columns

Dadgum bumblebee-belchin’ hoopdy bumbler mcdoo Fred Thompson, the former Senator who was convinced to “run for president” in 2008 because he drove a pick-up truck, has finally weighed in on the issue of Mitt Romney’s undisclosed tax returns. Writing at National Review, which is trying to reestablish its cred after publishing that editorial a few […]

Your Wonkette woke up at 3 a.m. this morning and has been refreshing CNN’s Situation Room blog every 9 seconds without interruption since, longing for that glorious moment of release when the page would load and there, sitting atop the earlier, lesser posts, would be a fresh new entry to BLITZER’S BLOG offering Wolf Blitzer’s […]

Uh oh, some blowhard who’s written a book called The Politically Incorrect Guide to the Founding Fathers recently saw a lady using food stamps at the Wal-Mart — just like Ronald Reagan warned us they would! She was buying necessaries with her big government EBT card, and then using her own cash to buy beer […]

Where have all the DC hoodoo men gone? Time was you could find a good hoodoo man to bless a mojo bag as easily as you could buy a mediocre sandwich covered in goat cheese at Cosi. Without these neighborhood mystics, Washington residents have no way to deal with the mysterious mountains of chicken bones […]

Thank God (not Allah) that we have Charles Krauthammer to lead the hearts and minds of our country. Krauthammer, you will be shocked to learn, considering that kind face of his, is against the conversion of that Manhattan Burlington Coat Factory to a mosque. (All the 9/11 families say it should be a Big Lots, […]

Wonkette Weeping Eagle winner Charles Krauthammer is doing his best to prove he earned it. Today he wonders why Obama has “modesty” about America but none about himself. A president, like any American, is supposed to believe that the United States is the bestest country in the world. But Obama doesn’t! Yet MEANWHILE Obama is […]

We said there was no cure! Quarantine the “Twitter part” of the Internet now please. [Twitter] UPDATE: Meg annotates this very confusing Twitter message with a follow-up Twitter message—as is customary in the hobby of journalism—after the jump.

If you read ONLY ONE important (for national security) Washington Post column today, let it be this divine half-drunk prattling from Queen and Spokeswoman of the Washington Premier Socialite Village Lawn Party Country Club, Sally Quinn. Good Heavens! Amazing how offended the comfortably rich and connected 150-year landed gentry of this temporal, diamond-shaped government office […]

It has happened — IT! YOU KNOW OF WHAT WE SPEAK. Jonah Goldberg and Kathryn Jean Lopez have officially merged to become the ultimate destructo-bot of carnage and murder and death as foretold by ancient prophecy: The Fat Mexican Secretary. For there is currently a column by “Jonah Goldberg” on National Review called “Big Bedfellows,” […]

As Gawker points out, this comical footnote is the douchiest possible way Mark Penn — or anyone, ever — could have ended his Wall Street Journal column today. (Oh, yes, he has a regular WSJ column now called… “Microtrends.” His punishment from God is to hawk this dumb book for the rest of his life.) […]

The batshit crazy Washington Times published a hilarious column from creepy actor Jon Voight yesterday, and we missed it, because who reads the fucking Moonie Times, right? Fortunately a tipster has sent us the article and good freaking lord: “The Democratic Party, in its quest for power, has managed a propaganda campaign with subliminal messages, […]