Tag Archives: commenters

  wingnuts furious we assume

Please Nobody Tell The Yahoo! Commenters About Michelle Obama’s New Portrait

Do you know who Yahoo! commenters love? Hint: It is Michelle Obama! They love her very, very much, and when they call her “Moocow” and “Squatch” and “Sasquatch” and “Mooch” and “Silver-Backed Gorilla,” it is not because of racisms but is more like a … well, okay, maybe it is a LITTLE bit racist. Also, because the Yahoo! and also WeaselZippers and also Breitbart and also all-of-them commenters love Michelle Obama so much, please do not tell them about how she has a new official portrait, as this will doubtless send them into a frenzied elation of lurve from which it would be well nigh impossible for them to alight! Read more on Please Nobody Tell The Yahoo! Commenters About Michelle Obama’s New Portrait…
  the internet is a series of boobs

There Are People In This World Who Simply Do Not Care For Michelle Obama

Internet commenters: they are the suck! (Present company … excepted? Hmmm.) You cannot read any story about any person whose name ends with ‘z’ (‘SPANICS) without getting an eyeful of the most insanely racist shit, the kind that makes your stomach sink into your liver, as if your liver was not having enough problems without a stomach on it! But there is a special alternate universe of Internet comment when it comes to our adored First Lady, Her Hotness Michelle, who is probably the only person loved more in these parts than Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Love Him, and Michelle’s Husband, whatshisname, “The One.” Read more on There Are People In This World Who Simply Do Not Care For Michelle Obama…
  tighty whities

Someone Should Step In Before White Supremacist Murderers Get Hurt

Two horrific mass shootings have rocked our world in the past few weeks. In Aurora, CO, an insane man walked into a theater and shot dozens of innocent people, leaving us with a hollow pit in our souls as we searched for an answer to the question of why an ABC news man was so mean to the Tea Party. On Sunday, a white supremacist committed another mass shooting in a Sikh gurdwara, which the Southern Poverty Law Center totally called because he was in a shitty white supremacist band. Again, after a horrific event, we are left with a single burning question that only Ann Althouse’s commenters can answer: WTF, SPLC? What did the white supremacist ever do to you before he killed and injured all those people? Read more on Someone Should Step In Before White Supremacist Murderers Get Hurt…
  comment of the day

Dow Soars 62% Since Obama Took Office; Do Stocks Have Liberal Bias?

It is time for the not-really-daily Daily Feature, Wonkette’s Win of the Afternoon. Today’s star comment notes that the Dow Jones Industrial Average has soared an astonishing 62% (sixty-two percent!) since the Kenyan Socialist Barack Obama seized the White House in a violent Saul Alinsky coup that left over 1 billion Americans tragically murdered. Jeez, 62%! Guess we should’ve invested everything (forty bucks and a baggie of stems and seeds) in a low-cost index fund that tracked the Dow 30! Read more on Dow Soars 62% Since Obama Took Office; Do Stocks Have Liberal Bias?…
  win of the afternoon

‘Venomous, Obese, Gullible Imbeciles’ — Genius Describes Americans In One Perfect Paragraph

After today’s news about yet another reason for the whole world to despise Americans, Wonkette commenters discussed ways of avoiding death by angry mobs while traveling abroad. Ideas included dressing in the costume of a Canadian, and probably “weeping under the bed at a hotel.” But commenter GregComlish wins the afternoon with his comment: Read more on ‘Venomous, Obese, Gullible Imbeciles’ — Genius Describes Americans In One Perfect Paragraph…
  koch-blocked

FBI Raids Computers of Koch-Monster Scott Walker’s Henchwoman

Another of Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker’s propagandists on the public payroll had her home and computers raided by the FBI and state police, on Wednesday. The “former top aide,” Cynthia A. Archer, is currently on “paid sick leave” but had been the deputy chief of Walker’s comically corrupt administration. What did all the G-men want with this Walker tool’s computers? And why had she passed one off on her neighbor, who happily handed it back to the FBI so they could do forensics on the hard drive? Oh, it’s all part of this sketchy Walker operation to have a bunch of his goons (on the government payroll, of course) flood blogs and websites with comments supporting Walker and his Kochian policies against the citizens of Wisconsin. Read more on FBI Raids Computers of Koch-Monster Scott Walker’s Henchwoman…
  win of the afternoon

Comment of the Day: ‘That’s Our Unicorn!’

In the Diminished Expectations Department, Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama-lovin’ leftists for having liberal ideals is one of those things that warrants a very reasonable response like, Eh I’m never voting again and also am going to BLOW UP AMERICA, even though such a response will also result in Obama’s Justice Department persecuting you. But our prize-winning Commenter of the Day notes that we just need to put all of this in perspective, and only then is it appropriate to weep openly and respond to all of Obama’s fund-raising spam with violent rhetoric, which will also lead to Obama’s Justice Department persecuting Obama’s supporters, again, forever. Read more on Comment of the Day: ‘That’s Our Unicorn!’…
  win of the afternoon

Wonkette ‘Deceived By Satan’ Re: His Fave Grandma, Sarah Palin

Remember the Ironic Tale of crazy gun/god fanatic Sarah Palin being threatened by a crazy gun/god fanatic? Guess who doesn’t like that kind of story? Crazy gun/god fanatics who are also Sarah Palin fanatics! Could this somehow result in a “Comment of the Day” feature on your Wonkette? Oh yes it can! “I hope the hate and lies get cleaned out of your heart someday,” types this person, with compassion. But why is this commenter threatening to perform savage open-heart surgery on us? We don’t even have a pickup truck full of guns! Read more on Wonkette ‘Deceived By Satan’ Re: His Fave Grandma, Sarah Palin…
 

Does Everybody Have Their New Wonkette Commenting Account?

Unlike the last time we had to switch commenting systems — when we got gay-divorced from Gawker Media, going on three years ago — this “move up” seems to have gone a hell of a lot better. How do we know? Because last time around, you were sending us angry/frustrated emails at the rate of about a hundred a day, and it took several months to painstakingly figure out why so many commenter accounts were “born funny.” Read more on Does Everybody Have Their New Wonkette Commenting Account?…
  eyes only

TOP SECRET COMMINIQUÉ TO WONKETTE COMMENTERS: When the raven dives for a dragonfly and the dog barks at midnight, the monikers and pass-codes of the past will perish like art without patronage. What? Yes, this is an encrypted message, found at a dead drop in a Northern Virginia suburban park. Read more on …
  p-o-t-a-t-o-e

Dan Quayle’s Son Liked To Post Sex Comments On Website

Arizona Congressional candidate Ben Quayle had previously denied he was a contributor to a website called “Dirty Scottsdale” a few years back. But now he is admitting that he couldn’t even get a blogging job with this site, which he’s said was “satirical,” because he says he “just posted comments to try to drive some traffic.” That is worse. “Dirty Scottsdale” was “the Scottsdale gossip” of sorts and chronicled that city’s “nightlife.” Quayle admitted he posted under the name “Brock Landers,” which is a porn-star character in a section of Boogie Nights, and helped the site’s owner find a lawyer. Coincidentally, Ben Quayle has just released a new ad in which he says he was “raised right,” which apparently includes taking on porn-star personas to “drive” mustard porn “traffic” on the Internet. Hmm. Oh, and also he says Barack Obama is the WORST PREZ EVAH. Read more on Dan Quayle’s Son Liked To Post Sex Comments On Website…
  lol comments

American Web Commenters Very Upset About Arab-Speaking Nations Getting Terrorist Version of Internet

If you are an elitist internationalist with a nancy-boy education, the news that internet top-level domains will now be available in other alphabets was probably not a direct threat to your precious freedoms and sexuality. You probably didn’t even give a damn, right? Well, this is why you’re sitting around getting vegetarian-sushi recipes off your iPad while REAL AMERICA burns in its own toxic excrement. Types one important American commenter/thinker: “Geez. Now they can hatch their plots more easily! Seriously, who cares?” Yeah, right! Wait what? Read more on American Web Commenters Very Upset About Arab-Speaking Nations Getting Terrorist Version of Internet…
  comment of the day

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: Regarding the House special election in Florida that nobody talked about because it wasn’t a “game changer” because a Republican didn’t win, commenter JMP says: “I hadn’t even heard there was a special election going on today, unlike the hype over certain previous ones; why, it’s almost as if the media will ignore any election that doesn’t fit their pre-decided ‘Republican resurgence’ narrative (see also: the NY teabag victory election, which suddenly ceased to exist after the Democrat won for the first time in 150 years).” [Wonkette Comments] Read more on …
  wonkette art review

‘The Jesus Painting Yesterday’ Produces Obama Campaign-esque Artistic Revival

Well how about this! Jacksonville artist David Durrett sends this “real painting” (super-sized) to your Wonkette and writes, “I love Wonkette, and was inspired to do an acrylic response to the Jesus painting yesterday! Hope you like it!!” Yes it is very nice! Maybe Obama can steal this one too, for his house. Also, we’re awarding first-time commenter Shortpacked with an “iPhone” for his take, which was quite a hit yesterday, in the comments. What have the rest of you slobs done lately? [Yes You Canvas, Shortpacked] Read more on ‘The Jesus Painting Yesterday’ Produces Obama Campaign-esque Artistic Revival…
  happy muslin month

Hey Freepers, Start A Thread, It Practically Writes Itself!

YES! Here is your Barack Obama giving the “most muslin speech ever” by wishing the terrorists “Ramadan Kareem” on “behalf of the American people, including Muslim communities in all 50 states.” (“Ramadan Kareem” means “Merry Starvation Christmas,” in Mexican.) Then he explains Muslim culture for a while. Fifty million white grandmothers in America are opening their forwarded e-mails for the day right now and freaking the fuck out. Read more on Hey Freepers, Start A Thread, It Practically Writes Itself!…
  you all are so mean

THAT WAS LIKE HIROSHIMA AND RWANDA AND ANTIETAM COMBINED, TIMES DRESDEN, SQUARED: If you put your ear close enough to the monitor, you can actually hear the screams of devastation and carnage. The smoke from the wreckage can be seen from several Internet towns away. We ultimately decided not to include this warning to Kristen at the end of that post, and it’s definitely too late now, but for good measure: KRISTEN: If you’re one of those people who gets offended when anonymous commenters on one of the Internet’s blogs say mean things about you, then you simply should not read this thread. Also, George W. Bush ruined the country/world. Read more on …
  comment of the day

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: Commenting on this ridiculous news that Palin’s shopping around a crappy AM radio talk show, TeddyS provides a chillingly accurate transcript from the near future. Read more on …
  poor old lindsey graham

‘Crooks And Liars’ Commenter loquaciousmusic Is Famous On Teevee!

Congratulations to veteran commenter “loquaciousmusic,” a part of whose sexy comment on some stupid post from 2008 was featured on last night’s The Daily Show in a segment demonstrating how fun it can be to make gay jokes about Lindsey Graham on the Internet. But oh, what is that credit in the upper-left corner? “CROOKS AND LIARS,” the pay-pornography site? Jon Stewart, you sack of devils! First the uncredited Truck Nutz jokes every other night — we literally own that company — and now this! Funny show, though. [Jezebel] Read more on ‘Crooks And Liars’ Commenter loquaciousmusic Is Famous On Teevee!…
  comment of the day

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In the middle of this monster Palin Chaos Theory post, commenter-person Alaska Girl reminds us why Sarah Palin’s latest “I’m gonna take my ball and go home” move is standard Wasilla Snowbilly behavior: “She didn’t finish her term as mayor, stepping down to run for Lt. Governor. She didn’t finish her term on the petroleum board ethics panel, she resigned in protest and then ran for Governor. She doesn’t want the office, she just likes running for office. She doesn’t want (can’t actually) accomplish anything, she just wants to talk about it.” Read more on …
  gather ye round

PUBLIC EXECUTION: We warned “Miller” never to show his link-whoring fraud face around here again, but he did anyway, and now he is banned permanently & forever. Boo Miller! Miller’s the worst! Read more on …
  comment of the day

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In some post about something or other, a potential human called “Bill” tapped out a comment so weird and confusing that we cannot figure out if he’s a libtard or a wingnut or what! Of course he thinks Wonkette is a “she,” which is pretty normal for these drive-bys, but he gets the Invisible Trophy anyway, because he drove the conversation, off a four-foot cliff, into a cat box. Read more on …