Well how about this! Jacksonville artist David Durrett sends this “real painting” (super-sized) to your Wonkette and writes, “I love Wonkette, and was inspired to do an acrylic response to the Jesus painting yesterday! Hope you like it!!” Yes it is very nice! Maybe Obama can steal this one too, for his house. Also, we’re awarding first-time commenter Shortpacked with an “iPhone” for his take, which was quite a hit yesterday, in the comments. What have the rest of you slobs done lately? [Yes You Canvas, Shortpacked]

YES! Here is your Barack Obama giving the “most muslin speech ever” by wishing the terrorists “Ramadan Kareem” on “behalf of the American people, including Muslim communities in all 50 states.” (”Ramadan Kareem” means “Merry Starvation Christmas,” in Mexican.) Then he explains Muslim culture for a while. Fifty million white grandmothers in America are opening their forwarded e-mails for the day right now and freaking the fuck out. MORE »

• THAT WAS LIKE HIROSHIMA AND RWANDA AND ANTIETAM COMBINED, TIMES DRESDEN, SQUARED: If you put your ear close enough to the monitor, you can actually hear the screams of devastation and carnage. The smoke from the wreckage can be seen from several Internet towns away. We ultimately decided not to include this warning to Kristen at the end of that post, and it’s definitely too late now, but for good measure: KRISTEN: If you’re one of those people who gets offended when anonymous commenters on one of the Internet’s blogs say mean things about you, then you simply should not read this thread. Also, George W. Bush ruined the country/world.

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: Commenting on this ridiculous news that Palin’s shopping around a crappy AM radio talk show, TeddyS provides a chillingly accurate transcript from the near future. MORE »

Congratulations to veteran commenter “loquaciousmusic,” a part of whose sexy comment on some stupid post from 2008 was featured on last night’s The Daily Show in a segment demonstrating how fun it can be to make gay jokes about Lindsey Graham on the Internet. But oh, what is that credit in the upper-left corner? “CROOKS AND LIARS,” the pay-pornography site? Jon Stewart, you sack of devils! First the uncredited Truck Nutz jokes every other night — we literally own that company — and now this! Funny show, though. [Jezebel]

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In the middle of this monster Palin Chaos Theory post, commenter-person Alaska Girl reminds us why Sarah Palin’s latest “I’m gonna take my ball and go home” move is standard Wasilla Snowbilly behavior: “She didn’t finish her term as mayor, stepping down to run for Lt. Governor. She didn’t finish her term on the petroleum board ethics panel, she resigned in protest and then ran for Governor. She doesn’t want the office, she just likes running for office. She doesn’t want (can’t actually) accomplish anything, she just wants to talk about it.”

PUBLIC EXECUTION: We warned “Miller” never to show his link-whoring fraud face around here again, but he did anyway, and now he is banned permanently & forever. Boo Miller! Miller’s the worst!

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In some post about something or other, a potential human called “Bill” tapped out a comment so weird and confusing that we cannot figure out if he’s a libtard or a wingnut or what! Of course he thinks Wonkette is a “she,” which is pretty normal for these drive-bys, but he gets the Invisible Trophy anyway, because he drove the conversation, off a four-foot cliff, into a cat box. MORE »

It sure was Christmas morning for racists on the Fox News commenter forum today! MORE »

BAN-HAMMER OF THE GODS: Folks, things have become a bit intolerable in our previously fun & funny comments section. You should know better, etc., but for the sake of Good Manners we’re going to repeat some very basic rules. MORE »

Marcus “Black-Chop” Epstein (someone come up with a better nickname!), seen here with drunk popinjay Christopher Hitchens at one of Reason magazine’s monthly medieval blood orgies, will not enroll at UVA law school this fall, according to the university’s Dean of Admissions in reply to queries from TPM and, more reliably, a Wonkette commenter. And what’s this! And this! [TPM]