Tag Archives: commies

  new sheriff in town

New Pope Probably Getting Ready To Announce Vatican III, Mandatory Gay Marriages

Man, we are pretty jealous of the person who got to write the headline for the AP article on the big Pope Francis and His Cardinals Jamboree this week, because they somehow slipped “Pope Opens Big Week With Sex, Divorce On Agenda” past their editors. Believe the hype of the headline, though, because our current fave pope, New Pope, is taking on the many many third rails of the Catholic Church, most of which involve whom you have sex with and when. Meetings this week between Pope Francis and his cardinals will deal with some of the thorniest issues facing the church, including the rejection by most Catholics of some of its core teaching on premarital sex, contraception, gays and divorce. German Cardinal Walter Kasper, who has called for “changes and openings” in the church’s treatment of divorced and remarried Catholics, will give the keynote speech Thursday to the pope and cardinals attending a preparatory meeting for an October summit on family issues. Read more on New Pope Probably Getting Ready To Announce Vatican III, Mandatory Gay Marriages…
  communists under the bed

Commies at ‘Business Insider’ Just Cold Destroying Capitalism Now

How wonderful, the last time we checked in with Business Insider they were running articles on how you are not a winner if you want to see your wife and kids every so often, but now they are run by a bona fide Commie! Yes! A Commie! The Commie, one Henry Blodget, is complaining about late capitalism and all of its foundational premises: specifically, that businesses have a legal obligation to maximize shareholder value at the expense of, oh, worker quality of life, community well being, and basically the entire economy: One of the big reasons the U.S. economy is so lousy is that big American companies are hoarding cash and “maximizing profits” instead of investing in their people and future projects. This behavior is contributing to record income inequality in the country and starving the primary engine of U.S. economic growth — the vast American middle class — of purchasing power. Ha ha ha, we no longer have a middle class, so the joke is on you! Read more on Commies at ‘Business Insider’ Just Cold Destroying Capitalism Now…
  ready willing and able to be stupid

Ted Nugent And His Buddies Would Like To Re-Enact The Revolutionary War For You

Oh man, nice time was fun while it lasted, but all good things must come to an end. In this case, every nice thing in the world comes to a screeching halt because Ted Fucking Nugent would like to share some of his feelings about guns and American History with you: Read more on Ted Nugent And His Buddies Would Like To Re-Enact The Revolutionary War For You…
  everyone hates congress

‘U.S. Going Communist’ Now Much More Popular Than U.S. Congress

At a certain point, when something is unpopular enough, it is eradicated. And yet, the U.S. Congress continues to exist! Here is a new poll in the Washington Post that proves the American Houses of “Representative Government” have a nationwide approval rating of 9 percent. Guess what’s more popular than the U.S. Congress? Well, a healthy 11 percent support the overturning of the corrupt American system of capitalist-welfare government and replacing it with Communism. That’s more popular than Congress. Read more on ‘U.S. Going Communist’ Now Much More Popular Than U.S. Congress…
  it's morning in america

New Terror Alert System Has Only Two Colors: ‘Elevated’ and ‘Imminent’

Janet Napolitano has had a major breakthrough, people! A few days ago, Janet slipped and hit her head on her bathroom sink while trying to drink out of the toilet like an animal does, and bam!, an image of the flux capacitor a terror alert system with only two terror-colors appeared in her head. It was magic: one color was Elevated, and the other was Imminent. (Janet quickly realized that this new Terror Rainbow would create enough Panic to power her DeLorean torture machine, which she could use to transport Bradley Manning to rape prisons in the future.) Uh. Anyway, new terror alter system, guys! And now there is officially no such thing as a “Low” or “Guarded” Threat Level — these levels are not even remotely possible — since we are going to be fighting imaginary bogeymen until the Earth is gobbled up by a black hole, or a giant radioactive tsunami wipes out the federal government, or maybe both. Ha-ha. Oh crap. [NPR] Read more on New Terror Alert System Has Only Two Colors: ‘Elevated’ and ‘Imminent’… Read more on New Terror Alert System Has Only Two Colors: ‘Elevated’ and ‘Imminent’…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama’s Communist Army Invades Wal-Mart

The president of China was in town last week, and the Obamas had a fancy-shmancy dinner and invited all their favorite Chinese people, like Michelle Kwan and B.D. Wong. There was lobster and apple pie and no John Boehner, so it was probably very lovely, no? Wrong! First of all, the representation from Hollywood included Yo-Yo Ma and Barbara Streisand — boring! If the Obamas were really keeping up with the 21st century they would have invited Justin Bieber and the Kardashians! But more importantly, Michelle Obama wore a red dress, so bring your American flags to the nearest trash can fire and start practicing how to say “birth certificate” and “9/11″ in Chinese because it’s all over. Even Wal-Mart is giving up being American. Read more on Michelle Obama’s Communist Army Invades Wal-Mart…
  we've got ourselves a manchurian candidate

55% OF AMERICA KNOWS BARACK OBAMA IS AS RED AS JOE STALIN: “One thing about that socialism number, even though Obama is not a socialist: 29% of people think of socialism positively, and only 52% of people think of ‘capitalism’ positively. It is not 0% versus 100%. We are a nation of many views!” Nation of many what? This Jim Newell character is obviously just another one of those sexy red-headed Russian secret agent spies trying to trick America/make out with Prince William. [Gawker] Read more on …
  spies like us

After Obama Eats Hamburgers With Medvedev, Russian Spies Caught All Over America

Just days after Barack Obama took his “solid and reliable partner” Dmitry Medvedev out for hamburgers in Arlington, the Justice Department announced the breakup of a major Russian spy ring operating right there in Northern Virginia — as well as in New York, New Jersey and Massachusetts. The spies were so deeply embedded in the United States (and each other) that many of them were paired off to have children and live as yuppie families. They even did their information exchanges using wirelessly networked laptops at coffee houses. If only the 11 spies had grown fat and covered themselves in tattoos and constantly threatened to kill the president and blow up Congress, nobody would’ve ever noticed them. Read more on After Obama Eats Hamburgers With Medvedev, Russian Spies Caught All Over America…
  happy solstice eve hippies!

Brave, Lonely Teabagger Protests Hippie Solstice Parade

Wonkette operative “Randy C.” sends this tragic photograph from the Fremont Solstice Parade in Seattle yesterday. What’s a lonesome teabagger to do when the hippies are all riding their bicycles around and worshiping the Sun like common Soviet-pagan homosexuals? Warn them of the impending Soviet States of America, that’s what! And, uhh, wear a construction helmet and a safety vest. Hippies hardly watch where they’re going on those anti-carbon bicycles! (They are just thinking about the marijuana they’ll soon be smoking to build up an appetite for the vegan sperm cookies.) Read more on Brave, Lonely Teabagger Protests Hippie Solstice Parade…
  secret obama plots

Byron York Has A Scoop!

The tiny Washington Examiner presumably paid conservative reporter and teevee panelist Byron York a lot of money to lure him away from his senior correspondent perch at National Review. Everyone wants this guy, for his talent. But even he, this Titan of Journalism, cannot wrap his head around why Barack Obama and the Democrats would try to reform the American health industry. Obviously rationales like “extending basic medical coverage to most people” or “regulating things that most countries started regulating 50 years ago” are typical liberal red herrings. The only motive that makes any sense, by default, must be the secret sadistic one, about backdoor Communism installation and stealing rich peoples’ money for fun. Read more on Byron York Has A Scoop!…
  no no anyone but saul alinsky!

IT WAS THE EVIL COMMIE LITERATURE MADE ‘EM DO IT: A jubilant, revenge-seeking New York Times profile of the Watergate Jr. Four tells us that “they studied leftist activism of years past as their prototype, looking to the tactics of Saul Alinsky, the Chicago community organizer who laid the framework for grass-roots activism in the ’60s, and of gay rights groups and even Communist organizations.” See? They’re liberals after all. Finally, some closure. [NYT] Read more on …
  rumors on the internets

Protect America, Melt A Communist

Erick Erickson harvested a mighty army of orcs and then instructed them to purchase 1200 pounds of rock salt as a special present for traitorous Maine-witch Olympia Snowe. But will Senator Snowe take the hint and melt? [RedState] Read more on Protect America, Melt A Communist…
  obviously communists don't use currency

John McCain Begs Communist Russians For Illegal Money, Maybe

Since Barack Obama has a full 137.99% of the entire world’s supply of dollars, John McCain now finds himself at a financial disadvantage! He’s stuck with a pauper’s sum of $84 million in [*aristocratic shudder*] “public” funds, which is what Joe the Plumber makes in one hour. In other words, John McCain now knows what it’s like to be a Welfare Queen, and it’s not as fun as Ronald Reagan made it out to be. What’s a broke presidential nominee to do when he can’t legally raise funds for his campaign, accept private donations above $2,300, or accept donations from foreigners? Answer: raise funds for his campaign by asking Russians to privately donate $5,000 sums which he will accept. Do loopholes justify this? Eh, maybe, but when you get caught doing this sort of thing it’s safer to just call it a mistake. Read more on John McCain Begs Communist Russians For Illegal Money, Maybe…
  but where's elizabeth?

WHOA DENNIS KUCINICH MAKES EVERYONE CRAZY! You realize that all the speeches are stale bullshit and it’s just a lot of background noise while Chris Matthews talks about his memories. But Dennis Kucinich just killed in here, with a screaming “WAKE UP AMERICA” rant/chant that was quick and nutty. Maybe true, too! [The Swamp] Read more on …
 

Dems Are Commies Again!

Democrats, whose most important supporters have long been super-wealthy coastal plutocrats with guilt complexes, are talking about class again. Going back to the same formula that worked so well for Walter Mondale and George McGovern and Adlai Stevenson and Ted Kennedy, the Democratic candidates for President are all babbling about the middle class and raising taxes on their biggest fundraisers. Read more on Dems Are Commies Again!…
 

Happy Loyalty Day, Fascists!

Hey everybody, it’s not May Day after all! Congress took care of that homosexuality back in 1958. It’s crazy that so many of America’s Precious Freedoms weren’t made up by psychotic red baiters until the ’50s, yet it’s totally true! For instance, there was no mention of the gods in the jingoistic “Pledge of Allegiance” until 1954, when the McCarthyites decided to add “under God” to the already idiotic madrassa chant. Learn why you feel all loyal and sticky today, after the loyalty jump. Read more on Happy Loyalty Day, Fascists!…