Jackson Will Root Out The Muslim Menace (Grover Norquist)

You just knew this would come out
American Hero and unsuccessful county supervisor candidate Victoria Jackson is very concerned about the Muslim Threat in America, of course, and is especially sad to see that even supposed conservatives like Grover Norquist are secretly helping to help Sharia Law creep into Our America. And so she has published a very thoughtful examination of Grover Norquist’s disloyalty to America, in a two-part series that is Just Asking Questions: Is Republican Grover Norquist Connected to Islamic Terrorists? Also, Who is Grover Norquist? Friend or Foe? Read more on Victoria Jackson Will Root Out The Muslim Menace (Grover Norquist)…
  communists under the bed

Gay-Homo Gun-Grabbing Enviro-Pussy Burrito-Makers ‘Chipotle’ Being Communists Again :(

Sorry, CHIPOTLE. We bet you think you’re real “cool” with your big phallic Gay Pride burritos and your fairy-pansy-literary bullshit on your bags, but Ben Shapiro’s TRUTHREVOLT is here to lay the SMACKDOWN: you are a bunch of communists, and also you are stupid, so why don’t you shove a giant cock down your throats already, oh you already did that’s why! What’s up, TruthRevolt? Do you have a masterpiece by the title of “I’d Like A Burrito With A Side Of Communism To Go, Please” for us? YOU DO? Read more on Gay-Homo Gun-Grabbing Enviro-Pussy Burrito-Makers ‘Chipotle’ Being Communists Again :(…
  Let God Sort 'em Out

Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Books That Begin Bombing In Five Minutes

Our Celebration of All Things Reagan continues this week with a look at some of the Gipper’s flawless successes in foreign policy, as explained in a couple of popular history books for the private Christian school market. It was a time when America rode tall in the saddle again, and everyone loved and respected us again. And if they didn’t, they’d get Rambo’d! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: U.S. History Books That Begin Bombing In Five Minutes…
  speak ill of the dead

Gabriel Garcia Marquez Loved Fidel Castro, Time To Burn All Your Copies Of ‘Solitude’

OK, sure, you may have thought that Gabriel García Márquez, who died last week, was a pretty good writer, but the Washington Post‘s Charles Lane just wants to remind you that García Márquez was also a communist, and entirely too close to Fidel Castro to actually count as someone worth remembering. Lane, the genius who in 2011 decided that a then-comatose-from-gunshot-wounds Gabby Giffords would not have approved of all the mean things liberals were saying about Scott Walker, understands that a lot of “intellectuals” thought García Márquez was pretty cool, but he regrets that an obituary couldn’t have been written by exiled Cuban poet Heberto Padilla, who died in 2000. Because García Márquez killed him. Or wait, because García Márquez didn’t advocate vigorously enough for his release from prison in Cuba. Same thing; Lane claims that Padilla was perfectly suited to assess “the weird blend of literary brilliance and political rottenness that characterized García Márquez’s long career.” Read more on Gabriel Garcia Marquez Loved Fidel Castro, Time To Burn All Your Copies Of ‘Solitude’…
  baby it's cold war outside

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Protect Your Homeschooler’s Precious Bodily Fluids

Yay for the 1950s! One of the best times in America, according to our textbooks for Christian schools, though of course the Gilded Age was pretty darn awesome as well. Our 8th-grade textbook, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 2006), has no doubt it was a terrific time: Living in a country that rewarded hard work with increased wages and profits, parents worked hard to provide for their children … A strong moral and spiritual foundation undergirded America’s prosperity. Americans still practiced the Protestant work ethic, taking pride in their work and striving for excellence. The moral values of Biblical Christianity provided a just standard of law, order, and mutual respect, which in turn increased material prosperity. Our 11th/12th-grade book from Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools, is a bit less boosterish; it attributes the postwar prosperity to America’s industrial base being unscathed by WW II, and notes that Cold War defense spending helped fuel much of the boom, though the high marginal tax rates on the rich somehow never get mentioned by either book. But all this prosperity and happiness for all Americans (just shut up about Jim Crow, please, we’ll get to that next week) was threatened by the menace of hordes of Communist infiltrators who were definitely everywhere, according to Land I Love, or at least real and very dangerous, according to U.S. History. So please raise your right hand and swear your loyalty to God, the flag, and John Wayne, and let’s go bait some Reds. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Protect Your Homeschooler’s Precious Bodily Fluids…
  they won't give an inchon korea

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Fighting Godless Communism From Korea To The U.N.

If there’s anything that gets the editors of our textbooks for Christian homeschoolers exercised, it’s communism. And evolution. And deviations from fundamentalist Protestantism. And secular humanism. But especially communism (which is influenced by Darwinism and atheism). And so, it stands to reason that they have a fine old time with the Cold War. And as usual, our 8th-grade textbook, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 1994 & 2006), is the far more enthusiastic Cold Warrior; as we saw last week, Land I Love doesn’t describe the conflict merely as a geopolitical contest for influence between the USSR and the U.S./Western Europe, but as a fight between “the ideologies of Americanism and Communism.” Our text for 11th/12th grade, Bob Jones University Press’s United States History for Christian Schools (2001), is a lot less excitable, but still very firmly anticommunist. And of course, since humans are inherently sinful and real peace can only come from God, both books find efforts at cooling international tensions, like the United Nations, to be somewhere between naïve (U.S. History) and downright anti-American (Land I Love). Foolish hu-mans, thinking that “international cooperation” can accomplish anything! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Fighting Godless Communism From Korea To The U.N….
  baby it's cold war outside

Sundays With the Christianists: American History Textbooks Still Fighting The Cold War From A Secret Bunker

You may have missed this news item a couple weeks back: Hiroo Onoda, the Japanese soldier who remained hidden in the Philippine jungles until 1974, unaware that World War II had ended, died January 16 at the age of 91. For some reason, that seems worth mentioning in our review of rightwing textbooks for the Christian school market and their coverage of the Cold War. Since the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, they still have a little while to go before they equal Onoda’s 30 years of pointless hostilities, but we predict that future editions of these books will be just as terrified by International Communism as the current ones. For that matter, the Cold War chapters of the 2006 edition of our 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, are unrevised from the 1994 original — and the book continues to use the present tense when discussing “communist nations.” Our 11th/12th-grade text, Bob Jones University Press’s United States History for Christian Schools, tends to be considerably less shrill, but still firmly anti-communist in outlook. Besides, it’s always more fun to keep metaphorically fighting a war when your side won, as determined by having the most toys. Read more on Sundays With the Christianists: American History Textbooks Still Fighting The Cold War From A Secret Bunker…
  al gebra determined to strike in u.s.

Ghost Breitbart Worried About Marxist Math

OMG, as if it weren’t bad enough that Barack Obama is using the Common Core educational standards to decree that all schoolbooks will praise him and that 3 X 4 = 11, now the genius researchers at Dead Breitbart’s Center for Duct-Taping Random Facts Together have discovered the secret agenda of the new standards: to sneak Marxist indoctrination into math classes. Which only stands to reason, since everything else in Common Core is aimed at teaching children to embrace socialism and death panels. Here is the dealio, according to Breitbartlet writer Dr. Susan Berry: there actually is a group called “Radical Math” which bills itself as “a resource for educators interested in integrating issues of social and economic justice into their math classes and curriculum.” It is a real website with actual teaching guides and suggestions for lessons, and it’s clearly a high priority for the academic leftists who are running educational policy these days, as indicated by the fact that its last updates were in 2007. But you’d have to do more than read the Breitbart piece to notice, so hey, Clear And Present Danger! Won’t someone think of the children? Read more on Ghost Breitbart Worried About Marxist Math…
  viva la revolucion!

Bill De Blasio Sworn In As New York City Mayor, Promises A Banker’s Head In Every Pot

Many of you were probably too hung over on Wednesday to remember that it was the day Bill de Blasio was inaugurated as mayor of New York City. It was a wonderful and festive day, though perhaps tinged with fear at what the city’s future in the grip of this mad Communist dictator may be. For those who missed it, Wonkette presents this transcript of de Blasio’s inaugural address. Greetings, comrades! Today is a glorious day for our revolution, a day we have dreamed of, planned and schemed for since the days when our forefathers and fellow travelers would gather in the back room of Morty Feinbaum’s haberdashery on Pitt just off Delancey to drink Morty’s homemade potato vodka and plot their evisceration of the aristocratic classes! For today is the day that I, Bill de Blasio, take control of the greatest city ever, New York City! (pause for applause, cheers, any dudebros in audience to chant “N-Y-C!”) Proletarians of the heroic working classes! I thank you for investing me with this awesome power. I thank you for ignoring the dire warnings of our fascist capitalist pig-dog enemies who kept telling you that a vote for Bill de Blasio was a vote for socialism, communism, and a return to the New York of the 1970s, when the city was a hellscape of criminality and our only hope lay with one man … a man driven by a thirst for revenge, a man who had only a gun and a Death Wish. (Pause for dudebros to chant “Charlie! Charlie!”) Read more on Bill De Blasio Sworn In As New York City Mayor, Promises A Banker’s Head In Every Pot…
  zuzu's petals--of subversion!

History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’

Before War On Christmas 2013 fades into memory, let’s take a look at how the FBI examined a Christmas Classic for evidence of communist propaganda. According to a nifty article in Aphelis, Frank Capra’s tale of the redemptive power of sentimental glurge was listed as potentially subversive, as part of a widespread investigation into alleged communist influence in Hollywood — as if anyone needed to investigate such an obvious fact, haw haw! Read more on History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’…
  long road out of the stadium

Ted Cruz Shows Dumb Old President Obama How To Be Respectful At A Funeral, And That Is To Walk Out Of It

We all had a lot of fun yesterday tsk-tsking the president for dancing a watusi with Danish prime minister/Bond girl Helle Thorning-Schmidt at the memorial service for Nelson Mandela. We had so much fun with it that we didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the service, like when Ted Cruz showed that disgraceful ol’ prez how a real man acts respectfully at a funeral, and that is to huff out of it in protest. We mean, maybe it’s just us! (It is probably not just us.) But is Raul Castro actually so bad of a worldwide supervillain that his presence at the podium, eugooglizing the departed, is enough to make all right-thinking people stand up and walk out, turning a memorial service into a nice little showcase for their presidential ambitions rightwing boney fides their very important principles about showing the world when they, Ted Cruz, are Seriously Displeased? We are trying to think of someone who is so evil, so terrible, that it would be absolutely imperative that we not lend our silent assent through our very presence, and we are coming up pretty much snake eyes. You guys, we would even still sit there if Liz Cheney were sexplaining why Apartheid was awesome and divestiture was A Idiot. We would probably demonstrate our dissent by something that would really show her, like not clapping, and probably a very mean face. Read more on Ted Cruz Shows Dumb Old President Obama How To Be Respectful At A Funeral, And That Is To Walk Out Of It…
  a little knowledge

Bradlee Dean Makes Up History Again, Says Dirty Commies Invented The Word ‘Racism’ So There’s No Such Thing

Wonkette frenemy and weird child-thrashing advocate Bradlee Dean just wants you all to know that he is not bothered by all you dumb liberal bigots calling him a bigot, and he has studied up on these matters. On his podcast last weekend, Dean explained that he is rubber and you are glue, because Leon Trotsky made up the word “racism” to smear anyone who is not a communist. That is just plain science and history, and there is no disputing it, unless maybe you do some research, which could take entire minutes. Read more on Bradlee Dean Makes Up History Again, Says Dirty Commies Invented The Word ‘Racism’ So There’s No Such Thing…
  how stuff works

Capitalist Running Dogs Rand Paul And Alan Greenspan Will Teach You Dumb Liberals About Capitalism

Gosh, we are such dumb liberals! We thought we knew all about capitalism, an economic system most of us have lived with our entire lives. We thought we knew all about private ownership, and free markets, and the commodification of labor, and investment, and consumption, and all that jazz! And we thought we knew about the externalities like pollution and poverty and political corruption that come from capitalism, and how they are bad. So dumb! So liberal! Ugh, we disgust ourselves. Thank heavens there are men like Rand Paul and Alan Greenspan to set us straight. Open wide, dumb liberals, because here is Rand Paul on Hannity to regurgitate Economy Facts about Obamacare into your hungry gullets: Read more on Capitalist Running Dogs Rand Paul And Alan Greenspan Will Teach You Dumb Liberals About Capitalism…
  oh him again

Glenn Beck Exposes Obama’s Sinister Plot: WWII Memorial Closure First Step Toward Shooting Everyone Dead

Glenn Beck has this whole government shutdown thing figured out: unlike every other government shutdown that resulted in Washington DC museums and monuments being closed to the public, this shutdown is actually the first phase of a Marxist Communist revolution being plotted by a cabal of “Marxist revolutionaries” who have cleverly calculated Marxist Communist ways to “inflict the most pain” on all Americans. If you need proof, said Beck, just look at the World War II Memorial, which is not only closed, but actually has “armed guards around it.” “I want you to understand you are now seeing what I told you about three weeks ago. I told you they have gone from nudge to shove … Your next step is shoot.” Beck left out the minor detail that WWII veterans are being allowed to enter the memorial, because why would Marxist revolutionaries allow something like that? Read more on Glenn Beck Exposes Obama’s Sinister Plot: WWII Memorial Closure First Step Toward Shooting Everyone Dead…
  help help he's being oppressed

Catholic Bishop Explains How The Church Has Handled That Sexual Abuse Thingy Quite Nicely, Thanks

We know you people have not approved of our recurring NewPopeNiceTime feature, but we do not care. However, we’ll throw you a bone today and talk about how really super terrible one Bishop Thomas Paprocki of Illinois is on account of how he thinks that we’re gonna close all the churches because of being all pagan now and because the Catholic Church has handled the sexual abuse scandal pretty much better than anyone else would, yep yep. Read more on Catholic Bishop Explains How The Church Has Handled That Sexual Abuse Thingy Quite Nicely, Thanks…
  luntz it up

Rick Santorum Does Not Care For Your ‘Marxism Talk’ About ‘The Middle Class,’ Which Does Not Exist

Why is Rick Santorum still talking, and more importantly, why is anyone still interested in hearing him talk, given that he holds no office and everyone wishes he’d go away? Your Wonkette does not have the answer to these questions, but we DO have a video of him referring to any discussion of the middle class as “Marxism talk” at a speech he made in Iowa for some reason. This presumably only refers to Obama’s use of the term “middle class,” seeing as Santorum’s old presidential campaign website contains a page titled “Santorum hopes to rebuild middle class.” But anyway, yes, “middle class” is “Marxism talk,” let us learn about why! Read more on Rick Santorum Does Not Care For Your ‘Marxism Talk’ About ‘The Middle Class,’ Which Does Not Exist…
  slavery is freedom

Ted Cruz’s Dad Seems Nice

Hey, remember Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby? She was fun! We dug her! Well, move over, Jerk Baby, you are now officially the Chillest Member of Ted Cruz’s Family Of Funtimes Friends. Here is Ted Cruz’s dad, via the Des Moines Register, blah blah blahing about Fidel Castro and stuff, and how Barack Obama is Castro times Stalin plus Dorothy Day probably. But then he gets unboring and starts a-whoopin’ and a-frothin’ like he is Rick Santorum’s dad instead of the Canadian Anchor Babby’s! Read more on Ted Cruz’s Dad Seems Nice…